Savage Divinity

After apologizing for my earlier outburst and handing over my gift of hand-made vegetarian buns (albeit ones made by hands other than my own), our conversation falls into an awkward lull as I organize my thoughts while the Abbot looms overhead. Beside us, bald Jorani makes an attempt to slip away unseen, but is foiled by the attention-starved Aurie whose paws cling tightly to the half-rat’s leg, mewling emphatically in demand for more head pats. Conflicted between my jealousy over Aurie’s affection and the joy of not having to continue this conversation alone, I make no effort to help Jorani and ignore his pleading looks until he heaves a sigh and goes back to scritching the kitten.

It’s weird how far we’ve come in little more than a year. When we first met, I was a newly-minted Warrant Officer out on my first assignment while Jorani was just a lookout for some obscure bandit group, but look at us now. I became the youngest Second Grade Warrant Officer in recorded history, the publicly accepted Number One Talent in the Empire, an Imperial Consort, and a Peak Expert for all of a minute before succumbing to my injuries and being reduced to little more than a cripple. In contrast, ‘Hangman Jorani’ all but disappeared from the public eye, going from the leader of the Mother’s Militia and one of the heroes of Sanshu to a lowly Captain-equivalent in my retinue. Unlike me, his star is still on the rise, having recently Formed his Natal Palace to become a hidden Expert of the Empire and a budding scholar of Theology, though he still has the same gaunt, angular features which straddles the line between duplicitous and dignified.

Much as I hate the man, Daxian is undoubtedly the more handsome of the two, but it’s not entirely because of appearances. If Jorani straightened his back, grew his hair back out, looked people in the eyes while they talked, wiped away his perpetual sneer, and did something about his folksy, bandit vernacular, then I’d be hard pressed to choose between his goofy charm and his brother’s chilling magnetism.

...Why would I ever need to choose?

Oh yea... Jorani has a Natal Palace now, which means... “Hey, I’ve been studying the milestones along the Martial Path lately, but I have precious few examples to go over. If you don’t mind, could you explain in your own words how you Formed your Natal Palace?”

“Sure, but there ain’t much to say.” Fighting a losing battle to keep Aurie from falling asleep in his lap, Jorani shrugs and explains, “Can’t even rightly say how it actually happened. One second I’m lost in a dreamworld havin’ lunch in the dining hall, and the next I’m chattin’ with the Old Healer in the void. Then I realized the chair under me ass was gone and I went a tumblin’ through nothingness.”

“Huh.”

“What?”

Belatedly realizing my comment might be construed as bragging, I reluctantly voice it for the sake of gathering more information. “I can’t say I’ve ever had the same problem. The void always shaped itself to my whims, allowing me to stand, sit, swim, or fly with merely a thought.”

“Ye never... I dunno, accidentally thought about falling and just fell? I mean, I told ye how the Old Healer got away, right? Me mind slipped and then his bindings were just... gone.”

“Yea, but I figured that was more because the Healer guy was tricksy, not because of stray thoughts. If that were the case, then my Natal Palace would’ve been filled with naked women, adorable animals, and just random junk from memory.”

“Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo. Such lust, such sin.” On the heels of his judgmental statement, the Abbot explains, “Though this monk would be hard pressed to claim it the norm, Brother Jorani’s difficulties are common among Martial Warriors, and mastering one’s thoughts is an essential step before Natal Palace Formation.”

“Think it, believe it, and it shall be so,” Jorani declares, with the confidence of a man quoting someone smarter than they are.

“Yea... my mind jumps from one thought to the next, but I don’t think my idle musings have ever affected my Natal Palace.” Aside from that one big thing where I created a native, warrior persona to manage my murderous thoughts and ward off full Defilement. Is it weird that I miss Baledagh? I can’t help but believe that if he were here, or rather if my mindset was more like his, then I’d have already figured out the answer to all my problems by now, or at least would be working towards a goal instead of floundering in place. “If we can figure out why, then it might help other Warriors on the cusp of becoming Experts.” Like Bulat and Lang Yi, who’ve yet to put their newly Condensed Aura’s to good use. Scratching my head, I voice my thoughts out loud just to fill the silence. “It can’t be because of how I Formed my Natal Palace, because like Jorani, I also had outside help, except instead of Kukku, I had the Demon formerly known as Vivek Daatei.”

