Savage Divinity

After dragging herself out of bed at an ungodly hour and spending more time than she cared to brushing her hair, Mila arrived at Rain’s manor to find him still in bed.

Stifling the urge to lay down beside him, she took a seat at his bedside and waited for him to wake. Resting her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands, she studied his tranquil and contented expression and gave thanks to the Mother Above for keeping him safe. Fast asleep and snoring softly, he wore a slack, goofy grin while snuggling with sweet Baloo, nuzzling the lazy bear’s head with his nose and cheek. Though healthier now than he was before leaving for Sinuji, there was still a long way to go before Rain was fully recovered, no matter what anyone else might claim. As if his broken Spiritual Weapons hanging on the wall and the various cuts and scars decorating his body weren’t proof enough, his angular cheeks, sunken chest, and scrawny arms were all visible signs of his recent physical infirmity, yet still there were rumours floating about claiming his infirmity was all a ruse and he was the picture of perfect health. Even if he were faking, who were they to point fingers and accuse Rain of shirking his duties? How many junior officers could match Rain in time spent or achievements accomplished on the front lines? If there were more than a handful, Mila would eat her boots raw, but it seemed like every day there was yet another noble fop or mediocre silk-pants condemning Rain for his ‘deception’ and ‘cowardice’.

Fools one and all. Never mind his exemplary service record before he took injury, or how he helped devise a plan which killed half-a-million Defiled before the battle even began. Pay no attention to how his recovery was a miracle of Heaven, or that he slew three Demons barehanded in front of eight impartial Peak Experts, each one an honourable and reputable warrior with life-long careers in the military. No, the important thing to focus on was that despite all the evidence and witnesses which said otherwise, the only ‘plausible’ explanation for Rain’s miraculous recovery was that he’d been faking his injury all along in order to avoid fighting on the front lines. Thank the Mother Rain had the foresight to have his health publicly examined by several Imperial Healers stationed in Sinuji before his miraculous ‘recovery’. With respected names like Lishan Suzhen, Taokang Geyan, and Taiyi ZhuShen speaking out in Rain’s defence and putting their reputations on the line to attest to his ailment, the rumours were proven unfounded and unjustified, though facts rarely kept the ignorant from voicing their thoughts.

So outraged from even thinking about those hateful rumours, Mila almost let loose with a scream of frustration, but Taduk said to let Rain rest as much as he could so she settled for glaring at Baloo instead. Bright eyed and wide awake, the precocious black bear rested comfortably against Rain’s chest while shooting Mila a pleading gaze and suckling his paw in feigned distress. Though longer than Mila was tall and weighing over two-hundred kilograms to boot, Baloo expected her to believe he was trapped and unable to break free from Rain’s limp embrace. It was all a ruse to get her to bring him food, because the sleepy bear was too lazy to go outside to fetch his own meals, a true silk-pants of an animal if there ever was one.

Truth be told, she didn’t blame Baloo one bit for wanting to stay in bed. He looked so cozy and comfortable nuzzling with Rain that Mila would’ve long since joined them under the covers if Mama and Papa weren’t having breakfast just across the courtyard with the rest of Rain’s family and pets.

Running her fingers through soft Baloo’s belly fur, she stifled a sigh and ignored her rumbling stomach while quietly imploring Rain to wake. She’d packed her things and left with Mama, Yan, and everyone else as soon as they received word of the million strong army of Defiled marching for the front lines, but by the time they arrived in Sinuji, the battle had been all but won and Rain was fast asleep in the middle of his camp surrounded by all his pets. Embarrassing as it was to find him cuddling in plain sight, it was much better than the hellish scenario she’d expected to find. Things might have gone differently if not for Rain and Colonel Hongji’s ingenious firetrap, but with half their army dead and the remnants burned and wounded, the Defiled army was in no shape to break through Colonel General Nian Zu’s unyielding soldiers, especially not with five-thousand Sentinel bows and crossbows supporting them from behind. Although the Imperial losses were not light, with less than half of the initial thirty thousand soldiers surviving to the end, it was a small price to pay in comparison to the Defiled tally. The fiery inferno and subsequent waves of earth made it all but impossible to count the corpses, but even the most conservative estimates put the Enemy losses at close to seven-hundred thousand, marking Sinuji as a stunning Imperial victory which would be spoken of for decades to come.

A victory in which Mila’s beloved had played no small part in, yet now, not even a week later, the Empire at large seemed ready to condemn him for his actions.

