Love Comes After Learning

I can't be sad, and I can't help but laugh.

——Because, he is looking at me now.

Just keep the sadness to yourself, and give him the smile.

You can't refuse this gift, Shinichi.

Withdrawing her hand and hugging the bag to her chest, Sanjiu raised her face and smiled softly at Asada.

The arc of the lips was very slight, and the water-blue eyes blinked twice, and there was no sadness or loss in that smile.

She was just smiling, smiling the way she remembered.

Showed a very calm smile.

Just like his expression.

"..."

Asada met the gaze that was looking straight at him, but he didn't feel like he was being watched.

His eyes focused on her face, but she seemed to be looking into the distance, her eyes trembled slightly, misty like water mist.

As a result, Shinichi Asada confirmed that he once again hurt others with words.

The one who hurt this time was not the "comrade executive member" who thought of his family and secretly rejected him.

But...

Like him, but dare not touch his Nakano Sanjiu.

That tenderness also pierced his heart again

-------------Chapter Dividing Line---------------

...It's amazing to be able to hurt two people at once in such a short period of time, me.

Asada Shinichi squatted on the ground, laughing at himself.

The hand holding the black teacup was slowly tightened, but the expression was as calm as stagnant water, without ripples.

Rather, if he doesn't suppress all the emotional fluctuations in his body, let the gradually severe pain erode his heart, and keep his mind clear, he will definitely do things beyond his own rationality, regardless of everything.

For example, in order to prevent Sanjiu from showing such a smile, he confessed to her.

For example, in order to fool the past, he smiled and told her not to care, and then changed the subject.

For example, in order to simply end her feelings for him, he made it clear and said it clearly, and then flatly refused, so that he would not be troubled by it in the future.

For example, in order to make her hate herself, she did more excessive things and said more excessive words.

But now, he can't do anything, he can only quietly look up at Sanjiu standing up, the face behind the long hair is not as lazy and silent as usual, but with a relaxed and natural chuckle, nodded to him.

"Then I'll go shopping elsewhere... I'll be back during the assembly time."

After finishing speaking, she turned around and moved her steps lightly, the steps were steady and the same, as if she was always thinking about how to step and how to walk, so as to maintain a nonchalant posture.

She clearly said that she was going to go shopping elsewhere, but she walked towards the door of the store without looking back.

The hand holding the clothes bag was even paler than the skin, stiff and stagnant like petrochemical.

Walking under the bright light, she seemed to fall into the shadows at any moment, and those slender shoulders were bending downward bit by bit.

Sanjiu's back was as fragile as white porcelain that could break at the touch of a finger.

Asada gritted her teeth unconsciously, cracks began to appear in her calm expression.

He put the cup back into the cup holder, and what was replaced in his hand was his arm, which he was clenching hard to keep his head clear.

(Think about it...)

Is it really good to do this?

"How could it be good..."

It was just the easiest one to convince myself among a group of rotten choices.

Thinking about yourself and others is all because you want to do it. How can such selfishness be praised!

(Think about it...)

Do I really want to do this?

"How could it be possible..."

Didn't you say you don't want to hurt others?But no matter what you say, it will hurt others, why can't you understand it!

I can't do it either!

(Think about it...)

I really can't, tell her what's in my heart?

If you tell her seriously, she must be happier and won't show that kind of smile that is more sad than crying, right?

"But, I don't have that kind of courage, the courage to present the most authentic self to her..."

(think--

Boom!

"I miss you, uncle!"

The calm expression was completely shattered, Asada Shinichi looked ferocious, clenched his fist, and punched himself hard on the right cheek.

Then, desperately staggered to his feet, and ran after Sanjiu.

——For the first time, he didn't want to give himself a reason.

—For the first time, he soberly gave up thinking.

——For the first time, he wanted to keep his mind completely blank, just follow his own will, follow his inner impulse, and do some stupid things that would never make him feel ashamed.

If there is the only chance in life to be willful...

If there is such a one and only chance in life, you can cheat...