“Well, in my case, it was a matter of separating the dream from reality, ye know?” With a wistful look in his eye, Jorani curls his arms around Aurie’s head and hugs the happy kitten, subconsciously seeking comfort as he reflects on his time spent Dreaming. He misses it, that much is clear, and I completely understand, because he looks the way I feel when I think about my happy mountain village life. “The Dream wasn’t perfect, but it felt so real that even now, after weeks of knowin’ the truth, I keep fergettin’ I spent less than two weeks in the monastery proper and most of my memories come from a fake dreamworld.”

“Mhm. I know how that feels.” Or do I? Thinking back on the Dreams conjured up by Demon Vivek, I don’t think I ever truly believed they were real, not for more than a few seconds. I desperately wanted them to be real, did my best to lose myself in the illusions, but even though I experienced snippets from thousands upon thousands of lives, I knew them all for what they were: a fantasy. It was like watching a television show of what my life could’ve been like, one which changed based on my whims. The only real things to come from the experience were the lessons I learned along the way, to stop hiding behind my anger and worrying about things I can’t control, though to be fair, the latter didn’t really stick.

Oh, and also I couldn’t suppress my feelings for all my lovely, but too-young betrotheds anymore. I’m still not too proud of that, but my true mental age is a secret I’ll bring with me to the grave. Luckily, having been a man-child in my previous life, all I have to do is be myself and no one will ever suspect me of being more mature than my age would suggest, at least not anymore now that I’m twenty.

“Anyways,” Jorani drawls, his smile a match for Aurie’s contented grin, “I didn’t really Form my Natal Palace intentionally, not really, but after demanding a face to face meetin’ with the Old Healer, I had some time alone in the void. I didn’t like starin’ off into nothingness, so I pictured meself back in me room at the monastery, and just like that, I was there.” Frowning in annoyance, he adds, “Wasn’t the best location fer a Natal Palace, I see that now, but I ain’t about to start over from nothin’.”

“...Why wasn’t it the best choice?” I don’t get it. “You don’t feel safe there?”

“Don’t get me wrong, the monastery was nice and all, and I liked me cozy little room, but it ain’t exactly spacious and it’s a pain in me ass resizing everything so I gots room to practice.”

“...So why don’t you tack on another room?”

Both Jorani and the Abbot shoot me the same look, their expressions flickering through surprise, disbelief, and acceptance in the blink of an eye. “It ain’t so easy fer us untalented folk.” Chuckling beneath his breath, Jorani smiles and shakes his head with a weird mixture of pride and resignation.

“Right.” I keep forgetting Natal Palaces take time to grow. Mine started off as my room in the village, and it was months before I expanded it to the entire manor courtyard, albeit with multiple customized rooms to keep Baledagh entertained. It wasn’t long before I had the entire village packed in there with Baledagh’s room overlooking it all, but back then, I didn’t really use my Natal Palace for much besides sightseeing and chatting with my split personality slash Natal Soul. Then I razed it all to the ground and built up my new, mishmash Natal Palace, complete with Keystones which I might never be able to use again. That reminds me... “If you’re willing to gamble on your future progress, I might have something you could try. Dastan, Sahb, and a few others added one or two more milestones to the Martial Path, but while it appears to be working for Dastan and Sahb, the others haven’t had as much success and we’re not entirely sure of it’s long term feasibility.”

Brow furrowed in thought, Jorani’s lips move but no sounds emerge, or at least none that reaches my ears. Gesturing for Jorani to leave, the Abbot scowls in disapproval while I hang my head in shame, though I’m not entirely sure what I did to deserve this. The stalemate lasts until Jorani disappears into camp, at which point the Abbot sighs and sits down beside me. “You must tread carefully, Junior Brother. Interfering with an unfixed Martial Path often ends in disaster, and asking Brother Jorani to gamble upon his future is irresponsible at best.” Though his stern disapproval is hard to bear, his curiosity soon gets the better of him as he asks, “What are these extra milestones you speak of?”

