Chapter 5

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Vivian’s POV

I froze the moment I saw the painting.

Thick and fast brushstrokes connected together to form the completed painting, which I looked at vacantly.

I was in the painting.

With fluttering rosy pink hair, it was a painting of me dancing at a small festival in town.

Like a festival, there were many people on the canvas, but they were either blurred or small, and I was clearly in the middle, as if only I was the main character, 

The colours of both the dress I wore and the flower blooming next to me were distinct and intense, filled with vibrancy unique to festivals. However, the pastel colour covering the entire canvas in thick brush strokes made the painting vague, as if the subjects of the painting were about to disappear.

“Isn’t it amazing? Just looking at the painting, I can tell that this must be the center of the festival. I can hear the melody, and you’re dancing over there.”

Edmund held his breath for a moment.

“Just like that, I looked at you.”

Ahh. 

As I swept my forehead with my fingertips and gave out a sigh-like exhale. Edmund continued to speak without knowing about my condition.

 

“I don’t know what kind of moment it was. But, I think I can understand. How sunny that day was, how good the breeze felt, how happy you were.”

As I listened to his whisper, it was as if I had immersed myself into the feelings within that painting. Hair floating in the air shone white in the sun, evident of the vibrancy of an early summer festival.

“Smiling so brightly like that…”

He trailed off at the end and soon after began to mutter. 

“I was strangely enthralled by you with that expression. And long for it. Even if it’s just once, I want to go into that moment when you had smiled like that. I hoped that you would smile like that.”

But now, you’re right by my side. I couldn’t even hear the sound of his whispering clearly.

The one in the middle of that painting that anyone would be able to tell was smiling merrily was me. That’s right. 

I wonder how hard I had clenched my fist that all the joints of my fingers hurt. 

“…I, I know that painting.”

Tears might flow out if I wasn’t careful, so I spoke while suppressing my feelings. As the hand that was brushing against my forehead trailed downwards to my eye, I used the back of my hand to gently press on an eyelid.

I still remember that day.

But I don’t know why had Sister drew that.

“You remember it?”

“When I was eighteen.”

I really don’t know.

I took one step closer towards the painting.

Eighteen.

It has been two years since that incident. The song for dancing that I heard, along with the bustling town, and the jubilant atmosphere reappeared before my eyes once again. 

But the moment from my memories wasn’t a sparkling and joyful moment like the painting that’s drawn by my sister. 

Generally, my older sister was scary, but that day she was exceptionally so. Even now, the memory of that time still remains clear. 

Edmund’s gaze was filled with anticipation, but I was unable to speak out the words that he was hoping for. I pressed the other eye with my other hand.

This was a deception. How could Sister draw it like that?

“It was my birthday, but something big had happened in my family. So Father went up to the capital in a hurry, and Sister wasn’t in the mansion. Since I’m an illegitimate child, I’m not particularly welcomed wherever I went, so that day I was left in the mansion alone.”

I continued to speak without taking my eyes off the painting. Although I felt like I was about to cry, my voice was calmer than I had thought.

“But I felt a little disappointed on that day. It was still my birthday, after all. I didn’t want to stay in the mansion, where no one cared for me. It just so happened that there was a festival going on outside, so I just left the mansion quietly.”

“If you disappear, won’t others find out that you’re missing right away?”

“No, not for me.”

Isn’t that the fate of all illegitimate children?

As he listened to me speak, Edmund’s expression hardened. He opened his mouth slightly, as if he was about to say something. I passed by him, and took another step towards the painting.

As I liked my sister’s atelier, I would play in it often, but the paintings would always be covered with cloth or turned to the back so that I couldn’t see them.

“When a festival is mentioned, wouldn’t it have a unique atmosphere? It was a day that’s no different from usual, but I was oddly excited for some reason. I was just feeling like that.”

As I liked the music playing in the town, I started to dance inadvertently. 

I could act like that because no one knew that I was a Summer or that I was an illegitimate child.

But my sister didn’t like it when I did that. It was precisely because of that that I was excluded from high society, which was frustrating.

So I could only leave the mansion when my sister was away for a long time.

“I hadn’t planned to play to that extent, but it was much more fun than I had thought, so I just danced and had fun.”

I didn’t know Sister drew that scene.

“You said Sasha wasn’t there.”

“…….”

Edmund had raised a valid question.

It was a perfect birthday until that moment. It was much more blissful than my birthday when I was fifteen, where I had to forcibly eat a slice of cake for my sister to see. 

“Sister returned earlier than scheduled. Apparently she was looking for me, but when she didn’t find me in my room, she released the servants in search of me.”

