Pain Fetish

In the end, they still couldn’t walk back together because Qi Han fainted.

From the night of the allergy to the present, for two days and two nights, his body and spirit had been tortured almost to the point of no return.

Only when Fu Ge put him on the bed did he realise that in just four days, Qi Han had actually lost so much weight.

His fever had reached forty degrees and hadn’t gone down even after two bottles of medicine. He was covered in cold sweat that soaked through layers and layers of quilts. Fu Ge could only use a cold towel to wipe his forehead to cool him down physically.

After tossing until three o’clock in the afternoon, the temperature dropped, and the young Beta finally breathed a sigh of relief. He pressed his hand to Qi Han’s forehead and slowly smoothed his wrinkled brow.

The man huddled under the covers was sleeping uneasily, his pale lips twitching as he mumbled something.

Fu Ge couldn’t hear and leaned over closer to him, “What?”

Qi Han pleaded: “Don’t bully him… he hasn’t healed yet… it will hurt…”

Fu Ge’s heart trembled violently and tears came to his eyes. With his eyes widened, he stared at the person on the bed for a long time, then stiffly turned his head.

It was already almost dark when Qi Han woke up.

The setting sun had retreated to the corner of the sky, and the only remaining warm orange light shone on the pillow through the window. The young Beta was sleeping obediently in his arms, his fingers clutching to the corner of his clothes, and even the finest fluff on his cheeks was cute and lazy.

At that moment, Qi Han even suspected that he was dead and his soul was lucky enough to ascend to heaven, otherwise how could he see his Xiao Ge so docile by his side, beautiful as a dream.

“Baby?”

He whispered uncertainly, pinched his hand and waited until the pain came before he dared to put his finger on Fu Ge’s face and touch it.

It was hot and soft, like marshmallows.

It was not a dream, it was true.

His eyes suddenly moistened. He propped up his body and slowly leaned to Fu Ge, his voice hoarse: “Why are you sleeping with me? I’m sweating so much, isn’t it too dirty…”

The sleeping person seemed to be disturbed, wrinkling his nose in annoyance. Qi Han couldn’t resist scratching it, “Have you had enough sleep, let’s get you up, okay?”

The little Beta grabbed his hand and pressed it under his face, “Not okay…” As he said that, he shook his head and rubbed against his palm, “I’m sleepy…”

Qi Han’s heart softened into mush. He hugged Fu Ge very slowly from behind and kissed the back of his neck impatiently, “Are you being coquettish with me, good baby?”

However, in the next second, he heard the little Beta muttering: “Zhuo Ma, don’t make trouble…”

His fingers lurched, and Qi Han froze.

The curved corners of his mouth were fixed on his face for a while, and the piercing chill ran from the top of his head to the soles of his feet. There was an enormous loss and bewilderment on his face, and his red eyes were almost bursting out of the sockets.

“Did she… hold you like that too…”

Also pressed you to the bed from behind, kissed the back of your glandless neck, cautiously coaxed you into intimacy when you were asleep, and entered your body that belonged only to me?…

Then why do you want to come to me again… I have already given up on my honeymoon for you… the last thing I asked for…

Qi Han’s heart was wounded and rotting, his whole body like a bloody piece of meat on a cutting board, subject to the death of a thousand cuts again and again.

He remembered that Fu Ge warmed his hands for him before he fainted and invited him to walk back together. It was obviously a real thing, but it was as unreal as a dream.

Because, that was also lying to him.

It was not that Fu Ge felt sorry for him or pitied him, it was to prevent the plan from being revealed, to continue to act.

The funny thing was that he knew that even in his tender half-conscious state, Fu Ge was not willing to be with him, yet he still couldn’t help but make a fool of himself.

Pulling out the corner of his own clothes from Fu Ge’s hand, Qi Han got out of bed and went straight to the bathroom, insisting on taking a shower even though he knew the fever hadn’t fully subsided.

He changed his clothes, sprayed on a scent blocker and put on a patch on his glands.

He had to make sure that no trace of pheromones escaped from his body, otherwise his little Beta would vomit if he smelled it.

The mattress was soaked in his sweat, wet and sticky, and Fu Ge felt uncomfortable sleeping on it.

