Paranoid Love Affair

Paranoid Love Affair

Episode 44

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On Thursday morning, the day after receiving Ji-eun’s advice, Hye-rim, who finished exercising with Yoon-woo at the gym, was making up her mind.

I was scared that I had to ask someone, who didn’t want to do anything, to do something…

However, when I went home yesterday and thought deeply, I realized that Ji-eun’s words were true.

Ji-eun said that the act I tried to show my favor made Yoon-woo uncomfortable with me…

Come to think about it, I was just like my father.

My father constantly carried out a material front to win the heart of his daughter, who had grown cold towards him.

To my father, who does not stop doing such things no matter how much I reject or curse,

I only formally left a single word, ‘Thank you.’

Then my father, seeing it, seemed to think he had succeeded in changing his daughter’s heart a little.

It is disgusting.
There would be no real Hye-rim in the world that my father could see.

A successful head of the household, a father who does not spare his love for his naive daughter, there is only such a beautiful self in him.

He was only a subject and a human being himself, and the rest were merely objects in his life to make him stand out.

In the eyes of such a father, I am just a girl whose puberty is not over yet; forever his little girl.

Just as most daughters begin to hate the nagging of their fathers during their puberty, he must’ve thought that I was just like them.

‘What the hell did Dad do wrong? Dad always did his best… … .’

My father said that with a face that seemed to think that he was really only a victim with good intentions.

He is a damn human.

My mother trusted him.

My mother really got along with him well.

She was too naive and beautiful for him.

Even though her chest might be a little ugly… …  

‘It’s still okay, isn’t it? I’m still living with your father anyway… … .’

My mother, who said that to me, trusted my father like a rock.

So, she didn’t hesitate much when the doctor offered her options.

She can keep her appearance with minimal abstinence, but doing so raises her cancer recurrence rate, the doctor said.

On the other hand, she (the doctor) said, if she had a lot of abstinence, she had a lower cancer recurrence rate, but she had to be bald.

My mother chose the latter.

Since then, my mother didn’t even go to a salon, which she loved so much, until she passed away.

She was reluctant to show me her body even while changing her clothes.

Would it have been different if she had made a different choice?

It won’t be.

Even after she did that, she had her breast cancer recurring. Discovering it too late, we had no one else to blame.

At least, can I blame fate?

However, if cancer recurrence or death is an unavoidable fate, there were still humans near her whose roles are to respect and protect her heart before the unavoidable fate.

Mother had purely believed that my father would continue to love her even after she had her breast removed; a beautiful and precious thing that deserved respect.

So, if you are a normal human being, you should not betray such a heart.

But, my father didn’t keep it.

I realized too late that my own father was a human who didn’t even know the value of such a heart.

And, I was ashamed and distressed that I behaved similarly like him, whom I hated so much.

It was Ji-eun, not me, who properly understood what Yoon-woo was thinking.

Is it the genes or education left behind by my father that makes me want to do something without hesitation just by looking at him?

If so, I must overcome it.

She could not tolerate the fact that she in any way was her father’s daughter.

With that in mind, she came out of her shower room, memorizing the words once again that she had to say to Yoon-woo.

“Again, Yoon-woo is out first, But, I washed up really quickly today… … . I’m sorry, did you wait for a long time?” 

“No, I just got out.”

Yoon-woo’s body smelled of fragrant soap.

Even though his hair was dry, there were still water drops all over his head.
The water drops glistened in the light.

“Yoon-woo, did you dry your hair?”

“Uh? I dried… … .”

Hye-rim put her hand on the top of Yoon-woo’s head and moved her hand through his hair.

He had dried it only roughly, that even the top part was still very wet, and water drops were running down the back of his neck.

In fact, it was Hye-rim who stretched out her hand, thinking it was an excuse to touch his hair,
but Yoon-woo’s hair was much wetter than she thought, so she shook her hand and wiped it off.

It was fortunate that she decided to exercise early in the morning.

When she walks with Yoon-woo, there are many people who glance at Yoon-woo, but seeing his messy appearance without drying his hair properly now, it seems like there were fewer people who approached her and asked for her number for nothing.

“Is this dry? Do you usually dry like this?” Hye-rim asked while wiping her wet hands.

“Ah… … This is fine.”

