Paranoid Love Affair

“Everyone, you must be a person who knows how to love yourself. How can anyone who doesn’t love themselves love someone else? Before you want someone to love you, first respect yourself and love yourself.”

Cho Hye-rim, a fourth grader in elementary school, heard this and thought her homeroom teacher was a fool.

How much self-love do you need that you have to tell these classmates who already love themselves?

Boys often tried to talk to Hye-rim about how good they were in taekwondo, how good they were at games, how tall they were, and how great their parents were.

Why are you coming here to talk about something I didn’t ask? Hye-rim was not interested at all.

What about the girls?

They aren’t as straightforward as the boys, but they talk about who has better hair, who is fairer, who likes who, and who doesn’t look good with whom.

Sometimes, they talked about disparaging other children and elevating themselves.

Are you telling me that I’m beautiful just on the outside?

They talked about something with each other and played well, but I didn’t know why they only talked about it in front of me.

In Hye-rim’s eyes, the class children looked like a group of chimpanzees.

They shout and show off their strength, and put all their time into comparing each other and presenting themselves forward.

In fact, chimpanzees don’t just live like that.

Hye-rim had yet to fully understand that such actions were related to mating competition.

Hye-rim thinks that among those chimpanzees, only Yoon-woo and herself were like human beings.

Yoon-woo was totally different from other boys.

He has never bragged about anything without asking, and I have never seen him saying anything unpleasant to others.

Even though he was the best student in my class, he didn’t brag about it.

How beautiful his voice is…… It was so lovely to hear him speak polite and kind words in that soft voice.

The other kids in the class teased Yoon-woo’s voice for being feminine.

Anyone can tell it was utter jealousy. Girls flirt with Yoon-woo, but they are upset because Yoon-woo doesn’t respond to them how they want him to.

Yoon-woo always answered the questions up to point nothing more nothing less.

Girls who failed to talk to Yoon-woo would belittle him, saying, “You’re showing off.” and what not.

This is what they say ‘Break it if you can’t have it’ mentality.

Yoon-woo had fair skin and a smooth body, and he was so pretty even though he was a man.

What do you mean he sounds like a girl? None of the girls have a prettier voice than Yoon-woo.

They don’t know how kind he is.

On the day the school went to Weaver land for a field trip, Yoon-woo was sitting next to Hye-rim on the Viking.

Hye-rim, who was afraid of the Viking, lowered her head, but she had severe motion sickness due to her blocked vision and threw up.

Unfortunately, the vomit got on Yoon-woo and Hye-rim’s clothes.

While Hye-rim was nervous and crying because she was caught by other children, Yoon-woo collected vomit from Hye-rim’s clothes with his bare hands and threw it in the bathroom. Then, he brought wet tissue and wiped Hye-rim’s clothes and arms.

Yoon-woo’s body was full of puke, and even though Hye-rim was the one who puked, he didn’t get angry and cleaned Hye-rim before himself.

Yoon-woo asked Hye-rim if she was okay.

Yoon-woo was like an angel.

Since then, Hye-rim tried to talk to Yoon-woo whenever she had a chance in the classroom, but she was not able to talk for long because chimpanzees kept interrupting and talking nonsense.

At that time, chimpanzees should have just ignored and let her get closer to Yoon-woo……

One day, a stupid homeroom teacher said something strange.

Yoon-woo is too timid to get along with his classmates, so why don’t you pay attention to him a little, Hye-rim, the class president?

I couldn’t understand why she wanted an angel like Yoon-woo to hang out with chimpanzees.

Besides, do you want me to pay attention to Yoon-woo?

Hye-rim’s entire mind was already focused on Yoon-woo.

Other kids are just a rough-and-tumble obstacle nearby. They are nothing but a distraction.

As Hye-rim thought so, Yoon-woo was the only one in her class who she talked to first.

Yoon-woo was the only one Hye-rim looked at.

When the class noticed it, the bullying for Yoon-woo grew worse.

