Ore no Osananajimi wa Joshikousei de Yuusha

‘People who haven’t experienced a journey make mistakes in their travels, and learn from those mistakes’

Those were zen-like words I read in a book somewhere.
When I read it I went “Ain’t that obvious ya dumbass”, and laughed out of my nose.

Right now I’m experiencing it with my body.

Our journey was too much of a snap decision.
Well, I do think I was forced into making a snap decision, but still, it was too much of one.
In the first place, before being another world whatchamacallit, this place is a ‘foreign country’.
A ‘foreign country’ where the language and the writing and the currency are different.
It was a total calamity for those with the mentality of an islander who doesn’t come into contact with another culture unless he crossed the sea.

When we were greeted by a well built old man at the village entrance, he said this to us with a smile.
“●＊※＠＃Σ……！”
I have no idea what he’s saying, but he’s saying it in a really friendly manner.
I think he’s probably saying something along the lines of [welcome to our village, O travellers]
Since he was talking to me so spontaneously, I couldn’t even say I didn’t understand him, and just nodded with a smile.
Then he gestured and said “waho~i!” or “yaho~i!” or something like that in a large voice.
It was probably a mark of affection or something.

… I’ve no idea what I should do now.

For now I’ll just make a light smile.
“Hehehe…”
I responded halfheartedly.
I actually think it was a very Japanese conservative attitude.
As I did so,
“●×※！　＠＆＄！　――kyaho~i！”
The old man said one or two words in high spirits and gestured once again.
His gesture seems like he’s saying [Hey, hey, you do it too!]

‘Do it’, he said?

‘Say kyaho~i together with me’, he said?

‘Say kyaho~i sober together with this old man you just met’, he said?

“※＄! Kyaho~i!”
“Kya… kyaho~i…”
“＃％×※ッ!!”
Ah. I know what he’s saying.
[Nononono that’s not how you do it! Put more spirit into it!]
This is that, isn’t it.
That trope where he absolutely won’t release me unless I resign myself.
“※＄! Kyaho~i！”
“Kya, kyaho~i”
“※＄!　※※Δ!　Kyaho~i!”
“Kyaho~i!”
“※＄! Kyaho~i!”
“Kyaho~i!” “Kyaho~i!”
“Kyaho~i!” “Kyaho~i!”
“Hahahaha!　＋％＄＃＃ッ!!”
4 or 5 kyahois later the old man laughed and patted my shoulder with a pop.
Then he left, looking satisfied, while saying a word or two.

“……”
“……”
“……”
“…… Y, Yuu-kun…?”
“Don’t talk to me right now.”
“A, all right. I, I’m sorry, okay?”
There’s no way you’d understand my feelings after doing something that embarrassing in front of a childhood friend.

“We don’t understand the language. What should we do?”
“W… what should we do…”
“Anyway, you… You’ve got money don’t you?”
“M, maybe two thousand yen?”
“Not Japanese Yen! This world’s money! And you can’t travel cross-country with just two thousand yen!”
“Auuuu, please don’t retort twice in a single sentence.”
After I spun Arina round and round,

“I… don’t have money.”

… she confessed.
“Huwhaaaaat!?”
“A, actually, not even the two thousand yen.”
“Not even that!? That doesn’t matter anymore now! You missed our landing spot and don’t even have money! What do you suppose we should do from now on!?”
“I, IIIIIIIII’m so sorry!! I’ll lick your shoes!!!!”
“You think I’ll forgive everything if you lick my shoes!!!?”
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Arina’s dull and stupid and a useless hero! Please abuse me until you’re satisfied!”
The masochist’s strongest desire came out all of a sudden!
Honestly, I’m impressed.

Dammit, she’d gleefully accept any blame from me, like that will solve anything…
“Even if we want to sell our belongings we don’t understand their language.”
“… there is.”
“huh?”
“Something I can sell without needing to understand their language. There is one!”
Arina made a face as if she’s determined to do something, bit her lips and stood up.
“You! stop! With how the conversation’s going you’re absolutely up to nothing good.”
“I, I’ll be all right. I’ll bear with any partner no matter what they’re like if it’s for Yuu-kun’s sake.”
“OI STOP IT!”
“B, bbbbut, mother said if I just roll up my skirt anywhere along the highway and endure the pain for one night I can get money.”
“STOP IT! STOP IT!”
Just what are you teaching your daughter, professor!

“Well, off course, I can’t deny its effectiveness as a last resort no matter what country you’re in, but just calm down for a minute. I don’t want to be witnessing the birth of an ●cchi Hero.”
“Y, yes…”
Arina became dejected.
“Right, if Emiko-san could even make a high-tech mecha, I don’t think she’d throw us out here without preparing anything…”
As I said that, I touched my smartphone.
I booted the [Elixir-Replica System] whatsisname.
If I fiddle with this, I might get something…

[Speak]

“hm?”

[Speak]

“What’s this command…”
Eh. No way.
I had a hunch of what it’s for, and went to the old man from earlier.
“U, … uncle!”
“※◇?　Δ※＃……”
I faced the old man and pressed the [Speak] command.

“… What’s that? You’re wearing a weird gauntlet there, boy.”

……. I worked! I can understand him!
The old man’s words reached my ears in Japanese.
“Uncle, this place, where is it?”
“Ah? Where you say? This is Occa village.”
It worked the other way, too.
Seems like this [Speak] command is an automatic translation system. «TN: would our lives not be so much easier if we had MTL this good.»
With this language won’t be a problem anymore.
‘Putting our [common knowledge] into a world lacking in common sense’
Was this what she meant by that.
—I wish she explained it more clearly…
At any rate, it looks like there are still more functions to this smartphone.
For now I’ll do some intelligence gathering!