“Nope! If you don’t dry it properly, it’s bad for your scalp health! What if you lose your hair?”

“Hye-rim didn’t dry either.”

“I have long hair and it takes so long… … . I’ll go home and dry it.”

“Then, I’ll go home and dry it again.”

“You have short hair, so why are you drying it out only roughly?”

“I have to wait.”

“Uh? What are you waiting for…Wait, did you mean whoever finished first has to wait? Did you rush out because of that?”

“Nope, it’s okay. Let’s go. It will be bad for your scalp if you stay too long.”

“…Huh. But from now on, don’t worry about me and finish everything carefully and come out.” 

“It’s okay.”

“…”

I don’t know if it was okay or not. I’m not even sure if he would listen to me or not.

It is also Ji-eun’s ability that Yoon-woo listens well to her.

But, thinking that she would go to the gym every morning and have a cute argument over whether Yoon-woo dried his hair properly from now on, a smile unknowingly appeared on her face.

It was difficult to say that Yoon-woo’s expression was still bright, but it seemed to be much better than when we first met.

The behavior seems to be much more natural.

It seemed that he did not want me to wait, so when I imagined Yoon-woo coming out with his hair dry roughly, it reminded me of Yoon-woo when I was young.

Yoon-woo has been a person who naturally shows consideration in his actions since he was young.

If you were a normal person, wouldn’t you have turned away from seeing the vomit on your clothes from another person?

If it were the other kids, they would point out me, who vomited while riding a bus, and wouldn’t they have called other kids to see it here?

Wouldn’t they have cursed me for taking responsibility for their clothes that were soiled?

Wouldn’t they have made fun of me for months and years?

It seemed that human nature was like that.

When people have free time, they want to frame others, belittle them, trample them, then step on their backs and show them off everything they can be proud of to others.

‘Look! I am so awesome! This guy under my feet is far inferior to me!’

However, they only hide it because they know that expressing such feelings and behaviours will be seen as antisocial behaviors.

Then, when given the opportunity, as long as it is justified that it is okay to attack others, they reveal their violent natures.

If it were someone else, the situation in which I vomit on the clothes might have been seen as a situation that gave the warrant to attack me.

But it wasn’t like that for Yoon-woo.

As soon as Yoon-woo saw Hye-rim covered in vomit, he reached out the clothes with his hand.

He didn’t hesitate for a moment.

It was as if his nature consisted only of good intentions.

The well-hidden nature of good intentions seems to leak out like a bright light through a small gap.

I still remember the words Yoon-woo muttered back then.

‘Oh right, there was a tissue…’
That mumble was proof.
Proof that the backbone that controls Yoon-woo’s behavior is made up of good intentions.

Even though he had travel tissues in his pocket, the thought of having to wipe the vomit off other people’s clothes outweighed the worry of getting his hands dirty!

Is it really the influence of my father that makes me want to give something when I see Yoon-woo like that?

If anyone knows Yoon-woo’s nature, isn’t there a thought that anyone would naturally ask for help from him ?

So, it must be unnatural to be so hesitant to ask for something from Yoon-woo.

Hye-rim childhood memories made Yoon-woo look more lovable to her, but also made her be on guard of her own behavior.

Because she was afraid to be hated so much by such a lovely person again.

“Excuse me… You know, Yoon-woo…”

“Huh?”

Hye-rim left the gym and walked towards the crossroads with Yoon-woo, and she began to bring out the words that she had carefully prepared.

“That… … . Actually, I have something to ask you… … .”

“Request? You to me? What is it?”

“Will you help me out?”

“Anything I can do.”

Yoon-woo’s reaction was much more positive than she thought.

His reaction was completely different from when she said she would buy him something or do something for him.

‘What’s that reaction? Ji-eun is right…’

“So, what is your request?”

“Uh, actually, like I said before, I don’t have any friends. Except for Ji-eun and you.”

“Huh? uh… … . really?”

“What, you didn’t believe me?”

“I thought it was only just in words. I’m sure you’ll be popular… … .”

“You see? Uh…Because I couldn’t stand my temper and made mistakes here and there, my relationship with others didn’t last.”

In fact, she had never had a public accident with someone in a crowd.

But it’s true that I don’t have friends.

Because I cut off the meetings with people, who were after me only because of my face, at the beginning of the semester, and my personal social activities were also abandoned.

