Pain Fetish

Qi Han didn’t know how he got into the ward.

He retreated to the side of the window before Fu Ge turned around, then slowly and haphazardly wiped all the embarrassing marks from his eyes, nose and face and straightened his rain-soaked, wretched clothes.

In the end, he pretended to open the door and go in as if nothing had happened, or at least he thought so.

But in Fu Ge’s eyes, he looked like a piece of cured meat hanging from a conveyor belt, his hollow eyes like two holes, blood and flesh barely clinging to his bones.

“You… what’s the matter?” Fu Ge asked, holding a glass of milk.

Qi Han shook his head. He wanted to say something, but there was a fishy sweetness in his throat and a sticky feeling in his mouth.

“I’m fine, gege…”

I will be fine. People who are walking to the set ending should no longer have any joys and sorrows about the changes they have imagined.

Fu Ge was not to blame, it was him who thought too much of himself.

“Then drink this, you’ll sleep better at night.”

Qi Han stared at the glass of milk in a daze, not daring to stretch out his hand, his eyes full of resistance and fear.

He thought, I don’t want to die yet… I have to wait for my wedding…

There are only two months left to wait, you promised to give me a wedding…

“I… don’t really want to drink it, tomorrow…”

It was good to be able to put it off for a day.

Fu Ge gave him a puzzled look, “I remember you used to drink milk every night?”

Qi Han lowered his head and said ”yeah”.

Fu Ge took his hand and squeezed it a little, “Drink it, it’s late, we should really go to bed, here—”

He handed the glass to Qi Han’s mouth. The Alpha looked at him silently, his eyes so red that the blood vessels in his eyeballs seemed to be about to burst. Finally he spoke as if his vocal cords were tearing: “Gege… wait a little longer, okay?… I beg you…”

The corners of Fu Ge’s hooked lips froze abruptly, and two seconds later, he put down the glass, his face clear and certain as if the clouds were lifted.

“How long have you been standing outside the door?” His voice was chilling cold.

Qi Han subconsciously tried to avoid the question, as if as long as they didn’t pierce this false cover, they still could be a normal couple.

But Fu Ge didn’t give him the chance: “Did you see me add medicine to the milk?”

“Gege!” Qi Han instantly panicked, “You… I didn’t, I—”

“What do you think I added? Poison?”

“No, no! I don’t mean that! Gege, I’ll drink, I’ll immediately drink—”

Before he finished speaking, Fu Ge picked up the glass and took a sip, swallowing it in front of him. Qi Han was so scared that his soul simply flew away: “Xiao Ge!”

“What are you doing!” He rushed over with a scream, his face distorted, his breath choked. He even wanted to pry open Fu Ge’s mouth.

The young Beta remained motionless throughout the whole process, letting Qi Han fiddle with him. When Qi Han finally calmed down, he found that Fu Ge was pursing his lips hard, fighting back tears. His flushed eyes looked away with an indescribable grievance.

“…What’s wrong?” Qi Han couldn’t bear to see him like this, and his sanity, which was beaten and tossed to the point of collapse by the sketch book, slowly returned to its place. He also held up the glass and took a sip, and found that the sweet fragrance of milk was mixed with a trace of familiar sweet bitterness.

“Is it… licorice tablets?”

Fu Ge didn’t say anything, only raised his hand and wiped his eyes quickly, turned away and sat down on the edge of the bed.

He turned his back to Qi Han and shrank himself into a small ball, like a child who had been wronged by the adults in his family. His lonely back was extremely pitiful.

Only then did the Alpha know what a stupid thing he had done.

Fu Ge wanted to help him prevent a cold, but he thought he was poisoning him. As for the sketch book with March 11 written in it, Qi Han didn’t want to guess anymore.

“I’m sorry, gege, I, I…” He was so ashamed that he was speechless, and his mind was confused again. He could only dry the glass of milk in front of Fu Ge in one gulp. The licorice tablets that hadn’t melted completely rolled in his mouth, so pungent that his scalp tingled.

But the bitterness in his mouth lessened the bitterness in his heart.

He sat down behind Fu Ge, wrapped his arms around him, kissed the top of his head and asked softly, “Is this to help me prevent a cold?”

Fu Ge was silent for a long time before making a nasal sound. “Your throat is hoarse, don’t you feel sore yourself, without medicine it will definitely be swollen tomorrow…”

Qi Han’s tonsils were particularly prone to being inflamed. When he got a cold, his first reaction was throat swelling. However, taking other medicines had no effect, only licorice was useful. Qi Han used to be most annoyed with this bitter and sweet medicine, and Fu Ge always secretly put it in milk to trick him into drinking it.

“Gege still remembers these things?” Qi Han could barely believe it. While his heart felt sore and soft, his guilt increased exponentially.

Fu Ge was a little disappointed: “Don’t you remember? We haven’t been together for long, in total… there are not many things to remember…”

So he remembered every little thing like a treasure, even the colour of the sneakers Qi Han wore when he confessed to him.