“She was worried…”

“I was reprimanded, and it seems that I’d heard everything I could’ve heard. Vivian Summers, think about the weight of your name.”

Have I ever been looked upon favourably by my sister?

“Even now, I can’t forget those eyes.”

Sister doesn’t like me.

She said that I made her bitterly disappointed. It was because I did not achieve anything even when I had the blood that Sister was proud of. If I was lacking in talent, I should have worked harder, but I didn’t do that.

 “Vivian Summers. Is the name of Summers heavy?”

“It’s not…”

‘You’d speak with honorifics when you’re at a disadvantage. Just speak comfortably. I’ve never turned a blind eye just because you’re speaking respectfully.’

“…….”

“Let me know if you feel that the name of Summers is too much for you. It’s hard to enter this family, but it’s easy to leave.”

My sister’s hardened face before my eyes, with the family knights and mages behind her, was still as clear as day.

“If it weren’t for Summers, you wouldn’t have been here because you died a long time ago.’

“…I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care what you do within the mansion. Do you think I don’t know that you would come up to my atelier whenever I’m not present? I’m aware, but I just let it go. It’s a different story when you’re outside, Vivian.”

It has already been a few years since the events of that day, and in the meantime 200 years passed since I had died. But I couldn’t forget it.

“I didn’t know that there was such a story.”

I glanced briefly at Edmund, who spoke in a low voice. 

 “Don’t make me regret the day I fetched you.”

Yeah. I was definitely impacted by that. 

Thump, thump.

The sound of my beating heart was unpleasant.

“Why did Sister paint me from that day?”

I’m upset. Why did Sister paint a painting like this?

Why did I come here? I had been worrying about this ever since I had fallen here.

There was a phrase used commonly amongst mages.

Through careful manipulation, the entire event would be magically realised at a place that no one would expect it to. From the beginning, something like coincidences or miracles doesn’t exist. 

I’d been constantly thinking whether or not there was a special meaning for me to fall here like this in my unfamiliar room. 

But now, it has become confusing.

‘Did you actually watch me smile like that? Did you think I was that happy?’

Didn’t Sister admonish me? 

‘If you dare to carry the name of Summers, live up to it. Don’t create situations where I have to pay attention to you. Don’t make me regret my choice the day I had fetched you from the back alley.’

Sister has always been like that towards me. You hated those types of appearances the most.

After going through numerous questions, the question that was raised again was the same as my first.

Why did I fall here, into this era in particular?

“–Vivian.”

“…Hmm?”

As I felt suffocated from the numerous questions running around in my head, it was a touch holding my shoulder and a low voice that dragged me back to reality. 

“Are you alright?”

“…….”

When I didn’t answer, there was a subtle crack in his expression, which always contained a soft smile. He pulled me closer naturally, before bowing his head to speak softly by my ear.

“I apologise for this situation. I think that we should leave now.”

At his words, the murmuring around us that wasn’t clear before could be heard more detailedly.

“She looks exactly like Vivian Summers.”

“Who’s that?”

“The person beside her seems to be Edmund Deer.”

“Oh, that collector of Sasha’s works?”

“…How incredible. Because he liked her so much, he’d save someone that looks exactly like her?”

“That can’t be.”

Everyone seemed to be looking over at this side.

Why did I recall those memories after managing to get a glimpse of the painting? It was alright up until a few moments ago, but their gazes became stinging the moment I was aware of them. In such a situation, their pouring gazes were a little burdensome. 

“It’s okay.”

He spoke in a whisper. I hesitated for a moment before placing my hand on his outstretched hand that was beckoning. Just as my hand touched his lightly, Edmund held my hand firmly. 

Perhaps it was because he was aware of my condition, Edmund stepped forward while I was almost in his embrace. Others couldn’t see me as I was in Edmund’s arms, so I relied on him to walk. 

After leaving the exhibition room, I finally released the breath that I was holding. 

I had thought that I could get an answer by looking at Sister’s painting of me, but it felt like I’d returned with only more questions.

I shook off Edmund, who hurriedly held me as I faltered. My legs trembled as if I was about to collapse instantly. But this isn’t a place where I could collapse.

“I want to go back.”

“To where?”

Edmund hurriedly grabbed me by the shoulders. The strength in his grip was higher than usual. But I didn’t even have the mind to point that out.

“Home.”

Only then did Edmund release his hand and take a step back. I covered my eyes with the back of my hand.

“I really don’t know Sister.”

Perhaps my sister was the one that hasn’t changed most within the past 200 years. She makes me cry here, too.

I’m still afraid of Sister, yet I still love her. 

And I don’t know.

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