Paradis de Fou

Hullo!

I'm Jed. Jed Marelok. A fellow transmigrator in a fantasy world with a system. Yea!!!

Isnt it nice?

Hell No!!

…

Lately, haven't these webnovels and transmigration stuffs on the hike in popularity markets? Yea! Of course, they are. People like reading books with characters having a OP MC and an OP system to assist them to SIMPLY face-slap other guys and girls. Isn't that on the hike?

Yea.

And frankly, I would've loved it. An OP system, a few OP skills, a cruel household and … Oh! Ho! S*xy, hot, big-breasted ladies with cold personalities, who would come down on their knees after a few face-slapping seasons. Haha! I would've loved it… that is … only loved it. it's not gonna happen…. ever to me… why?

I don't know why, dammit!!

Why is it that all other Chinese and Mandarin guys transmigrate into wuxia and xanxia worlds with OP systems, but when I, as a citizen of country X from the west, transmigrate, why do I get a DOG as a system? Why?!!!

"Woof!! Stop badmouthing me, Jed. Tone it down, woof!!!"

…

Jed Marelok, a simple and uninteresting kid in all ways. He lived in country X and spent all of his childhood by playing games, watching animes and reading webnovels. He had most of them by heart and was a master at destroying electronics. Considered a dark horse in an entirely different way, he is a legendary at failing in even the most basic subjects. Once he was asked whether or not he knew 1+1 and his answer was 11. The teachers were puzzled on whether or not he is stupid or cunning because the next day he solved a grade 12 maths problem in one hit.

Anyway, after he broke down every computer in the computer lab by who-knows-what method, he was dumped out of the school. But that didn't change a thing. He went back home, told his parents that he busted a few computers and then went straight up in his room to play games. Say hah!

After passing out from his high schools in FLYING colors, he admitted into a simple college and started having a more extrovert life. Well, perhaps a bit extreme because he started taking drugs, alcohols, tattoos, kidnapping people and whatnot. According to him, he went with the flow… but, which college has students who go on kidnapping sprees?

His college life passed out really quickly and before he knew it, he was dumped again in the Corporate world and given his disastrous past career… you know what happened. Dumped.Dumped.Dumped.Dumped.Dumped.Dumped.Dumped.Dumped.

After getting dumped eight times in a row, he finally got a job in a rundown company's accountant with a basic salary of only 500$ a month. Too low to some aspects, but he was perfectly fine with it. He was happy and content when… the company suddenly closed. All of a sudden, with no prior information.

Again back on the street, Jed finally accepted his fate and returned back to his old trade. Drugs…

Drugs, kidnappings, smugglings and … murdering.

It was a new addition, but according to him, you don't feel a thing when you're drugged. Jed's first kill was … he doesn't remember that person's name, sex or whether or not it was person. Just that he killed him/her/it and that's it. Getting addicted by the flow of money and thrill, his life became muddled with blood, drugs and money.

It went on for almost a decade until, finally the government and the higherups became frustrated and sent in the Crimson Guards to take down this group. Their mission went incredibly well and Jed's horribly bad. He was arrested and trialed. The outcome. Hanged to death.

Well, the end.

The last thing he remembered before he died was that, He is STILL a virgin. He had forgotten to **** a single woman in all of his career… talk about idiocy.

…

The next thing he knew was lying on a strange background with a dog keeping him watch.

…

Jed had read tons of transmigrating novels with the theme of 'OP system' and everytime, the MC, in this case Jed, transmigrate, they would be welcomed by a strange beep or digital noise, welcoming them to the new world, but strangely though, he didn't receive one. No greeting by a god or Goddess, ridiculing or even just talking with them for a second, but no! there was none for Jed.

What did welcome him was a dog and yea, it's barking. A barking dog. He stayed in a blank pink-colored dimension for centuries with a dog running all around him and barking like crazy. There were times when he ran around and times when the bark bit his a*s, but the gist was barking.