Young Hye-rim didn’t know that she was the cause of the intensified bullying at the time, but it was too bad that Yoon-woo’s expression became darker and less beautiful.

In Hye-rim’s opinion, Yoon-woo was the only one who deserved to be loved in this class.

No matter how much chimpanzee pups squeak and make a fuss next to him, Yoon-woo is not the kind of person who cares about such animals.

Yoon-woo should smile more and live more confidently.

Only Yoon-woo is qualified, but if he doesn’t know it, Hye-rim should tell him.

But was it the limit of an 11-year-old child’s brain?

Hye-rim unknowingly quoted her homeroom teacher who thought she was stupid.

“Yoon-woo, did you hear the teacher? Yoon-woo must love Yoon-woo too!”

After listening to Hye-rim, Yoon-woo’s face, which was normally gentle, was distorted.

Yoon-woo stared Hye-rim in the eye with a distorted expression.

Yoon-woo’s eyes glaring at Hye-rim were red and tears formed.

Yoon-woo usually nods his head and turns around without a facial expression. So Hye-rim was curious to see another expression of Yoon-woo, but his new expression happened to be that of anger.….

Yoon-woo said, ” I already loved myself very much. Can Hye-rim love me too? Do you want to go out with me?” But Hye-rim was not a fool.

She couldn’t help but understand that Yoon-woo was sarcastic about Hye-rim.

She was so sad that those stupid chimpanzees made Yoon-woo so angry that he couldn’t stand it for the first time.

Her heart ached. She imagined every night that a word of love might come out of Yoon-woo’s mouth, but the word Hye-rim imagined now became a sharp thorn and poked Hye-rim’s heart.

Hye-rim thought she should resolve the misunderstanding, but she couldn’t speak and tears of sadness and guilt burst out of her eyes.

Chimpanzees who gathered in no time started bothering Yoon-woo again.

I have to protect Yoon-woo who didn’t do anything wrong, but my tears didn’t stop.

It seemed that her voice would not reach Yoon-woo’s ears.

At this moment, isn’t Hye-rim the person Yoon-woo hates the most in the world?

Thinking like that, Hye-rim felt like she was the loneliest person in the world.

And that’s what happened. Since then, Yoon-woo has never tried to make eye contact with Hye-rim, and ran away whenever Hye-rim showed signs of trying to talk to him.

Yoon-woo, Hye-rim’s favourite, never came close to Hye-rim, and a group of abominable chimpanzees constantly rushed to Hye-rim.

Every day was disgusting and I felt like throwing up.

No matter how hard I think about it, I should have put an iron plate on my face while facing Yoon-woo’s anger, and told him that ‘okay, I also like Yoon-woo, so let’s go out.’

If that were the case, I would have relieved Yoon-woo’s anger and have been at least a friend with him.

After being close friends for years, Yoon-woo might have liked me…….

About 10 years have passed since then. However, as time went by, her surroundings were full of chimpanzees.

Hye-rim now understood that it was an act that resulted from their desires to mate.

But after getting accepted to college, wouldn’t men and women be gentle and elegant if they were in the business department of high school? I thought about it.

Among self-appealing things between chimpanzees, the weight of educational background and wealth has only increased.

At the beginning of the semester, it was said to be a good practice for a senior to buy a meal for his juniors to get along and make juniors comfortable with college environment, but when a male senior who bought a meal for another junior yesterday said he would buy a VIPS for Hye-rim, the explicit desire was visible.

If you accept a proposal based on such blatant desires, it is surprisingly Hye-rim, not her senior, who’ll get insulted.

In fact, someone will curse you even if you don’t accept it, but if you’re going to be cursed the same way, I just wanted to live comfortably.

I’m not a beggar. What are you trying to seduce me with?

Besides, there are so many people who want to go out to buy ice cream for her.

Why is it ice cream everywhere? Who decided that ice-cream is only for dates? I thought about following someone who wants to eat rice soup when he comes out of class, but there was no one like that.

As there are so many men who openly flirt with Hye-rim, there are more women who talk behind Hye-rim’s back.

