Paranoid Love Affair

================================

[Can you not ask me about that?]

Contrary to Yoon-woo’s thoughts, Hye-eun did not answer to his concerns.

He was in trouble. He believed that Hye-eun was his savior.

So, even after returning home from the gym, he just pretended to search for 50,000 won worth gifts for a woman on his cellphone for a while, and then thought Hye-eun would help him later. So, he put down his phone and studied his lessons.

He met Hye-rim in class and asked her during his dinner, but she seemed not to care about it anymore.

Why? I have no one to ask but you… .

[ I don’t know what kind of girl she is. I know she’s pretty, but how do I know who she is exactly even if I know you? She knows herself best what gift she likes. And, also, you must know her better than me since you met her everyday. ]

“Me? No, I don’t know. I don’t even know… . kind of person she is…”

[ What? Does that make sense? Don’t you guys meet every day? Don’t you guys eat rice together? What does she like, what she’s interested in, you must at least have heard about them, right? ]

Did I hear that? I don’t think I did… . Even if we eat, we usually talk with that senior, and sometimes we just argue. So, it’s vague.. .

[ Look, you really don’t listen to what other people are saying, do you? And then, how do you have a naive thought that everyone in the world rejects you? ]

“That’s Because, based on my past experiences, it’s safe to think that way…

[ So, are you meeting, talking and eating with them just to make you feel comfortable? But, how would they feel if they knew that even though you met them everyday, you didn’t listen to what they were saying? ]

“Ah. Okay. We’ll talk about that later.”

For some reason, the story progressed in a direction where Yoon-woo was scolded by Hye-eun, so he tried to turn around the conversation in a hurry.

What do you mean by how they will feel? Do they even want to think about it?

They would just think ‘How dare you not listen to us!’

But wouldn’t I, a servant for them, have ignored everything except the work that they directly told me to do?

Hey, you bastard! This is how the order of nature works, even in the three kingdoms era. Oh my gosh, don’t you know that?… .’
[ T/N: This is the thought of Yoon-woo how Hye-eun will respond if he says the line before the above sentence: But, wouldn’t I, a servant, do? ]

[ The order of nature: Seeing how it is also for the Three Kingdoms era, we can assume that Yoon-woo considered Hye-rim and Jieun as nobles while he, himself, as a mere servant. Simply put, the servants have to care and serve for the nobles, without a mistake, if they want a higher position. So, he also has to serve them if he wanted to get close to them. ]

So, what can I do? Tell me what I can do.

Would they have thought about a lowly servant like me? The master would not be hurt by the thought of a lowly servant.

Ah, anyway, Hye-eun-ah. Wouldn’t there be a gift that every girl would like though? So, for example, Hye-eun, what gift would you like me to give you?

[ If you’re gonna give a gift to me, anything is fine. Why would I hate it if I felt you worked hard for the gift? I think she’s like that, too. With the conversation you said with her, didn’t she mean it that way?]

No, it’s because you think with care about me, so you think like that. Not that girl.

[ Anyways, if it isn’t like that, why would she have bothered you like that? Wouldn’t she just say what she needed right away? ]

No. She has so many people who will give her gifts. Maybe she can’t even think of what she wants right now. So, she tells me to pick one up on my own, wondering what gift will come out when a guy like me thinks alone and chooses…

Sometimes, princesses in fairytales do such things.

They have too many gifts..

They have seen so many rare and beautiful flowers to the point that they suddenly forced other people to bring a rose of a color they had never seen before.

There are so many things to laugh about and things to be happy about from the people who came to give gifts. But, they can’t raise the corners of their lips for anything, so the kings once again gathered the people from all over the country to make them laugh… . But, the princesses from those fairytales don’t care what kind of effort and devotion the people are preparing gifts with.

