Redo of a Romanceless Author's Life Devoid of Love; Another Chance at Youth

Chapter 242. The Valentine’s Day School Dance: What’s Troubling Alicia. (2/5)

“I’m not a perfect person.” At that instant, amidst the momentary fleeting silence which descended upon the gymnasium, the final slow song of the night played. 

The Reason by Hoobastank.

“There's many things I wish I didn't do.”

While I kissed Alicia, I grabbed her left hand with my right and raised it up. With my left hand behind her waist, I took a step forward with my left foot. She instinctively stepped back with her right.

“But I continue learning.”

“I never meant to do those things to you.”

I led her into the only sort of dance I’d ever been forced to practice and learn in elementary school. The box step waltz.

“And so, I have to say before I go.”

Using it I was able to pull away from the dumbfounded student council president.

“That I just want you to know.”

“I've found a reason for me.”

When we were a safe distance away, I pulled my head back and looked directly into Alicia’s eyes.

“To change who I used to be.”

“A reason to start over new.”

“And the reason is you.”

“I'm sorry that I hurt you,” I whispered the next lyric quietly to her.

“Wha- huh? H-Hurt me? When?” Alicia asked in a fluster.

“I knew something’s been troubling you all this time, but I decided to ignore it and look the other way. It was more convenient for me to do so if I wanted to avoid being forced to dance today. This entire time, you’ve been watching me from a distance thinking that you wanted to dance together, but because of whatever’s been bothering you, you couldn’t bring yourself to, right?”

“That’s… that’s not… it… nothing’s troubling me.” Her eyes lowered to the ground as she mumbled that out in an unconvincing manner.

“If nothing is troubling you, look me in the eye and say that.”

She looked back up at me for a second and opened her mouth, “...”

No words came out.

“So? What is it that’s been troubling you all this time, Alicia? Please enlighten me.”

“I’m... not a… good girl like you think. I did something bad…”

“That's it? Well, what’d you do now that makes you think you’re bad? I feel like we’ve had this conversation before though and I’m sure the result is just going to be the same as last time.”

“It’s not the same as before. This time it’s really bad.”

“Well? What is it? Spit it out.”

“I feel dirty after what I did.”

“What you did?”

“That first night when Wisteria stayed over… we actually snuck into your room at night and… played a prank.”

“Huh? A prank? Wait, so I was pranked that night?” I genuinely couldn’t remember anything. What sort of weird thing did these girls do?

“Yeah…”

“What sort of prank did you pull?”

She leaned in close to my ear and whispered a rundown of the events that transpired that night. My arm around her waist stiffened up a bit.

“You hate me now… don’t you…”

Her grip on my right hand and sweater strengthened.

“Hate you? Not really. You’re my girlfriend, just because you do something like that isn’t much of a reason for me to hate you.”

“But I’m not that innocent good girl you think I am. I went and did that sort of thing and… it felt really good. Doing such a bad thing to you while you were asleep, unaware, and had no way in the matter.”

“Alicia, if you expect me to think you’re a bad girl then you’re going to have to take notes from Rosa’s behavior, Wisteria’s too. Your reaction to the situation is what distinguishes the two of you as being good and bad. Rosa wouldn’t let it bother her at all, the fact that it bothered you so much and made you even feel dirty is testament to the fact you're too good and pure-hearted.”

“Hmph! Not only that, Rosa’s obviously a bad girl but do you think I hate her? No, so why would I hate you?”

“Because I’m supposed to be a good girl in your eyes… but if I’m no longer that good girl, wouldn’t I be betraying your expectations? If I betray your expectations of me… wouldn’t you come to hate me?” Her vulnerable side was on full display as she weakly rested her forehead on my shoulder.

“I wouldn’t hate you for betraying my expectations. You’re my enemy, duh.”

“Even so… I’m planning to go into criminology… but I basically committed a crime. I’m not better than a criminal. There wasn’t consent on your side. I one-sidedly enjoyed myself by using you like you were some sort of tool or object to satisfy myself.”

“Then I consent. Go ahead and do what you want when I’m asleep. I don’t care.”

“It doesn’t work like that.”

“Who said it doesn’t? If I said I consent to it after the fact, screw what others think. If I was really not okay with it I’d sue you. You’re innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt in a court of law. Until that is done, you are not a criminal.”

“Also, if the act was one where you were forced into committing such an act by others, you can hardly be called a criminal as it was never your intent. It was others' intent,  of your own. Remember, you need to establish motive and intent in the act of a crime. The circumstances behind the crime are what truly determine who the criminal is here. If anyone’s guilty of a crime, it’d be Rosa and Wisteria, duh.”

I raised my left hand up and flicked above her forehead.

“Oww!” Eyes shut, her head flung back. She rubbed where I flicked her with her right hand as she opened her left eye and stared at me innocently like she’d been greatly wronged.

“Well, that’s for being dumb enough to not understand the very basics in criminology. Please ingrain in your mind the weight of motive and intent. If you forget these basic principles, one day you might falsely convict an innocent man for a crime they did not commit.”

“No. Rosa and Wisteria aren’t criminals. I’m the criminal.”

“Oh? You still want to claim you’re the criminal?”

“Yes.”

“If this shallow reasoning was the motive and intent then you’d just look like an idiot. However… there’s more to this story. The unclear motive of Rosa who created this scenario. There’s one, isn’t there?”

“No… there isn’t. Rosa is innocent. I did everything myself.”

“Liar. You just want to take the fall like a good girl.”

“I’m not a good girl. Everything is my fault. Because I…”

“Because you what?”

“Nothing.”

“Haaaaaaah. You sure are stubborn. Because of something related to you and the student council president, right?”

Her body stiffened up.

“You’re too easy to read. Well, what is this new crime you’d like to try smearing your name with? I’ll pick it apart piece by piece and prove your innocence once again. Or would you like me to piece it together myself? I’m pretty sure the pieces have all fallen into place and the puzzle has been completed.”

“Huh? You’re saying… you know everything already even if I don’t tell you?”

“It’s mostly speculation. But the final pieces of the puzzle have all been revealed by you. The details of the prank and the fact that the prank alone is not everything you feel has made you feel like you’re a criminal were the final pieces of information I needed.”

“You said you used me to pleasure yourself, but knowing your personality, you left out information in your explanation, I’m sure of that. You never blamed Rosa or Wisteria or mentioned how they were involved during the act. You pretended it was something you were on board with and did yourself as part of the prank.”

“But the girl I know wouldn’t possibly do it on her own unless it was a result of being partially forced into the act. You might feel guilty that you didn’t resist to the fullest extent because deep down you wanted to experience that sort of thing but needed a little push. Rosa and Wisteria gave you the push you needed.”

“However, the real question is what led to this event? Was it simply the result of wanting to prank someone at a sleepover? Or… was it the result of a conversation between the three of you that led up to the prank. A certain conversation that pushed things in that direction. Naturally, such a conversation had to transpire to lead to it.”