Rika

#1

It's dark in this room. Actually it's pitch black. Come to think about it I'm not even sure if this is a room, but the staleness of the air and a faint echo of a machine's whirling noise suggests it is a closed space. A machine – I do not know what it is. When I concentrate to listen more carefully it sounds like a sound of a spinning fan. It could be a cooling fan, or some sort of ventilating device. I guess they both have same effect, the only difference being the purpose.

I spend about a minute intently listening to this 'fan' noise. It is a small fan, rotating rapidly, which makes me think it is not a ventilation fan connected to outside, but a small fan located in a machine. What kind of machine would it be, I try to pick up any other hint that I can sense in this blackness. I try to smell. The air feels a little moist as it enters my nostrils. I find that the air's actually rushing into my nose even when I inhale only faintly. I try stop breathing. The air's still flowing into my nose. I figured it out. I don't know what happened to me, but I have a breathing mask attached to my face.

Obviously I'm not dead, but I feel no pain. I don't remember getting into any accident that could have led to me ending up in some sort of a hospital. Besides, I don't think a hospital's room would be set to be so dark, even if it were night now. I try to remember. What was I up to before I found myself here.

It was sunny. I remember the sun beams. The sun beams shining through the strains of her hair draping over my face. A girl, I can't visualize her face at all, but I feel like she was smiling. The smell, she smelt sweet, yet salty. Her face was close to mine, her hands pinning my down by the shoulders, her knees placed tightly to each side of my torso. Then she parted her lips to say something. I did not see it as her face was completely in shadow and all I could see was the flicker of sunshine descending on me through her wavy hair. But I knew she was saying something, because I could feel a breath of sweet air landing on my lips as she spoke. I don't remember any sound, no words, no particular message, but I remember feeling at ease and in peace, not in a tranquil and joyous way, but like my body was slowly dissolving into the ground in the most soothing manner, as if I was disappearing slowly. My eyes closed. My body was sinking. I think I was laying on a bed of long grown summer's grass. Each blade of the grass seemed to be softening, as if they were turning into something fluffy. I could feel her face getting close to mine. For some reason I remember thinking 'this is the last time'. Last time of what, I do not know. And then in all this haziness, a voice echoes into my skull, as if the girl was projecting the sound right into my head.

"Come back"

#2

"So I was like, whoa, what's going on? Is this for real?"

"It probably wasn't, and you are just talking out of your ass"

"No man, it was real. I read the note like a hundred times"

"Yeah but you don't know who actually wrote it"

"I do. I knew it in the instant. I just needed to confirm that the note itself was real, the piece of paper that I was holding in my hand"

"Lol fuck. You don't doubt your guess but you doubt if a physical thing in your hand is real"

"'cuz you never know right? But anyways, it did clearly say, and it was from her. I'm 100% certain"

"And who this mysterious 'girl' may be that send you a love letter?"

"That girl over there"

"Who?"

"The one in the middle, with short cut hair"

"Get outta here. She's not in your league. She's not even on the same planet"

"But she is the one that left the note on my desk"

"You wish"

"It is her, I'm sure"

"Why don't you go talk to her then? As if you can lol"

"Nah she may be embarrassed in front of her friends and all that you know"

"Yes she'd be embarrassed just to be talked to by you, you embarrassment of a human being"

"Fuck off. I'll do it casually, like a coincidence"

"Ho?"

"Look I will just kick to roll this ball over to her and go there to pick it up"

Then I (thought) gently kicked the ball, but I must have hit it with some pebble on the school ground. The ball went ballistic and landed straight on her face, to my horror.

"Oh boy… what the fuck did you do.."

"Jesus, are you ok?"

I ran towards her as fast as I could. She was lying on her back on the ground, completely motionless, her girl friends were kneeling down over her in panic shaking her and asking if she was ok. I kneel down to check her out to, and one of the girls violently shoves me away and I do a half roll backwards and bang my head on the ground too.

"You jerk!"

Oh man… I say to myself as I feel fainty from landing on my head and things are going blur. Fack. This is not how it was supposed to go.