“You remember Baledagh, my split-personality, right? Well...” Explaining Natal Souls and One with the Self doesn’t take long, but the Abbot’s expression goes from curious to amazed by the time I’m done. So engrossed in his thoughts, he remains silent for long minutes after I’m finished talking, and I pass the time by putting on a glove so I can pat Aurie without turning my hand into a sieve. Within minutes, my sweet kitten falls fast asleep, his torso melting against Ping Ping while his chin rests atop my knees. Adorable as it is, I barely have time to coo before a resounding thud sounds out beside me, the source of which turns out to be Ping Ping’s head crashing into the dirt. Eyes fastened shut and beak half-open, the big girl draws a long, audible breath before releasing it with a lengthy, protracted, high-pitched squeak.

So. Cute.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this relaxed, and I’ve never seen her fall asleep before burrowing into the dirt first. Unsure if something is wrong, I survey the surroundings but find nothing amiss, with plenty of soldiers and Sentinels going about their business less than five metres away, and many even smiling at the sleeping Ping Ping as they pass by. Nestled in my lap next to Aurie’s fat head, Mama Bun’s nose twitches a mile a minute despite also being fast asleep, her paws working and lips smacking as she devours an imaginary meal in genuine delight, which prompts me to take another look around except this time, I focus on the animals instead.

There are a few bulls and horses still ambling around, but every quin in sight is fast asleep and, judging by their wiggling butts and smiling expressions, dreaming sweet, blissful dreams. The answer finally becomes apparent once I piece the clues together, and I’m embarrassed to admit I didn’t figure it out right away. “Um, Abbot, I think Kukku is here, and he put all the animals to sleep.” All the predators, at least, though I'm not entirely sure why Mama Bun was also targeted. “Should I be concerned?”

“What? Oh, nothing to be alarmed about, the animals will not be harmed by their dreams.” Pausing in hesitation, the Abbot reluctantly adds, “Well, they might be a little disgruntled in the morning, but in this monk’s experience, animals handle disappointment better than most humans. As for this Natal Soul business, it has its merits and bears similarities to the Brotherhood’s Path, but this monk would like to speak with the others before you pass the method along to Brother Jorani, or anyone else for that matter.”

“Sure.” Obviously the Abbot has never seen an animal temper tantrum compilation video. God I miss the internet. Wishing I had a video camera to capture Mama Bun’s reaction in the morning, I stroke her soft fur and smile in anticipation while simultaneously wondering if I should let Lin-Lin or Luo-Luo deal with the fallout instead. When Mama Bun gets angry, she gets real angry, and I don’t think I’d survive a direct headbutt or foot-thump. For the sake of my health, I ask, “Is there anyway to wake her?” As an afterthought, I add, “Ping Ping too. I don’t think it’d be good for morale if the Divine Turtle destroys the fort walls in a fit of pique.”

“...True. Then this monk will do what he can to mollify the Divine Turtle.” Reaching out with his bony hand, the Abbot gently pats Ping Ping’s leathery shoulder and the big girl comes to with a thunderous gasp. Blinking in confusion, she peers this way and that before turning to me with a forlorn expression, or at least that’s how I read it. Settling down with an indignant huff, she lets loose with a small, mournful squeak while watching me closely with one eye, not entirely sure what happened and hoping I can fix it. If I were to guess, her dreams probably involved drinking copious amounts of my bathwater or something, just like Mama Bun is undoubtedly feasting within a field of Spiritual Herbs. Reminded of the danger, I hurriedly unload the gluttonous rabbit from my lap and shuffle away to hug Ping Ping’s head in safety before giving the Abbot the all clear, and my efforts prove worthwhile as the grouchy bunny comes awake to immediately attack him in a greed-induced rage. Having been warned in advance, the Abbot gently wards off her attacks by Deflecting her aside, much like how Pong Pong dealt with her the first time they met, but without the delectable scent of Spiritual Algae to fuel her fury, Mama Bun’s tantrum dies out with an emphatic double thump of her hind paws.

