Sasaki And Miyano: First Year Students

Translator: humu

In short, I was treated as an outsider.

It sounded nice, but I was essentially kept in the dark. I wanted to be there for her when she was weak, but she hadn’t even told me that she was sick.

I lowered my voice, getting chills that made me feel as if my vision was going dark.

“If Yumi had died, I would never forgive you guys for the rest of my life.”

I told her in a firm, albeit not loud, voice.

“Tasuku-kun!”

Before I could register, her―― Yumi’s voice rang in my ears.

She donned a hospital gown and a light cardigan over. She stared at me with wide eyes.

From the way she stood up straight, she didn’t look as sick as I feared.

“―― That. Huh? She has a fever.”

I was upset, she was confused. She looked between her mother and me, feeling puzzled.

“That ended last week. I’m fine now. More importantly, Tasuku-kun, today……”

She spoke in a caring tone.

――She knew. She knew I was kept away in the dark.

I was astonished when I immediately guessed it.

Of course. It was easy to decipher from history. If I thought about it, she was also in favour of reducing the number of visits.

If she had been unwilling to lie, she would have explained that to me during our daily conversations, “That was sent by my parents without consulting me.”

“Did you hear me? Now do you understand what I’m saying? ……I didn’t want you to worry about me. I only caught a common cold.”

Still, I was disappointed.

Protesting to her parents would do nothing if her thoughts remained unchanged.

They didn’t understand how I felt. When something happens again, I’ll be shut out from the truth.

“…… I’d like to talk to you. Can we go to your room? Or do you need to do something?”

“Okay. I’m not here to do anything. I just came out to check on my mom since she didn’t come back……”

I glanced over at her mom. She urged me to talk it over with her. As soon as she said that, I felt a burning sensation in my chest. I knew that what I felt was as if I was about to be torn apart by this misunderstanding.

It’s me and her who didn’t understand each other.

We’re dating, but we didn’t feel the same way.

“…. Let’s go.”

My voice was much lower than I thought it would be.

The fact that I was confronted with this, felt heavy. I gulped bitterly.　

“I think I told you this before. It’s not a national certification or anything, I just want to test my skills. It’s not such a big deal that I need to forget everything just to concentrate on studying for the exam.”

I sat down on the small sofa in the corner of the room, watching her from my peripheral vision as she sat uncomfortably on the bed.

This was the seat that her mother usually sat on.

Now, I was afraid that she would get angry if I faced her head-on, so I turned my body away from her.

“But you had your final exams too.”

“The content tested is only from what I’ve learnt and that’s what I usually study. It’s not like I have to burn the midnight oil to cram, so a visit once a week won’t affect me in any way.”

“You say that but…… I only caught a cold too.”

“Your fever hadn’t gone down in days, hadn’t it? What were you going to do if it got worse?”

My heart grew heavy as I remembered her suffering from nausea and eczema.

Even though we hadn’t known each other for very long, I had many opportunities to catch a glimpse of how painful it was for her when she wasn’t feeling well.

When she couldn’t take it anymore and used the nurse call button, I felt helpless and at a loss.

“But it’s just a cold. It won’t kill me.”

I could tell that she was blaming me for my outburst earlier, as her tone came out unusually strong. I looked down, feeling guilty that I had disrespected her mother in a fit of passion.

“I’m sorry about my actions to your mother…… I’m sorry I acted rudely. But you have to understand my concern. You’ve been in the hospital a lot. Even if you say you’re fine, you can’t leave the hospital right away. A cold can kill a person. You take yourself too lightly.”

“I’m not gonna die.”

Her response was only mildly confused.

Was it an overreaction? Wasn’t it possible that you’re simply so used to being sick that you’ve become numb to it?

“……When I thought we were just classmates, it didn’t really hit me, but I’ve never met a girl who was weaker than Yumi. Whenever I hear that she’s going to be hospitalized, I think that she’s going to die someday. I’m so scared. It’s even more scary when you’re sick and you’re misdiagnosed, it’s too much……”

It will be okay, she said, just as I expected.

Both of us walked on parallel tracks.

After a moment of silence, she slowly opened her mouth.

“…… I, I love that you love stars. When we were in junior high, I was always so happy when you came to visit me and talk to me. People who don’t share the same hobby with me always ask me about my health. I can only say that I feel the same. It’s not that they are at fault or anything, but I just feel bad that I can’t give them a good answer.”

“…… I see.”

“Yeah. That’s why I’ve been hoping to get to know you better, because you’re always willing to tell me what you like. I sometimes sleep with the curtains open at night. Ever since junior high, nights have been more fun than before. When I get caught sometimes after strolling around, the things you’ve told me before made the nights more enjoyable.”

“……Yeah.”

It reminded me of a night in May when she wanted to look for constellations over the phone.

She and I had been looking up at the same night sky, not just on that night, but from a long time ago.

“And even though it’s a certification exam, you’re still studying and working hard when we’re together. Don’t talk to me like you’re not important…”

Her lips were pouting and her cheeks were painfully thin. That’s why I couldn’t take her word for it.