[ Didn’t I tell you not to say ‘a guy like me’? ]

“Ah. Sorry, it’s a habit…”

[ Isn’t it too unreasonable to say that you don’t know her at all with your own mouth, but think of her intentions that badly? ]

“It is. But, let’s just say if not, why would she make things so complicated? It doesn’t make sense… .

[ Ah.. I’m gonna tell you! Yoon-woo, thinking of a gift like this for you means I am being kind to you. But, now, I want you to think about yourself for a while! So, don’t rely on me and pick one! ]

Hye-eun, you favour me. So you think like that. But, in reality, the people around me are not as friendly to me as you think.

[ Ah. Yoon-woo-ya, I think I’m going crazy because I’m frustrated. What should I do with you? ]

Oh right, can’t we just give a gift in cash? Yes, a gift in cash . Isn’t she going to continue to buy major books anyway? And I can give 50,000 won to her easily. How is it? Don’t you think it’ll be okay?”

[ It’s not okay. I dont think thats what she wants. ]

Even if it’s like that, if she doesn’t like it, she won’t hate it, right? Isn’t it convenient? You can use it easily. Why didn’t I think of this before? If she doesn’t accept cash, why don’t I wrap the cash in a wrapping paper and give it to her? Because cash is wrapped in gift wrapping, it’s gift cash. That’s right, in the future, whenever something like this happens… .

[ No! Never do that! She will hate it no matter what. And, I think she’ll be more angry than you had thought. She is going to get mad at everyone around her! ]

But, I think it will be fine .

[ If you choose that as a gift, I will mad at you first. ]

Why are you…? Then, what should I buy…

[ Why? Don’t you think there are a lot of things to give as a gift? Think carefully. You can buy clothes.]

I don’t know her size. And I don’t know any women’s clothes, and it’s also a gift… . I have no eyes to judge clothes… .

[ Then it’s getting colder these days, so how about a scarf or gloves of any size? ]

Is she going to use what I gave her? Maybe not? And, if I ever happen to gift her, I think I’m gonna keep thinking if she’s gonna use it or keep it in her room all the time. And, I don’t want to worry about it for nothing.

[ No way. Uh, So how about something like a mushroom bath thing for girls? A pretty popular one this time too. ]

You want me to give the girl bath supplies? Don’t you think she will consider if I’m a pervert or not?

[ Then, what about cosmetics and perfumes?]

I don’t know anything about cosmetics, and I don’t know her taste at all, and if I buy something strange?

[ Well then, a doll or something ]

A doll for such a grown-up girl?

[ Uh. . Hey. ]

“Huh?”

[ Just go pick with her. ]

“Uh?! No. She told me to choose by myself… .

[ But, with the situation now, I assure you, you can never choose a proper gift by yourself. You can’t think of a proper gift now, right? ]

“That, yeah, it seems like that.. .

[ Just meet her tomorrow and tell her to go pick up a present together. ]

But, won’t she be going to say no? Because she told me to choose by myself.

[ No, I don’t think so. Don’t you think she’ll say okay if you’re having a hard time for her? Ask her at least once.]

But, it’s like I’m squirming. She is famous for being an iron-wall girl, especially to men. She seemed to hate it when men approached her that way.

[ Uhhh, Yoon-woo.]

“Huh?”

[ Are you now worried about how she will react to what you say or do? ]

“Uh? Huh. That’s…of course…

[ But, you said last time, that girl, senior, or people who have nothing to do with you, didn’t mean anything to you. So, do you need to worry so much about people who you don’t care will gonna hate you or scorn you? ]

…

[ If you reduce those worries, you can just choose something boldly, right? Whether she hates the gift you choose or not, what do you lose? Just pick some! ]

But, it’s scary though.

[ What? ]

Actually, I don’t want her to hate me. Besides, we keep taking classes together, and it will be more difficult if she spreads rumors. Even if anyone doesn’t like me, I don’t want anyone to hate me.

[ Yoon-woo. No matter what you do, there will be people who hate you and people who like you. Still, even if someone hates you, I’ll always be by your side ]

Thanks.

