Playboy Cultivator in the Apocalypse

"This is against our orders, Vincent." Varis warned, watching a large group of cultivators flying over the mountaintop.

It was 5 am, and the sunlight barely began to peek over the horizon, glittering the water with false jewels. From the air, the cultivators felt like they were dropping into a treasure trove.

Fifty landed in a group of over one hundred, wearing white togas. Everyone was in a good mood as they awaited the words of their unofficial leader.

"Relax, Varis." Vincent said, putting a cowboy hat over his brown, braided hair, "We're living out a pivotal moment in the war that has been raging for over a century. A lot of people have gone through hell so we could rush in and steal the limelight—not seizing it would be a waste, you know?"

"That's absurd, Vincent." Varis replied, his face contorting in a twisted scowl, "This is how our page gets erased because we got detained for insubordination."

"Not if we face a mortal threat and band together to face it." The relaxed man grinned gleefully, testing out the hat in amazement. "Amy turned traitor and revealed our locations; we have no choice but to face the enemy."

"We don't even know if she's a traitor, so stop saying that!" The long-haired cultivator snapped.

"No, [you] don't know she's a traitor," Vincent replied with a sharp glint in his eyes, "The other 127 cultivators involved in this operation are in consensus."

Varis overlooked the mass of cultivators. Ten Heaven Realm cultivators were in each group, and three bases had joined thus far. Therefore, there were 39 high-level cultivators, and around 160 Sky Realm cultivators, save for mandatory roles, Amy, and two who went missing. It was an army within the Mortal Plane—and against the rules.

"Eyyyyyo!" A teen with maroon hair yelled out. "Can we go now? Something's finally happening in this hell hole, and it needs to hurry up."

"Soon, Mars." Vincent chuckled, "We're just waiting for the last group. They shouldn't take too long; they're just checking out the leader's location."

"We know who their leader is?" A brunette asked, walking up. She had thin braids, tightly woven on the right side of her head and wrapping around her left shoulder.

"No, not exactly, Roxy." He replied, "Our scout detected the cultivation pressure of a Cultivation Lord last night. Whoever it was, it flew east; that's why the eastern team is scouting to the northwest.

Unfortunately, they were moving very fast, and then their presence disappeared. From the account, it seemed like they had just vanished."

"A Cultivation Lord!?" Varis asked, "Are you sure!? Does that mean that Mary is—"

"Calm down." Vincent replied dryly, "We're uncertain whether it's Mary, Crux, or someone equally strong. That's why we're investigating."

"Please let me search for her!" The long-haired man said, "If we can get her back, this entire operation will end immediately."

"Now, look who's breaking the rules." Elsa scoffed, curling her brunette hair around a finger, "It doesn't matter to me. As long as we can wrap this shit up, I'm okay with it."

Everyone ignored the woman, half-sneering at her response.

A long stick of jade in Vincent's toga's breast pocket glowed light green, and he picked it up, activating it with Qi. A female voice resounded from the other end. On Earth, the phenomenon was similar to a phone call; however, it used a cultivation technique to transmit vocal waves to a second jade slip and then a technique on the receiving end to decode and amplify the sound.

"Major Ramble, there is movement from the mountain base."

"Who's entering or leaving, Private Respie?" Major Vincent Ramble replied dryly.
"It's… just a bunch of kids, sir." She replied hesitantly.

"Be candid with me, Rena." Vincent scoffed, "Describe them in detail."

"Well… it's one man around eighteen with short black hair, wearing a strange light pink shirt….." Rena replied in a near trance, "I can't see him close, but his appearance is… perfect. I think that he might—"

"Stop ogling him!" He snapped, "Who's he with?"

The woman was embarrassed but hesitant to proceed without further description. However, he didn't catch her insistence, so she gave in and continued.

"He's with five other women of varying ages." Rena replied, "Two are his age, a redhead who is a few years older, one's significantly older, and one is hidden behind a pink parasol. They seem to be… sunbathing?"

"Excuse me, what?" Vincent asked, thinking he had misheard her.

"Sunbathing." She reiterated, "Aside from the woman who I can't see, they're all in what appear to be undergarments, rubbing oil on their skin. It's hard to see, as I'm flying quite high above them."