So, I became disillusioned with the relationships.

“Uh… It’s such a pity.”

“Such a pity? For what?”

“Still…I think a lot of people like you… No matter what mistakes you made…” 

“It’s okay. I just like playing with you and Ji-eun unnie like this.”

What value do I give to others? I don’t need to know.

Hye-rim, in the last few weeks, thought that during her lifetime, she should use her time efficiently only on people whom she loves.

“So, what I want to ask is, Yoon-woo…”

“Hmm?”

“There is a movie I really want to see…I have no one to go with. And, I hate going to the cinema alone. After watching the movie, sharing a review with the person I went with would be enjoyable, but going alone is so boring…”

Hye-rim has been thinking of many excuses, thinking that Yoon-woo might say to her that it is okay to watch it alone.

“Uh…Isn’t Ji-eun’s noona there?”

“Ji-eun unnie said she couldn’t watch that kind of movie because she was afraid.”

“Huh? Is it a scary movie?”

“Hmm. You said you liked horror movies, right?”

“That’s right…But Hyerim, do you like that too? Last time obviously… … .”

“I like them! I love them very much!”

On the day they were going to see Inside Out, at the bus stop, when asked what kind of movie I like, I showed a reluctance towards watching horror movies.

As soon as the bus came, I thought Yoon-woo hadn’t heard it, but he remembered it all… … .

Hye-rim was embarrassed because he seemed to have noticed her intentions, but she was also happy that Yoon-woo remembered even the smallest words of her.

“Is that so?…I see.”

“So, I want you to go with me, Yoo-woo! Aren’t you good at seeing scary things? It will be fun to see them together.”

“Uh…okay. I will also reserve a movie ticket.”

“Huh? Are you making a purchase? Why? I’m asking you to go with me…”

“That…To be honest, I don’t think I could repay you enough with earrings. Those earrings… I even recommended it to you who didn’t even have an ear pierced…”

“Because I really like it! Why don’t you believe this? That’s why I wear it every day.”

“…Thanks. Still, can’t I make the movie theater reservations for you? Oh, popcorn and drinks too…”

Yoon-woo somehow seemed to want to pay back the 50,000 won that he owed to me.

She had been hurt by Yoon-woo’s attitude like this before, but she should have known that Yoon-woo was such a person who respected his choices.

I couldn’t just push Yoon-woo’s heart without respecting it.

“Yoon-woo, you are too…Then I’ll buy you dinner! How is it?”

“Uh…Then, what about Ji-eun noona?”

“I told her already! I told her that not only will we go to the movies together, we will also eat together.” This was also the idea of Ji-eun.

“But then the payment…Do you have any plans for dinner?”

If I ask him to go to a place like ‘TourTur’ here, I am repeating the same mistake.

There was also something in my mind so that Yoon-woo would not feel burdened.

“How about a light Subway? You can eat as many vegetables as usual…If you’re burdened with me buying it, you buy some bigger popcorn instead. And, also buy a beer for me…Is that okay?” Unlike before, you can drink beer in movie theaters these days.

If we get drunk in moderation, wouldn’t we be able to have a more natural conversation after the movie is over?

We can play some more…

Then we can speak about movies and play some other things until we reach 9 p.m..

So Hye-rim had many expectations.

“Well…okay.”

In my mind, I wanted to cover all his expenses.

If we went to the cinema together, I wanted to resolve all the issues: reservations, popcorn, and dinner.

However, Yoon-woo was not the kind of person that took my money for granted.

I didn’t even want to spend 100 won on someone who took it for granted.

But Yoon-woo-ah and Ji-eun were not like that.

I didn’t mind spending any amount of money on them.

Yoon-woo, who was trying to pay back without receiving my heart, is naive.

However, the fact that these kinds of stories come and go is premised on going to the cinema together.

Unlike usual, Yoon-woo accepted the offer without ever rejecting it.

I seem to have figured out how to treat Yoon-woo a little now.

Instead of telling Yoon-woo where to go or what to eat, she says, ‘I need you for this and this, so why not join me? Instead, I’ll do XX.’

She had to make Yoon-woo understand that it was not that she was doing favors to Yoon-woo, but that she needed him and paid the price for it.

I wish I had realized this earlier…

When I realized it, it was also funny.