“I remember, how could I forget, but I didn’t expect…” …that gege would remember.

Fu Ge took a look at his expression, suddenly lowered his eyes, and his whole body wilted, his voice as low as the voice of a little dumb bird.

“Is it because I treated you badly a few days ago and bullied you, so you don’t believe me very much now? If I add a pill to your cup, you will think that I… I’m hurting you…”

He seemed to be extremely depressed, and suddenly said in a very small voice: “What couple can live like us, even a little bit of trust is gone…”

Qi Han panicked completely now; his heartbeat became rapid, his face burning. He was afraid that Fu Ge would say the next sentence: isn’t it better to separate?

“Ah Han, isn’t it better—”

“No!” Qi Han covered his mouth in a panic, apologising again and again: “I’m sorry, gege, I know I was wrong, I was really wrong, I didn’t think you were going to hurt me, I was afraid, afraid that you wouldn’t want to sleep with me tonight…”

Fu Ge still hung his head, his lips pressed to Qi Han’s palm: “Oh.”

Qi Han didn’t know if this was a signal of reprieve, so he asked cautiously: “Then… let’s not separate, okay?”

Fu Ge still kept his head down: “Oh.”

Qi Han was stunned to hear a little playful feeling from his two “ohs”. He didn’t know if Fu Ge was not angry or if it was his own illusion. He could only stick to him and continue in a low voice: “Then shall we wash and sleep? I’ll carry gege to wash.”

Fu Ge kicked him with his toes, “You go to wash, you stink to death.”

Qi Han’s heart was crisp and numb, and his voice became even softer: “Okay, okay, I stink, I’m going to wash, and I’ll be right back.”

Launching himself into the bathroom as quickly as possible, peeling off his clothes and jumping into the bathtub, Qi Han saw two clean bath towels hanging on the shelf next to him.

He sent Fu Ge a WeChat message—

Qi Han: Has gege finished washing? I think the bath towel is still dry.

Fu Ge: Not washed (ㅎ‸ㅎ)

Qi Han: Do you want to join me then? I’ll hold you, baby, and soak for a while ʘᴗʘ

Fu Ge: No, won’t wash (ㅎ‸ㅎ)

Fu Ge: Also, I’m not a baby, I’m a liar (ㅎ‸ㅎ)

Qi Han laughed out loud in the bathroom and couldn’t resist taking a screenshot of this chat and saving it in the album named “Baby Xiao Ge”.

Dozens of chat records had been stored there, and he regularly printed them out and bound them into a book, putting them together with the other relics.

Fu Ge was still waiting in bed. Qi Han got out after only five minutes of soaking, dried himself off and turned on the little heater to warm up his body. When the front was hot, he turned around and continued to make sure he didn’t freeze his dainty wife when he got into bed.

Fu Ge couldn’t help laughing when he saw this mentally retarded operation of his, and finally kicked him gently, “Go to bed.”

Qi Han immediately rushed up and hugged him, smelling the lingering smell of white bellflower left on his body as he fell asleep.

After a lapse of five years, they hugged each other again when falling asleep. Qi Han originally thought he wouldn’t be able to sleep all night, but he didn’t expect to fall asleep in the blink of an eye.

Half an hour later, the sleeping Beta suddenly opened his eyes.

“Ah Han… Ah Han?”

The Alpha showed no signs of waking up. Fu Ge sat up expressionlessly, got out of bed and put on his coat and raincoat.

The warmth and gentleness of half an hour ago were completely covered by the plastic raincoat. Fu Ge walked into the rainy night in silence like a dull knife that had been hidden for a long time.

And the Alpha in the ward was still unaware of it.

Because before the licorice tablets, Fu Ge also put a sleeping pill into the milk. He wasn’t stupid enough to poison Qi Han in front of him, and that kind of death was too quick and easy.

At 2:30 in the morning, a black Maybach passed through the curtain of rain and stopped at the door of Qi Han’s private hospital.

The driver opened the door and got out of the car, opened the umbrella and trotted to pick up the man, respectfully calling out, “Sir.”

Fu Ge answered indifferently, “Has everyone arrived?”

“Yes, they are waiting for you in the meeting room.”

Fu Ge bent over and got into the car, “Let’s go.”

The next day the sun rose as usual, the heavy rain was gone and the sky looked washed with water.

When Qi Han woke up, the little Beta was still clutching his collar, sleeping soundly. He contentedly kissed Fu Ge on the forehead and got out of bed to wash. Today, he was going to go over the details of the gland transplant operation with the doctor.

“I have seen the glands that President Qi got, and they are very well preserved,” the balding doctor said.

“When will the operation be scheduled? I want a detailed time and a list of all the people involved in the operation.”

In the future, when things went wrong, the police would definitely trace the whereabouts of the glands. To prevent Fu Ge from being involved, the operation had to be done in secret. If necessary, he would take these people abroad.