#3

I come back to my senses in the school infirmary. I open my eyes and see the white ceiling above me. I'm lying on a curtained off bed. I grunt as I pulled my body up to bring myself down from the bed. For some reason I feel like my dusty white trainers look pathetic as I slip my feet into them. Nevertheless, I stand on my two feet and stretch my back a little, giving my head a bit of shake. I feel better now. I pull the curtain in front of me wide open, and I see a girl laying on the same kind of bed I was laying on just before. It is her. The girl I fancied. The one that (unbelievably) left a note of confession on my desk yesterday, with just one sentence written on it "Meet me at the rooftop tomorrow after school". Technically maybe it wasn't a confession yet, but I presume that's what she was going to do when we indeed meet after school today. I look at her face and luckily there is no sign of any bruise or scar, and she is sleeping soundly. What a pretty face, and what a pair of pretty little slender arms she has folded over her body in a cross, like…eh? This looks like how you position a corpse, or like how a vampire sleeps. That is pretty weird. I should have known it's silly, but before I knew it I was carefully grabbing her upper lip and pulling it upwards to check her teeth, and then she suddenly flashed her eyes wide open

"Whaaaaaaa! I'm sorry!"

"What are you doing?", she asks me, her arms still motionlessly folded over her chest, with just her lips moving.

"I was just checking out your fangs"

"What kind of perversion is that"

"No look, sorry, I didn't mean to. I just thought you were a bit weird…"

"So you kick a ball into my face, and then follow me to the infirmary to check my fangs, and call me weird?"

"Something like that"

"You know what? I think I'm just gonna scream"

"Huh?"

"HEEEEEEELLLLP!!!"

Yikes. She just lay there in her same dead body pose and started to scream from top of her lungs, and soon enough our school nurse rushed into the room, who happened to be a very bulky strong man.

"What's going on?"

"This freak is doing something perverse"

"You little piece of shit!", the school nurse grabs my right wrist and violently twists and yanks it to my back, while kicking the back of my knees. I instantly drop to the ground and he's on top of me in no time.

"Ouch that hurts. Sorry this is all a misunderstanding"

"Yes, it is difficult for normal people to understand a pervert like you", the nurse spits out these harsh words between his gritted teeth.

"I didn't do anything. Seriously"

The nurse then turns his head to look at the girl, who is now sitting so tidily on the bed with her two feet dangling down, as if to ask her what she thinks. She just kinda looks away and whistles.

"Really, I didn't do anything"

"What were you trying to do?"

"I just wanted to.. check out her fangs.. that's all"

Then the girl burst out laughing. The nurse looked confused for a while and then slowly let go of my wrists.

"I don't know what funny game you are into, but stop messing around in the infirmary. If you are not sick, then get out"

"But he IS sick", the girl chimes in with a mischievous grin.

"You guys, both get out"

So we find ourselves outside and the infirmary door slides shut with a loud clack behind our back. The girl starts to walk away as if nothing happened, and then I remembered how all this started in the first place.

"Hey"

"What?", she replies without turning her head to face me, just keep pacing forward in lanky strides.

"er.. so what did you want to talk about after school today?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You left a note on my desk yesterday, saying you wanted to meet at the roof top after school today"

"You received such a note?"

"Yes"

"And you thought it was from me?"

"Yes"

"What made you think that?"

"Sixth sense"

"Sixth sense your balls"

Today's not a good day, I mutter to myself in pain as she turns around and walks away.

#4

I'm in pain from my head to my balls. The school bell rang finally and everyone's packing to go home. I went over what happened today in my head, and it looks like the note wasn't from this girl. No shit. So stupid of me to get my hopes up and think, not only that, be so certain that the note was from this pretty girl that I have been gazing at around the school. Nevertheless, some girl (or at least somebody) wanted to see me after school today. I will at least make my way up and see who it is.

I waited a little for most students to go home and slowly struggled up the stairs to the roof top. The metal door was slightly open. I suppose there is at least some glimpse of sweetness waiting on the other side. It may not be a girl I like, or someone I could accept, but at least this would be my first receipt of a confession from a girl.

I fling the door open and step outside. The sun is setting and the sky looks like a molten core. I take few more steps out to look around, to see who may be there.

Clang.

I hear the door shut behind me, so I turn around to see who came through.

"Sike! Motherfucker!", just as a massive fist was landing on my face at full force I saw this tall dude with bleached blond hair behind that punch.

The sheer power of the punch sends me hurling onto ground and I roll once or twice on my side. Fack. Today's a really bad day.

"Remember me?", this delinquent looking boy asks me with joyous smile.

"Who are you…? What did I do to you?"