I just want to play together, so I have to come up with a strategy like this…

While she was thinking like that, she came to a crossroads where she had to part with Yoon-woo.

‘What do we do? I haven’t decided on anything specific yet…’ Only then did Hye-rim hurriedly speak out of her.

“Uh, what should we do? We’re already here…But, buying and seeing…There are a lot of things that haven’t been decided yet.”

“What is the title of the movie? First of all, I’ll make a reservation in advance. Is the date on the weekend? When are you comfortable?”

“The title is ‘Midsoma’. Would Saturday be appropriate? Horror movies are usually shown at night… ”

“Uh…? Midsoma? Isn’t the title wrong?”

“Nope! That’s right.”

“Is that really what you want to see?”

“Huh? Uh, why? Yoon-woo, is it not good?”

“No, it’s a movie I’ve been wanting to see, but… I can’t believe you also like it…”

“Yep! I like it too. This is the movie you’ve been waiting for! The director’s name is ‘Ari Aster’, right? I also enjoyed the previous work, “Inheritance”. I didn’t actually see it.

I’ve only been reading the details of the plot and spoilers on the internet to convince myself.

“I see. Hye-rim sees that too. It’s surprising.”

“Then! Let’s go see a horror movie together like this more often from now on. No matter how much you like it, isn’t it scary to see it alone?”

But there was something that Hye-rim had overlooked.

She was so absorbed in her mind that she only wanted to see a movie with Yoon-woo, so she didn’t pay much attention to the content of the movie.

“To be honest, I was scared to see a corpse by myself before, but it worked out a while ago.”

“Huh? Dead body?”

“Hmm. I heard that this movie contains scenes of people peeling off their skin or having their hair smashed, so it’s a bit…”

“Uh…”

“I saw Hereditary, but the directing was so bizarre and terrible…I turned it off and on several times while watching it alone at home. But this time, they heard that a team that specializes in directing the body participated, so I wonder how terrible it must be…”

“Eww…”

“Hye-rim?”

“Huh?”

“Anyway, can I make a reservation for Saturday night?”

“Yes.”

“What time would be a good time? The show time’s a little late. The earliest is at 8:40…”

“Okay then, let’s do it then.”

“Then, you don’t have to buy dinner. Even if we eat together as usual and see you later…”

“Nope! Instead of that, let’s meet around 7 o’clock and eat together at Subway and go shopping around the mall.”

“Uh…Hye-rim, if you don’t like the movie…”

“It’s okay! So, let’s do that, Yoon-woo, hurry up and go dry your hair!”

“Yeah, I got it. See you later.”

And as soon as Hye-rim came back to her house and dried her hair, she called Ji-eun.

[Eww…Are you really Hye-rim? Why early this morning…]

“Unnie, what should I do…Something big happened…”

[What is it…]

“The movie that Unnie said was very cruel…”

[Oh what, have you already talked to Yoon-woo?]

“Hmm…As soon as we got done at the gym in the morning.”

[See you talking about the contents of the movie…How is it?]

“I even made a reservation. But…I just heard about the movie from Yoon-woo… It’s too…”

[Is that what I said? I said just choose something else that you like…With a light romance…]

“I just like playing with Yoon-woo, so I tried to choose the movie that he likes…”

[Good job. If you think so, be patient and careful.]

“I saw people crying too… But you know, when a human skull is crushed and the skin is peeled off… eww… . How is a movie even like that?”

[Ah…Is that so?]

“Huh…What should I do? If I just look at them and scream, then…”

[There are quite a few people chirping in the middle of a horror movie, so don’t worry too much…]

“Maybe it’s not at the level of cute chirping?! What if I scream and everyone looks at me? I might cry while watching… Maybe I’ll faint… What do I do, Unnie… I am ruined.”

[Why are you thinking this all of a sudden…]

“I mean, I bluffed a lot to Yoon-woo because I like scary things, and I said that we’ll see each other again in the future!”

[Why did you…]

“Oh my God… How weird would it look if I scream? How embarrassing would I be?”

[Then, if Yoon-woo was sitting while holding his arms crossed and you’re scared, ask him to give you an arm. Then it might be worth seeing, right?]

“Uh…? Is that so?”

[… It’s a joke, Hye-rim… ]

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