Qi Han carefully picked him and changed bed sheets and quilt, and the sweat oozing from his forehead dripped onto the back of Fu Ge’s hand in the process.

Qi Han quickly took out two wet wipes and wiped his hand over and over again.

“Not on purpose, I have already wiped it clean for gege, don’t… mind me…”

There were only a few hours left before he boarded the plane, and Fu Ge was still asleep. Qi Han abandoned the idea of waking him up and talking for the last time. He only walked around the room to see if there was anything else that hadn’t been arranged.

The electric kettle was moved away from the power socket, the floor of the bathroom was dried with towels, and two umbrellas were hung on the door. A post-it note was posted to remind Fu Ge to take them tomorrow and the day after tomorrow; the weather forecast said it would snow.

After doing all this, Qi Han quietly walked out and went to the hospital.

Fu Ge slept very deeply this time, and the only time in four days, he didn’t have nightmares.

When he woke up, the sticky feeling against his skin was gone, and the sheets and quilt were dry and warmed by the electric blanket.

He squinted and didn’t want to move until the covers were lifted and a hand reached to the waistband of his pants.

“Who?!” He woke up suddenly, turned over and grabbed the hand.

“Ah Han… what are you doing?”

Qi Han didn’t resist, only hiding something in his hand, “No, I just wanted to see if gege was sleeping well.”

Fu Ge opened the palm of his hand, and there was a tube of the ointment for swelling in it.

When they got together five years ago, Qi Han was always out of control in bed at first. Eight out of ten times, Fu Ge would have swelling. And he was naturally sensitive and delicate, so it was uncomfortable to apply other medicines. This was the best one they had ever tried.

So this was specially brought by Qi Han and hidden in the corner of the suitcase.

He might have had the luxury of thinking at the time, what if Fu Ge was willing to let him do it; even if it was just once, just once, he had to have everything ready, not to let his Xiao Ge feel the slightest bit of discomfort.

But he must have never imagined that the time he would actually use the tube of medicine would be to help his lover reduce the swelling after he had slept with another Alpha.

How humbled a man should be to be able to do this? All his pride as an Alpha was shattered.

“Does it… hurt back there?” Qi Han asked with lowered eyes.

Fu Ge: “It doesn’t hurt…”

“Well, it’s fine if it doesn’t hurt, otherwise you won’t be able to ride a horse for the next few days.” The angle of his worry was simply ridiculous.

“I ordered porridge for you and it will be here in a while.” He put away the ointment and took out a blister of capsules for internal use. “After eating the porridge, take two of these. They’re anti-inflammatory. The doctor who is familiar with your condition is not here. It will be very uncomfortable if it is inflamed.”

Fu Ge was silent, viciously eager to see just how far the man could lower himself.

“Don’t you have anything you want to ask?” He deliberately provoked the Alpha.

Qi Han didn’t even raise his head, but the veins of his hand clutching the medicine swelled. He struggled for a long time before asking, “Did she… get it in…”

“Yes, she got it in.”

Fu Ge was sure that Qi Han would go crazy after these words. The high-level Alpha had the possessiveness of a beast, and to know that his mate had been tainted and even had things left inside him was worse than death for him.

The young Beta was ready to bear his anger, just like the last time he was misunderstood to be messing with the little duck, to be punished, torn apart and imprisoned again.

But Qi Han just grunted hoarsely, took out a bottle of pale pink potion and gave it to him, “I asked the doctor if other pheromones would disrupt the environment inside. It is best to infuse another bottle of pheromones to help stabilise it.”

“You, what did you say?”

Fu Ge was dumbfounded, looking at the pheromones in his hand in disbelief, and then at the glands on the back of the Alpha’s neck, where a small piece of gauze was attached.

“So you just went out… to extract pheromones?”

In the last few hours before you were ready to leave with the last of your dignity.

“Well, the doctors here are not very proficient in the procedure, and that’s all they pumped in two hours, so it might not be enough.”

He was the one who suffered from unskilled handling. Usually ten minutes of extracting was enough for Qi Han to feel uncomfortable and scared to the extreme. How could he bear it for two hours?…

But the Alpha didn’t seem to care and finally touched Fu Ge’s fingers, “I can’t hold the needle, so I found a doctor to help gege with the infusion, he’s waiting outside. I… I won’t stay. I’m going to catch a plane.”