"You got in my way and screwed up my chance before"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

A kick lands on my side. I feel like throwing up.

"So you don't even know how you fucked up?"

"I have no fucking clue what you are talking about"

The guy stomps on the side of my right knee, and a bolt of pain runs through my leg as my knee gets pressed onto the concrete floor.

"I really hate people like you. Stupid and clueless"

"Jesus, gimme a break. I can't even say sorry if I don't know what the fuck is going on"

Then the blonde dude kneels over me still laying on the ground panting.

"You really don't know?"

"No!"

"Right, listen up dumbass. Two days ago I was talking to a girl just behind the school, and at the worst possible timing some dumb fuck puked out of the window above which landed on my head. And yes, that dumb fuck was you"

Oh. Wait. I remember I was playing this stupid game with my mate Peko during lunch time. I had brought lunchbox full of dumplings and I told him I can fit 15 dumplings in my mouth (which I actually did once when I was in primary school). He said no way, so I ended up shoving them all into my mouth, proudly setting a new record of 18 dumplings. But that didn't end well, I literally bit off more than I could chew and the quickest way to get rid of them without making a mess in the classroom was to puke them out of window.

"Oh boy. Sorry man.. I remember now.. but I didn't know anyone got hit.."

"How could you not know! You ruined my life!", this time he kicks me on my ass. Yes I guess I deserve some ass kicking.

"Ouch sorry man. I admit that was really shitty of me. But c'mon that's not exactly 'ruining life' is it?"

"Look bitch. I was in the middle of making a fucking confession to the girl I like, and just as I told her I liked her and before she could answer, your sick shit landed full on my head"

"Whoa I'm sorry. I'm really sorry!"

Suddenly the guy seemed to have mellowed out. I actually and honestly did feel sorry for him. How horrible I vomit on his confession. I guess even tough guys have soft spots.

"erm… so what did she say…?"

"She just said 'gross', and then walked away…", I think this tough guy might even have cried a little actually.

"I wish there's anything I can do to make it up to you mate. I sincerely feel bad"

The guy pauses for a thought and then spoke,

"Actually yes. Maybe you can make it up to me"

"How? Just tell me what I can do"

"Go talk to that girl again for me. Tell her it was all your fault, and ask her to give me one more chance to confess properly"

"Dude. It's your confession"

"Yes, and you fucking puked all over it"

"Sorry. I will do as you say"

Sigh.. what have I gotten myself into..

"So, who should I speak to?"

"Rika"

"Who is Rika?"

"She's from Class 1A"

"So what do I do?"

"Go find her tomorrow during school, and ask her to come to the rooftop here"

"Why the rooftop?"

"So you won't be fucking puking on my head again you dumb fuck", very heartfelt thumping kick in my stomach ended the conversation there.

Tomorrow will be another day.

#5

It's lunch time. I still haven't made my way to Class 1A. I'm in Class1F, which is actually on another floor. It's not like I can just randomly pass by that class and happen to run into this girl that I don't even know, and casually ask her to come to the rooftop after school to receive confession from a guy that I puked on a few days ago. But I had to do it. I didn't want to get beaten up again, but I did really feel guilty too that I ruined his confession (but at the same time, it sucked major balls that what I thought was going to be MY moment of confession turned out to be a beat-up).

There was still half an hour or so left of lunch time, so I finally got my courage up and made my way to the Class 1A. I peep inside and there are many girls and boys chit chatting and idling around in the classroom, as they do.

I'm hesitating whether to go in or not, trying to take a step in but then turning around again, just rinse and repeat. Then a dandy looking guy comes up to me and asks,

"Do you need anything?"

"erm, yeah. I'm looking for someone"

"Ah ok. I'm the Class Rep. Who are you looking for?"

"Actually I don't know her. I'm here to look for her on erm… my friend's behalf. Her name is 'Rika', so I'm told"

"No problem!"

Then the dandy little dude turns around and calls out into the classroom

"Hey Rika! Someone's here to see you!"

A girl's head bobs out from a small group of students standing by the window, and as soon as I have the eye contact I realise it is the girl, the girl that I once liked, the girl that I kicked a ball onto her face, the girl that I tried to check her fangs out.

"Whoa! It's the freak!", squeals the girl

Other girls turn around to see me and I see another girl that shoved me the day before resulting in me banging my head, fainting.

"It's this jerk again!"

"Get lost you loser!", a random boy shouts – dude.. I don't even know you.

