Psycho X Psychic

"Here... eat."

I took out the meal I prepared for her today.

For the excuse that this is all part of the 'process' - that she needed to know what delicious food tastes like before I give her something that would any human puke, yet edible.

However... do I have the face to say it?

I pity Trisha.

Every pain that I inflict to her heaves my chest.

I forgot how I could act like this before without feeling the emotion they call 'guilt'

She looks so pitiful. I just handed her the harmless lunchbox but she would flinch then tremble. Looking at the meal at my hand, she was scared. But it didn't take long before the savory smell get to her.

Her body needs the energy to heal. Furthermore, although dawn has yet to arrive, I could say that more than half of a day had already passed. In other words, she skipped a meal already.

Trisha is careful, yet, hunger is not something anyone could endure.

Soon, she took it.

"You're not going to ask if it's poisoned?"

I asked, making her shrink her head down. It seemed that my voice heavily affects her. It took her some hesitation if she should answer or not while looking at the meal.

"You... you can kill me anytime..."

I'm not going to misunderstand that she's permitting me to kill her. I believe she means that I can kill her anytime so what's the need for poison?

Logical, yet naive.

I could've put pain-inflicting drugs there. Maybe she doesn't know their existence. Fortunately for her, no, I didn't put anything on the meal. Except for some seasonings of course.

I will not say it, it's up to her if she will take a bite and realize this or be too cautious, or maybe be a coward, and refuse...

"This... this is good?"

Trisha may be careful but she's never a coward. The only reason for her state is me. She even began enjoying the meal I gave her.

I know it's wrong to think this, it will be a hypocrite of me, but... I'm glad she's still sane. More than that but she's able to feel joy again.

This is definitely not an act.

I may not be a psychologist but I, at the very least, know that when a person is under their trauma will have their ability to feel joy removed.

Or maybe, that's not enough to traumatize her?

No... it means that she's mentally recovering. That's unbelievably fast, it's like she didn't have emotions in the first place, but ironically, she does.

"Do you like it?"

Trisha glanced at me with a glare. Earlier, she was lowering her head towards me. Normally, when one is abused, they would fear their abuser. They wouldn't be able to feel anger towards their abuser, fearing that the abuser will do something to them in return.

"... yeah."

She nodded after a long pause. This girl kept surprising me.

...

Can I still continue on this torture?

I want to apologize to her. I want to bring her home and give her compensation. I want her to take care of herself; eat, laugh, and forget everything that I've done to her.

So this is the feeling of guilt?

I've never really felt this way to other people except Iesa and Seres. I may give compassion in Iesa's presence but I've never felt it firsthand.

It's really troubling.

But I cannot stop now. Her glare is already a sign of what will happen if I give her kindness. I have to make her fear me. 

I've watched her eat. It didn't take long before she stopped being reserved and began eating the meal as if she's some beast. I may have underestimated her hunger.

After she ate, I gave her bottled water which she received with a snappy attitude.

"I also got something for you."

I said and she didn't hide her expression of disgust. But when I took the item out, strangely, she wasn't that surprised.

"Is that your kink or are you going to train me?"

So she found out... not the first one but the second. What I brought was a dog collar.

I didn't answer her but instead gave the item and said-

"Wear it. I will not tie it to anything. But, if I learn that you tried to remove or destroy it, I will take one of your fingernails."

Her face twitched because she knew that I'm not joking. She fidgeted her fingers, she must be imagining how painful it would be to have her nails pulled out.

However-

"Then pull it. I would rather choose that instead of accepting that I'm your property."

"It doesn't mean that way."

"It means that way to me. So go ahead, pull them. If you're still not satisfied, you can pull my toenails as well."

Trisha's really interesting.

I put the collar away and took out a plier. The moment I took it out, I could hear her gulp. I wish my emotions are dead again. This is going to be horrible...

...

"W-wait..."

Trisha stopped me while raising her hand which was bathed in blood. Her face was smeared by that blood too from how much she wiped her tears away.

"What is it?"

I asked.

"No... no more..."

She said in a low voice. I was down beneath her, ready to pull out her first toenail.

I waited for her to continue. Her face was dark. There were moments where she would fight back. I didn't restrain her, no metal could restrain this woman. That's why every time she would try to escape, I would beat her up again, making her choose to stay still instead.

She's really going through a harsh time, I hope she does not break.

"I'll wear it..."

That was enough so I gave her the collar.

"Put it on."

I want her to do it herself.

Trisha stared at it for a while. I'm aware that she would be filled with hesitation... but what I didn't expect was the moment she put the collar forward.

"No, actually, I will not wear it. Continue pulling out my nails."

With a cold look, she said in a domineering tone as if she was the one ordering me. Seeing this tough expression of her which was neither an act nor just a defense mechanism, I almost cracked a smile.

Should I continue?

The more she recovers from the pain I inflict on her, the more she grows stronger. At this rate, she may really reach the point of being in the same league as the Five Lords.

... what am I worrying about? She's not the only one who's getting stronger with pain.