[ Can’t the existence of me encourage your confidence? Don’t you think people will accept you even if you make some mistakes? ]

Yes, you are my source of confidence. Still, I’m sorry. I’m scared.

Yoon-woo believed that he liked Hye-eun.

Every time he thought of it, he was filled with a sense of happiness he had never felt in his life.

But he didn’t think Hye-eun’s heart would continue like that forever.

She can toss him at any time, and she can always dislike Yoon-woo.

Only Hye-eun at this moment is special.

She was like a person he had thought so, so he couldn’t accept the fact that Hye-eun only liked him to help build his confidence.

[ Besides, if you only just said a few words like: ‘I’ve been thinking about a gift, but I can’t really choose it, can’t we just go pick some together?’, do you think she’ll get mad ? She’s the one who asked you to pick a present for her, isn’t she? Isn’t it absurd to take this for her as a joke? And, I think she won’t think you are flirting with her…]

I don’t know, I can’t judge. But, Hye-eun, being with you gives me great strength… I wish I could talk to you more often.

…

Hey, Hye-eun. Hasn’t your lifestyle returned to normal now? If you’re not busy…If I can contact you also during the day…

[ No, you can’t think like that, Yoon-woo. Don’t think of me as a way out. ]

Uh. Do you have anything to do during the day? If it’s okay… Even if it’s just a little time…

[ You can’t, Yoon-woo.]

Yes?

[ Tomorrow immediately, tell that girl, as I said earlier, let’s go pick a present together. And don’t contact me until then.]

Uh? Don’t contact you? Hye Eun-ah? Wait, why?

[ Don’t you dare contact me saying you did it when you didn’t do it? I hope Yoon-woo does not deceive me, Okay? ]

Eww.

[ Then, you do that, your answer? ]

Does it have to be tomorrow?

[ Yes. It must be. So, go to sleep. I’ll cut the call now. ]

“Uh. Aww. Good night.

I didn’t know that she would push me back this far.

It’s tomorrow.

Why is gift cash not allowed?

Yoon-woo didn’t know that the phone call with Hye-eun would end today only talking about what kind of a gift to give to Hye-rim.

He thought before his chat that Hye-eun would agree if he said ‘Yes? Can I give her xx?’ and the story is over as soon as she agrees, and after that, he will have a pleasant chatter with her as usual, and thought that he was going to fall asleep later.

Based on the conversation he had with her now, Hye-eun was too kind and gentle to him.

So, her optimism about my friends is also strong.

She sees the relationship between me and the people around me in a very positive way.

She said that I am a kind person and that other people will also think like that.

But, it’s not really like that at all…

Even if Yoon-woo makes some mistakes, will people accept it? But, what is a ‘mistake’?

How much is a little mistake?

What is a forgivable mistake?

Who sets the standard for mistakes that can be skipped over?

The reason Hye-eun can think like that is because she has lived while receiving such forgiveness.

Could it be that her mother, who said she had already passed away, was such a merciful person?

However, for Yoon-woo, he had never met a person who could forgive him.

He had to pay the price for even one small mistake without hesitation on his part.

Even when it wasn’t his fault.

Falling down and dirtying his clothes which had been met with punishment by his mother, telling the girl he liked that he liked her when he was in fourth grade, were unforgivable mistakes for Yoon-woo.

Neither his mother nor Hye-rim Cho, a fourth grader in elementary school, would forgive Yoon-woo.

So, what about Hye-rim Cho, a freshman in college, will she be different?

The world Yoon-woo has seen was much crueler than the world Hye-eun has seen.

No matter how much he thought about it, it didn’t seem like he would get good results by doing what Hye-eun told him.

Even so, he can’t help but listen to Hye-eun.

Because contacting Hye-eun was the most important thing for him.

He can’t lie to Hye-eun just because Hye-eun doesn’t know about Hye-rim.