Well... condemn might be too strong a word for it since it was mostly hushed whispers yet to gain traction, but the lack of praise or accolades aimed in Rain’s direction was almost as bad. Oh how Mila wished she’d gone to Sinuji with him, if only to see him in all his glory, but she contented herself with knowing he was physically healthy again, no longer in constant agony or barely able to stand up straight. It filled her with pride to hear of his prowess on the battlefield, but the stories Lin, Luo-Luo, and Song told hardly did him any justice. Being the idiot that he was, Rain himself had no recollection of the events, no idea how he’d accomplished even half of what he’d done, and was currently unable to consciously use Chi in any way, shape, or form, let alone display the sort of mastery he’d exhibited in Sinuji. It was hardly surprising when one considered his past, for almost all of his greatest achievements came from accidental success. Mother in Heaven, it felt like a lifetime had passed since she sat Rain down and painstakingly explained how he knew more Chi skills than just Honing. Such an idiot. He could barely hit the broad side of a barn with bow and arrow, but was able to throw his sword and have it pierce clean through a man’s calf without breaking bone or severing artery. What else could it be except Guiding?

Though frustrated by the memory of her frustration, Mila couldn’t help but smile fondly at her sleeping betrothed and quietly resolved never to let him go into battle without her again. Her smile widened even further when he came awake and greeted her with, “Good morning, beautiful.” Grinning suggestively as he patted the empty space beside him, he feigned a shiver and added, “Brr, it’s so cold in here. Care to share some warmth?”

Rolling her eyes at his shameless behaviour, she moved from her chair to his bed and took his hand, for no real reason besides wanting to comfort him. Though his nights were calm and restful, his days were steeped in sorrow and melancholy, or at least they had been in this past week following the battle in Sinuji. Mila still remembered seeing him wake from his stupor after that fateful night, so scared and confused because he thought he was still in the midst of battle. For good reason too, seeing how he was so exhausted he’d fallen asleep while playing with his pets only a stone’s throw from the battlefield. Overlooking his incredible performance against the Wraiths and Demons, Rain’s actions were not those of a man in his right mind, but he was not to blame. What did the Justicars expect to happen when they stationed an ailing, fragile man on the front lines for more than a month? A hotbed of conflict and danger, fighting on the outer walls took a heavy mental toll on healthy veteran soldiers, so how could they expect Rain to withstand the stress and hardship when he could barely walk three steps unassisted? Hell, if not for Colonel General Nian Zu insisting all soldiers who served in the battle take time off from the front lines, Rain might still be stuck in Sinuji with the last few survivors of Dastan’s doomed retinue.

It was one thing to fight in battle, and another to stand helpless and afraid while your friends died protecting you. Were it anyone else, Rain would have long since been Tainted by the Father’s whispered lies, if not turned wholly Defiled.

...Which may or may not have been Yang Jixing’s goal to begin with, now that Mila thought about it.

“How are you feeling?” she asked, knowing he would lie but relying on the fact that he was a terrible liar to discern the truth.

“I’m doing better. Slept well.”

Rain’s non-answer meant little, but seeing him shift closer and hug Baloo tight told Mila that his ‘better’ meant ‘not great’, while experience told her that Rain’s ‘not great’ was akin to ‘downright depressed’ for almost anyone else. Suppressing a sigh, she squeezed his hand and silently sat at his side while he drifted off into his thoughts, knowing that if she interrupted him now, he’d only come back later to wallow in misery on his own. It hurt seeing him so despondent and morose, but it hurt more knowing he’d been this way for as long as she’d known him, except he used to hide it from her and everyone else. At least now she could be here for him, if he should need her, and that would have to be enough, because despite wishing it were otherwise, there was nothing else she could do. This battle was not one she could win through strength of arms, or even one in which she could take part in, for this conflict took place within Rain’s psyche and was a personal struggle against despair and dejection.

She couldn’t even begin to imagine how he must feel in the wake of what was uncovered in Sinuji. There was power lurking within him, a Peak Expert’s strength lurking in the hidden recesses of his mind, but strength he could not consciously wield, no matter how hard he tried. Whatever unique state of Balance he’d now twice arrived at lay tantalizingly out of conscious reach, but this wasn’t the reason for his low-spirits, not directly. Now that Rain knew about the power hidden within him, he blamed himself for his ignorance and felt responsible for every death in Sinuji, because in his mind, no one would have died if he hadn’t been crippled and stationed there. The deaths of his soldiers hit him hard, losing fifteen soldiers and twenty two Death Corps guards to Wraiths and Demons in that chaotic ambush, while only seven warriors from Dastan’s former retinue still survived to this day. What hit him hardest, however, was the three Bannermen who died in Sinuji, hawk-eyed Khagati, cheery Mengu, and the fierce Kharnate, each one lost when the outer wall crumbled apart beneath their feet. Rain hadn’t even known about their deaths until the funeral, and the look on his face when she told him broke Mila’s heart into a thousand pieces.

