Paranoid Love Affair

Chapter 36

Episode 36

The 5th period of Korean economic history class was originally a class where Ji-eun did not attend, but after learning that Yoon-woo was taking the same class, it became a class that she attended and looked forward to attending.

In the seat right next to Yoon-woo, I can see Yoon-woo’s long, thin, and pretty fingers moving diligently while holding a pen…….

But today, the class was uncomfortable.

Yoon-woo’s serious expression looked cold today.

As I focused on the class to shift my attention from Yoon-woo, I felt more depressed by the professor’s voice, which was weak like a sick goat.

It’s more tiring to be with people on a bad day.

Ji-eun has always tried to look like a fun and energetic person, so she couldn’t show such signs even if she’s feeling a little bad.

And, that’s also because I didn’t want to hear, “Ji-eun? What’s wrong with you today?”

When I hear such words, I must give a reasonable reason for a cheerful person like me to feel down.

However, the reason why I’m in a bad mood now would not seem reasonable to others.

No, it was not only now, but anytime.

It is absurd to give expectations to others and to be disappointed that others have escaped from them.

But my mind doesn’t care about that.

In particular, my mind seemed like it couldn’t think with logic.

The gaze of people who don’t stay with me for a long time, the jokes of people who treat me as a child, such things are only just trivial things.

However, I couldn’t rid myself of being hurt and depressed by such things.

I also didn’t want others to find out that I was a narrow-minded person who even thought about such trivial things.

“Ji-eun noona is small but she has a big heart.”

This is a compliment that I sometimes hear at a drinking party.

I wanted to keep that image. But, what if I can’t?

“Ji-eun is a little narrow minded…” Wouldn’t I hear the thing that I have already thought of?

When I don’t think about anything, what expression do I have?

After the fifth period, Ji-eun thought while attending her literature class.

She noticed that her expression and breathing seemed different from usual and awkward.

I have to see Hyerim and Yoonwoo again when I eat dinner.…. I shouldn’t look weird…….

I don’t even know how I should eat dinner with them.

Yoon-woo still did not participate in the conversation well, and he did not pay attention to Hye-rim and me even just a little bit, but that does not mean that he sees Hye-rim and me the same.

Yoon-woo had a different meaning when dealing with Hye-rim and me, even when Yoon-woo’s own gaze passed by for a very short time!

Thinking so, I wanted to go home and be alone.

However, when I just got home after the class, I got a phone call from Hye-rim.

“Huh? Hye-rim?” ”

[Hey, you know.….]

Hye-rim explained what Ji-eun already knew from Yoon-woo.

It was said that Hye-rim forced Yoon-woo not to pay back his debts with food, and it was she who told him to give such a gift.

However, she also said that she was sorry for omitting such an explanation and making Yoon-woo and her relationship look meaningful for no reason.

Ji-eun replied that she already knew.

She also replied that she already asked Yoon-woo during the day, and knew all about it and she even complimented that she looked really good in it regardless of all that.

She also praised again that she should have worn earrings earlier.

[Really? Hehe. It is Yoon-woo’s idea. He said that I have a sophisticated and mature image, so simple things like this would suit me.]

“…That’s right. I think Yoon-woo has eyes for things.”

[Thank you. Let’s ask Yoon-woo to go shopping together later. What should I pick for you if you ask me to choose clothes for you?]

“I don’t know… Would he like to go there with his personality?”

[Ah…That’s right. Should I have to tie him with debt again?]

“Well…”

[It’d be fun if you and Yoon-woo went together and picked one for each other. You should also wear something else, not only school jumpers. You would look cute if you wore knitwear around.….]

“But, school jumpers are comfortable clothes to sleep in after drinking. And, also I hate clothes that bother me while sleeping … …”

[ Ah! Anyway, thank you for listening! See you tomorrow. ]

“Okay. See you tomorrow.”

Hye-rim is a good friend to even call and explain this.

Ji-eun has often seen situations where two people like the same person and then fight each other.

Saying a word that secretly undermines the image of a competitor in front of a person that he or she likes or bluffing to the competitor by exaggerating his or her relationship with a favorite person from time to time. You can even see what his or her intentions are even watching from the sidelines.

It’s not that I don’t understand that mindset.

I have to be the person that undermines or bluffs my competitor, but the unfair thing is that the person I like doesn’t have to be on my side.

How anxious would I be to wait for his choice in that situation?

From Hye-rim’s point of view, I may seem unfamiliar, a third party who suddenly intervened between Yoon-woo and her.

Nevertheless, she even calls and explains.

Why? Is it because she’s a sincere and kind person?

But, what if she isn’t?

Will she be thinking since Ji-eun is her opponent, she doesn’t even need to check?

Even if she doesn’t check, she may have known that Yoon-woo will eventually go out with her, who is pretty, has a good body, has a good personality, and is also a good cook. So, maybe she thinks there’s no need to ruin her relationship with Ji-eun by doing something strange?