Hye-eun told him that she told him only the truth, but sometimes she lies. But, even when she does that, she did that for good intentions.

But if he gives Hye-rim gift cash and tells Hye-eun that he did what Hye-eun told him, is a lie not for Hye-eun.

It doesn’t matter even if he did that to protect himself.

Such lies would surely pollute the relationship between Hye-eun and him.

Even now with Hye-eun, his life is still a life of standing on the tip of the cliff.

And, Hye-eun is a lifeline that holds Yoon-woo’s waist tightly.

It’s an anxious life because the ground he is standing on could collapse at any moment, but if he has Hye-eun, he won’t fall down from the cliff.

He will somehow be able to hold on to his lifeline and hold on.

For example, if Hye-rim, who accepted Yoon-woo’s suggestion to go to pick up a gift with him with a mixture of angry spirit, began to swear at Yoon-woo, and then the current situation of having every meal together will collapse and the relationship with Ji-eun will break down. Even if it did happen, won’t Hye-eun still keep in touch with him during the night?

She’s Hye-eun, so wouldn’t she admit that she was wrong about her suggestion?

Wouldn’t it be nice if she’s wrong to see Yoon-woo’s situation only optimistically, and say she’s sorry for making Yoon-woo’s life fall apart and call him during the day for compensation?

Wouldn’t it be possible that she will show her face and meet with me?

Thinking about it, he thought it was a better situation for him.

If I put up with the pain for a moment, my life might be better.

If Yoon-woo’s daily life has to be ruined to meet Hye-eun, then it doesn’t matter if this precarious daily life, with a lot of incontinence, falls apart.

With that in mind, he had no reason not to obey Hye-eun.

As soon as tomorrow morning, after his workout, he decided to get his words out to Hye-rim.

He thought it was a pity that she couldn’t learn the sports from Hye-rim anymore with upcoming situation
[ Upcoming situation: Buying a gift with her. Yoon-woo had thought Hye-rim will gonna swear and stop being friends with him if he asks about that and went with her. ]

But, even with what he has learned so far, it seems that there will be no problem in growing his body.

However, he is still worried as he imagines a situation in which all relationships will collapse with a single word of his own, because he was afraid of a backlash from breaking the relationship with Hye-rim and Ji-eun.

So, he had to be prepared to say every word nicely.

In fact, it was difficult for Yoon-woo to think of Hyerim and Ji-eun as completely unrelated to him in his heart.

People passing by on the street, classmates who secretly whisper and gossip about Yoon-woo during the class are normal people.

But, Hyerim and Jieun are completely different kinds of people.

Hyerim and Jieun are more complete as human beings than other people.

So, Yoon-woo, who is used to being alone, was building a defensive line towards them in his heart.

He built a wall and secured a way out by telling himself: ‘ It’s okay without these people, These people are not important to me’

They are such attractive people, so it seemed that if he opened his eyes just a little, they would soon enter his heart.

What if he thought of them as friends?

What if I do them a favor?

Then they will become the protagonists of his life, a guy named Yoon-woo’s life.

Even in his own life, Yoon-woo has been a supporting actor all the time.

So, in the lives of Ji-eun and Hye-rim, Yoon-woo’s existence is nothing more than a background, let alone a supporting role.

Because Yoon-woo’s existence is too light for them, they will not care about him if even a moment’s mistake will destroy the relationship with him.

Even without such mistakes, the relationship between them can quickly wither and disappear.

Then, what will happen to Yoon-woo?

What if the main characters, whom he considered the most important in his life, looked at him like a worm as soon as they break the relationship?

Or what if they can’t even remember my name properly?

For those who are important to Yoon-woo, it is really painful for Yoon-woo to know that he is not important to them at all.

So, Yoon-woo decided not to consider anyone important.

Of course, his own heart doesn’t work that way, but he’s been trying to pretend that he doesn’t care about anyone.

