Resetting Lady

Carynne was running out of time in this iteration. She didn’t like the middle part, but the conclusion was a marriage proposal.

And she decided to settle for it. After all, from the very beginning, Raymond’s feelings did not matter. What mattered was what Dullan thought. Dullan himself needed to provide the answer to Carynne.

She only needed to think about that.

“It’s my first time doing all this, so I’m very nervous and anxious.”

No. It’s not the first time.

Carynne knew the reason behind her frustration and anxiety. It’s exactly because it’s not the first time, and yet, everything was happening as if it was.

She stared at the vase that Donna was pouring water into. And the hydrangeas that were put inside it. Then, the flowers that filled the entire room.

“There are so many flowers.”

“Isn’t it touching?”

“Mmh.”

It was annoying to even pretend to be excited. Carynne looked at the flowers. Those countless petals.

“I received flowers back then, too.”

During the first time, Raymond gave her flowers as well.

So it’s like that. Carynne now realized why it felt quite peculiar, why she felt a bit upset.

It was the wedding present that Carynne had received from Raymond—during their ‘real’ first time. Carynne remembered. Back when Raymond had proposed for the real, true first time… he had given her flowers.

“It’s just… I saw these flowers this morning, and I suddenly couldn’t stop myself from wanting to propose to you.”

Carynne had laughed.

“We’re already engaged.”

Still, Raymond gazed into Carynne’s eyes and replied.

“But I wanted to say it again.”

A long time had passed since then.

Raymond remained the same. Raymond was not affected by the time she had spent. He did not remember. He’d been the same, and he’d always be the same. Even so, Carynne still couldn’t figure him out. She did not know Raymond very well. Why was it like that, this time as well.

I want to hack your stomach open. If I do that, will I know?

As Carynne stared at the flowers, this thought crossed her mind. Petals were crumpled in Carynne’s fist.

I wonder if you really love me. I don’t think there’s a difference, then and now. No, perhaps not this time. It couldn’t be the same, this time.

In this iteration, Raymond had looked at Carynne so coldly. But then, his attitude towards her suddenly changed at some point. Just like before, just like how he did in the past—how he said that he loved Carynne. Again, this time.

But, how come?

Carynne was afraid.

Because she did not know. Because she could not understand.

If Carynne were to base it on the Raymond she knew, he would not confess his love to Carynne. In her opinion, as his eyes got colder and colder by the day, he would eventually pull out a gun and point it at her. That is, if it was the Raymond she knew.

Carynne was confused about her own feelings. She felt nervous, but soon, she realized why she felt this way.

“…I have no answer either.”

While she demanded to be loved, truly, she wished to be stabbed.

That seemed to be more fun at least.

* * *

Carynne stared blankly into space. This was not the answer. This life was such a mess. But at least, she had been honest with herself.

She closed one hand into a fist. Fingernails dug into her palm.

I feel strange. I don’t like how I’ve been accepted. I don’t like his sudden change of demeanor. Can I believe in him? Can I believe in Raymond?

No. Carynne could not.

However, it’s not her who would decide—it was Dullan. Whether this love was correct or not, he was the judge.

In the first place, Carynne chased after Raymond in this life because Dullan threw that bait. Wasn’t that why, instead of acting on her grand dream of becoming a serial killer, Carynne went out of the house a lot while going to banquets and events with Raymond? At what point did things start to go wrong?

But, no, that’s not the important thing here. Carynne soothed the wave of disappointment passing through her.

“Yeah. There’s no problem,” Carynne murmured.

The room was empty. The sun’s radiance was warm. It was the height of summer. It was dazzling. She needed to get up. Right now, there was no time for tranquility. Raymond had proposed to her, so now, she needed to go to Dullan because of that.

Whatever it was that Carynne felt for Raymond, such a thing was not so important.

Carynne sighed. It would be great if Dullan would yield the answer once he’d hear that Raymond had proposed to her.

She would now get a hint from Dullan, and so, she would finally be able to die.

Human emotions were truly trivial. In the tedious series of lives—in this maze of eternity—she had come to know just how much a person’s feelings could change dozens of times a day, and it was all quite worthless.

“That’s why I’ve been feeling peculiar.”

Perhaps she’d been getting it all wrong.

Carynne shook her head.

“This is all because of Sir Raymond.”

Carynne concluded like so.

He’s the reason she was having a difficult time. Because he gifted her flowers. Because they were the same flowers that he had given her during his first proposal. Because he gave them again.

A hundred years had passed. Raymond still had not changed.

Carynne felt her resolve crumbling, but she picked up the pieces.

“Maybe it’s because I don’t love him.”

She confessed as she stared at the portraits before her.

Perhaps that was so. Perhaps it was her who’s to blame. Because Carynne did not feel true love, because she did not treat others like people, because she did not feel love and saw love only as a means to an end.

Carynne, herself, had not loved anyone. For a hundred years.

So, she thought that perhaps this was the reason she had been repeating the same life over and over again.

Mother. Mother’s mother. Mother’s mother’s mother. Perhaps they all loved someone else truly, genuinely, and so they escaped the curse. But Carynne did not love anyone, which was why she was stuck in this trap endlessly.

“Then, will it all be over once I love you?”

Carynne muttered under her breath. Still, however, she did not know the answer. This was nothing but a murmur.

Alone in the room, she looked around the room where flowers were abundant. She suppressed the urge to cry.

Even so, it will be worth a try.

It is worth a try.

There was not much time left. However, Carynne vowed to try harder to love Raymond.

But that night, Raymond did not return. He left only one letter.

“Isn’t this too sudden?”

Carynne stared down at Raymond’s hurried letter.

What’s written was that something had come up all of a sudden, and it seemed as though he might be away for a while.

It hadn’t even been written on a proper stationery paper, but instead it was a memo scribbled upon a knight’s notepad in a hurry. How could he be called to work like this when he was about to retire?

“Would it be better to postpone the wedding?” she asked herself. “No, it would be difficult to reschedule it.”

There’s not much time left anyway.

She did not know exactly when Raymond would return, but she had no doubt that he would return safely again this time. And he would marry her.

“But this…”

Carynne stared at the other letter in her hands.

It was a letter with the royal seal.

Crown Prince Gueuze had summoned her once again.

* * *

His intent with sending this letter was obvious.

Come to my side. Heat up my bed.

Carynne let out a sigh. Raymond wasn’t here. And Countess Elva wouldn’t stick out her neck to protect her. It’s too much of a risk to go against the royal family. Only people like Raymond, who believed in justice and listened to conscience, would do crazy things against them. It’s for this reason that she chose him.

However, would Raymond be able to protect her again this time? Right now, things were spiraling out of her control more and more that it was difficult for her to predict where things were going.

“What will happen if I don’t go, I wonder.”

The same ordeal was happening again, and for the first time in a long while, Carynne was having a difficult time to decide.

Raymond was called out to duty, and Carynne was being summoned by Crown Prince Gueuze—again.

In the days long past, Carynne’s suffering ended at Isella’s hands. It’s only to be expected that a romance novel’s villain was another woman. The story would become too scandalous if another man would be involved. It’d be dirty.

“Why is Crown Prince Gueuze so obsessed with me.”

“Milady…”

Was he soothing his bruised ego through the daughter because he could not conquer the mother?

Still though, it was only a matter of course that Carynne had no intention of picking up Catherine’s leftovers. It’s not very hygienic, you know. And it wouldn’t be good for one’s mental health either.