“You should at least tell me when you have a fever or a cold. If you don’t tell me, I can’t concentrate on my studies. If I’m kept in the dark, I feel like you don’t have trust in me. I know I’m a stranger, not a family member, so you probably can’t just tell me everything.”

She looks up with a burst of energy.

“Tasuku-kun……”

I didn’t want to see that expression.

I turned around and stood up with my bag in my hand.

***1

“Can you walk? Let’s go to the infirmary.”2

Taking that offered hand, I scolded my wobbly legs and started walking.

I was treated for my injuries. He briefly explained the situation to the nurse in the infirmary―― Then after, I decided to break my own promise and settled on visiting her.

My face was swollen, body full of injuries and my spectacles needed to be fixed.

If I really went to visit her, she would know that I had picked a fight with some stranger. If I told her that I took it out on them to vent my frustration and then that person hit me, she would be angry at me and would be worried.

After much deliberation, I sent a message of refusal.

“I’m sorry. I won’t be able to come for a couple of days.”

I couldn’t give a reason.

There was nothing wrong with my bones, but they wouldn’t let me take swimming lessons with several reddish-black bruises on my stomach. Thus, I was merely observing the class from the side.

Fortunately, it seemed that the evaluation of the practical skills would be based on the content taught in class so far. No points would be deducted for observation.

I was deeply relieved because this was a subject I was not good at to begin with.

But the relief was short-lived. I couldn’t postpone my meeting with her any longer.

The lens were not broken, so I replaced the frame with a similar one and finished repairing the spectacles. But the bruise on my face remained.

Since it was still there, I had no choice but to resign to fate.

“…. Pardon my intrusion.”

After knocking, I slowly pushed the sliding door open and entered the ward. 

“Welcome…… eh?”

It wasn’t not something I could hide even when I entered the room with my head down.

The look of surprise and concern in her eyes made me nod my head without saying a word.

“…….I’m a little injured.”

“It’s not just a little!?”

Her widened eyes moistened as she looked at me. She must have been very shocked.

I was already well aware of how the traces of violence could trample the hearts of those closest to me, and the reaction of my family was enough for me.

“I’m sorry. On the day I told you I can’t come, this actually happened. It’s not as bad as it looks.”

As soon as I moved the round chair to the side of the bed and sat down beside her, a cute punch flew at me. It hit my shoulder, but it didn’t hurt one bit. I laughed, but she sharpened her voice at me.

“It’s alright if you didn’t come on that day, but I want to know the reason.”

“…….Okay.”

I understand.

“Did you get into a fight? With who?”

“At school, some guy I didn’t know was talking bad about his girlfriend. It was so loud and it ticked me off, so I complained about the noise and he hit me.”3

I threw my head onto the bed, resting next to her.

She sighed then cradled my head onto her lap and stroked it with gentle hands.

“Did you hit him too?”

“Nope, not at all. I ran away but he caught me and beat me up.”

“My goodnessー……”

I confessed honestly but she gave me the chop. The hand that had just been stroking me gently strike down.

I couldn’t help but laugh even though the bruise on my cheek made it painful to do so. I heard a sigh of exasperation above my head. I could feel the tenderness in her breath.

“You know…….. The other day, I said something terrible to Yumi’s mother.”

There was no doubt that citing the death of her precious child hurt her deeply even if she did not show it in her attitude.

There was no way that those people who had spent time with her up until now hadn’t suffered when thinking about their daughter who was repeatedly in and out of the hospital.

I’m really pathetic.

“Yeah. My parents really care about you, you know. They say that you’re like a son to them. I’m embarrassed that I’m so quick to say that, but since I’m ……, I usually tell them that I don’t want to interfere with your studies and that you’re working hard. And I also feel the same way4.”

“……. I see…”

“Ehehe…”

ーーI care about you too, you know.

If it was a few days ago, I would have refuted her words.

But now I could see that this was not the case5. It wasn’t something to argue about and it wasn’t her parents’ fault, even though their manner of showing concern was out of line. It was just my resentment.

I was so worried about her condition that I felt weak inside. I said things that I didn’t need to say and I took it out on other people, causing troubleーー I’m so ashamed of myself.

“I love you.”

Even after reflecting on it, the anxiety wouldn’t go away.

I couldn’t live without her. I’ve never fallen in love with someone so much before. I know it was a heavy burden to bear.

Even so, I mustn’t let my immaturity be the reason for my furyーーI mustn’t let my emotions get the better of me.

I slowly raised my head. I had to look at her in the face and tell her properly.

“I love you.”

I looked straight into her eyes and said it. I could see her cheeks gradually reddening.

I couldn’t help but love the smile on her face as she smiled happily.

“Hehehe…”

I love the way she smiled, the way she laughed, the way her voice was so soft, the way her fingers were so slender. Everything.

“You’ll be healthy.”

“And so I will be.”

Trying to reassure her with the best promise I could give, I gently wrapped my hands around hers, which were still scarred from the IV.

T/N: That’s the end! Don’t you just love subtle character developments?! Obviously it’s not “finished” because their story hasn’t ended! 

Next up: Kuresawa-kun and myaa-chan!