Pride and Sanctimony

[Axion] “Please, sit comfortably.”

Axion sat down first, gesturing to the seat in front of him.

His voice was gentle and conveyed a pleasantry one would only show someone they knew privately, but Tex didn’t have the courage to sit without permission.

And so, with Axion’s express approval, Tex took a seat, but his back was as stiff as a board. He knew Axion meant it when he told him to sit ‘comfortably’, but he couldn’t help but feel incredibly nervous in his presence.

Moreover, the man sitting across from him was the Crown Prince, who was sitting gracefully and elegantly with an upright back. Perhaps if he were his brother, Lexus, he might’ve lied down on the sofa and gotten truly comfortable, but Tex dare not do that.

[Axion] “Tex.”

[Tex] “Y, yes, Your Highness.”

[Axion] “I called you here today not as the Crown Prince of the Empire, but as my younger brother’s concerned older brother. So please, speak freely with me.”

[Tex] “Yes, Axion.”

[Axion] “It’s been a while since I’ve heard my name, so it sounds nice. What kind of tea do you like?”

Axion gave a bright smile. It was very kind and gentle looking, but for some reason, looking at it scared the wits out of Tex, to the point where he felt like he was shivering.

[Tex] “Calendula.” (1)

[Axion] “Oh, that’s right. It’s been so long, I nearly forgot.”

But Tex could tell from Axion’s smile that he hadn’t actually forgotten at all.

Axion was a very strange man.

He couldn’t remember the tastes of Lexus’ friend “Tex” at all, but he could clearly remember the tastes of “Tex”, the eldest son of Duke Langbell.

So for example, Axion could remember that, though the Grand Prince of Langbell liked horses, he didn’t like horseback riding all that much. However, what he couldn’t remember is that he disliked riding horses because he fell while riding when he was a child.

But that was an aspect of Axion that no one else could notice.

He was a man whose public and private minds were completely different. He could not have been more perfect as a Crown Prince, but if one were to ask Tex if he thought Axion was a good man on a personal level, he wouldn’t be sure how to answer that question.

[Axion] “What sort of sweets do you enjoy with your tea?”

[Tex] “Nothing, I’m alright.”

[Axion] “I thought you used to like pavlova? Perhaps your tastes have changed since we last met?”

Pavlova was a dessert that was made from meringue, baked in a large dome shape, and often eaten with various types of cream, jam, and even fruits.

Tex looked at Axion with a face of perplexion.

There couldn’t have been any rumors of the Grand Prince of Langbell enjoying pavlova, so did that mean he really could remember information about Tex as a friend of Lexus? Such a difficult older brother, he was.

[Axion] “I had some prepared. Whatever will I do with it?”

[Tex] “No, if you have made it for me, then I will enjoy it.”

After he agreed, the tea and the dessert was brought in, and the drawing room fell into another wave of silence.

A private meeting with the Crown Prince was a desirable thing by anyone’s standards, but Tex felt extremely uncomfortable, and though he was sitting on a soft sofa, it felt like his back was aching. If he could, he’d jump to his feet and run straight out without looking back.

[Axion] “Eat.”

[Tex] “Yes, brother.” (2)

Cutting the meringue with a knife, the crispy exterior cracked, revealing the jam and fruit that was inside. When he put some in his mouth, it was sweet and sour at the same time, and once it entirely melted on his tongue, it tasted delicious.

Once Axion confirmed that Tex had nearly finished his dessert, he finally spoke.

[Axion] “I said this before, but let me thank you again for your help.”

[Tex] “No, I just did what any friend should.”

[Axion] “Well, in times like these, if his older brother were to go and check in on him, I’d be liable to get my head chewed off, so I ended up leaving him alone. However, he’s been like this for too long, so I think it’s about time he pulled himself together. You came at a good time.”

[Tex] “I see.”

[Axion] “And as a token of my gratitude, I will allow you to ask me anything.”