“Gege, have fun. If the pheromones are not enough, call. I will draw it over there and ship it to you.”

He didn’t look up the whole time, got up and headed for the door.

Fu Ge looked at his tall back going farther and farther away, finally swallowed up by loneliness and despair, and his heart caved in abruptly.

“Wait, Qi Han… Qi Han… you wait!”

He rushed out of the bed and chased after him, grabbed Qi Han’s hand in a panic and said clearly word by word: “I didn’t do anything with her, nothing, she never touched me at all!”

“It was just that the water pipe in my room burst that morning. She happened to come looking for me and helped me fix it. I accidentally got her pheromones on me.”

Qi Han’s face was expressionless, as if his soul was out of his body.

“You don’t believe it… do you?” Fu Ge bit his lip, “Then you can check it yourself.”

He unfastened his pants and pulled the Alpha’s hand inside to touch, blushing with extreme shame, “You know this body better than me. If it was really done, you should know what it would be like—”

His voice stopped abruptly. With his mouth opened, Fu Ge saw two lines of tears rolling out of Qi Han’s eyes.

He was actually crying.

Just because he hadn’t done it with someone else.

People who are desperate to the point of giving up are afraid to reach out even if they see hope again. So Qi Han couldn’t even make a sound when he opened his mouth, only shaping the word with his lips: really?

Fu Ge’s lips twitched: “Yeah.”

Only then did Qi Han dare to get closer and speak louder: “Xiao Ge is still mine?”

Fu Ge closed his eyes: “Yeah.”

The Alpha’s hand fell on his shoulder, and he said almost pleadingly: “I want to hug you, okay?”

Fu Ge: “Yeah.”

On the fourth night of the honeymoon, it snowed in Litang.

Qi Han got his fifth wish that he hadn’t dared to say — Fu Ge really stayed with him.

They didn’t go anywhere, they didn’t do anything, they just nestled in the narrow bed in Fu Ge’s room and slept and talked, watched boring videos and cuddled for a long time.

The room was dark, the air conditioning was hot, and the electric blanket under them warmed their backs as Fu Ge lay dutifully on Qi Han’s arm, watching snowflakes drifting outside the window in the streetlight.

For a very brief moment, he thought about letting the time freeze and not move forward.

But in the end, it was only a moment.

“I’ve made you a gift.”

Qi Han took out a bracelet he had made from his coat pocket, a small strip of the white khata with a silver prayer wheel that carried the wishes that he had murmured thousands of times on the snowy mountain.

“It just doesn’t look too good, gege, don’t dislike it.”

Fu Ge hummed and asked him to put it on him. Inevitably, he thought of the bracelet that he had cut up. “Did you also go to the mountain to pray for blessings?”

“Hmm.”

“When?”

“Last night.”

Last night, he and Zhuo Ma were out watching a movie. Fu Ge moved his fingers stiffly and said, “I heard from the Tibetans that you can make a pair of these, the snowy mountain will bless two people at the same time. Didn’t you make one for yourself too?”

Qi Han smiled, “I don’t want one.”

If the snowy mountain really blessed me, it would be hard for my lover to take revenge.

“I have already made a lot of wishes, so I can’t be too greedy.”

Fu Ge asked him what wishes he had made. Qi Han made up a few auspicious words for him, and then laughed at himself: “Isn’t it funny? My dad is a scientist, and I am so superstitious that I made a wish to the snowy mountain.”

“It’s okay.” Fu Ge said, “If the snowy mountain doesn’t help you, I will help you.”

Qi Han was stunned, “…what?”

Fu Ge: “I said, maybe I can help you realise a wish. In addition to the wedding that has been scheduled, what else do you want?”

Is this the last favour before death?…

Qi Han closed his eyes and kissed the top of Fu Ge’s head lightly. He had no more wishes. If he counted hard, he had only a little trivial thought.

He wanted to—

When that day comes, if gege is willing to collect my bones, just bury me far away. It’s best to be so far away that you can’t see me, can’t remember me, forget me at all, and never worry about me.

My Little Song has had a bitter journey, so for the rest of his life may he not feel even the slightest bit of sadness because of me anymore. I’m not worthy.

But he was not qualified to say this last wish, so when he said it, it became: “I want a khata. Just buy it, any colour is good.”