“… I see, you were heading towards Ivan castle, but lost your way, and the money you prepared for the journey ran out, is it?”
I explained the details, twisting it a bit.
Obviously I can’t say that I came from another world with barely anything besides the shirt on my back.
“But there’s only one straight highway to Ivan castle, so you saying you ran out of money on the way is a bit lacking in credibility.”
“uu..”
The old man stared at me in doubt.
“If you have to lie then tell something more believable. Though I don’t feel like interrogating you for it.”
He said that and smiled.
“Well, life’s got its ups and downs.”
… I was lucky my first contact was with this man.

“I can’t give you Coin for free, but it doesn’t look like you have time to earn them, either.”
“I’m very sorry. We need to get to Ivan castle by today.”
“That place, huh. Yup, you won’t get there unless you hurry. You’re bringing that young lady with you, right?”
“… Just tell me the way. We’ll manage through sheer willpower then.”
“Don’t be daft. You’ve got no weapons do you? Though it’s called a highway monsters come out a lot, there are also bandits that target travelers.”
So they really come out, huh. Monsters.
What should I do now…
“Come along.”

At the urging of the old man, I found myself at a hut.
“What’s this place?”
“The only shop in the village. It’s a general store.”
He opened the door, and we entered a six-and-a-half square meter storehouse where swords and shields and staves and all sorts of things were scattered down on the floor.
“Ah— welcome!”
A bald geezer sat behind the counter, looking like he lacked motivation.
“Gramps, I found a traveler. He’s got no weapons, sell him something to defend himself with. Just give him the cheapest one.”
The old man said so, and,
“I got a scrap iron sword over there. That’ll be 50 Gold.”
Ah.
So this world’s currency is Gold.
Well, it’s Emiko-san’s translation program though, it might have come out of her playfulness.
“It’s fifty, do you have that?”
I already told the old man, the answer was NO.
“You’re really penniless, huh…”
Haah, he sighed.
Before that, I don’t know the value of currency in this world to begin with.
“Umm, is there anything I can sell for 50 gold? Food for instance.”
“50 gold is, let’s see. About 1 person’s portion of stuffed intestine, I think.”
Stuffed intestine is like a wiener, right?
So about the price of a side dish for dinner.
… that’s really cheap, isn’t it.

Anyway, since I don’t have money I don’t have a choice but to barter. I clicked on the smartphone’s [Item] command and checked whether I have any valuables.
My backpack is full with lots of things, but there’s nothing good in it… What’s this ‘metal washbasin’. What the hell was I going to do with it.
“Heee… That’s a weird gauntlet you got there.”
My smartphone caught the general store geezer’s interest.
“I, it’s not for sale! … ah.”
I found something interesting.

“Do you know about something called Chocolate?”
“Ha?”
“Choco?”
The two men made a good reaction.
If I had to pay a portion of food, then a piece of a strange food would do just fine.
I clicked on the chocolate.
[Ready]
I faced the counter and shot a beam.
After a beep, a bar of chocolate solidified from a semitransparent projection.

“Oooh…”
“What the…!”
Catching their attention like this felt good.
I handed each of them a small piece of the chocolate. I urged the suspicious two to put it in their mouths.

“What is this!?”
“I’ve never had something like this!”

Good, good. Very good.
“Can I exchange this for the sword?”
The geezer immediately consented.
The scrap iron sword doesn’t seem to be worth all that much in the first place.

It was a simple weapon, consisting of a 1 meter-long blade and a handle with a grip on it covered in cloth.
The so-called blade is only a flat, thick iron plate, and it didn’t have the feel of a sword edge.
What’s more, the blade was made from iron or copper or some indistinct metal randomly melted down into an alloy, it had the brittleness of cast metal, and seemed to be nearing the end of its service life.

I see, it’s a cheap weapon.
But it’s still better than nothing, right now, I feel it’s an indispensable weapon for me.
I put the sword away in the smartphone.
‘Scrap Iron Sword’ appeared in the [Items] column.

“Thank you for everything.”
After leaving the general store, I thanked the old man.
“What’s this? I didn’t do anything. I don’t know what your situation is, but protect the little lady, all right!”
Though she’s like that, she’s a ‘Hero’ you know.
I wanted to say that, but never mind.
“I got nothing but this, but have it as a farewell gift.”
The old man gave me a transparent bottle.
“It’s liquor, be careful with it. It’s cheap stuff so don’t drink too much.”
You’re giving alcohol to a minor… well, this isn’t Japan.
“Thank you very much.”
“Good luck boy! Kyaho~i!”
Ah—, that doesn’t translate.

Arina came up several times in conversation, but I totally forgot about her. That weak presence of hers might be useful in stealth mahjong or stealth basketball.
She usually comes along on her own anyway so I don’t think about her too much.
I arrived back at the village entrance where she should have been waiting.

Huh?

Arina’s not here.
Even if I left her by herself she usually stays put, but it’s weird, she’s not here.
Did she seriously go and sell her bo…
Nonononono.
Of course she wouldn’t.
But where did she…

‘Though it’s called a highway monsters come out a lot, there are also bandits that target travelers.’

――――…………

I got a bad feeling about this.
Blood drained from my body, and I felt a chill on my fingertips.

Seriously? No, no way.

“Arinaaa…!!”
Unable to calm myself down, I left Occa village.