Re Istode : Things that kitsune girl do in another world

"I don't know!" Ruciel shouted as she cried. "I hate you and you should know that!" 

"I hate you because your father killed my friends. She also controlled me and told me to kill people for a while."

"I hate you because you are so stupid, selfish, and forceful! You insulted me by making me your slave! You humiliate me by touching me as you please! You made me a tool to satisfy your lust! You always hurt me!"

"I hate you, but I…"

Ruciel hung her head and stopped talking. Her long ears fell as his tears flowed profusely. She made never-ending sobs.

And yes, it's the first time for me to know all her thoughts.

I thought I saved her by buying her than making her, my slave. I thought I could get close by doing skinship. And to be honest, she's so beautiful that I can't help but eat her. And to hurt her, I never hurt her except for today so maybe, I might have hurt her heart. It's pathetic, I don't know how I hurt her.

Now, I know extremely well that she truly hates me but, why does she say she doesn't know the answer to my question?

I waited for her explanation while turning my face away out of shame. Seeing her face or eyes was so complicated when I understood how evil I was on her mind.

"I hate you," she began as she stopped crying. "... I hate you but... I love you."

"Huh!?" I made a strange noise when I heard that statement. I turned my head to then look at her with wide-open eyes.

Ruciel looked at me, her long ears making a few jolts. "You heard me! I hate you but I love you!"

"How? Why?" I asked in disbelief.

"Didn't I already say that I didn't know!"

Silence surrounded us. For some time we exchanged glances. Words never came out of our mouths. In the end, Ruciel turned her face away. And on the other hand, my fox ears twitched.

Curiosity tickled my mind as my body moved to get close to her. 

I want answers.

"Don't come close to me!" Ruciel glared at me with her sharp eyes.

Her screams stopped my body. Unlike before, I obeyed it and didn't impose my will on her. I sat back, cross-legged. I observe her eyes, antagonism was still there.

"Tell me, how and why do you love me?"

"I don't want to say anything," she turns her face away.

I crossed my arms and groaned. "None of this will ever change if you don't convey your thoughts to me. Do you want this uncertainty to continue? I don't want it at all."

"..."

She was silent and I waited.

A few moments later, Ruciel peeked at me and looked back at her. Her repeated conduct upset me.

"Say it, Ruciel!" I snapped at her.

Ruciel turned her head, her eyebrows made a deep arc. Her cold sadness turned into hot anger. "Don't force me! You've got the answer so don't ask for an answer that never existed!"

My eyes narrowed, my mouth said, "it's sucks."

"I don't want to hear it from you!"

"Haa... Well now, what is your answer? Do you want this relationship or not? I don't accept phrases like; I don't know or I'll give you an answer later, out of your mouth. And did you do this intentionally? You told me to ask to understand you but you shut yourself back and said nothing."

"I..."

And she fell silent, again. The girl looked at the floor to hide her face. 

If she continues like this which is without certainty, I don't want to force her to stay with me or even kidnap her and lock her up in the cage after she leaves me. 

It's extremely sad to part away with her but, for the good of both of us, I'll forget her, I'm going to give up on loving her, and I'm going to stop looking at Cerene's shadow on her. I don't want to preserve this broken, uncertain relationship especially when antagonism still haunting her. 

I was ready to let the girl go forever but, a brilliant idea popped into my head. This is a simple idea and even if it fails, the result will be the same. I was ready to lose Ruciel So, "If you don't want to answer my question, then I'll answer it."

Ruciel raised her head. Her beautiful golden eyes looked at me. "What do you mean?"

"I will answer the question of whether this relationship should last or not? You stay silent so this is my answer; for the good of both of us, we will cut off this relationship, you can leave now."

"Huh?" Ruciel made a strange sound and an expression of confusion.

I stood up and loosened up my body. "Let me undo the rope that binds you," I said before I approached Ruciel.

I removed the rope that tied her hands and feet easily because Ruciel was sitting still. "You are free and now, let's pack your stuff. Of course, I'll help you. And after everything is done, I'll ask the Shadow Elves to escort you back to the Airship. I'm sure you don't want to be here with me, someone you hate so much when we're strangers, right? It will make you uncomfortable. I also hate to see your murderous glare every morning."

I pulled the girl's arm as I stood up so yes, she stood with me. After making sure that she could stand on her own, I moved my body to get out of this room.

"Let's take our Magic Bag. There's a lot of stuff we have so, we might need a lot of time for your stuff to be ready," I told her as I walked closer to the door.

But, before I got there, Ruciel grabbed my hand, forcing me to stop. I turned around and I found her hanging her head.

"What's this? What's this? What's this?" Ruciel asked over and over again. Then, suddenly, she raised her head. Her red, bloodshot eyes glared at me sharply. "You threw me away!?" She screamed.

"Throw you out? That's bad phrasing. I didn't throw you away, I granted your request. You hate-"

My words were cut off when Ruciel strangled me. Then, she screamed. "You love me! Why are you throwing me away like a rock on the side of the road!?" 

I moved my hands to release Ruciel's choke and it's surprised me, I can do that easily when she looks like using all her strength. Her arms trembled, she try to fight me back but it was all vain. This proves that my guess about I was stronger than her is true.

"You really like to scream," I told her.

And yes, as she resisted to escape my clutches, she screamed again, "let me go!"

So I released her as she requested.

"Why?" She asked, tears returning to her cheeks. "Why did you throw me out? Are you not satisfied to hurt me? Will you never stop until I'm broken to pieces? Don't you love me anymore? Why don't you care about me again? I'm no stranger to you!"

"As I said, I didn't throw you away. It's pain to me but I made this decision because I love you. Did you hear me? I love you. Now, I know the reason why you hate me. Therefore, I don't want to let you stay with me only for you to get hurt again and again."

I approached Ruciel carefully. My eyes moved to observe her. When I was sure she showed no signs of rejection, I took her hand. I held that hand and then I pull her close to me. I hugged her a little tightly.

"You hate me and anything I do to earn your love will always be rejected by you. I don't want to feel the pain of your rejection again."

I started stroking her head. A moment later, Ruciel buried her face into my naked chest. It's quite ticklish.

"You know I can't help but to touch and play with your body because I love you. You don't like it and you get hurt by it, right? If we continue to be together, I will keep doing those things, and won't we will hurt each other if that happened again?"

Ruciel didn't say anything but she shook her head. She reject that fact and a small smile appeared to adorn my face.

"I love you. But for you, you don't know if you love me or hate me. And luckily for you, I can see which feelings dominate your heart. I'm sure, you hate me without questions."

Once again, she shook her head. It made my smile even wider.

"Was I wrong?" I made sure and Ruciel nodded.

I pushed the girl away but she was reluctant to let me go. But in the end, we no longer hugged each other, we came face to face.

Trying my best, I dyed my smile with sadness. Then, I said the last question, "then tell me, do you want this relationship or not?"

"I..." She started and stopped.

Again, Ruciel hung her head to fall silent. Her long ears made jolt after jolt. And then, the ears were flushed.

Ruciel took a deep breath and raised her head. Now, I could see that her cheeks were also flushed. Her golden eyes looked into my eyes directly. The girl's lips parted to say, "I… I want this relationship and I love you, Eclaite. I love you so much!"

Sadness is gone from my smile. "I love you too Ruciel," I uttered that sentence from the bottom of my heart. Then, I hugged her once more.

Ruciel returned my hug, she hug me tighter. And I never expected, she took the initiative to kiss me.

I raised my thumb secretly and I shouted in my heart, "reverse physiology banzai!" 

I'm grateful for remembering it.