Savage Divinity

Roused by a warbling cackle emanating centimetres from my ear, I let loose with an unmanly scream and spring to my feet in a surge of fear and anxiety. Confused by my unfamiliar surroundings, it takes a moment to find my bearings and remember that I’d slept outside to keep Ping Ping company. Rudely awakened by my panicked actions, Mama Bun makes her displeasure known with a mild headbutt to my jaw followed by a murderous glare and pouty yawn. Equally aggrieved, Blackjack pops up to issue a series of displeased snorts and grunts before retreating to the warm comfort of Mama Bun’s fur, presumably to go back to sleep. Wishing I could do the same, I blow air at the delinquent responsible for this horrible start to my day, who responds with sheer indifference. Perched on my shoulder with a proud gleam in his eye, Roc continues squawking for all he’s worth, heralding the sunrise in poor imitation of a rooster.

“Dammit Roc,” I mutter, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. “Why? Why would you do this?”

“Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo.” After screaming for the second time today, I remember the new, unwelcome addition to my entourage a heartbeat too late to save my pride. Sitting cross-legged in the dirt, both of the monk’s feet rest easily on his thighs, an impressive feat for a man so... rotund. Ignorant (hopefully) to my rude thoughts, the monk’s eyes remain closed in relaxed meditation as he speaks through Sending, though I wouldn’t know it if I wasn’t looking directly at him. “Good morning brother SanDukkha. Allow this one to enlighten you regarding your query. The Mother made each of Her creations with a purpose in mind. Raised in captivity, the kingfisher’s Dharma has been altered and now he seeks new purpose in life through mimicry and experimentation. Such is life, trials and tribulations without end. Such sadness, such struggle.”

Wow, much sad, so pity. “Uh, thanks. Good morning.” It was a rhetorical question but at least now I know what kind of bird Roc is. Giving Ping Ping a hug, I continue, “So um, I never got your name yesterday.”

“This one left his secular name behind when he gave up the Three Desires and accepted the Four Noble Truths. A Dharmic name is a private affair, revealed only to those who share our values, and while you are undoubtedly one of the Brotherhood, you have yet to accept your purpose in life, so some secrets must be kept.”

“...Okay, but what do I call you besides, ‘the monk’?”

“This one can not be called ‘The’ monk, for he is merely ‘a’ monk. Otherwise, the appellation is apt and this one wears it with pride.” Slowly opening his eyes, he breathes deeply as if inhaling life itself and greets me with a smile, patting the dirt beside him. “Come meditate with me brother SanDukkha,” he Sends. “A new dawn greets us which means the day has long since begun. This one does not mean to nag, but you would do well to rise earlier. Sloth and indolence are signs of an undisciplined mind, their only function to obstruct and hinder one’s self.”

“No thank you, I have some things that need doing before I can meditate.” It's best to just ignore him, but I hate his ‘holier-than-thou’ routine. Every word out of him reeks of smug self-superiority, pretending like it wasn’t his fault I didn’t get enough sleep. Who asked him to go all super-stalker and show up in the middle of the night to secretly watch me sleep? I spent hours tossing and turning, worried he would murder me or worse, and now he has the gall to call me undisciplined? Pot, meet kettle. Seriously, I thought they were supposed to be vegetarians. How you get fat eating rabbit food? This bald ham-planet is fatter than fat. He’s so fat, even his chins have chins. He’s so fat, his earlobes sag underneath the extra weight. He’s so fat... No, fat people hate is not okay, but I am irked I tell you, irked. Hmph, talking about my undisciplined mind while he has an undisciplined pie-hole...

Worst of all, how am I supposed to have my morning cuddle session with his fat, bald head breathing down my neck?

Taking my refusal in stride, the monk Sends, “This one sees much anger within you, brother SanDukkha. Anger will lead you astray from the correct path, the path of Dharma. You set the Sacred Guardian against the merchants out of churlish vengeance, did you not? To use the Mother’s servant like so, such wickedness, such sin. Perhaps the merchant company wronged you, but to fight fire with fire only leaves the whole world scorched. Resent not the ignorant but rather seek to enlighten them. Your hatred does you an injustice. Hatred cannot sustain you nor will it make you whole. Learn the power of forgiveness, for in holding on to anger or hatred, you only harm yourself, like a hot coal clenched in...”