It’s okay if Hye-rim hates me. It’s okay if Ji-eun noona doesn’t even look at me anymore.

Yoon-woo closed his eyes as he stopped his thoughts.

He took a bedtime pill to sleep today. Before he went to sleep, he wondered ‘If Hye-eun was there, I thought I wouldn’t need to take the sleeping pills anymore…’.

The next day, Yoon-woo met Hye-rim at the gym early in the morning as promised.

He was determined to never see her again.

“Hyerim, I can’t figure it out on my own, but later. Why don’t we go pick up a present together?”

‘What is this bastard doing? Do I look easy because I get along with him a little? ’(Yoon-woo’s Thoughts)

The scene of shopping with Hye-rim never comes to mind, but the scene where she swears at him comes to mind like repeating a scene from a film.

“Yoon-woo-ya, you have to pull your chin out there. Lift the barbell straight up and naturally “

How can other people talk so easily?

How do they tell other people to go to a cafe together, drink together, or go shopping together?

Why aren’t they afraid of being rejected?

“Yoon-woo, did you bring everything to wash today? Could you please wait a moment? Let’s walk together to the intersection.. .”

“It’s great.”

“Then wait a minute! I’ll take a shower quickly!”

‘Its okay, Hye-eun is always there for you. You don’t have to be afraid because, if you just put up with Hye-rim’s insults here, you can meet Hye-eun more often… .’

Mumbling that inwardly, Yoon-woo eagerly persuaded himself like that to reduce his fear, and waited for Hye-rim.

After taking her shower, Hye-rim came out of the gym.

“Thank you for waiting. Although I said it would be quick.”

Hye-rim’s hair was wet because she couldn’t dry her long hair.

The scent of shampoo spread stronger than usual because she had just washed it and came out in a hurry.

Although she was dressed in sweatpants and a loose hoodie, people from the reading room who passed by glanced at Hye-rim.

To those people, now Hye-rim might look like a mermaid who has just finished her deal with the witch and swallowed the pill and transformed into a human.

But if it is a mermaid, no matter how pretty she is, she will smell a little fishy. But Hyerim, a human from the start, would smell better in that regard.

But, he was tired of worrying about her right now. All the thoughts about her response ran through his mind.

“There you are, Hye-rim. ”

“Huh?”

Yoon-woo concentrated, trying not to shake his voice, and, as Hye-eun instructed, brought out the prepared words nicely.

“About a gift, no matter how much I think about it, I don’t think I can choose it with my own head. I’ve never given anything to anyone, so I have no idea what you like. So I mean…”

“But, it really doesn’t matter to me. But, is it true that you have never given a gift to someone? Really?”

“Huh… Yeah. ”

“ Ah…That must be so awkward and funny for you. ”

Seeing Hye-rim’s reaction, the words of self-help which he prepared readily revolved in his mind.

“So, What is it?”

” That… When you have time later… Why don’t we go pick it up together? If I choose by myself, it’s probably a little… I don’t think the results will be good… so I thought it might be better to go with you.”

“Uh! Wait a minute.”

As expected, there is no way she can just accept it calmly.

As soon as I hear her refusal, I will immediately enter the men’s bathroom. And as I sit on the toilet, I have to send Hye-eun a message saying that her idea is wrong.

It was the idea Yoon-woo thought up.

“I have a compulsory liberal arts class in the first period today, and so…. Yoon-woo, Are you okay in the 2nd period? About half past ten! Do you have class this morning? In the afternoon, I will continue to have classes… But, wouldn’t an hour and a half be enough? Or should we go tomorrow afternoon or on the weekend? But where are we going?

“Ah..….that is…”

It was a completely unexpected reaction. Come to think of it, I didn’t have anything in mind for this situation.

He thought about what Hye-rim would curse, how he should react when she heard the curse, and he thought hard only about those things.

Don’t tell me that we were really going somewhere together… .

================================