"It looks like you are well known to my classmates", shrugs the dandy little cunt of a class rep.

"erm.. sorry but can I talk to you?", I ask Rika across the room, raising my voice because, well, I had to, to get heard over the crowd.

"What do you want?", Rika asks back

"It's complicated. Please. This is not for me. I'm asking for a friend"

"Yeah right, 'asking for a friend'. Who does he think he's fooling?", says another random bitch from the crowd.

"Well, let's see what you've got to say", Rika looks amused and starts to make her way towards me.

"Rika are you sure?", a concerned friend of hers asks

"Don't worry. I kicked his balls before and I can do it again" – ah fuck, please no.

So Rika and I are standing outside the classroom in the hall way, I can feel the eyes of disdain running over me from the other students but I came here with a mission.

"Hi..Rika..? Let me first apologise about yesterday.."

"Well it's okay now. I kicked your balls. So it's settled"

"Could you please stop saying that… anyways, I'm here because I have to make up to someone"

"Oh? What could this be?"

"You remember the guy that confessed to you like three days ago? And he got puked on from the sky?"

"Yeah, it was gross"

"Erm… it was me"

"What do you mean?"

"I vomit on him from my classroom window, at a very unfortunate timing"

Rika then burst out laughing

"So let me get this straight, you vomit on a guy making a confession, then kicks a ball to my face next day, then stalks me to the infirmary to check out my fangs?"

"ewww… he's so gross" – I could hear multiple voices from the onlookers saying something of this sort

"Look, if you put it like that I really can't say anything. But still, it's all my fault and this guy's in poor shape, the least I could do for him is to ask you to give him one more chance"

"No. It's my decision whether to accept a confession or not"

"That's not what I'm saying, at least give him a chance to do it again without it being ruined by stupid me, you can reject him for all I care, but at least the man deserves to be rejected with a clean face"

"Hmpf. And what's in it for you?"

"Nothing. I just want to right the wrong I did"

Rika seemed to contemplate for a bit, then gave her answer

"Ok. I accept. I will grant him the chance to be rejected cleanly, and I will give you the chance to 'right the wrong'"

"Thank you so much"

#6

"Tobi! Open the door!"

"This is the police! Open the fucking door!"

I hear them banging on my door. My mom, the police, and god knows who else. I'm running out of time. I have to get rid of all the trace, all the evidence, all the things that I never should have had.

Rattle, Rattle

They are furiously shaking the door knob. I've pressed all the furniture in my room against that door. This should keep them at bay for a while, but if this went on they probably get a fire truck to ladder up to my window

"Open the fucking door! You have nowhere to run!"

I'm slashing through pictures, print outs, hand written letters, poster size photographs. This kitchen knife is not sharp enough. At the same time as maniacally wielding the knife to cut up the papers – my memories – I'm using my left hand to grab and tear out other pictures off the wall, violently shoving them into my mouth and chewing like a mad man.

Boom, boom.

I think they got one of those metal rod thing to break open the door. I can hear the wooden door crack. It will be only matter of time they will storm into my room.

I have no time. This is bad.

Then I see a can of lighter fuel I have long forgotten I had sitting on the book shelf. This could go wrong but I have no other option. I grab the can and yank out the lid, viciously shaking them to pour out onto my desk and the wall. Just as the door breaks open and people in uniforms rush into the room I toss a lit match onto the desk. As I get barged on my back and the police batons beat me on my head I see the desk go up in flames from the corner of my eyes, and the flame's quickly spreading onto the wall. All this time I'm still chewing the pictures in my mouth.

"Get the fire extinguisher!"

An officer screams out the order and in no time the white powders fill up the room. It makes me choke but I'm now chewing and swallowing the final bits of photo print papers in my mouth. They don't taste good.

Things settle down and the room gets quiet. I hear the sobbing sound of my mom just outside my bedroom door. The police officer with the fire extinguisher throws the empty can onto the ground and grits in frustration

"Fuck. We've lost it all"

This is a victory for you, love. I hope you are well.

#7

"So what happened?"

"Well, predictably, she rejected him"

"Oh poor sod"

"Yeah. Feels bad man"

"You are not any better. You seriously thought the note was from that girl, erm, Rika? But it turns out it was a bait note for a beat down"

"Ah shut up. I was so sure it was her"

"Why the fuck would you have thought that?"

