Pride and Sanctimony

Chapter 54

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[Valentia] “I didn’t think you’d be conscious of that.”

Casting her eyes down, Valentia’s voice was quiet. She knew people stared at them, but she did her best to ignore them.

But even so, it didn’t mean those situations were comfortable or nice to be in. She just knew that nothing could be done about it, so it’d be best not to dwell on something that couldn’t be changed. So the least she could do was pretend she was alright with it.

She never wanted to show anyone her weak sides.

[Lexus] “Actually, I feel pretty uncomfortable when people stare, too.”

[Valentia] “You do?”

[Lexus] “Of course. But I got used to it.”

Lexus was already a person for whom his relationships would attract attention. Their fanciful relationship, unafraid of the rumors, was rather famous at the Academy by now.

Which meant this was an arrangement he made purely for Valentia’s sake.

She liked being able to walk with him and Goldie, but the gazes, stares, and glares of others were hard to ignore sometimes. And knowing that about her, Lexus prepared a place where they could walk their dog in a nice mansion like this….?

He was such a skilled manipulator, he could trick anyone into loving him like this.

Why is he doing this? Does he want to win that badly?

If that’s the case, then by any definition, he’d already won. When on earth was he planning on coming clean?

[Lexus] “Are you hungry? Would you like to eat?”

[Valentia] “……..Alright.”

She took a step forward, reaching out to take his hand. That was when Valentia realized something strange—he was not leading her towards the mansion, but rather, away from it.

[Valentia] “Where are we going?”

[Lexus] “The mansion’s nice and all, but it wouldn’t be very fun to take our meal there, would it?”

Just behind them was the quickly growing golden retriever, following in their footsteps.

Where they ended up was a gazebo made of white marble, set up on one side of the garden. Draping down the sides of it like a canopy was a thin, translucent white cloth like a dragonfly’s wings, and it fluttered just as delicately in the wind.

It was a sight brilliant enough to shake anyone’s heart. With the red and yellow autumnal leaves scattered on the ground around the white marble, contrasting against the pure color of the gazebo, it was such a beautiful view. Very peaceful, too.

On the table inside the gazebo was a white lace tablecloth with a lovely pot of even lovelier flowers adorning the center.

With a blank stare, Valentia stood still as she took it all in.

[Lexus] “Do you like it?”

Valentia looked up at Lexus again.

His blond hair glittered under the sun and trembled beneath the wind, his equally golden eyelashes fluttering like waves. He was such a beautiful man, befitting of this setting so wonderful, she was hard pressed to believe it was real.

[Valentia] “Yes. It’s beautiful.”

Valentia replied automatically, as if this very scene were compelling her forward. But whether it was him or the view before that was moving her, she could not tell.

[Lexus] “I’m glad you like it.”

Urging Valentia to sit first, Lexus sat just across from her. The sight of the falling leaves, beautifully colored like the season commanded—everything was simply lovely.

This man’s entire existence filled her heart and it hurt.

Then came the sound of footsteps, and a well dressed older gentleman arrived pushing forward a tin tray out on a cart. He greeted her with a friendly and soft smile.

[Hugo] “I am honored to make your acquaintance. I am Hugo.”

She remembered hearing that name.

[Valentia] “Oh, you’re the chamberlain, are you not?”

Hugo widened his eyes, then quickly straightened out his expression.

[Hugo] “How did you know? That is correct; I am in charge of maintaining the second Prince’s palace.”

[Valentia] “Lexus spoke of you once.”

[Hugo] “I hesitate to ask what he might have said.”

[Valentia] “I was told you take care of Goldie. Thank you.”

[Hugo] “It was no trouble, but it is nice to hear your thanks all the same. Today’s meal was prepared under my supervision. I would be honored to know you enjoyed it.”

[Valentia] “Of course, I am certain I will.”

Hugo’s smile was filled with warmth, but it didn’t take long for his expression to return to its normal state.

[Lexus] “Why don’t you start preparing the meal if you’re done talking, Hugo?”

[Hugo] “You have not changed one bit since you were young. Were you not reminded time and time again that it is polite to be patient for one’s meal?”

[Lexus] “What was that?”

[Hugo] “Wait just a moment.”

Hugo took the plates from the tray, setting them out on the table one by one. His movements were polite, but excessively elegant, but it made the atmosphere a little lighter, like he was putting on a show.

At the same time, the air turned quiet and peaceful.

That was when Valentia noticed something else. Near the bottom of the cart was a large dish, covered by a large silver lid, shaped like a dome. It was so comically large that she thought there would be no room on the table for it.

But then again, if someone had meticulously set this whole thing up, would they not have prepared room for something like that if they were anticipating such a large dish?

When Valentia tilted her head, Hugo took up the plate, removing the silver lid like he knew what she was asking.

The one for whom this dish was meant for was right underneath the table.

[Hugo] “You will eat too, Goldie.”

Hugo set down the plate in front of Goldie, filled with meat that had been carefully boiled and diced into bite sized pieces. As he did, Goldie was sitting politely while he waited, very different from the unruly little boy he used to be. Hugo’s comment made Valentia let out a small chuckle.

This was the same puppy that would once stuff his face into Valentia’s bag searching for food, so it was cute and funny seeing him wait so patiently. This whole scene was so sweet and gentle, though it made her heart ache.

[Hugo] “Please, enjoy your meal.”

Once Hugo stepped away, only Valentia, Lexus, and Goldie remained. Everything in this moment was absolutely perfect—it was like a dream.