Welcoming the disgruntled bunbun back into my arms, I snuggle her close and giggle at her hangry antics while she takes out her frustration on a piece of dried fruit. Thanking the Abbot for his help, I glance around in hopes of finding Kukku, but alas, the giant rooster is nowhere to be found. Favouring me with a kindly smile, the Abbot simply points at Jorani’s yurt, but even then I see nothing out of the ordinary. It’s just a round yurt like any other, with leather lined walls and a flimsy door made of lashed bamboo rods which sits slightly ajar. The Abbot offers no more help, but continues pointing at the door, so I take another look and try my best to spot Kukku, but again, there’s nothing. I see the door, and the darkness within, but that’s it.

Hang on... Why can’t I see anything inside the yurt? While evening is upon us, the sun has yet to set, so I should be able to make out a table, chest, cot, or at the very least, the back wall instead of pitch black darkness. Peering closer into the nothingness, nothing changes for long seconds until, out of nowhere, my eyes ‘focus’ and suddenly there’s a giant chicken inside the yurt. With twin dark rings encircling his eyes and a crown of snowy-white feathers atop his head, Kukku is less Foghorn Leghorn and more furry emo-birb, complete with dark mascara and grungy, untamed haircut.

I love him.

Hiding the bulk of his body behind the door, his eyes widen in alarm as he realizes I’ve seen through his Concealment and disappears so quickly it leaves me wondering if I imagined it all. Before I can even collect my thoughts, Kukku’s floofy head pokes out once more to check if I’m still there, his beady eyes zeroing in on me to study my reaction. Doing my best not to make eye contact, I do an impression of a blind man and pretend not to see him, studying his adorable expression without looking directly at him. The ruse works and Kukku bobs his head and coos in delight, which is just too hilarious not to laugh at and gives the game away. This time, instead of just hiding, Kukku even slams the door shut to keep me from charging in to attack him, no doubt shaking in fear despite being strong enough to kill me with a single peck.

Not only does the Brotherhood have a giant cock, it's a cowardly rooster to boot. This is just... awesome.

“Congratulations, Junior Brother.” Beaming from ear to ear, the Abbot heaves a sigh of relief before bowing his head in prayer. “It seems your recovery is well underway.”

“...I don’t understand.”

“You saw through Kukku’s Concealment, an impossible feat without access to Chi.” Throwing a wry glance back at the yurt, the Abbot explains, “Kukku would not have lowered his Concealment, not voluntarily, and what’s more, there’s no doubt in this monk’s mind his first reaction to being uncovered would be to use his Talent and attack. Since Junior Brother broke free without assistance, that tells this monk that even though your Core is shattered and broken, you are still able to use Chi in a limited fashion, for how else are we to explain what just took place?”

Having learned my lesson earlier today, I tamper my expectations and take the Abbot’s words with a grain of salt. “Uh... Not to put a damper on the whole situation, but I didn’t break free of anything.”

The Abbot’s smile melts away into flustered confusion, and he stares at me for longs seconds before asking, “What?”

“I didn’t break free of any Dream. I don’t think he attacked.”

“Impossible. If you were not attacked, why were you...” Widening his eyes, the Abbot stares off into the distance and lets his head loll about, a poor imitation of my blind man stare.

“I was pretending not to see Kukku so I could take a proper look, but he’s so cute I couldn’t help but laugh.” Pouting as I glance back at Jorani’s door, I ask, “Would I scare him too much if I barged inside?”

Lucky Jorani, he gets to share his big yurt with the floofiest rooster in existence. I bet Kukku’s feathers are even softer than Mama Bun’s fur, which means there’s a new contender for Mafu’s title as most comfortable mount in existence.

“Small steps, Junior Brother. Let us not rush your introduction with Kukku.” Massaging his temples in chagrin, the Abbot sighs and said, “Perhaps this monk is wrong again. My heartfelt apologies for offering false hope the second time today, Junior Brother.”

“No, it’s fine. You’re trying to help and I had no right to scream at you like that.” Shrugging, I add, “The whole... seeing through Concealment bit still counts, though I’m not sure for how much. I most definitely saw Kukku, but I didn’t feel any Chi being used or anything mystical happening. Also, I’ve been meaning to ask, what exactly did you think would happen after I drank the gourd of Water Chi?”