The doctor pondered for a few seconds: “We need to thaw the glands further, test them, and cultivate them to the state that is most suitable for Beta’s physical signs. In the later stage, the patient needs to cooperate with us to collect some samples, at the earliest—”

He glanced at Qi Han and pushed his glasses up: “One month.”

Qi Han’s heart fluttered; it actually took so long?

It was already December now, and it would take more than a month for the operation to be prepared, so it was not impossible to delay it until February.

Could it be that Fu Ge would really endure until marrying him?

Qi Han closed his eyes and forcibly shook these thoughts away.

He was now suffering from severe gains and losses, like an ant on a leaf crossing the river. In the violent wind and waves, he couldn’t tell what was ahead. Every presumptuous thought of salvation could turn into a more turbulent estuary.

Without second-guessing anymore, he simply took everything Fu Ge gave him.

He didn’t tell Fu Ge about the gland transplant, only that it would be a minor operation and that the preparation time would be particularly long.

The young Beta didn’t react much. He stood in the corridor for a long time, as if forgetting that he was going downstairs, then suddenly turned his head. His long hair was lifted by the night wind, and the orange light made a halo around him.

He said, “Ah Han, let’s dance.”

“Dance?” Qi Han was a little dumbfounded, looked around, and was rarely embarrassed: “But there is no ballroom or accompaniment here. If gege wants to dance, I will ask someone to prepare, and everything will be in place tomorrow.”

“No need to go to that trouble. There is no accompaniment, but we have exclusive lighting.” Fu Ge turned around in place, motioning to the beam of light above his head. “Remember? We danced the first dance at the high school graduation party together.”

Qi Han smiled, “How could I forget? It’s just that I haven’t danced for too long, I’m afraid—”

“Oh, there’s nothing to be afraid of, I’ll take you with me.”

Like a hazy mist, Fu Ge approached him with a smile, gentle and excited. His long hair fluttered, his dark blue satin shirt emphasised his moonlike complexion, and his slender, perfect waist never failed to make Qi Han covet it.

He spun in a circle and stood still in front of his Alpha, his wrist moving in an elegant gentlemanly salute. Then he leaned forward slightly and stretched out his hand to Qi Han

“Classmate Qi Han of Class 8, third year, do I have the honour of inviting you to a dance?”

There was no one who wouldn’t be enchanted by him.

For a moment it was as if it was five years ago again, and Fu Ge was still the same elegant and gentle bellflower-like boy.

When Qi Han reacted, he was already led to sway together. His movements were too crude compared to Fu Ge’s light dance steps. But that didn’t stop Qi Han from admiring his lover obsessively.

“I don’t want to stay at the hospital anymore. Isn’t there still a month left? Shall we go to Tibet to make a wish?”

“You want to go?” Qi Han went through the closest work schedule in his head, “It might be a bit difficult. There have been a lot of things in the Chamber of Commerce this month. There are several important proposals that are being promoted, and I can’t leave.”

“Okay.” The young Beta pretended to push him away angrily, spread his arms and spun fluidly, “Then I’ll find someone else to accompany me.”

“Don’t you dare.”

Qi Han caught him back, and Fu Ge gently rested on his shoulder, “Let’s go together. Think of it as an early honeymoon. The first ten days we’ll go to Tibet, make a wish, and do horse racing. I’ll win a silk khata back for you. And in the middle ten days we’ll go to Daocheng to see the Jade lake of the human world.” (The Jade lake on Mount Kunlun is the place where Queen Mother of the West lives in the legends, in real world it is Lake Tianchi)

“What about the last ten days?” Qi Han lowered his eyes and looked at the dimple at the corner of Fu Ge’s mouth.

“Well… you decide?“ Fu Ge suddenly stood on tiptoe and kissed the tip of Qi Han’s nose, his breath hot and sultry as he said word for word: “I – listen – to – my – husband.” (Fu Ge uses the word 先生, which is both “husband” and “sir”, the way Fu Ge called Qi Han when he was amnesic)

Qi Han’s breathing stagnated at this moment. He was stunned for a long time, and then suddenly leaned over and kissed Fu Ge.

Lips and tongues entangled and teeth clashed in the dim light of the corridor. The lovers who had just stopped dancing hugged and kissed each other.

Qi Han thought, even if he was paralyzed in the hospital bed with just a single breath left in his body, he would still leave everything behind to accompany Fu Ge on this journey.

Even if he knew it was just a part of Fu Ge’s plan.

They were still in the same bed tonight.

Fu Ge took a bath while Qi Han was responsible for warming the bed.

The phone dinged and a text message from an unfamiliar number popped up on the screen in the water vapour.

“You two are going away?”

Fu Ge leaned on the edge of the bathtub and replied, “Yes, the Chamber of Commerce will be at its weakest this month. I’ve given you the list, try to avoid these people when you act.”

“There is no need. There are many other ways to divert his attention. We can’t protect you when you go to Tibet.”

“Don’t worry, I have my own purpose.”

“What purpose?”

Fu Ge lifted a petal, crushed it in his palm and tapped the phone screen with his damp fingertips: “I want him to see for himself how good we could have been together.”