Ch3 - What’s wrong, little grasshopper

“Daddy, work! It’s time for work!” System’s mechanical tones sounded in Xie Huaian’s head. “This is a smart work reminder: System has detected that the current world deviation value has not fluctuated for 72 hours. Please strive hard to create a beautiful new world!”

“So noisy,” Xie Huaian yawned sleepily. 

The System continued its sales pitch, unaffected. “The current world deviation value is 145622421.49. The newbie discount will unlock complete forecast capabilities after a decrease of just 2000.00 points. Upgrading to the next level will only require a reduction value of 34562.24 points!”

“Together with this System, let’s chant the password to wealth. One, two: to develop Great Jing well, lower deviation values are swell, the lower the values go, the stronger the System grows. It’s not a dream to reach life’s peak, the chance to leave your name in history is right before your eyes!”

“Uh-huh, mhm, good, fine, go away,” Xie Huaian said perfunctorily.

The rear courtyard of Orchid Pool Palace was full of winding paths and fake rockery, short waterfalls and lotus ponds, water pavilions and flowers planted everywhere. Xie Huaian reclined on his side on the soft couch and tore multiple banana leaves while listening to the System nag. His onion-white fingers soon weaved a rudimentary grasshopper out of the plants. 

“Tem ah, you can do so little despite painting such a big pie in the sky,” Xie Huaian pinched the grasshopper in mid-air to trace a big circle, then pressed its head to draw a smaller circle. 

“I’ve already given big discounts and even unlocked the weather forecast ability.” The System never spoke usually, only coming out to remind him to do his mission or broadcast the weather. The forecast was divided into three parts. First it would report temperature and precipitation, then the astrological moon phase, and finally specific weather around different regions. Although it claimed to be a national weather forecast, it always stopped after reaching the capital city Zhaoge without mentioning other cities.

“Dear, work hard! Don’t question it. If you do, the reason is insufficient energy values,” System said and went offline. 

“Miser,” Xie Huaian puffed his cheeks. 

His plan to recover his memories had completely failed over the past seven days. Besides weaving grasshoppers and a faint impression of some four-stringed “zither,” he couldn’t remember anything else. The instrument he’d gotten only had two strings and should be called an erhu. When he played according to his instincts, the sounds were simply the ghastly cries of gods and ghosts. This made pretending to be a soothsayer rather difficult. Once the little emperor asked him to predict lifelines, draw charms, or perform alchemy, he wouldn’t know a thing. 

He could just fool him by predicting the weather, but it was troublesome just thinking of dealing with a puppet emperor. So…better to lie down a bit. Resting was still part of preparing for work. 

Xie Huaian turned over and peacefully placed his chin on a soft pillow, ready to take a nap. The light of the setting sun shone through his thin eyelids and reflected a ruddy glow. 

“Light pollution,” Xie Huaian creased his brows and buried his face into the pillow, turning his vision pitch-black.  

The skies of the Jing Dynasty were red. Their hue was palest in the early morning, but grew more and more intense with the day. Currently it was evening, and the blood-red sunset enveloped the dark, high gray palace walls. Even the sparkling pool of water in front of the pavilion was gilded with an ominous glow. Perhaps remnants of the poison wine were still in his system, or perhaps the System’s weather forecasts were too exhausting, but Xie Huaian soon dozed off.

He was stirred from his slumber by the sound of drums. There seemed to be a procession heading towards Orchid Pool Palace, marching at a neat, stiff pace.

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

No, this isn’t a dream!

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By the time he repositioned himself on the couch, a group of soldiers had entered the rear courtyard of Orchid Pool Palace. All of them were fully armored and wearing hideous golden masks, carrying an aura of death as they flanked both sides of the path. Under their oppressive air, Hong Yao strolled past the garden’s moon gate.

He was dressed in dark robes of auspicious cloud-patterned brocade. His right hand held a golden cage like a rich man returning from a pleasure trip, stepping past the blood-red sunset to seek out his lover. Xie Huaian took a light breath before greeting him from far away with a weak, willow-like bow. He had taken off his hair crown before resting, so now soft black hair spilled about him in waves, covering the smoky tulle of his robes. 

“Your Majesty,” Xie Huaian said while stealing a peek at Hong Yao. 

