Old-time musicians

In the early morning of January 10th, the sky was frozen and the ground was frozen, and dripping water turned into ice.

The sound of the car engine in my ears was intertwined with the sound of breaking ice shells. The car windows were filled with water mist, and the sparse gas lights on the street diffused into a blurry orange shadow on the glass.

Fan Ning, who was sitting in the back seat, was lost in thought holding a black and white photo under the dim car lights.

It is twice the size of an ordinary photo, close to the size of a music sheet. However, due to the large number of people included in the lens, the lens position is too far, and the resolution is not ideal, it can only ensure that the facial features of those people you know can be captured. Identify.

Stage, echo wall, flowers on the ground, brass decorations and musical instrument stands looming in the distance.

The one in the center is Master Schillings, and on the left and right are Master Niemann and himself;

Kaplan and Olga, second from the left, stood side by side, with clear smiles on their unclear faces. Little Irene was held in the arms of his wife, not looking at the camera, with her chubby little face looking up into the air, not knowing What attracted their attention, further to the left were the singers on stage such as the Marchioness MacAdam, Elizabeth, Lausanne and Virgil;

The second from the right is Ms. Hamilton who was guided to stand next to her. The old lady was not supported by anyone. She was leaning on a crutch in one hand and holding a thick stack of various blessing cards in the other hand. Her eyes were completely narrowed in laughter. To her left was Xi. Lan, Roy and other vocal principals, Qiong stood on tiptoes and waved the flute excitedly;

On the right are well-dressed and upright dignitaries from the cultural sector. Behind them are several bearded painters. Marais is holding a sketch on his chest showing the exaggerated performance postures of a pianist and conductor. above their heads.

Directly behind Viadrin and several of his old club members;

Behind on the right are other musicians from the Old Symphony Orchestra;

Then there are the choir boys and girls who lack experience in taking pictures and many of them close their eyes;

A large number of familiar students from the University of Saint-Lenia in the rear left;

There are many lucky music fans whom I don’t know;

At the very back of the crowd, Lu spread his arms upward, and stretched out two timpani sticks high...

"What's going on?" Realizing that the vehicle had been idling for a while, Fan Ning put away the photo and looked up.

"Sir, it's close to the church and the congestion is serious," the driver responded.

Fan Ning saw the many black raincoats and the back of the carriage in front of the windshield, and then he realized that the car had passed the west gate of the University of St. Lenia, and the Liufennas Garden Cemetery where Teacher Anton was buried was behind it. .

"It's okay, Sheeran, let's get out of the car."

The leather shoes stepped on the ice-water mixture on the ground, causing lead-gray ripples and cracks.

Fan Ning walked around from the back of the car to the other side. He opened the black umbrella and took the girl out with the hand guard on the top of the door. As the cold wind blew, the two of them merged into the crowd and walked along the west direction, crossing the lawn and the square. , go through the oak street.

He seemed to see the vast blue sky, the snow-white outer walls of the Cathedral of St. Lenia, the white stone brick steps, and the dazzling light of the sun reflected on the raised sphere in the middle of the pointed arch.

But that was just a few days after graduation, when I visited this place to explore the life of the old organist.

The eyes moved all the way from the rain curtain to the distance. The church was filled with bouquets from the first step. Their borders had been contaminated by sewage, and many petals were blown to deviated positions by the wind. But upward, pure The white or light yellow color blocks are gradually piled up in an orderly and unified manner, and it seems that even if you accidentally slip here, you will not be contaminated with dirt.

Fan Ning handed the umbrella to Sheeran and squatted down in front of the steps.

He saw that some of the bouquets had stickers with crooked and childish handwriting, only names and times.

The time period is concentrated between 4 a.m. and 5 a.m.

And now... He looked up and stared at the big clock higher on the arch. It was already twenty past six.

In the cold early morning, they came here 1-2 hours early, put the bouquets on the steps instead of delivering them to the church, and left in a hurry without lingering. There is only one possible destination for these people -

They are ready to work in the workshop.

The two began to line up, and the staff at the door directly recognized Fan Ning's identity.

Fan Ning chose a seat on the edge of the third row, and Xilan looked at the flowers on the altar and lost consciousness: "Carolen, one of the few old friends of my father has passed away."

"The organist Vienne and the poet Bassani, Teacher Anton and the old lady Hamilton, yes..." Fan Ning's eyes drifted away, "That era is already old times, people can't live that long, it's either an accident or It’s aging, except for Bassani’s two students who have broken through to enlightenment, they can have a little more than two or three decades.”