If she just stays still, she’ll be able to maintain her friendship with Ji-eun while dating Yoon-woo.

If that’s what she thinks……. It’s resentful for me to think but it’s a quite valid idea.

“Oh, that? With Ji-eun noona, I don’t know…Rather than that…….”

It was a fact that even she herself knew.

No one would look better in those earrings than Hyerim.

Even if there is such a person, it cannot be named.

I already knew that……

But, I didn’t know that would come out of Yoon-woo’s mouth.

And I didn’t even know that I’d be this shocked after hearing that.

I was just expecting it with my own delusional mind.

In Yoon-woo’s eyes, won’t the world look completely different?

The fact that Yoon-woo’s gaze is not attracted to Hye-rim means that Yoon-woo is looking at Hye-rim and her equally.

With that thought, I thought there was a possibility that Yoon-woo would like me.

But it wasn’t.

Even in Yoon-woo’s eyes, Hye-rim seemed to be a pretty, mature, and sophisticated woman.

Then, what did I look like?

……At least it wouldn’t have looked mature and sophisticated.

That’s why Yoon-woo also thought those earrings didn’t look good on me.

I know.

Hye-rim is not a bad girl. She is a sincere, good, gentle and hardworking girl.

Yoon-woo is not bad either. Although he is a little weak and passive, he tries to listen to everything others say, and he is a good junior with a subtle consideration to others in his behavior.

Then, I am the only bad one here. If I just stay still, Hye-rim and Yoon-woo will do well on their own.

Hye-rim will lead a helpless and passive Yoon-woo and they will make up for each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

But, I could not suppress my greed, and I was just an obstructionist who would intervene between Hye-rim and Yoon-woo and confuse their relationship.

If I’m going to give up anyway, the sooner I give up, the better.

Ji-eun, if you just give up, everything will be better.

Hye-rim will achieve the love she has missed for 10 years, and Hye-rim, who is active, sweet, and somehow mother-like, will be able to take good care of Yoon-woo’s wounds.

It’s an ideal relationship.

Then, what is the most suitable way for her to intervene between them in the meantime?

Wouldn’t the best place be just friendship?

Sometimes I drink and listen to concerns or complaints from others, but these days, I chat about what movies we enjoyed watching with others.

As always in front of everyone!

But, then my heart…….

For a long time, I lay in my bed with my head stuck in the pillow.

Then, I talked to several people on the phone for a long time to suppress my mental seizures…

But, I couldn’t reveal my true feelings to anyone.

Will they really accept this real image of me?

I was scared because I thought it wouldn’t be.

I think they’ll just say, “What’s wrong with you all of a sudden?”

Would Yoon-woo say that, too? I don’t know.

Alcohol is the best when you don’t know anything.

There will be a drinking party today, but in this mood, I don’t know what mistake I will make while drinking with others.

I also know that I have a class for the first period tomorrow.

Today, I wanted to fall into bed and fall asleep without thinking about anything after getting drunk quickly.

In fact, there was a drink prepared in case like this.

It is a drink called Bacardi 151 that has already been discontinued.

The alcohol level is 75.5 degrees, and it is a solo drink that makes you drunk even if you drink two shots of liquor.

I bought it to drink when I wanted to get drunk quickly, but I didn’t even open the lid yet because I was sad to hear that it would be discontinued.

But, when would I drink it if I didn’t drink it on a day like this, even if it’s discontinued?

Ji-eun took a glass cup , a shot glass of liquor, and coke and ice from the refrigerator.

In the past, I bought a shot glass of liquor, a pretty glass cup that goes well with cocktails, and an ice basket to drink with a noble atmosphere at home, but I’ve never used anything other than the usual water glass. This is because it is annoying to have more cups and more dishes to wash.

But I was going to create an atmosphere today. I will take care of the dishes tomorrow.

I was going to make bacardi-coke and drink it.
[ bacardi-coke= A mixture of bacardi and coke ]

So I put ice and two cups of bacardi in a shot glass, and poured coke.

I didn’t know the exact ratio. But the taste is not important.

The main purpose of drinking is to get drunk.

All you have to do is put it in your mouth properly.

A glass of this will make you drunk enough and fall asleep.

That’s what I thought.….

Contrary to her idea, she didn’t go straight to bed with a glass of Bacardi-coke.

In a gulp, half of the alcohol in a glass cup disappeared.

I didn’t feel better.

Rather, it reminded me of all sorts of things.

‘Did you really not think of me? We went for a walk together on Sunday, and we sang songs like that… …’

‘We ate cream puffs together, and we even wiped each other’s mouths…… . Were all really the things that you did without thinking?’

In another sip, all the remaining alcohol was gone.

The alcohol content in this cup, which disappeared in less than two minutes, was equivalent to that of a bottle of soju.

But she still didn’t have enough alcohol.