She’d grown so used to seeing him as her calm, confident, Warrior of a betrothed, a peerless talent and dragon among men, that she’d forgotten all about the scared little foundling he’d been when they first met, a mousy and anxious boy who looked ready to jump right out of his skin. While no longer that scared little foundling, he owed everything he had to the Warriors of the Iron Banner, and now he believed himself responsible for three of their deaths. A fool is what he was, the Defiled killed Khagati, Mengu, and Kharnate, as well as all the other soldiers and heroes who died in Sinuji, not Rain.

Her beloved fool, so talented in the Martial Path yet so utterly unsuited for warfare. Truly a mystery of the Heavens.

Unable to leave him be any longer, Mila leaned over and kissed her beloved idiot on the cheek while slipping her arms under Baloo’s furry bulk. Telling him their deaths weren’t his fault would do no good, so all she could do was keep him from spiralling out of control. Stealing away the lazy bear as she backed away from the bed, she turned on her heels and strode out of the room with her squirming burden in tow. “Enough moping. Get dressed and come have breakfast,” she said before closing the door behind her with a foot. If she stayed inside, he’d give her a pitiful look and ask her to help him get dressed, then spend the entire time stealing kisses and more. As much as she enjoyed their little games, she was in no mood for it right now, hungry enough to bite off his lips and swallow them.

Had she known he’d sleep in this late, she wouldn’t have insisted Song wake her for breakfast...

Given how it was his first night back in the Citadel, and therefore the first time he’d slept in a proper bed in months, she magnanimously forgave him and chose to wait a little longer so they could eat together. Indignant over being dragged from bed, Baloo groused and grumbled until she tossed him gently across the courtyard, though not before making sure the area was clear of children, pups, and bunnies. Landing lightly on all fours, the silly bear grunted in laughter while he ran back and jumped into her arms, his displeasure instantly forgotten when presented with his favourite game. There was truly no saving this dismal failure of a bear, a powerful beast of fang and muscle who enjoyed tumbling through the grass in his best impression of a ball, and he even used Lightening to go about it better. Banjo loved the game too, and the smaller bear came dashing out of the dining room with his snout covered in half-chewed food, so well-fed he was willing to leave his meal behind just so he could be tossed around like a sack of rice. Alternating between the two bears, Mila passed the long minutes like this until Rain came shuffling out of his room bundled up in thick robes and a cloak to ward off the mild chill, but moving on his own two feet without need for a cane or walker.

Or so she thought, right up until he tripped stepping off of the veranda and landed face first in the dirt.

Rushing over to help him up, she arrived only a step ahead of Baatar who dashed over from the dining room, with Mama, Papa, and Taduk close behind. Luckily only Rain’s pride was wounded and he came to his feet with a grin, albeit a sheepish one over having caused such a fuss. “Thank you. I’m fine,” he said, responding to all their questions at once. “Nothing to worry about, I just forgot how far the drop was.”

It wasn’t far at all, not even ten centimetres from walkway to dirt, but no one mentioned it to spare his dignity. This didn’t stop Taduk from checking Rain’s health of course, and his verdict was the same as always. “Still no change,” he muttered, and Baatar scowled in response. Mama also pursed her lips and sniffed, which was usually a bad sign, and in this case, Mila had to agree. ‘No change’ didn’t mean Rain wasn’t injured, but rather that the Medical Saint, a Healer standing near the pinnacle of his craft, detected no difference in Rain’s body now when compared to how he was before leaving the Citadel. Aside from being underweight, there’d been nothing physically wrong with him then which could explain his symptoms, just as there was nothing to explain why he was better now.

Well... nothing aside from Rain’s almost nonsensical explanation about how he drank the Water Chi he kept in a gourd and unintentionally Cleansed the Spectres he only recently learned he had lingering inside him, rendering them into ‘usable’ Heavenly Energy which he then used to inadvertently Orate and fight off Demons while immersed in a fugue state, not unlike the one he found himself in shortly after shattering his Core and moments before he proceeded to beat the tar out of the Emissary Gen.

Honestly, it all seemed like nonsense to Mila, and she didn’t dare try to understand for fear of affecting her personal Martial Path, but whether he was right or wrong wasn’t the issue. The problem was, now that he had no more Water Chi to drink or Spectres to Cleanse, Rain pessimistically believed there was a better than good chance his health would deteriorate until he reverted back to the thin-skinned cripple from before, unable to even eat without causing himself pain. Something to do with how he rejected the World and now had to face its burdens unaided, whatever that meant.