"Ten years is a long time, and I also want to become a Savior in the future." Xilan used a small curse seal spread out on his palm to express that he had been the first to be promoted to the middle position during the training at the Qiming Church. level.

"Do you hope you live longer than me?" Fan Ning asked.

"Yes." The girl nodded seriously, "I came to your funeral. Because this role is not easy to play, I don't want you to play it."

Fan Ning remained silent.

"Caron..." Sheeran called him again.

"how?"

"If a person dies, many people spontaneously commemorate her, her past is remembered by many people, and there is even one person who is still alive who is particularly sad for her... If this is the case, will she definitely be better than 'No one cares about her? Are the dead who have no one to commemorate or remember them less lonely?”

"You think so because I told you about the hidden knowledge of 'Ge' that night?"

Sheeran said "hmm".

"I don't know." Fan Ning shook his head, "I understand 'ge', but I don't understand how it relates to myself. Many artists who were lonely during their lifetimes, will they not be lonely because of the commemoration of future generations? What if? In this case, I may have to worry about the end of the world even after I die, because in that case, everyone will die, and there will be no distinction between who is the deceased and who is the memorial. Who will recognize and protect my "character"... "

It was Sheeran's turn to remain silent.

"So do you believe in the existence of aberration zones or the end of the world?" Fan Ning looked into her eyes.

"I believe in the abnormal zone, but I don't believe in the end of the world." The little girl replied.

"What does this mean..."

"Death is the end of the world, all deaths are, and there is no more special day."

"Including individual deaths?"

"It refers to the death of an individual." Sheeran lowered his head. "Everyone thinks that death takes away this special period of life in the world and takes away the moments of sharing with others... In fact, this is It’s just the perspective of others. For the deceased, taking away the whole world feels like the end of the world.”

"What insights did 'Desolation' bring to you?" Fan Ning felt that this was a point of view worth sharing, "But... we don't know what it feels like after death..."

"I probably know."

"You know?" Fan Ning said in surprise.

Xilan said "Yeah": "There is an easy way. Do you want to try it?"

"want."

"Imagine what it was like before you were born, in time, space, and all the senses."

"The feeling I had before I was born..." Fan Ning imagined with her eyes closed.

After opening his eyes, he saw the girl sitting next to him bending over and looking at him from a close distance.

"Does it look like the end of the world?" she asked.

"I want to write the tonality of each movement of the Second Symphony further and further away, and never let it return to C minor." Fan Ning thought for a moment.

"Why?"

"A kind of resistance, against the nothingness that is homogeneous at both ends. If a symphony is a world, or can be seen as a life-like organism, do you want its evolution and development to be free? Traces of will?”

"Hopefully, so it doesn't end up returning to its origins?" Sheeran said.

“It’s hard to guarantee not to return to the origin, but there must be greatness and sublimation, otherwise everything will be reincarnated in vain, and nihilism will make people depressed again.” 

The girl nodded thoughtfully, and then said, "Caron, I don't want to attend the next funeral anymore."

Fan Ning understood what he was referring to in a blink of an eye. He took a deep breath and reached out to touch her back.

After the funeral officially started at seven in the morning, the two of them listened in silence to the eulogy and the narrator's reminiscences.

The narrator believes that the old lady Hamilton "loves every concrete person, not the abstract person", which makes Fan Ning wonder whether abstract death is worth discussing, or concrete death is more worthy of discussion.

Then, the organ didn't play. I don't know if it was a coincidence or something else. The old lady's last wish seemed to have been the same as Vienne's.

The deceased lay solemnly under garlands and flowers, and a black curtain covered the high brass body. A small choir of 24 people took the stage and sang an unaccompanied four-part plain song.

It is easy to hear that the high-pitched melody comes from a medieval church hymn.

The sound is solemn, tranquil, without any impurities. Even the short pauses in the music when the choir takes a breath are as natural and pure as the changing intensity of light.

The lyrics filled in are a short poem of only two stanzas and eight lines by the poet Bassani.

Fan Ning suddenly trembled violently all over.

Listening to this hymn chorus, it was as if an electric current directly penetrated his heart and body!

Bassani's short poem of only two stanzas goes like this:

"Resurrection, yes, you will be resurrected,

O my dust, after a short rest!

The Lord who calls you to your side,

Eternal life will be given to you.

You are sown until you bloom again!

after we die,

The Lord comes to take us in,

Like harvesting sheaves of grain! "

…

Fan Ning pursed her lips tightly, grasped the armrests with both fists, and her entire shoulders were shaking slightly.

Tears instantly filled his eyes, and as he closed his eyes, they dripped directly down his cheeks.

"Caron?" Sheeran, who noticed something strange, turned away and was startled by his appearance.