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As she looked at her surroundings with a daze in her eyes, Lexus looked around, following her eyes before laughing.

[Lexus] “Why aren’t you eating? What’s got your attention all of a sudden?”

[Valentia] “……I just like this.”

[Lexus] “That’s a relief. To tell you the truth, I actually had a bit of a hard time sorting out all the decorations.”

[Valentia] “Excuse me?”

[Lexus] “The ambience here is really nice, but there’s so much wind that kicks up all the dust and leaves. I thought about it for a while, and I had the idea of weighing down the canopy with a heavy cloth to protect the inside of the gazebo, but then it didn’t look right….And then getting all the flowers and the decorations turned out to be a lot harder than I thought it would be, and the hanging flowers refused to sit right…”

[Valentia] “……Your chamberlain must have had his work cut out for him.”

[Lexus] “Hush. Even if you know, pretend you don’t, won’t you?”

None of this seemed real right now, and so Valentia laughed without thinking about it much. She took one of the small buns and ripped it in half.

Seeing Goldie sitting in front of his plate, completely unmoving, Lexus nodded his head, giving the boy the signal he needed to start digging in.

This moment was good, and the food tasted delicious to match, especially in comparison to before. She could still remember the first time she took a meal with him, feeling uncomfortable and unsettled the entire time.

She looked up, suspicion in her eyes as she watched the man in front of her, pretending to be kind. Though she knew his goodhearted and gentle nature towards her was a complete fabrication, this moment still hurt her, and she felt pathetic because of it.

[Valentia] “I have a question.”

[Lexus] “What’s tickling your curiosity?”

[Valentia] “The day I slapped you.”

[Lexus] “Oh. That painful memory.”

He clearly didn’t expect her to bring this up, and he ended up smiling awkwardly.

She knew this question wasn’t an appropriate one to ask now, but she thought if she waited for any other time, it would be even harder to ask. She didn’t have the luxury of being tactful about this.

[Lexus] “I’m really sorry.”

[Valentia] “I heard a conversation between you and another woman in the courtyard that morning before it happened.”

Somehow, his expression seemed sheepish.

He was truly a skilled actor, being able to make that kind of face on cue like that. If she didn’t already know he was toying with her, she definitely would have been fooled.

[Valentia] “I didn’t listen on purpose. You just so happened to be on the path I always take.”

[Lexus] “Yes, I understand that. But what about it?”

[Valentia] “You seemed so certain. You said it couldn’t happen for you. Is there any reason for that?”

[Lexus] “I don’t think that’s a very pleasant question to ask.”

For once, he responded very firmly, but she couldn’t back down now that she’d already brought it up.

[Valentia] “I know that.”

A myriad of emotions passed through Lexus’ expression like silent agony. But Valentia stayed quiet, patiently waiting for an answer.

Before long, Lexus sighed.

[Lexus] “I have no choice but to be certain.”

[Valentia] “Why?”

[Lexus] “This is actually a secret that should never be told but, how do I put this………..It’s….hard for me to have children.”

[Valentia] “You’re infertile?” (1)

As a knee-jerk reaction, Valentia reflexively spoke about his probable condition. Lexus smiled bitterly, wincing like the word physically hurt him.

[Lexus] “Kind of hurts when you say it like that.”

[Valentia] “Ah, I’m sorry.”

[Lexus] “Don’t apologize, it just makes it sadder. And to be exact, it’s a little different, but it might as well be the same.”

His voice was casual and almost playful, like he was trying to clear away the heavy air that this topic brought along with it.

[Valentia] “……Are you absolutely certain?”

[Lexus] “Yes. It’s a fact of life for me.”

His answer was unexpected.

Did the Imperial family’s doctor confirm it for him? He said it was similar but different, but he didn’t say any more than that. And from the beginning, it was apparently a secret that should not be spoken about in the first place.

I understand now.

That’s why he was so confident. This child was definitely his, but he would not believe her. And she knew exactly what he would say to her if she ever said this out loud.

He would ask her who the father was…and if she was even pregnant to begin with.

Valentia smiled, but it was empty and vague. She was not confident she could not endure those words being said to her. She was already so upset hearing them said to a stranger, but to her?

Just thinking about it made her sick.

And the most upsetting and infuriating part about all of this was that she was not confident she could trust anything he said, and yet, at the same time, she knew she could not stop loving him. Even through the lies and the pain, this feeling remained strong.

She could not resist how precious this moment was to her, even though she knew he didn’t mean a single part of it.

I’m such an idiot.

— Love is a poison that restrains and blinds reason.

In cases like this, rational judgment is an impossible feat.

When one’s heart becomes enraptured with affection, led by the whims of their heart, they end up ignoring what should be their best choice —

Valentia read a poem like that once. She could not understand those words at the time, but right now, she could hear them resounding in her very soul. The poison Valentia swallowed was one with no antidote. Her only choice was to tremble in pain from the poison she drank.

And Valentia understood the cause of all her contradictory feelings.

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It was love.

Unavoidable, inevitable, and true love.

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T/N: (1) Here, Valentia actually uses a very specific medical term. Had to do a lot of KR and EN research since I don’t know medical terms in either language, but through my search, I found that she was talking about “azoospermia” which is a medical condition in which a man’s semen lacks any sperm whatsoever. I simplified it to “infertile” to make it easier to read, but just know that Valentia is very smart, out here using medical terms, haha

t/c: Oh Valentia, my sweet sunshine child. How I wish I could wrap you up in happiness and never let you go ;_;