"Three Jiu!!!"

Then he chooses to forget everything at this time and become a childish fool who is both willful and shameless.

Just because of him, there are still some things I haven't said to her!

So he firmly grabbed Sanjiu's hand.

She was forced to stop, and when she was about to turn her head around, she heard Asada's hoarse growl.

"Please, don't turn your head, listen to me!"

This is his last dignity.Other than that, nothing is needed.

The voice fell heavily, Sanjiu no longer turned her neck, but stood quietly on the spot with her head down, without any movement.

At this time, Asada took a deep breath and spoke word by word.

"When I was ten years old...a strange memory appeared in my mind. It was the memory of another person who stayed in the ward for more than ten years!"

The slender hand trembled slightly in the palm.

"I know it's unbelievable, but it's true... He was isolated in a ward since he was a child. It's not a ward, but a research facility... dedicated to studying viruses."

"He has a virus that has killed hundreds of people. Because of the messy things, he was locked up for research. He was given anesthesia injections all day except for reading. He never communicated with anyone."

"It was a strange virus that required his psychoactive maintenance. The research facility used books to cultivate his psychoactive dependence. He could only read books and study until his body completely collapsed and died after the research was successful——I obtained this paragraph Memory, and his sheer dedication to learning."

As if she couldn't bear his nonsense, she wanted to turn her head, but was pulled back by Asada at the right time, the back of her head fell on his chest, her head was lightly pressed by her chin, and a heavy breath came from above.

At that moment, Sanjiu's whole body softened as if boneless, she gave up resistance, and leaned obediently in his arms, she even couldn't help letting go of her fingers, the clothes in the bag slipped to the ground, and she had no time to take care of them.

Asada just instinctively made such an action, and his words didn't stop.

"So, since I was a child, I have lived a life of only learning... Although some things have changed recently, there is only one thing, I have never grown."

"That's love."

With a hoarse voice, he struggled to speak.

"Sanjiu... Neither he nor I have ever been in love. We have never been pursued by anyone, nor have we ever liked anyone."

"I think love is a very important thing. In this regard, if you say anything, do anything, and promise any oath, you must be prepared to shed your blood and do your best to be responsible. .”

"I can be abandoned or hated, but if I really like someone, and that person also likes me--I will be persistent for the rest of my life, and I won't let go until I die."

"Stupid, isn't it? Troublesome, isn't it? But if you don't think so, I'm sorry for the person who might fall in love with me."

"Because of this, I dare not say it. I dare not say that I am actually very afraid..."

There was no choking in his voice, but a kind of self-deprecating sadness penetrated into his heart.

"I'm afraid that if I become the weakest and most useless person, in the end, I will have to leave the world alone."

"I'm afraid, I keep finding reasons for myself, not letting others change me, not letting myself depend on others... In this way, even if I'm still alone in the end, I won't be too lonely."

"It's because I'm such a contradictory coward... That's why I dare not tell you, my own mind."

Asada Shinichi bit his lips hard until the blood shot out and the pain paralyzed the nerves, then he opened his mouth, pouring strength into every word, and said.

"I... think... you... like... me!"

Heart constriction, shame, pain, panic, distortion, fear.

However, she couldn't regret it, because she was leaning in her arms and listening to her words.

Did not push myself away, did not interrupt myself.

Then, the only waywardness in life is not over yet!

Don't stop, before all is pronounced—

"I don't know if I like you or not, but I don't want to see that look on your face!"

"It may be pity or some kind of sympathy. I also know that this is really despicable. It's like scum. It's just a relationship with people based on kindness or desire, not love."

"But if possible...if possible..."

Asada closed his eyes tightly, his lips were trembling constantly, and the nerves on his face were so tense that he didn't know what his expression was, it must be not very elegant anyway.

Even though he was struggling, hesitating, hesitant, and confused like this, the wave of emotions had already reached the peak, and the words he wanted to utter with force from his heart were solemnly uttered from his mouth the next moment.