Her poor, foolish beloved. He’d suffered so much that he truly believed the world itself hated him and wanted him dead and gone. How tragic...

“Don’t look so sad, beloved,” Rain said, smiling as he stroked Mila’s cheek. “I’m alive, and therefore am not entirely without hope. Just mostly.” Even now, he just had to make bad jokes, even if they were at his own expense. “We’ll figure something out.” Taking her hand and squeezing it tight, he feigned nonchalance while brushing imperceptible dirt off of his clothes and asked, “Any word about the Abbot and... the others?”

Who had the only other two gourds of Water Chi in existence and therefore quite possibly his only hope of redemption, or at least that’s how Rain saw it. “Not yet,” Taduk replied, and Mila sensed more than saw Rain choke back a sigh, “But it could be weeks before we hear from them. Months even. Battles between Divinities that don’t end in an instant tend to drag on. Why, the Arid Wastelands were formed by a decade long battle between Divinities, one which ended in a stalemate, so who knows when they’ll be back?”

While Rain and Taduk argued over the semantics of calling a ten-year altercation a singular battle, Mila followed them to the dining room and submersed herself in her thoughts. Rain stopped himself short of mentioning Guan Suo by name because events in Sinuji had revealed he was no half-beast, but a Red-Panda Ancestral Beast. Ever since, Mama and Papa had been walking on eggshells around the subject, but truth be told, Mila wasn’t entirely sure how to react knowing that crusty old vagrant was actually the father who abandoned her.

No, not father. Progenitor or sire, but never father. Divine Blacksmith Husolt of the Bekhai was Mila’s father, her cherished Papa who loved her with all his heart, not Guan Suo of nowhere who loved nothing.

She still remembered how he’d reacted when she told him everything she wanted to tell him, before she knew who he truly was. She told him her name, her accomplishments, about the wonderful life she had and the people who loved her, but he didn’t care. She even told him she was far better off without him, but all he did was make some pithy remark about writing it all down in a letter instead. He made excuses afterwards, tried to explain his actions, but those made even less sense than Rain’s explanation about his current status. Beast at heart? Slave to his instincts? Which bestial impulse drove him to become guardian to a giant turtle? Which instinct was he following which required him to smoke a pipe at all hours of the day? He could have been her father if he wanted to, but he didn’t, so he tossed her aside. The worst part was, even knowing all this, knowing all the lies he would give and bullshit he would spew, she still wanted to know the truth. Who was her birth mother? Was she still alive? Did they love each other, or was she the product of... of a business deal or simply an act of passion?

...And why didn’t she keep Mila? Why did she give her flesh and blood away? Was being mother to a half-beast really so terrible?

Slipping his arm around her waist, Rain pulled Mila close and kissed her forehead, not caring that Mama and Papa were right there, not to mention the rest of his family too. Cheeks colouring from shame at this blatantly public display of affection, she glared at her insolent betrothed in an effort to put him in his place, but he simply smiled his infuriating smile and said, “Thank you for waiting so I don’t have to eat alone.”

Knowing he was trying to distract her from her thoughts, Mila sniffed and gently laid her head on his shoulder. “Don’t expect me to wait every day. If you slept in any longer, I would have soon starved to death. You might as well just sleep another two hours and wake up to lunch with Lin.”

“You say that like you’re any better,” Rain teased, giving her no face whatsoever. “It wasn’t so long ago when Lin-Lin woke you for lunch everyday.”

Her glare continued to have no effect on his grin, and Mila wondered if she was doing it wrong. When Mama glared, Papa’s first response was always to raise his hands in surrender, even when he wanted to dig his heels in and be stubborn, but Rain didn’t seem affected at all. Audaciously kissing her forehead again, he lifted his chopsticks to her lips and her enmity melted away as she remembered how ravenously hungry she was. Gobbling up the scrambled eggs, she gently nudged him aside so she had room to use her own chopsticks and set upon her meal with more haste than proper decorum would allow, but it was Rain’s fault she was hungry, so if he didn’t want to see her unladylike appearance, then he shouldn’t have kept her waiting for so long.