I drank it so quickly that the ice in the cup didn’t even melt.

And, I didn’t even feel drunk.

This should not be the case. I still haven’t gotten drunk enough to fall asleep right away.

If that’s the case, I’ll have no choice but to drink one more drink.

With that in mind, Ji-eun poured Bacardi and Coke into the cup again.

I didn’t even measure it with a shot glass, so I poured half Bacardi and half Coke in moderation. Alcohol content is more than before.

‘We slept together tightly, but did Yoon-woo really think of me as a pillow?’ I was really excited… …’

‘Am I the only one who has fun eating lamb skewers? Did Yoon-woo continue to see me as a kid?’

And, all the alcohol in the cup was gone.

The reason Ji-eun usually drinks alcohol is because she is usually good at controlling her drinking pace.

She liked to talk, so she drank slowly while drinking water and eating snacks appropriately.

There were many times when I drank alone at home, but when I did, I drank really slowly while watching a movie or video.

It was the first time I drank alcohol while staring at the bottle alone in this quiet house.

It took less than 10 minutes for me to empty two cups of Bacardi-coke.

Nevertheless, I also reached out for a bottle of Bacardi.

The thought of having to take the first class tomorrow had already disappeared from Ji-eun’s mind.

She filled about half the cup with Bacardi and tried to add coke again, but the coke was not enough.

Since she doesn’t usually drink carbonated drinks, she doesn’t even buy a coke at home.

The coke that I used to mix with Bacardi now was not much from the beginning and not the same coke’s size that came with the delivery food.

I was going to finish it with one or two drinks, so I thought that would be enough.

‘Why is there no Coke again? … .’

I was no longer normal.

Even the fact that there was no coke made me angry.

So I poured more Bacardi as much as there was not enough coke.

So, it was already ambiguous to even call it Bacardi-coke.

The ratio between coke and Bacardi was about 3:7.

Bacardi was 7.

But Ji-eun drank it again.

If you drink strong alcohol like that, your esophagus and stomach will definitely hurt, but I didn’t even feel it.
[ The esophagus is the muscular tube that carries food and liquids from your mouth to the stomach.]

My stomach seems to have been sore from before.

Before even bringing out the drink… … .

‘Is Yoon-woo also like Hye-rim after all? Why can’t it be me?’

‘I can do it well if you just.. … . I can do it all if you only … .’

‘Am I just a kid to you? Do you feel troubled because I’m small?’

Ji-eun crumpled up the empty coke bottle and threw it into the bag that collected the recyclables.

The bag was in the corner next to the refrigerator, and the coke bottle hit the refrigerator and bounced off the floor.

‘Ah… … .’

In fact, it would have been difficult for Ji-eun even with a sane mind to put a plastic bottle in the bag which was in the corner.

But Ji-eun, who was not sane, was angry even at that.

Everything in the world seemed to be moving in a direction that she hadn’t wanted.

So, on a whim, she opened the lid of Bacardi again.

Now, Ji-eun did not even mix coke with Bacardi.

She poured Bacardi into the shot glass and continued to drink.

How much did I drink like that? … .

The next morning, when Ji-eun woke up, her memory was vague.

This was the first time that I can’t remember clearly since I started drinking.

My head was pounding like it was going to break.

Ji-eun got up from bed and struggled to remember what she had done yesterday.

As I pondered… … . It was like crying a few times while drinking.

It was as if she kept muttering to herself and then went outside.

And did I buy beer at the convenience store?

Did I buy coke? What did I buy?

And walking somewhere… … . What did I do… … .

From there, her memory was really hazy.

‘Uh… … No way… … Ah… … .’

‘What if… … .’

What is certain is that her drunken state Ji-eun did something very serious.

Because… … . The place where Ji-eun woke up was not in her bed… … .

* * *

Droopy, rumbling, rumbling… … .

On Wednesday morning, Yoon-woo was woken up by the sound of a cell phone vibrating loudly on the desk.

Communication from Hye-eun is made through the app, and the notification ends with three short vibrations, so at least it’s not Hye-eun who is calling now.

Hye-eun wouldn’t call at this time.

Because we talked long enough before we fell asleep.

Last night, Yoon-woo said that he did what Hye-eun told him, and he also told her that he was still in debt and didn’t know what to do, then hung up his phone and fell asleep.

The number of people who could make calls to Yoon-woo was very limited.

Hye-rim was the only person other than his parents to make a regular phone call to Yoon-woo.

When I went to the ‘UST’ store earlier and came back, Hye-rim called me again.

And, Hye-rim also said it herself that she had no way of calling me during the night.

So maybe it’s my parents?

Maybe something bad happened at home?

With such worries, Yoon-woo quickly answered the phone.

“Hello?”

[ … Darling.]

But the caller’s voice was clearly not his parents.

“… … Who are you?”

[What? You don’t even remember my voice? heh… … I’m sorry… … .]