Turning a deaf ear to his preaching is almost impossible, but I do my best to keep my morning routine, calming my nerves and divesting myself of unease and uncertainty by watching my pets. Still resting inside her ditch, Ping Ping lazily watches the bun buns speed about in their new wire enclosure. Annoyed by their head-butting and jump-kicking antics, Aurie hops out to join Mafu and the other quins who are still fast asleep. Grooming themselves with beak and branches, Roc’s flock is unusually silent as they floof themselves up in preparation to face the day, intent on snatching any shinies which catch their eye and bringing feathery doom to all things edible.

Most people wouldn’t understand, but floof watching is therapeutic. They’re helping me manage my crippling anxiety and debilitating depression, two other emotions I also have in bulk.

Pran and Saluk soon arrive with breakfast for my pets, and feeding time never fails to put a smile on my face. As soon the veggies come out, all the bunnies gather around and set to tippy-tapping their little paws in excitement, their chubby cheeks working furiously to devour everything I place before them. The bun buns are mostly weaned now and although they eat a lot, they’re not too picky so it’s no trouble keeping them well-fed. Moving on to the birds and Blackjack, I hand feed them one by one, hoping to break them of their habit of stealing and teach them that food will come when they’re patient. My lie about Roc and the others keeping Ping Ping free of pests won’t hold forever and it’s only a matter of time before they piss off the wrong person and come to a bad end.

Plus, once a cloud chaser hare matures, it turns into a flying floof of death and destruction, so teaching Blackjack good manners sooner rather than later seems appropriate.

Unfortunately, the monk takes issue with my actions and makes it clear through Sending. “Brother SanDukkha, though you mean well, by feeding these creatures, you interfere with the natural order of things. As this one stated early, each creature has a purpose. What purpose does a pampered wildcat serve, or a dancing bear? You have subdued these creatures, broken them, and in doing so have altered their Dharma. How will they fare should...”

Deep breaths, Rain, deep breaths.

Trying not to let his chiding ruin everything, I go about my day as usual, albeit with a fat monk shadowing me. My training regimen earns me another lecture, the monk unhappy with my ‘brutal’ methods. “Such ignorance, such sin,” he Sends, shaking his head with a disapproving glower as Pran and Saluk beat me with staves. “This is merely suffering without reason. You stand there and force your subordinates to strike you and be struck in return, but what purpose does it serve? Birth is suffering, aging is suffering, illness is suffering, death is suffering, life is suffering, and suffering is life. Why add to it with this senseless brutality? Pain can be an effective tool, yes, but like many tools, one must learn how to properly use it or risk egregious self-harm. Ask and this one shall gladly teach, but you must not abuse the lessons you learn, for...”

All this from a card-carrying member of self-flagellating fanatics. I’ve been doing this for years and if he doesn’t like it, then why’d he invite me to join in the first place?

Needless to say, I didn’t ask or encourage him, but he still kept gabbing away and warning me to change my ways for the entire training session. Afterwards, he kicked up a fuss during breakfast about eating meat. “Brother SanDukkha, this is not proper. What right do you have to take these poor creatures’ lives? As we make our way through Samsara, the cycle of life and death, all creatures are equal in the eyes of the Mother. One must strive not to kill a living being, cause it to be killed, nor incite another to kill. Such is the first step on the path towards Nirvana, a part of the Third Truth, the Truth of the End of Suffering which you must inevitably accept. Still your mind, eliminate desire, and escape the cycle of Samsara...”

There’s nothing worse than a vegetarian who won’t shut up about being a vegetarian. Out of pure spite, I eat everything in my bowl and go back for seconds even though I’m not all that hungry.

After breakfast is my daily meeting with Rustram and Dastan, which the monk sits in on uninvited. While going over the expenses, I’m subjected to yet another haranguing, this time over my hard earned (sort of) coin. “What use do you have for so much wealth brother SanDukkha? Greed is one of the Three Poisons, and along with Hatred and Ignorance, they form the root of all evils. So long as one’s thoughts are conditioned by the Three Poisons, one cannot live a moral life. This one heard of your deeds at the Northern Bridge and commends you on your efforts to shelter those in need, though this one must remind you again to not alter Dharma. Remember these words: ‘Desire nothing for yourself, but do all for others’, and ‘see not what you have done, but what remains to be done’...”

Yea sure, I’ll give away all my money after you go on a diet, fatty.

