Playboy Cultivator in the Apocalypse

Jake's eyes lit up when the emperor asked him to lead him somewhere they could post the video. He didn't have friends, so he enthusiastically led Kaze to his dorm room, filled with action figures and posters of his favorite bands.

"I'm sorry I don't have another chair." Jake apologized awkwardly while motioning to his bed.

Kaze closed his eyes and sat on the bed, triggering horrifying memories of his dark past. He had things to do and not enough time, so he begrudgingly accepted.

Jake opened his laptop and connected his phone, opening internet tabs of different social media sites.

"What should we call the video?" He asked.

The emperor closed his eyes and let his mind go through countless combinations, weighing the pros and cons of each. It needed to go viral, so it was of utmost importance.

"How about… [Three men narrowly escape death after offending an immortal]?" Kaze asked after a period of thought.

Jake's eyes widened under his square framed glasses, reflecting the video on his screen.

"Ummm… no. That won't go so well." He replied timidly.

Kaze took a deep breath. "What about [three men learn that there are people they can't afford to offend]?"

The geeky man swallowed nervously, afraid to contradict the arrogant young man on his bed.

"If you don't like it, then voice your opinion. This video is of tantamount urgency, and I will consult my advisors with diligence and discretion." The emperor asserted.

"I… don't think that will work either." Jake replied.

"If you dislike a proposal, you offer one of your own." Kaze seethed while rubbing his temples, restraining his desire to punish the man for his incompetency.

"Y-Yes. What about [geek thrashes three jocks in self-defense]—"

The emperor's eyebrow twitched violently at the insinuation that he, the emperor of the Immortal Plane, was a "geek."

"—[while defending a woman's honor]."

Kaze's eyes widened. "I suppose that will have to do."

Jake smiled, knowing his words got through to the man. He immediately set to work, uploading the video on eight different sites. When he was done, he turned to the man sitting on his bed.

"It's done. Now, we wait." He said with a smile.

Hundreds of views started ticking up on the top sites in less than a minute. Comments started pouring in.

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Geek Thrashes Three Jocks In Self-Defense While Defending a Woman's Honor

Views: 2,183 | +312

Date: June 2nd, 2032

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marxs_warning: This is internet royalty! | +124

Alpaca_Lover69: Wait. Isn't that Scrawn Fu? | +102

— Juan_Rodriguez: From the Lost Emperor video? I think it is! The dude's going on a rampage today hahaha | +88

— Anonymous: That's him. But where's the dick on his face? | +33

—— Alpaca_Lover69: I think he must have washed it. Not like it helped his appearance much lol | +15

——— Badbitch_no1: Lololol. Bro, what's up with putting 69, lover, and alpaca in a username? | +22

———— Alpaca_Lover69: There were 68 other alpaca lovers. How many basic women were there that required you to use the word "bad"? | +138

Whitney_Riles: Wait, isn't that Evalyn!? | +31

— Sarah_Roberts1: No way! You're right! | +22

— Rich_Boy25: Kek. It definitely is. Look at her face; she's looking hella thirsty | +21

— Mary_Stephenson: Does anyone have her username? We need to send this to her! | +88

—— Sarah_Roberts1: I'm on it! We need the full story! | +73

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"Brooooooo! This video is on fire!" Jake exclaimed.

"Of course it is. There's nothing more engaging than raw power. It never ceases to—" Kaze stopped speaking when he got up and began reading some of the comments.

His new nickname filled him with murderous rage. "Who is this Alpaca_Lover69? Take me to him, immediately! We must make an example of those who use such treasonous names!"

"I-It's anonymous. We don't know…." Jake stuttered with wide eyes.

Kaze took a deep breath and closed his eyes again.

"Oh, yes. The internet." He chuckled in madness.

"Far more convenient than jade slips, but exponentially more damaging.

It doesn't matter, as there isn't time. Now take me home and pick me up at 7 am sharp.

Salons will shut down temporarily tomorrow after the gate to the [Sky Plane] opens at 5 pm."

"You want me to come?" Jake asked nervously.

"Of course. I cannot have my aid looking like a third-grade jester on the Moral Plane." The emperor scoffed.

"I… see. Okay, I'll call a shuttle."Jake said in disbelief while opening an app on his phone.

He took Kaze home with a bewildered look on his face and patiently waited as the emperor cultivated to remember how to get into his room.

When Kaze finally entered it, he shut off the lights and entered the lotus position.

"I must, without fail, improve my image." He declared, "Dual cultivation is the fastest and most agreeable path toward power. And while I loathe to do it, I must multitask and make money while I'm at it."

June 2nd, 2032 | 20 Days Remaining

At 7:00 am the next day, Jake picked up the emperor in a shuttle, and the two went shopping. It was a surreal experience for Jake, who underwent a full transformation.

While the emperor was an arrogant, ruthless bully, he was also kind in his own way.

"Are you blind? This man might be an ignorant commoner, but he's my associate, and you'll treat him with respect." Kaze snapped at a tailor, "Now give him clothing recommendations that suit a man of stature, not coddle him to empty his pockets."

The tailor trembled in shock and immediately set back to work.

"No level of power or wealth will change women's perception of you if you wear that." Kaze told Jake at another store, "Try again and mean it."

"R-Right." The geeky man replied, putting down a bowtie with a lukewarm smile. While he was spending thousands, he was glad he was getting real advice. So every purchase and insult was worth it in his eyes.

The two went to a hairstylist. "K-Kaze. Won't women… laugh at me with this haircut?"

Kaze closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Until you learn basic decency, you should assume everything you do is disagreeable and do the opposite."

Jake nodded hesitantly, looking at a picture of a haircut meant for rich businessmen. He always believed such a haircut would make him look square. Now he was to get one.

Kaze called out to a stylist in the back of the room on her phone.

"Hello, love. I know you're on break, but you're the most beautiful person here. Might I ask you to be the one to cut my hair?" He asked with a charming voice.

"I only trust women of taste to style me. As you can see, the last stylist was wrought with lunacy, so I'm seeking only the best."

The redhead with lush curly hair and green eyes looked up in astonishment. As if drawn by a magnetic force, she put her phone back in her purse and walked up.

"I… yes. I can do that for you. What are you looking for today?" She asked.

Kaze took the book from Jake's hand and showed her the picture.

"Like this, love. But if you can taper the sides to mid-length, I'd appreciate it." He explained, "That way, it can grow out properly in the months ahead."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "That would look… really good on you… anyone, really."

Jake's eyes widened in bewilderment after getting confirmation on the haircut.

"I'm glad you know taste when you see it." Kaze said with a charming smile, "Now there isn't much time. There's much to do before 5 pm this afternoon."

"What are you doing later? Do you have a party?" The stylist asked while leading him to a chair.

"I begin my road to power." Kaze declared with a slight smile, "So I must look good to attract as many ladies as possible."