Such a thing has always existed since a long time ago regardless of how Hye-rim acts.

Hye-rim didn’t want to be involved in the politics of the department, which exists secretly, and there was no one who wanted to hang out with her.

So, I didn’t hang out with people unless it was a group meeting that the university urged her to attend, and Hye-rim was a good prey for anyone to bite.

Of course, everyone pretended to be close in front of Hye-rim, but they couldn’t help but be cautious.

Some started talking behind Hye-rim’s back, saying, ”She talked behind your back.”

Do you think telling Hye-rim about things like that creates special trust with Hye-rim? What kind of human kingdom is this?

I’m sick and tired of relationships.

Still, I made a friend whom I could call after coming to college.

It was Yoo Ji-eun, who is one year older.

When Hye-rim, who was sick of human beings, briefly joined a movie appreciation club and withdrew from the ongoing club due to continuous drinking parties. It was the only remaining relationship.

Although she is older than me, Ji-eun, who is less than 150 cm tall and has a small physique, was a person who never gossiped about others, but moreover, she never talked about people who were near her.

She moved on to Ghibli, Pixar, and Disney topics whenever she had the chance.

Ji-eun wasn’t gorgeous, but she had a small face, a skinny figure, and an innocent look like a porori in Bonobono.
[ T/N: Bonobono is anime mainly for children with cute animals.Porori is a cute pink squirrel in that anime ]

But unlike her appearance, she loved drinking a lot.

There were quite a few men who liked to drink and tried to flirt with Ji-eun because of her friendly impression that seemed easy to approach, but Ji-eun didn’t drink with such men.

Ji-eun only had animation movies in her head.

One day in the club room, she was crying while looking at her laptop alone, so I checked what she was looking at and it was “Inside Out.”

“Hey, didn’t you see that already?”

“This is the ninth time.”

“And are you still crying?”

“Of course.”

Once again, a can of beer was crushed in the corner of the table. It was 1 p.m. on weekdays.

In a way, she was the closest person to the essence of the movie club.

The essence of this club is that only 2 out of 10 are movies and the other 8 are drinks.

Perhaps that’s why, when Hye-rim met Ji-eun for the first time, Ji-eun was single. Ji-eun is single even now.

Hye-rim also liked Ji-eun’s personality, who doesn’t talk about others recklessly, but Hye-rim also liked Ghibli movies quite a lot, so she and Ji-eun talked quite well.

In fact, Hye-rim also watched “Spirited Away” about six times. If there is a Lunar New Year special or a movie channel airing something interesting, they have watched it, so that’s probably enough to suit the club’s name.

Hye-rim liked the character Haku the most in the movie ”Spirited Away”.

Haku, who helps Chihiro, the heroine, has a beautiful appearance, but he also has a beautiful heart to continue to help Chihiro secretly without presenting himself.

So Haku reminded me of Yoon-woo when I was young.

He seemed to resemble Yoon-woo who suffered because of having a curse on his body.

In fact, I talked about Yoon-woo to Ji-eun when I was drunk, and she also wanted to hear more about Yoon-woo’s childhood, saying that if there was someone like that, she would really like to meet him.

But it was Hye-rim who really wanted to meet Yoon-woo.

“Lee Yoon-woo, economics major.”

“Yes.”

“Lee Yoon-woo, is there any student?”

“Yes! Here it is.”

It was the Modern Business School class in the week after the class registration correction period ended.

The professor called the entire attendance for the first time, and Hye-rim heard the name she had missed so much in her ear.

Yoon-woo was not a very common name, but it was not a very unusual name, so there was a good chance that he would have the same name.

But that voice. Hye-rim was able to hear his voice clearly because he answered twice as the first time was not audible to the Bolivian professor.

Even though it’s a mid- to low-pitched male voice, it’s much softer and has a good echo.

Hye-rim was familiar with the voice.

Lee Yoon-woo, a fourth grader in elementary school, will have exactly that voice when he becomes an adult after his voice changes.

Ten years is not as long as I thought.