While they enjoyed their sizable and delectable breakfast, everyone else went about their day, with Papa slinking off first to go work at his forge and Baatar following soon after to deal with the pitfalls of command. Mama left for some meeting or another, Taduk ran off to tend to his garden, and Charok and Alsantset brought the twins and animals out to play. With Yan, Song, and Luo-Luo off training and Lin still fast asleep, Mila and Rain were left alone, which she was grateful for because it gave her the chance to ask about something she’d been waiting weeks for him to bring up, but after the debacle in Sinuji, she was no longer willing to wait. “So,” she said, wiping her lips with a handkerchief while he watched her with lecherous eyes from behind his teacup. “When are you going to set a date for our marriage?”

So startled he almost choked on his tea, Rain coughed and sputtered in obvious panic. “Excuse me?” he asked, if only to buy time to think. “I didn’t quite catch that.”

“You heard me.” This time, Mila’s glare had the intended effect and Rain shrank back in his chair. “When do you intend to set a date for our marriage? New year’s has come and gone, but the spring equinox is another popular date. It’s the fifteenth day of the third month, by the way.” Crossing her arms, she tried her best not to blush and added, “I don’t mind if you marry Yan at the same time, but I’ve already discussed it with her, and if we do share a wedding day, you will consummate our marriage before consummating hers.” It was no secret that the lecherous pair already spent most nights together, and while sharing a marriage day was one thing, sharing a marriage bed was entirely different, and as much as Mila loved Yan, she didn’t love her like that. Swallowing her ire, Mila took a deep breath and continued, “Also, I think you should have a marriage ceremony with Zheng Luo too. A real marriage ceremony, where you accept her as wife, not consort.” Mila would never have allowed it if Zheng Luo had been an empty-headed fool without substance or significance, but between her phenomenal musical talents, her brilliant business acumen, and her developing Martial Skills, the Imperial Servant had shown her willingness to work hard for the sake of Rain and the People, which meant it wouldn’t be right or fair to leave her as merely a consort. Besides, she was the only one who could bear Rain’s children, and whether Mila liked it or not, it would eventually matter in years to come. She didn’t want her beloved future sons and daughters asking why their birth mother was only a consort instead of a proper wife like the rest of their mothers.

This was all Rain’s fault. Stupid lecher. He even fell in love with that village girl Qing-Qing, which Mila had long since suspected, but it still stung to learn about. Unable to suppress her jealousy any further, Mila looked away and quietly added, “If possible, I’d like it if you picked a different day for Zheng Luo.” Sharing a wedding day with Yan was one thing, but Zheng Luo as well? If that was the case, Rain might well be shameless enough to suggest they all wait until Lin came of age and they could all get married together.

Clearing the last vestiges of tea from his throat, Rain took both her hands in his own and took a deep breath. “Beloved,” he began, his mournful gaze telling her she would have to share her wedding bed with more than one woman. “It’s not that I don’t want to set a date, but... it’s just... what if I never recover? I don’t want to tie you down to a cripple.”

“Excuse me?” Gripping his hands tight, she ignored his wince of pain and futile attempts to pull away, because this was far worse than sharing a marriage bed. “Am I hearing correctly, or did you just imply you do not, in fact, intend to marry me?”

“No, of course not beloved.” Mila squeezed his hands a little tighter and his voice went up in pitch. “I want to marry you more than anything, but I just wanted to wait until I was better. You know, so I was healthy enough to, um, do the deed.”

“You can sleep with Yan and Luo-Luo but somehow you’re too frail to consummate our marriage?” Cheeks scarlet with fury and embarrassment, she threw his hands away and crossed her arms. “If you’re worried about breaking... something, I talked to Yan about it and we came up with a solution.” By the Mother, this was embarrassing. “Or rather she talked to Da’in, who gave us a book about... bindings and... other things. I... made some shackles, based on the drawings. So we could... you know.”

Mother in Heaven, Mila wanted nothing more than to just fall over dead. Anything to spare her the humiliation. She spent so much time calling him a lecher and pervert, but now he knew she was equally as perverted, if not more.

“First off, I’ve never slept with Luo-Luo.” Arms wrapping around her waist, Rain tried to pull her into his lap, gave up, and sidled closer to her instead. “But shackles you say?” His hot breath kissed her ear as he leaned in close, his amber eyes shining with predatory intent. “Well, well, well. Why don’t we go see if they work right now? You know, as a test?”

“Lecher.” Standing even as she said the words, she all but pulled Rain to his feet and dragged him away. “You’re not allowed to go too far, understand?” she Sent, only now realizing the guards likely heard their entire conversation, but she could only pray they would keep silent because she still intended to go through with it. “Also, marriage date. Set one. Or else.”

“Spring equinox sounds great,” Rain replied, and she could hear his smarmy smile. “You know. Provided the shackles work.”

They better, because if they didn’t, she might literally, but unintentionally, kill him herself.

Chapter Meme