"I was wrong, don't cry..." She had never seen Fan Ning like this before. The only time Fan Ning shed tears was at the teacher's funeral, and she didn't notice it. At this moment, she took out her handkerchief and dipped it into his face in a panic, " I shouldn’t discuss heavy and depressing topics on this occasion. I know you are reluctant to let Mr. Kaplan go..."

Fan Ning sniffed slightly, opened his eyes, and murmured hoarsely:

"Resurrection, yes, you will be resurrected..."

What was spoken loudly at the scene of the subway accident that day, what was written down when composing the third movement of the scherzo that day: "The living must perish, and salvation is hard to find"...Those questionings and explorations in gray tones...

At this time, the hymn chorus "Ode to the Resurrection" made Fan Ning's spirituality clear.

The final chapter that I still don’t know how to answer...

All confusion and confusion are solved.

"All flesh and blood are like grass. This so-called living thing must perish..."

"Whatever lives must perish, but what perishes must be resurrected!"

"The so-called program. The program of aesthetics, the program of experience, the program of obtaining comfort."

"You see, they all actually contain fictional elements that are 'hard to happen in reality'. There will be no mythological figures to take you on a journey through the historical projections, and there will be no Lord of Witnesses who will perform miracles to resolve the love, hate, and hatred of people in the micro-apocalypse. The current era is far from "the joy of all mankind," right?"

That night spent at St. Euverney Manor and Miss Roy's discussion of "emotional programming" appeared in Fan Ning's mind from a completely different perspective.

A narrative angle that is desired but difficult to happen in reality...

Longing but having trouble getting what you want? ?

"What narrative angle is more consistent with this characteristic than 'resurrection'?"

"People cannot be resurrected after death... Yes! It is precisely because people cannot be resurrected that the narrative about resurrection is so precious, full of great comfort and power... What is the purpose of people living? Is the suffering of life meaningful? ? Is all this just a huge prank? No! In this fantasy emotional program, the audience will understand that the living will be destroyed, and the destroyed will be resurrected! Not in vain!”

The solemn voice of the choir still echoes in the church.

Fan Ning's face was still stained with tears, but his eyes were getting brighter and brighter, and his gaze and inspiration were looking higher and higher.

"Heroes' funerals, memories of the past, chaotic movements, painful longings...and on the last day, there will be a loud sound of earth shaking and mountains shaking in the wilderness, tombs will crack, the dead will stand in large numbers, and people will join the march all over the mountains and plains. Regardless of whether they are rich or poor, whether they are kings, beggars, righteous people, villains, believers in God or not, they all move forward involuntarily, and people are heard everywhere. And the cry of fear is the cry of grace and forgiveness..."

"Those cries grow louder and louder, rising to the heavens, the senses abandon us, and consciousness dies with the approach of the eternal Spirit. In the terrible silence, earthly life shows its last trembling gesture, the trumpet of revelation Calling, the nightingale's voice came from afar, laity and saints sang 'Resurrection, yes, you will rise', they were all forgiven, and then there was a glow, a strange and soft glow..."

"There will be no judgment, no criminals, no righteous people, no power, no abjection, no punishment and no retribution. There will be no distinction between heaven and earth, and everything will return to eternal and quiet happiness... This is my complete Symphony No. 2, "Symphony No. 2 in C minor" 'Resurrection', what is alive must be destroyed, what is destroyed must be resurrected, this is the answer to the question at this stage of my life!"

"Dang!——" "Dang!——"

The ringing of the bell brought Fan Ning's thoughts back to the world. He saw Sheeran looking at him eagerly, with tears in his eyes, and subconsciously handed over his handkerchief.

Then he realized that she seemed to have done the exact same thing to him not long ago.

Fan Ning gave her a comforting look, then gently pulled her sleeves to indicate that she would stand up with everyone else.

After the final farewell ceremony, the two joined the funeral procession.

"I'm glad I thought of inviting Ms. Hamilton to the New Year's Concert..."

Xilan looked at the newly erected tombstone in a daze.

In addition to the old lady's life and black-and-white portrait, there is also an epitaph that has become the mezzo-soprano's libretto for the fourth movement of Fanning's "Second Symphony" - the piece was written as a gift by Vienne and was copied in her workbook. "First Light" on the title page.

"...I'm glad you convinced her when she was in the hospital. We were all the most touching farewells."

"No, it's not that we said goodbye to her with the New Year's concert." Fan Ning shook his head solemnly, then leaned down to present a bouquet of flowers, and slowly bowed three times in a row.

"It was she who used the 'initial light' to guide us."