At the end of this seemingly infinitely long stay, a mighty feminine voice, probably justifying girl power, said, "Useless human and mighty dog. I, Athena, the Goddess of fortune, welcome you to the world of Audenia!"

…

Creak…

Chirp…. Chirp…. Chirp ….

Squeak….

"Look, honey!"

"What?!"

"Over there! what's that?!!"

"Oh my goodness!! Is that … is that really what I'm seeing?!"

"God! I don't know what you're seeing old man, but that's a baby isn't it?!!"

"Ah!! Yes…. Yes, dear."

"Let's go and rescue the baby."

"What?! Are you serious??!"

"What do you mean? Do you want to leave that baby to its doom?"

"N-no I-I mean…"

"Oh! Shut it!!"

"H-hey! Wait for me!!"

"Look! That's really a baby and an infant at that! Old man, give me a hand!"

"What! Are you serious? What if it's someone else's child?!"

"Of course, its someone else's. I don't have the time to argue with you now, dumbo. Help me or else you're not getting any dinner tonight!"

"What!! You—"

"Shut it!!"

….

"Just a bit more… just a bit more…"

"C-can't… do it! My hands are going to snap!!"

"Then let it be snapped!! Oh! Oh! I got it!! Heave!!!"

"Heaveeeee!!!"

"Yah!!!"

…

"Fue! That was tough. My bones are really growing old. Gosh! What a baby!! He's so cute and gosh! So heavy!!!"

"How do you know it's a boy? And… oh! My gosh! He's dark and … so ugly!!"

Bam!!

"Ouch! What was that for?!!"

"Mind your tongue, old man or else I will throw you down in this canal! My god! You've got sh*t for eyes! God knows how I've living with you for all these years!!"

"Hey!!"

"Don't 'hey' me! Maybe, it's because of your lack of art and style that god haven't gifted us with a child yet."

"How come it's my fault? I'm not impotent in … in 'that'?"

"Look! You're shy even with a word like 'sex'! God!!! Are you even a man?"

"Y-You!!"

"Yea, yea! Stop it with your bullsh*tting. Look how cutely he's sleeping amidst your sh*t talking!!"

"Uh-huh! Just check his pulse, for instance—Ouch! Why did you hit me >.<?!!"

"Idiot! Anyway, dear! Can we please take him in?!"

"What! No way! We're already short on money, are we not?!"

"Oh c'mon! it's just a child! A boy at that! He can bring our family some respect and give us lots of loving. Well, a girl would've been better, but a boy's great too!!"

"Wait, wait just a sec. You know that I'm the man of the house, am I not?"

"A man who is impotent is no man at all! What do you think we should name him, dear?"

"Spurt!! Tha-that was cruel, Ling'er!"

"Chen He… Yun He … Yang He! That's it! Wait! There's a chit here! Look, hon!"

"Gosh, what does it say now?"

"Liviero."

"… is that the name of this child?"

"Maybe… do you think he is a westerner?"

"Gotta be. That's no name for a Han."

"What should we do, hon?"

"Leave him here, for—"

"No!!"

"God! Let me finish. Well… then, let's take him with—"

"Ao!"

"What?"

"Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!"

"What the—Dog! Crazy dog!! Shoo! Shoo! Go away!!"

"Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!Ao!"

"I said go away—"

"Stop it, hon!"

"What now?"

"I… I think this dog is the child's friend!"

"…. Are you going daft?"

"Shut up! Here, pup. Are you his friend?"

"Au!"

"Look at his reply!! He's definitely a friend of this child, here!"

"First and foremost, how did know that the dog is a male? Second of all, how did know whether the posture said that it was his friend or whether it was only asking for food?"

"Ok!"

"What? What 'ok'? Don't ignore my questions!!"

"I'm taking both of them in!"

"What! Are you crazy!!! Hey! Hey! Don't ignore me! I'm your husband!! Hey!!!!"

…