“Why has shijun gotten up? Lie back down and rest.” Hong Yao said as he eagerly stepped on the bridge leading to the water pavilion, but Xie Huaian saw the familiar smile that wasn’t a smile on his face.  

Where have I seen it before? He thought back.

Oh, right. When I first came back from the dead, Hong Yao was holding an empty cup of wine and asking if I wanted another drink with the same exact grin. The rotting flesh of the bloody head in the brocade box still haunted Xie Huaian’s nightmares to this day. He held back the urge to vomit and revealed a soft smile, bare feet stepping across the stone floor warmed by summer sun to take Hong Yao’s arm. 

But he didn’t even touch the teen before Hong Yao turned to avoid him, taking out a pair of fine silk gloves from his belt. He put them on, stretched his fingers, and finally made contact with Xie Huaian’s hand. The touch was fleeting at best, and only done to push him aside.

Xie Huaian’s smile stiffened for a moment. No problem, he’s just being mysophobic. 

“Zhen has been extremely busy these days. Is shijun’s body doing well?” Hong Yao asked as he sat on the couch.

“Thanks to Your Majesty for the concern, everything is fine,” Xie Huaian sat next to him with a docile expression.

Hong Yao handed over the golden cage in his hands. “Zhen has a bird that knows human speech. It’s gentle and obedient, but makes it impossible for one to sleep. If shijun has a way, perhaps you can instruct it in Zhen’s place.”

“I shall listen to Your Majesty,” Xie Huaian pretended not to hear the deeper meaning in Hong Yao’s words. 

The large parrot in the cage called out, “Huaian, Huaian!”

Who’s it calling? Hong Yao knows my real name? Xie Huaian was shocked, but thought it over and determined the parrot must be trying to say Xie shijun’s name of “Huan” and relaxed. He teased the bird and said, “It’s rather smart and knows how to judge the situation. Fledglings have a chick complex. The first person they see upon waking up is the one they’ll follow.”‘

“I hope that’s the case.” Hong Yao looked at him inquisitively. 

A warm summer breeze blew past, the lotuses were in perfect bloom in the pond, and the whole scene resembled a pair of lovers whispering to each other in the pavilion. Anyone would take this to be a pleasant picture, but the unfortunate bloody sunset and long row of black crows packed densely on the palace walls rather ruined it with their hissing calls. Hong Yao looked around him, eyes lingering on the space beside the soft couch. There was a gauze tent there obscuring a stack of something vaguely green.  

“I’ve heard people say that shijun has redecorated the water pavilion. Looking at it now, it’s certainly leisurely and elegant. Zhen likes it very much.”

“As long as Your Majesty likes it, it’s good,” Xie Huaian replied casually.

Hong Yao took away the golden cage and brushed his hand against Xie Huaian’s cheek, tracing all the way to his fragile neck. He suddenly drew close and pressed him down against the couch. 

“The fact that shijun died and came back to life, Zhen likes very much too.” These words were very light so only the two of them could hear. 

Xie Huaian obediently laid back, his breathing quickening. 

“Your Excellency never seems to resist,” Hong Yao lowered his voice and changed his form of address. He pinched Xie Huaian’s neck through the thin layer of fabric as if it would give him all the answers to the man’s resurrection. Xie Huaian’s lips parted slightly as his breathing grew frantic. They were so close that he could see his own reflection in Hong Yao’s bizarre turquoise pupils.

Xie Huaian calmed himself down. His black hair was sprayed messily against the satin cushion when he reached out with both hands as if he really was some male consort trying to hug his nominal husband. “My person is here…and my heart is with Your Majesty. Whether I’m human, ghost, loyal, treacherous, alive, or dead, it’s all for Your Majesty to decide,” he said in a soft voice. “Since there are many strange things in Eternal Peace Palace, the magnanimity of Your Majesty can certainly tolerate this one in the Orchid Pool Palace…ah, Your Majesty, can you loosen up a bit?”

Xie Huaian’s body was unreliable and he already felt dizzy and light-headed after these efforts. He maintained a slight smile on his features and finally got Hong Yao to release the pressure in his fingers. The emperor straightened up and tugged at the gauze tent resting on the shelf by the couch, wrapping the layers around his hand. Xie Huaian breathed heavily and watched Hong Yao’s movements before he suddenly realized what was going on.  