After spending half a morning with the monk, I finally understand why they named me SanDukkha, which means ‘Perpetual Suffering’. Whoever picked it must have known this monk would be my Dharma Protector and knew what it meant for me. The monk never stops talking and it’s killing me. On the outside, he looks all calm, serene, and quiet, but in reality, he is an endless chatterbox of passive aggressive criticism and rambling sermons. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was trying to sap away my will to live so I won’t resist when he drags me away to his isolated monastery.

All my efforts to escape are in vain as he follows me wherever I go. My personal yurt, the cooking tents, and even my pooping tent offers no solace, not today. Ignoring my politely worded requests to shut the fuck up and leave me alone, his voice haunts me even in the depths of my Natal Palace. Switching places with Baledagh bought me a small measure of peace which lasted all of a minute before my weak-willed little brother threw in the towel. He barely stayed out long enough to confirm the absence of Spectres, and now the monk sits in our new skiff, lecturing me through Sending while Taduk, Guan Suo, Guard Leader, Mama Bun, and I accompany Ping Ping out into the bay, along with her escort of frolicking roosequins.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about going swimming after yesterday’s debacle, but at this point I’d gladly welcome another shark attack if it’ll put an end to the monk’s constant nattering. I swear to the Heavens, if he doesn’t shut up soon, I’m going to stab him in his stupid, fat, bald face. He’s a colossal hypocrite, telling me I shouldn’t kill while carrying around a giant-ass bladed pole-arm, or preaching about love and forgiveness while suffering from severe anger issues. Honestly, I’d point out his hypocrisies, but the monk kind of terrifies me. Even though Taduk, Guard Leader, and Guan Suo are all super strong, all he’s done is talk and I don’t want to needlessly endanger anyone over such a small issue.

Strong as he is, even Guan Suo will die if someone cuts his head off, which goes double for my sweet, hare-brained teacher.

Stripping down to my swimming shorts, I study the watery depths and draw courage from Ping Ping’s presence. Well that, and the sturdy rope I’m about to tie around me before giving the other end to Guan Suo. Stifling a nervous chuckle, I mutter, “Lightning never strikes the same place twice, so I guess we’re as safe as can be, right?”

“Don’t be foolish, Rain my boy,” Taduk replies, absently watching Mama Bun hop to and fro, her nose working furiously to pinpoint her quarry. “Lightning can most certainly strike the same place twice. In fact, under the right conditions, it will only strike a single place, like at the Sacred Trees around Sanshu. Those towering behemoths probably get struck by lightning all the time.” Belatedly catching on, he blushes and adds, “Ah, no, you’re absolutely right my boy. Pay no mind to the idle mutterings of this fool, you’ve nothing to fear, nothing at all.”

“Thanks, Teacher.” At least he means well.

As always, the monk doesn’t miss a chance to chime in, Sending, “Remember this, brother SanDukkha: One cannot control what happens, but one can control how one responds to what is happening. Fear itself is not harmful, for it can serve as a call to action. ‘Remove your hand from the fire’ or 'wander not in the unfamiliar dark’, but when one is governed by fear, it often causes one to leave the path of Dharma. Dwell not in the past, dream not of the future, let go of the present, and cross over to the opposite shore of existence. Liberate one’s mind, and free oneself from Samsara, Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo.”

For once, the monk has some helpful advice and I commit his words to memory. The first bit at least, ‘don’t let fear control you’. Kind of obvious and only mildly useful, but still good to keep in mind.

If only he wasn’t so long-winded...

With Peace and Tranquility in hand, I take a deep breath and step off the boat, plunging into the cold waters of Nan Ping Bay. Trembling from head to toe, I do a full scan of my surroundings in all directions, keeping a wary eye out for sharks or other nasty critters. It’s easy to say ‘control your fear’, but another thing altogether to actually do it. Don’t forget, I’m 90% sure someone is trying to kill me and 100% sure they’re not going to pack up and leave after failing once.

Problem is, I still have no idea who tried to kill me. I have tonnes of suspects, but which one of them had the means, motive, and opportunity to carry out this attack?

It’s been a full day since the shark attack and I’ve gotten nothing from the Legate. No praise for keeping Ping Ping alive, no condemnation for putting her in danger, not even an official statement addressing the attack. This and the fact that no officials came to check if Ping Ping was hurt makes me think my earlier suspicions were on the mark; the Legate doesn’t really care about my sweet turtle, he’s just using her to raise morale. While it’s unlikely he’s behind the attack, I can’t rule him out either, but what would his motive be?