"I just had that feeling. There was a connection"

"You didn't even know her name back then"

"But still…"

"What do you mean 'still…', you were proven wrong, end of"

I sigh and look out of the window. I see Rika in the school yard, walking gaily with three girl friends. They all seem to be having fun. Rika's smiling and other girls are laughing too. Maybe one of the girls made a funny joke. Maybe it was about some stupid weirdo that tried to see Rika's fangs. Is this the end? Why does it hurt so much every time I look at her.

Right from the first moment I saw her from afar, I felt this pang in my heart. It wasn't 'love at first sight' in conventional sense. It almost felt like I was seeing a lover from my previous life, where our love ended and we had to part in some tragic way. No matter from how far I watched her, this piercing feeling always came. It hurt every time and I didn't know why.

Then she suddenly turned her head to my direction and I felt our eyes met. No it couldn't be. I was sitting by the window on the third floor and maybe sixty meters or so away from her. I could see her because I was looking out for her but she couldn't possibly find my eyes from the bland background from so far away, but again, I felt certain that it was an eye contact. But then again, she turned her head away again and walked off, getting distant, continuing to talk with her friends.

I must be deluding myself. I don't know what's wrong with me but this girl's doing my head in. She is certainly pretty, but I keep telling myself there is something more, something special that I can't pinpoint, some special connection.. this is going around in circles, and I'm probably making things up in my head now.

"Snap out of it man" – Peko gives me a flick on my head

"Ouch dude"

"You fucked up. Life goes on. It's not like you've ever had a girlfriend anyway, and it's not like you made a move on her or anything. Nothing happened. You didn't break up or get rejected"

That gives me an idea.

"Should I ask her out?"

"Lol fuck. Yes you can. You'll get rejected, but you might as well"

"Yeah.. I think I might as well"

#8

I never thought I would do something so stupid like this, but I've actually wrote a letter to put into Rika's shoebox. In an ironic way, I decided to use the same bait note that I received for my beat down before – "Come meet me at the roof top after school tomorrow"

After some weeks of having observed Rika, I knew she had club activities on Tuesday after classes, which meant there was a window of opportunity where most students would have gone home but Rika would still be in school, and more importantly, her shoes still in her shoe locker, which would mean that she is guaranteed to see the note I put in.

I went over to the shoes lockers by the entrance of the school building, looked around to make sure that nobody else was around. It took some time as every time I thought I could sneak the note in with no one seeing it I'd hear some people passing by so I freak out and wait for another chance. After more than half an hour of toeing around the shoe locker area, it finally seemed to be the right time to take the action. I have already eyed up Rika's shoe locker, so I quickly moved over and opened the door. Then I realized I have not really thought things through. How does this work? Am I supposed to just put it in the locker or actually put it inside the shoes? I remember when I watch anime the notes often fall out when the to-be-confessed opens the locker. But that'd be a bit awkward wouldn't it. But if I put it inside the shoes she might just put her feet in without realizing, which would also result in rather awkward crumpled note getting in between her toes.

So I just stood there looking at her neat black leather shoes. I've now decided to put it inside her shoe, so I snuck the folded paper inside her right shoe. On second thought though, it looked like I put the note in too deep, it's like I couldn't even see that there was a note in there. This is no good. So I put my fingers into pull the note out again, but it felt like the note was stuck and I couldn't get it out. What's going on? Oh, she's using shoe inserts and it seems the note got stuck on the front edge. I try to give the shoe a good shake but it's still not coming out, so I take the shoe out of the locker, hold up in the air and try to look inside.

"Eeewww. You are sniffing my shoes?"

"Whoa!"

Rika was standing right behind me giving me a puzzled (and somewhat disgusted) look. She had her friends on each side and one of them was already starting to mouth me off.

"You are that jerk that kick the ball to Rika!"

"You are the perv that stalked her to the infirmary!", another girl chimes in.

"Look, this is not what it looks like"

"Well it looks very much like you are sniffing my shoes"

"No! I wasn't!"

"Then what were you doing?"

"I was just putting something into your shoes"

"Gross! What were you doing?!", one of her friends blurts out

"oh gees, that didn't come out right. I was just.."

Then her friend snatched Rika's shoe out of my hand,

"Get your dirty hands off Rika's stuff, here Rika.. this guy's such a creep"

Rika just looks at me funny, then lifts the shoe to look inside, and then gives me a blank look again.