“...This monk hesitates to reveal everything to Junior Brother, for it touches upon matters which can easily be misinterpreted and lead to erroneous conclusions.” Running a hand over his bald head, the Abbot slumps down and looks older than ever, but he still takes the time to clarify. “Perhaps erroneous is too strong a word, but rather this monk should say ‘flawed’ or ‘improper’. Fish and ducks both swim, but it would be unsuitable to ask a fish to teach a duck, or the inverse.”

I feel like I’ve had this argument before. “While it’d be impossible for me to swim the same way a fish or duck would, it wouldn’t hurt to study them and take notes when learning to swim on my own. At worst, it’s wasted time, but knowledge in and of itself is no danger to anyone, the same way a knife is not inherently dangerous on it’s own.”

“And thus, this monk’s dilemma, reluctant to arm an untrained child with an unsheathed sword.”

...Ouch.

In response to my hurt silence, the Abbot sighs and brushes his hands together, perhaps symbolically ridding himself of guilt and responsibility for what happens next. “Think back on our discussion with the Army Healers earlier today. This monk made mention of providing Kukku with Heavenly Energy required to form his Spiritual Heart, and this matter is tangentially related. This monk had good reason to suspect your gourd contained Heavenly Energy in physical form, for there is no other explanation for why the Divine Turtle would covet it so. Were she so easily tempted by Water Chi, then the Divine Turtle would’ve long since run off with another soul, for Junior Brother was hardly the first Water-Blessed Martial Warrior to approach her.” Sputtering his lips in abject defeat, he waves his hands and adds, “But alas, this monk was mistaken and Junior Brother wasted one-third of his unreplenishable Water Chi which he desperately needs to Cleanse his Spectres. Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo, such pride, such sin.”

“Huh.” Now that I’ve heard his reasons, I don’t actually blame him for being wrong, because there are no real holes in his logic. “If it helps, I would’ve drank the entire gourd down even if you had explained it all beforehand. You’re right about the Water-Blessed thing, I’ve tried feeding her water made from Chi, but she didn’t really care for it.” Tilting my head in thought, I ask, “Why didn’t it work though?”

“Because what Junior Brother calls Chi Tea is not Heavenly Energy in physical form.”

“Yea okay. Then what is it?”

“Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo. This monk hasn’t the first clue.”

“Fair enough.” Defeated and demoralized, we sit side by side in gloomy silence, unsure where to go from here, but after thinking over everything he’s said, I ask, “Why would it have worked?”

“...This monk does not understand.”

“What I mean is, if the water in the gourd had been Heavenly Energy in physical form, why did you think it would’ve fixed me?”

“It would not have, not in the way Junior Brother means.” Pursing his lips and twitching his nose, the Abbot organizes his thoughts before he speaks. “Human beings Demonstrate the Forms to forge our bodies into weapons, yet this alone is not enough. In order for this to work, Martial Warriors require far more sustenance than an untrained commoner, somewhere between three to five times in fact, yet animals have no Forms to practice and a creature with a Spiritual Heart requires no more sustenance than a mundane version of the same creature of similar size.”

Possibly true, but I’ll have to take this one on faith. Mama Bun definitely eats more than her baby buns do, but if left with an infinite amount of delicious food, they would all eat until they explode. “I see. And?”

“So what fuels their prodigious strength?”

“...I dunno.”

Rolling his eyes, the Abbot answers his own question. “Heavenly Energy of course. When we meditate, we become vessels which draw in the Energy of the Heavens and convert it into Chi, which is then stored in the Core. This is common knowledge, yet few care to ask why this extra step is necessary.”

“Because we’re not equipped to handle Heavenly Energy, so we need to covert it into something practical.” Faced with the Abbot’s disbelief, I shrug and add, “I figured it’s like salt water and fresh water. Humans can’t drink salt water, so we need to take steps to turn it into fresh water, a minute difference which spells the difference between life and death. Granted, it was mostly a guess, but so far, it seems apt.”