Egotistical and unscrupulous as they are, I doubt the nobles of the Empire would disobey an Imperial Decree in such an overt manner, especially when the benefits are so small. Sure, if the plan had worked I’d be dead, but the noble families involved could never admit their part and gain face. In the Legate’s own words, attacking Ping Ping is treason and heresy, crimes punishable by nine familial extermination. That means putting every living relative you have at risk, and number one talent in the north or not, I’m a bit player in all this which means the risk far outweighs the reward, especially when there are easier ways to deal with me and the Bekhai.

The Canston Trading Group is another suspect, but after looking into them, I concluded that the branch in Nan Ping lacks the manpower to pull this off. The merchant house was a shipping warehouse, not a main office or anything, so they only have around thirty guards, not nearly enough to carry this out. More importantly, if they’re responsible for the attack, that means they planned and flawlessly executed a massive shark attack in less than twenty-four hours after our exchange. It’s possible, but highly improbable. According to Bulat, we were attacked by more than one school of sharks, which means someone tracked down multiple packs and gathered them together before herding the uber-school into the bay.

I sent him out to spread rumours and that’s all I got from it. Worst ten gold spent, ever. At least the common people are on my side, for whatever that’s worth.

Knowing what I know, this means that either a handful of super experts or an army of normies coordinated their efforts to carry out this convoluted scheme. Judging by the contents of the sharks’ stomachs, the second option seems more likely, especially since experts would probably just kill me outright. Problem is, normies take time to work, which means unless the Canston Trading Group had this plan in their pocket all along, that makes it more unlikely they’re behind the attack.

No matter how much I want it to be them.

So maybe it wasn’t about face and more about revenge. During my duels at the Wall, I killed Ouyang Yu Jin, the Ouyang Clan’s young patriarch, and Teng Wei Chuan, a prominent member of the Baiji Sect. That’s motive. They also had plenty of time to gather up the sharks between Nan Ping and the Northern Province, which is means. Problem is, the timeline doesn’t fit. The Society arrived four days ago, one day after I took up swimming in the bay. If they knew about my habits, why’d they wait another three days before going through with their plan? I suppose it’s possible they hatched their plan after arriving in Nan Ping, but I dunno. It doesn’t feel right. From what I’ve seen, the Society is more about earning face, not about avenging personal deaths. Elder Ming was all gung-ho about killing me, but he had to openly renounce the Society before giving revenge a go. I hardly think two smaller groups of the Society would go against the grain and try to take me out in secret, but it’s not outside the realm of possibilities.

In the end, I’ve ruled all my suspects as unlikely, but one of them has to be guilty, which means I pretty much know nothing.

Ugh. Crime solving is hard…

Mafu’s upside-down head floats into view and puts an end to my fearful pondering, his pout too adorable to ignore. Cowardly though he may be, my sweet quin knows that when my weapons are drawn, it’s time for work, so he stayed by my side instead of going off to play with his friends. Eager to join them, his wide-eyed pleading stare tugs at my heartstrings and I belatedly give him the signal to go play. Overcome with sheer delight, his adorable quin face stretches into a grin as he darts off to enjoy life, giving no thought to the past or the future and living only in the now.

None of the animals care about the shark attack from yesterday. They only know they’re alive today, so they must live life to its fullest. It’s like the monk said, ‘Dwell not in the past, dream not of the future’. There was more, but it’s not important. What’s important is he finally stopped Sending and I have my long awaited peace and quiet, so why waste it getting hung up on things I can’t control? I might as well worry about meteors crashing into the world and wiping out all of existence.

What happens next doesn’t matter. What matters is how I respond to what happens. I’ve chosen to allow fear to paralyze me, but now I make a different choice.

I’m here to meditate and find Insight, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the beauty and serenity of this underwater world at the same time. While watching the quins and Ping Ping play, my body relaxes and mind empties, not because I’m seeking calm but because I’m finally allowing it to happen. It’s so simple, I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. It touches on the basics I learned years ago, back in the village where some of my happiest days took place.

Back then, my loving family told me everything I need to become strong, I just wasn’t listening.

Calm your mind.

Focus on nothing.

Draw yourself inwards and open yourself to the Energy of the Heavens.

Seek nothing, find everything.

Be aware of nothing, but awareness itself.

Time passes. A minute, an hour, a day.

My nerves tingle, from my scalp down to my toes.

The pores on my skin open.

Barriers fall and the truth slips through.

A cool current reaches out.

It encircles, embraces, and envelopes, a sword and shield against what lays ahead.

Trials and tribulations, but not without purpose.

Not without end.

Chapter Meme