"It's okay girls, there's nothing inside. Let's just leave"

Then she put on her shoes and walked off with her friends. Rika didn't turn back, but one of the girls turned around to give me the middle finger on the way out.

That night I couldn't sleep at all. She surely must have seen, or at the very least felt the note inside the shoe. But she decided not to mention it to her friends. Was she trying to protect me in a nice way? In any case, she let me off on this one, but would she actually turn up tomorrow after school?

I don't know how the day passed, but it did. Somehow. I waited a little while until most students have gone home, but then again I couldn't make Rika wait too long either, so I hastily made my way up to the rooftop.

As I reached the end of the stairs, I noticed the steel door leading out to the rooftop was slightly open. Rika must be here already.

I opened the door and took a step out, and looked around to see where she was.

"Sike! Motherfucker!"

I felt a big punch on the back of my head and tumbled onto the concrete floor. As I looked up feeling hazy, I saw the face of the good ol' blond dude before.

"Why… what are you doing..?"

"That one was from Rika"

"What the.."

"And this one's from me!" – a thumping kick on my stomach. I feel like throwing up again.

"Where is Rika?", I had to ask despite the unbearable pain

"You are a fool if you thought she'd be here. She doesn't want to have anything to do with dip shit like you", snorted the scum bag.

"She.. told you to do this?"

"What do you think?", laughed the idiot as he stomped his foot on my head.

#9

I was standing in rain, in the middle of a small park route where I knew Rika normally walks on her way home. It's not that I wanted to be overly dramatic, or make myself look sympathy inducing. I just didn't have the umbrella on me but I still felt I had to do it today.

As predicted, Rika appeared, carrying a pink umbrella – please, don't try to be cute, I resented in my heart. She saw me from about ten meters away, but she did not stop or hesitate, she walked directly towards me, or more accurately, directly en route to just walk past me.

"Hey", I halted her

"What's up?", Rika stopped and asked, looking nonchalant.

"Why did you do that to me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You got that scum bag to beat me up yesterday"

"Did it hurt?"

"Yes"

"Would it have hurt more if I turned you down face to face?"

That made me think.

"Yes"

"There you go then", and she turned around to walk off.

"But I rather be rejected directly and face it like a man", I yelped behind her back.

She stopped, turned around, and said.

"But it would have hurt me to turn you down"

What?

Then she ran off. I've never seen her run before. She runs like a deer in the spring rain.

#10

I ran into the public toilet and headed straight to the sink, projectile vomit coming out of my mouth. Fack. These blood in my hands, I have to get them off my hands. I look into the mirror and my eyes are blood shot. My hands are trembling and my fingers feel like they are cramping like a corpse's hand. I have no strength in my knees yet my arms are tight and taut like they are ready to rash out and tear anybody's face off. My hair's all crumpled and I look shit in the mirror but luckily I have no scars on my face. This place smells like rotting piss mixed with my own vomit and this un-washable blood all over my hands and my body. I turn on the tap to the max and vigorously rub my face to clean it off. I feel like gouging my eyes out. I want to un-see everything I have ever seen, and only leave with the things I want to remember, what is a memory but a self-comforting illusion anyway.

Swing.

I hear a door open behind me. Shit, someone's coming in. I quickly turn around and see a middle aged man with a hat walking into the toilet. He's got no cast on his legs but he's on crutches, maybe physically impaired. It takes him a few seconds to run his eyes over me and see that I'm all covered in blood. His jaws drop almost like in slow motion and I knew I had to stop this before it becomes a bigger trouble.

I yank out a still bloody butterfly knife from my inside pocket and slit his throat in one big swing motion. I cut deep enough the first time to slash his vocal cord and the man can't scream. Only sound he can make is gurgling sound of blood in his mouth and helpless flapping of his frail arms. One of his crutches drop to the floor and make clang sound as it hit the tiles.

Clang.

That's the sound that an aluminum baseball bat makes as it gets a crisp hit on the incoming ball. I hit it perfect.

"Yeah Tobi!!"

I hear my guy class mates cheer. I see the ball make a beautiful high arc across the sky. Take that bitches – it's surely a home-run and that means my class will progress into the semi-final of the school baseball tournament. I sucked so bad for the whole day, all my friends face palming at every strike outs I had to endure, but I've done it when it matters, so clutch.