[Tex] “I didn’t help looking for a favor.”

Tex responded with a tinge of surprise in his voice.

[Axion] “I know. That’s why I’m offering.”

[Tex] “No, really. It’s fine.”

[Axion] “Then I will remain in your debt.”

[Tex] “How could I have you in my debt……”

To have the Crown Prince tell you he was in your debt and that he would grant you any favor you wish would be an amazing honor and a great opportunity.

However, for Tex, something like that was more burdensome than if he was being held down by the weight of a thousand roots.

[Axion] “I can do that for the friend of my younger brother.”

[Tex] “B, but…..”

[Axion] “I won’t hear you say anything more.”

[Tex] “Y, yes.”

Though he told him he called him here as his younger brother’s concerned older brother, this meeting still felt very much like one with the Crown Prince.

[Axion] “In any case…”

Finally, the point of this meeting.

Tex had been preparing himself this entire time to hear this, since he knew everything up until now was just pretense, merely leading up to this exact moment.

[Axion] “Clearly something went wrong, but whenever I try to ask him, he only gets quiet on me. What happened to my brother?”

This was why Tex didn’t want to talk about a debt. As Lexus’ friend, it would only be right to keep his mouth shut on this and say nothing. He knew that was the best he could do as a friend.

He knew that, but…..

Sorry, Lexus. Your brother’s way too scary.

Lexus seemed to be under the impression his brother was easy going and friendly, but he couldn’t be more wrong about that one. He only acted that way towards his family.

[Tex] “Well, the truth is……”

Like a scared mouse in front of a cat, Tex crumbled easily.

* * *

What he saw was her back, prim and proper. It was straight and neat, but even so, she was so small and soft.

Everyone mockingly called her the Iron Maiden, judging her for her appearance alone, but he’d held her in his arms before, so he knew exactly just how small and fragile she truly was—soft enough to make his heart pound.

Facing away from him, that small back took a step forward, leaving him behind.

Don’t go.

Don’t leave me behind.

Lexus shouted at her as she turned from him. No, he thought he shouted, but nothing would come out. He wanted to call out to her, crying until his throat burst, but not even the tiniest of sounds could leave him.

He tried to reach out and hold onto her, but his feet wouldn’t move, like they were being tied in place. The image of her cold back continued to move away, becoming smaller and smaller until eventually, she disappeared completely—all without looking back once.

Where did you go? Why did you disappear?

But with no answer, he was left alone in that place, dark and empty, held by that awful and consuming feeling.

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[Lexus] “Ugh!”

Lexus jumped up and his body was soaked in a cold sweat, his heart pounding as though he’d been running.

It’s that same fucking dream again.

A helpless nightmare where all he can do is absolutely nothing at all, and he was starting to get real sick and tired of it. But if he thought about it, his reality was no different from the nightmare. Thinking about it, a dim smile grew on his face.

[Axion] “That’s an explosive way to wake up, Lexus.”

A sudden voice rang out, and it was familiar.

Lexus turned his head to the source of the voice, and immediately saw the sight of Axion, casually sitting in a chair near the window. Past the glass was the red hue of the setting sun, falling below the horizon.

[Lexus] “I had a nightmare.”

[Axion] “A nightmare? Since when have you been having nightmares?”

[Lexus] “Who knows.”

[Axion] “Is that why you haven’t been sleeping?”

[Lexus] “You could say that.”

Whenever he tried to sleep, he would see Valentia in his dreams, turning away from him while saying, I think it’s time we properly ended our relationship.

Though that part was a little bit different from what was actually written in the letter, it may as well have been the same. He couldn’t even sleep because every time he tried, that same painful nightmare would come to him, and when it did, it felt like he was being thrown away, over and over.

[Lexus] “How did you get in here? I don’t remember giving you permission.”

[Axion] “I think family is an exception when it comes to needing permission.”

[Lexus] “Family or not, I’d like it if you could respect my privacy.”