Mars and some of the men started snickering and high-fiving. No one in the sky plane would be caught dead wearing bikinis, so they were stoked that they might see women in their skivvies.

"What… is the purpose of sunbathing?" He asked with a face that had ceased motor function.

"To improve skin complexion…." Rena said embarrassedly, "Otherwise, it serves no purpose other than for comfort and relaxation."

"Relaxation?" Vincent chuckled in bewilderment, "How could they possibly be relaxing out here? How refined is their breathing?"

"That's hard to tell, sir…." She replied, "There's some type of distortion that is preventing me from seeing their breathing. It's strange to look at."

The major closed his eyes, trying to determine what to do about the strange group. However, he didn't have long to decide before new info came in.

"Sir!" Rena yapped, "They seem to be running… no, jogging… down the mountain. They're very fast, hitting a T… they're going west!"

His eyes widened in bewilderment, hearing how fast the shift had happened.

"Jogging or running?" Vincent snapped, "Which is it?"

"I-It's… visibly jogging…." She swallowed nervously.

"But?" He scoffed, "Speak clearly!"

"I'm not sure I can run that fast…." Rena replied.

"Are they training?" He asked confusedly.

"I don't think so…." She replied, "They're not running with form; it's like they're… frolicking through the woods? I know it's ridiculous, but they're giggling and waving their hands around."

Vincent opened and closed his mouth, realizing he had no questions or comments that would provide any degree of value. "Very well, keep an eye on them and report back in ten-minute intervals."

"Yes, sir!" Rena replied firmly, sounding like a serious soldier for the first time since the conversation began.

***

"Report in soldier." The major ordered, speaking into his jade slip.

"Y-Yes!" The private saluted vocally, "Right now, they're moving west at the same pace they were at the start. They're around 80 miles northeast of the Sanctuary."

"Why do you sound so conflicted?" Vincent asked with narrowed eyes, "What are they doing differently?"

"I…." Rena swallowed nervously, "It appears like they're playing [don't touch the lava] while moving. They're jumping from metal carriages and other objects, avoiding the ground as if their lives depended on it."

"Why would you not disclose that fact, soldier!?" He snapped aggressively, "That ground might be trapped with techniques or strange mortal technology!"

"M-My apologies, sir…." She stammered, "It's just… they have hit the ground multiple times, but nothing has happened. However, the person that touched get super flustered while the others giggle; that's why I called it a game…."

Vincent closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Keep me updated; that's all, soldier."


"Y-Yes, sir!" Rena replied with awkward resolve.

***

"What is it this time, Rena?" The major growled, incapable of waiting for the status report.

The private swallowed on the other end, feeling his aggressive pressure seeping through the other line. Every report had left his face twitching involuntarily.

"They're eating what appears to be tiny rice balls with something inside them," Rena replied, "They have multiple sauces for it, and strange drinks in cute containers—"

"That will be all!" He snapped.

***

"Speak." Vincent exhaled coldly.

"The group is twenty miles to the north of the Sanctuary now." Rena replied after a sharp breath, "The pink-haired woman is sitting on the man's shoulders, attacking the others with Slash Attacks while the other women rush her. It seems like... they're playing king of the hill?

I feel it's important to note that man's reflexes are—"

"Enough!" He roared, ignoring her strange tone, "These people have required me and countless others to remain stationary during our glorious narrative so they can play children's games! Varis, mobilize a group of cultivators to intercept them at once!"

Varis' eyes widened in bewilderment. "Major Ramble! With all due respect, we cannot interfere with—"

"A large force is circling them to get to their base as we speak." The major scoffed, "Stop treating them like they're trial candidates. Do you understand, Captain Hood?"

"...." Captain Varis Hood stayed silent, against his superior officer's orders.

"I said, do you understand, Captain Hood?" Vincent growled, "Or do you seek a reprimand for insubordination during a serious operation?"

"Understood, Major." The captain replied bitterly.

"Good, now go." The major scoffed, "Confront those idiots and figure out what they're doing. Once you finish interrogating them—kill them and leave no evidence. We can't have them tipping off their base about the operation or complaining about foul treatment if we decide to negotiate later."

"Understood." Varis said coldly, walking out of the room, wrath flickering in his eyes.