With the loud cheers of everyone ringing like a song of triumph in my ears, I wave to Rika standing by the school fence at the edge of the ground. She's very far away but she sees me and shoots me a bright beam of smile, waving her arms enthusiastically in return.

I track the ball across the sky and it's surely going over the fence. I keep my eyes on it all the way through just to make sure – ah fack.

"Rika! Watch out!"

Clang.

Another crutch of the man drops and hits the tiles. He's desperately clutching at his throat, trying to contain the blood gushing out. There is no chance he will survive. This man is suffering. I better end it quick for him. I approach him slowly and roll him over to his back with my foot, slowly bend my body over his and slide in the knife straight into his heart through his ribs. His eyes are looking around wildly as if to find one last hope that will never come, and inevitably, this gaze fixes itself on my own eyes, as if to say why do you do this to me. I keep my eye contact with him and I can see his eyes going vacant. Does his soul escape through his cut open throat or is it deserting him through his eyes? Either way, I palm his eyes close. Rest in peace stranger.

I hastily finish washing up and sleek my hair back with water. I step out of the toilet building and into the darkness of the night.

I'm sorry little girl. I didn't mean to do you harm. I'm truly sorry.

I'm sitting by the bed of infirmary where Rika's lying down. Incredibly she managed to escape without a bruise or a cut this time – just like the first time I knocked her out with a rocket football straight onto her face. I reach out and put my hands on top of hers. Her hands are cold. And she still has this funny way of sleeping with her arms folded over her chest like a vampire. That brought back a memory and made me chuckle. Just like the first time, how it all went pear shaped and I had to explain how I was just checking out her fangs.

Rika gradually opens her eyes and sees me sitting beside her. I give her an awkward apologetic smile.

"You don't have to be so nice to me all the time"

"That's not what you say to a man who knocked you out three times now"

She lets out a quiet giggle.

"Did you win?"

"No. The ball bounced off your head and rolled back into play. I ran to you instead of hitting the bases so I was out. We lost"

"You fool. You really are a fool"

She closes her eyes as we both smile.

"Get some rest Rika. I'll be here"

#11

I spent another sleepless night trying to figure out what she meant – and what was the meaning of all this. Ok, first she 'protected' me from being embarrassed in front of everyone by pretending there was no note in her shoes. Then I turned up to make the confession and there was that mega asshole waiting for me to do that "Sike! Motherfucker!" shit again. Then I confronted her the next day still reeling in pain, both my body and heart, and after that I can't make any sense of what she said and how she acted. So she didn't want to turn me down herself because it would have hurt her? Does that mean she likes me? At least a little? A tiny bit perhaps? Does it hurt her the same way it hurts me when she sees me? But why make me get beaten up again?

One certain fact though was that she undoubtedly rejected me. It's just her reasons and methods that were puzzling to me. But since her answer is clear – should I even pursuit her any further?

Futile question. It's not like I can just say 'oh well, that was that' and move on. I would have preferred to be hurt by her instead of some mega dickhead acting as her pawn. But what more could I say to her now? How will she act when she sees me again next time? Why did she run away? That was very unlike her, who always seemed so calm and carefree.

The next day I went to school exhausted and still confused. As I sat down by my desk and was taking out a text book for the first class from my desk drawer, a folded paper note fell out. I picked it up and opened to read it.

"Come meet me at the rooftop after school today"

For fuck's sake. This is getting old. What does she (or he) think I am. I will not fall for the same trick three times. It was either Rika who prepared to get me beaten up, or the mega dick himself playing yet another prank - this time I didn't deserve it. The more I thought of it, the more likely it seemed that Rika wanted to somehow 'punish' me again for the little confrontation yesterday, and have set up yet another (this time predictable) trap for me. A flustered man may burn at the flame again and again like a moth that can't help it, but unlike a moth man can put up a fight.

Just to ensure my suspicions, I deliberately went on roaming around the school during lunch time where I thought I could run into Rika, and as hoped, I did end up facing her in the hallway leading to the school cafeteria. I did not say anything or give any expressions as we approached each other, but did keep my keen eyes on her all the way through. She did not cast her eyes on me even once all the way through, not even in sneaky way, and not showing any sign that she was making any degree of effort to avoid eye contact - she just walked right past me as if I were a ghost.

Gotcha. I figured her out. She set up a trap. Come to think about it that poor sod I vomited on is probably hooked on Rika now and being used as a violent doll that she can unleash at will. I obviously cannot physically attack a girl, but beating that jackass would be equal to scoring a victory over her.