Hong Yao had made a big detour here probably because he overheard that Xie Huaian didn’t allow anyone to accompany him in the water pavilion, so now he was going to investigate personally. 

“Your Majesty, cough, those are…” 

Hong Yao gave Xie Huaian no chance to explain. After rolling up the gauze, he tossed it aside and looked below the couch to see what it was covering. 

It was a small mountain of woven grasshoppers. All of them had different levels of completion, some broken in half with missing limbs, some small and delicately wrought. There was even a pile of half torn banana leaves among the mess. It was a vivid record of how bored their creator had been in the last seven days. 

“…..” said Hong Yao.

Xie Huaian was a person who never learned his lesson. Despite Hong Yao’s previous behavior, he straightened up to see the fuss and almost laughed out loud at the emperor’s expression. Quickly, he lied back on the couch and pretended to play dead. 

Hong Yao picked up a woven grasshopper and touched it as if it was Xie shijun’s skin, wanting to confirm what kind of spirit had entered the empty shell. The former Xie shijun was as charming to the monarch as he was despicable to his servants. But the current Xie shijun couldn’t even act if he tried. When he saw that his grasshoppers had been discovered, he tried to hide his amusement but it still showed in his eyes. 

It was a smile like the breeze around a peach blossom forest, natural and unaffected. 

With a crunch, Hong Yao clenched his fingers around the grasshopper. 

Suddenly, there was a commotion in the front courtyard. Soon enough, a veiled female official strode quickly into the garden—Kong Qing. She didn’t have much expression on usual days and wouldn’t even react if a mountain collapsed, so she simply paid respects with a straight face after seeing the strange postures of the emperor and consort on the couch.

“Your Majesty, Xie shijun. The Holy Son Miao Thirteen requested to enter the palace. This servant couldn’t stop them.”

“Miao Thirteen,” Hong Yao glanced at Xie Huaian. “It’s your old flame.” 

“?” Xie Huaian broke into cold sweat from fear. No it’s not, it’s not me, don’t speak nonsense ah. Why is this person putting a green hat on his own head?

“The holy son is…” Xie Huaian weakly pressed the corner of his forehead. “May Your Majesty mete punishment, I’ve forgotten many things after my illness. I’m still a bit dizzy now, perhaps I should return to my rooms…”

The System had limited information. After gathering all the pieces and using his own deductions, Xie Huaian knew the Heavenly Master had founded the Heavenly Saint Church (天圣教) and held both military power and half the world’s wealth in his hands. Eternal Peace Palace, which was remodeled under the Heavenly Master’s orders, was extremely extravagant and glorious. Besides the emperor’s Thousand Autumn Palace and the official consort’s Orchid Pool Palace, most of the harem palaces were collectively called the Holy Nectar Temple (甘露圣殿). In these residences, the Heavenly Master raised his various holy sons and daughters. 

These holy sons and daughters were named according to the “Exquisite Dao of Celestial Melody” (天音妙道) and had nothing to do all day except compete and vie with each other. In the past, Xie Huaian had nothing to do either and often went to the imperial gardens to put on a show. Soon enough, he incurred a grudge with Holy Son Miao Thirteen (圣子妙十三) who also frequented the gardens and had a weak, white-lotus aura. Now Miao Thirteen must have come to screw him over. 

“Don’t fear. Zhen is here and won’t permit others to bully my beloved consort,” Hong Yao said with little sincerity. “Kong Qing, what is Miao Thirteen planning to do?”

“To reply Your Majesty, the holy son said that the Heavenly Master calculated an auspicious date. A festival will be held tonight with 174 living corpses offered up as sacrifices for the solar eclipse.” Kong Qing’s cold voice entered Xie Huaian’s ears and gave his heart a jolt.

Solar eclipse? The System’s weather forecast mentioned this.

— 

Translator’s Note: It’s subtle, but both Emperor Hong Yao and Xie Huaian were speaking between the lines when they first conversed. To the emperor, Xie Huaian is the “gentle and docile bird” behaving well in the harem but still causing him sleepless nights with his unusual behavior; meanwhile, Xie Huaian wants to convince the emperor he’s loyal like a “fledgling” who just woke up to “follow the first person he sees” (aka the emperor).

I had a fun time deciding between PSP and PSPSP in the translator’s chat for the abbreviation of this novel title, haha.