Beaming with pride, the Abbot repeats my explanation word for word while nodding along to the tempo. “A novel take on the matter, though this monk lacks the knowledge to say whether you are right or wrong. The truth is, no one knows for certain, but your theory is as sound as any. Regardless, getting back to the matter at hand, have you ever seen an animal settle down to meditate?”

“Can’t they meditate in their sleep?” Lin and Taduk certainly do, even though they both claim it only looks like they’re sleeping.

“Nonsense. Meditation through Balance is an active pursuit, one which requires a firm mind with steady direction.” Waving a hand to dismiss my claim, the Abbot continues, “Thus, the facts are laid out before us. Animals have no need of meditation and have no increased requirements for sustenance, yet are still able to utilize Chi and fortify their physical forms to the point of developing a Spiritual Heart. How?” Without giving me a chance to answer, he slaps his knee and exclaims, “Because unlike humans, animals can draw Heavenly Energy from what they eat!”

“...Seems like a far stretch.”

Falling silent to study my expression, the Abbot drops his voice to a whisper and explains, “This monk considered his theories for long months before testing them, for he based them on the suspicion that there was more to Defiled cannibalism than meets the eye.”

“You know, I had a similar theory but never explored it because... well gross. Considering how they can create mass out of thin air, I figured Demons weren’t eating corpses for the protein.” As the pieces fall into place, I glance at Jorani’s yurt and ask, “Is that how you provided Heavenly Energy to Kukku? By feeding him Defiled corpses?”

“Not Kukku, but with another creature in an experiment which confirmed my suspicions, but ultimately proved to be a grievous mistake.” Relieved by my lack of interest in taking up cannibalism, the Abbot heaves a sigh of relief and continues. “Thus, this monk believed that if Junior brother drank all the Heavenly Energy contained within his gourds, it would have provided the requisite sustenance needed to reforge your body, and with luck, perhaps your Core as well.”

“I don’t think it would’ve worked. Pretty sure that’s what was in the tofu pudding.”

After explaining my physical transformation following the Legate’s intervention, the Abbot’s expression could not look any more crestfallen. “Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo. Perhaps Junior Brother is right and Heavenly Energy in physical form is not enough to fix your woes, but if so, then this monk will be hard pressed to offer an alternative solution.”

“That’s okay, we’ll work on it together. Recovery will be a long and slow process, but I’ve been understandably agitated and impatient for recovery ever since I was sentenced to the front lines. While I’ve still got a few theories left to try out before I get really, really desperate, I’d appreciate any help you can offer to keep me alive in the interim.” I’m not entirely thrilled about actually eating Defiled or trying to control the Demonization process, but that doesn’t mean I can’t study the process and glean what I can. Besides, if push comes to shove, it’s nice to know I have options available, though there’s also a good chance both would fail spectacularly rather than bring me back to full strength, so I’ll wait to try the Spiritual Rice, Beets, or whatever food Taduk grows from Pong Pong’s poop.

And worst comes to worst? I might even have to take a page from the bunbun’s playbook and... Oh Mother in Heaven, if you’re really there, please don’t let things get that far. I don’t want to drink poop water...

With everything said and little to do besides sit and wait, I enlist the Abbot’s help shuffling back to my tent with Aurie, and Ping Ping in tow while Mama Bun hops away in a huff, indignant over not being carried. Seeing how bright and chipper Aurie is puts a smile on my face, as he’s none the worse for wear after falling for Kukku’s illusions, but Ping Ping’s mournful squeaks are so heartbreaking I almost want to give her a gourd of Water Chi to make up for it. Would she cheer up if I fed her Kukku? Better yet, maybe I should eat Kukku, deep fry me some Kentucky Fried Spiritual Chicken and heal what ails me, then give Ping Ping all the Water Chi her turtle heart desires...

...Ah, who am I kidding. I can’t. That giant rooster is too damned cute. Oh well. I might as well accept it: I’m crippled, and I’m going to stay this way for a long time, but at least there’s still hope.

Because where there is life, there will always be hope.

Chapter Meme 1

Chapter Meme 2

- End of Volume 28 -