Now that I knew what was up I couldn't wait to pull off my little plan of revenge. I skipped the last class of the day and stole a baseball bat from the gym store. I snuck myself up onto the roof top and took a position on the blind side of the rooftop entrance. All I needed to do now was wait, abide my time, and bring down the justice.

I heard the school bell ring and it was only matter of time. As anticipated, soon enough I heard someone stepping upwards on the stairs to the rooftop. I had kept the door closed, unlike this idiot that's gonna walk right through. He will think he's the first one here now, just like the previous two times, and plan to set up for me to come. This time I'm here first.

Then the door flung open, and as soon as I saw a head pop in I whacked it with the bat.

"Sike! Motherfucker!"

Flat.

Oh.

Shit.

Rika fell flat on her face on the concrete, a perfect face plant. I just whacked the shit out of her head with an aluminum bat.

#12

I'm sorry little girl, but you need to die - I say this to myself as I land another punch on her face. I can't bring myself to say this to the semi-conscious girl that I'm beating on, so I'm uttering these words inside as if though it somehow makes the whole thing less sinful. Should I have strangled her - would that have been less brutal and merciful? Should I have used my knife to cut her? But I couldn't bring myself to mutilate a teenage girl. Fack. Who am I kidding. I'm bludgeoning her to death with my bare fist and I can feel her cheek bones crack underneath. In most likelihood, she is already dead. Come to think about it, pounding someone's face to death is not a very effective way to kill. But I can't stop now. This is how it started so this is how it shall end.

By the time I was done her face was unrecognisable. Sure they have DNA tests, finger prints, and it will only be matter of time they identify who she is. But at least whoever finds her first may avoid the unpleasant experience of finding a dead body of someone you recognise.

Was it really necessary to kill this girl - I would never know. It's just that she got in the way, and meddled into something she shouldn't have, and I have my principles that I need to live by. For now, all I know is that I need to clean up and go back to where I belong.

#13

"Rika! Are you okay?"

There was no answer. What the fuck did I do. I hammered a helpless little girl with a baseball bat and she's laying motionless in front of me. Not only that, this was Rika, the girl that has captivated me for the past months. It only seems recent that we somehow ended up running into each other often, but whenever we did, it didn't end well.

"Rika! Please wake up, oh my god.."

I kneel down to turn her body over. Her body feels completely loose with no strength at all, but as she flops on her back to face up, her eyes flashes open.

"Why you little shit…!"

Before I could even open my mouth to let out a sigh of relief or ask her if she was okay, she grabbed my throat with both of her tiny but unexpectedly strong hands and started to squeeze.

"ARGH, Sorry!"

"Why do you always do this to me?!"

"arrr" I could barely speak now.

"I will KILL YOU"

And with that I could feel that she was tightening her grip on my throat. I started to choke but she had no intention of letting go. I first try to helplessly tap the floor, then her shoulder, and just wildly flail my arms around to signal to her this was going to far, but her eyes were ice cold fixed on mine, and it felt as though she was sucking every single molecule of oxygen out of my body with her eyes.

Fack. This is going to far..

By this time I was grabbing her wrist and try to pull them away as much as I could, but it was to no avail. I couldn't believe how strong this girl was, or maybe my body was already starting to get weak. I could feel my limbs start to curl up as all the muscles tighten to painful cramp. My vision was going blur and I couldn't even look at her clearly anymore, and just before I felt like this was the end, I caught a twinkle of smile on her eyes. What the…

Then everything became black. Darker than black. Black as I have never seen or experienced before. Is this the death? There was no light at the end of the tunnel. It's like everything was just a bottomless black pit, and I felt I would now slowly dissolve into nothingness, the emptiness, complete void. There was nothing transcendental about dying I realised. This. Was. It. Fack.

"Come back", a voice boomed inside my head.

"Garrggrrggrghh!" I bolt up from the ground in total shock. I'm drenched in sweat and panting hard. Was that a dream? What the fuck happened?

"Who am I?". a girl standing in front of me asked. It was a very pretty girl, like no other girl I have ever met before - I knew her,

"Rika."

"That's right. Let's try not to fuck this up again"

She extended her hand, beckoning me to grab and shake it. I hesitated a bit but took her invitation and shook her hand. Her hand was warm. Very warm.