Hye-rim still clearly remembered young Yoon-woo’s voice because she has been repeating it over and over again in her head.

I checked the designated seat attached by the professor on the back door of the lecture room, and Lee Yoon-woo’s name was just to the left of Hye-rim.

If this Lee Yoon-woo is that Lee Yoon-woo……isn’t this fate? Isn’t it God’s will?

Hye-rim thought so.

After announcing a designated seat in a modern business class on Monday, Hye-rim left home expecting to see Yoon-woo’s face on Wednesday, the next class.

Coincidentally, Hye-rim was able to meet Yoon-woo before the fifth period of modern business administration class.

In the second class of economics major, a Bolivian professor who can’t pronounce Korean properly called for attendance and said, “Lee…… Yeon…… Yoon…who?”
Because Hye-rim was used to the voice of a man who answered “here” to this, she knew quickly that it was Yoon-woo.

It was a small lecture room, so I could check his face right away.

Although he became a little manly, Yoon-woo’s face, which was like an angel in his childhood, remained intact.

He was the Yoon-woo she knew.

Modern business hours have become the most fruitful time for her.

An hour and 15 minutes each Monday and Wednesday, a total of two and a half hours to look at Yoon-woo, and even Yoon-woo fell asleep instantly when the class started, so there was no fear of getting caught.

On the first day of sitting next to Yoon-woo, Hye-rim pretended to be asleep before Yoon-woo fell asleep, fearing that he might notice her peeking at him.

There was also a concern that Yoon-woo might be taking this class with a special passion, but fortunately, Yoon-woo was not that enthusiastic about the class.

Hye-rim looked at Yoon-woo’s eyes, nose, mouth, ears, and curves from neck to shoulder one by one, slowly observing what he looked like and what changed from the past that she remembered.

Yoon-woo’s chest muscles protruded differently from when he was young, his elastic arm muscles also have white skin like when he was young.

I thought about touching it while he was sleeping, but this time, I shouldn’t make mistakes like when I was young.

This time, Hye-rim wanted to be close to Yoon-woo unconditionally.

I thought about how to approach Yoon-woo for several days, but an unexpected opportunity came.

The professor asked us to find a team to solve the problem together in the Economics principle class.

The Economics principle class was also recommended to students of business administration, but Hye-rim, who was tired of human relationships with her peers in the same department, purposely applied for a science campus class that she didn’t know anyone.

She applied at the end of the correction period so that no one knows. It was an excellent choice.

As soon as the professor gave her time to form a team for this assignment, Hye-rim ran straight to Yoon-woo and said,

“Hey, you’re taking a modern business class, aren’t you?”

There was no benefit in revealing that Hye-rim was the same person as Cho Hye-rim, a fourth grader in elementary school.

In Yoon-woo’s memory, Hye-rim must have been remembered as a painful wound.

It was regrettable that I couldn’t say what I had to say to Yoon-woo because I was crying.

If I could, I would’ve slapped myself for crying at the time.

So Hye-rim approached Yoon-woo as if she had just met Yoon-woo for the first time, as if she had happened to learn his face in a business class.

It’s rare for a single person to come to this classroom, where most of the students in the Department of Food Resources Economics are studying, so it wouldn’t be too unnatural to come to see Yoon-woo from afar, right?

But if Yoon-woo still remembers Hye-rim, then…….

“Oh…… Yes……….”

Yoon-woo’s face was filled with embarrassment, but fortunately, he did not reject Hye-rim’s suggestion to be in the same group.

He didn’t seem to notice that Hye-rim was that fourth grader from elementary school. It was fortunate, but on the other hand, it was also disappointing.

Still, this is the first opportunity in 10 years.

I finally said something I couldn’t say 10 years ago because I got close to Yoon-woo.…. In the midst of thinking so, some greasy-looking brute tried to intervene so I chased him away.

Whenever Hye-rim approaches Yoon-woo, animal cubs always disturb him.

Hye-rim no longer wanted to mess things up by paying attention to such obstacles.

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