The sight of him suffering from nightmares wasn’t a look he wanted to show to other people, family or not.

[Lexus] “So what are you doing here?”

[Axion] “I think a better question would be how long I’ve been here.”

He wanted to ask that, too.

[Lexus] “Okay, how long have you been here?”

[Axion] “About five hours now.”

The Crown Prince scheduled his affairs down to every minute and second, so what was he doing spending all his time here without working on that busy schedule of his during the busiest day and evening hours?

[Lexus] “What are you doing, watching people sleep?”

Lexus was still a bit of a mess, but he felt a little bit better, probably because he finally got some much needed sleep through the power of medicine. Even before then, he managed to eat something too, and thanks to that, he’d recovered a little bit of energy.

[Axion] “I was thinking.”

[Lexus] “Thinking?”

[Axion] “You managed to wake up very quickly, even though you took some medicine.”

[Lexus] “What are you changing the subject for—Ah……Did you give me meds?”

Lexus looked at Axion as he scoffed, like he couldn’t believe it.

[Axion] “Hugo’s been upset these days since you haven’t been sleeping, so I told them to slip you some sleeping medicine.”

[Lexus] “You’re absolutely, unbelievably scary, brother.”

[Axion] “I used a very precise amount under the direction of a doctor, so don’t worry.”

[Lexus] “It’s scary you thought to even do that at all. Tch.”

Roughly turning away, Lexus clicked his tongue.

[Axion] “Lexus.”

[Lexus] “What?”

[Axion] “You did something wrong.”

[Lexus] “. . .”

Though he was being vague, Lexus fell into silence because he knew exactly what wrong thing Axion was referring to.

Tex, you big mouthed bastard. You told him everything? You acted all worried about me like you had no idea what to do, and then you went off and opened your goddamn mouth?

[Lexus] “I know.”

[Axion] “Why did you do it?”

[Lexus] “It was just a joke……….at first.”

[Axion] “And now?”

[Lexus] “. . .”

[Axion] “Well, in that case, this can’t be helped. You’re only paying the price for your actions.”

[Lexus] “I know that, too.”

[Axion] “And so was all of this just a form of self punishment? I suppose that can be more constructive than bothering others with this.”

Axion was just being sarcastic, but Lexus couldn’t exactly say no.

[Lexus] “Yeah, well, I feel sorry, too.”

But he didn’t know what the hell he should feel regret over the most. But at the end of the day, perhaps the only thing that mattered was that nothing but pain and regret filled the crevices of his heart now.

[Axion] “So are you just going to give up like this?”

[Lexus] “What?”

[Axion] “If you’re going to give up, then it would be enough to just quit this pity party and move on. If you have no desire to linger on this, then why continue to sit around and mope? Just give up.”

His words were much crueler and colder than his usual tone, but his words were undeniable. If Lexus wanted to let go of it all, then that would be simple. All he had to do was give up.

Those words seemed to spark something inside Lexus.

[Lexus] “And I don’t want to give up?”

Reflected in Lexus’ golden eyes was the sunset, making them appear as though they were burning like flames. And seeing that spark alight, Axion smiled brightly.

[Axion] “Then you just need to wake up. Stall any longer, and you may not be able to find that which you seek.”

[Lexus] “I see. Alright, yeah.”

Nothing was set in stone. If he didn’t want things to end like this, then all he needed to do was start things over, and in order to do that, he needed to find Valentia—wherever she disappeared to.

But what Lexus and Axion failed to think about was just how long it would take to do just that.

And that’s how time went by.

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T/N: (1) ‘Calendula’ is a type of tea made from marigold flowers. It’s bitter in taste, but harks medicinal health benefits.

(2) It’s not uncommon to refer to the older brother of one’s close friend as “brother” or “형”, though given the fact that Axion is the Crown Prince, doing so would normally be considered improper.

astralmech’s t/n: Nothing like a big brother who will help kick your bum back in gear! ^^

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