Seiju no Kuni no Kinju Tsukai

Failed to live.

Maybe it was a bad idea that I couldn't find a job I wanted to do like this while I was in college.

In the end, when I failed to get a job, I became a hikikomori neet at my parents' house as it was.

I want to do something.

But I don't know what I want to do.

I don't even know what kind of job I want to get.

As a result, I can't move.

Courage and willingness disappear.

My feelings, they stop.

I'm not who I really am.

Something is different.

But I don't know 'what' is different.

I hesitate to act even though I know it's a loser's excuse thought.

I'm a bad guy.

So, what do we do now?

I don't know.

While depressed and troubled, I ended up unmotivated in everything.

There was no one you could call friends from elementary school to high school graduation, and of course, college life.

Looking back now, I think it's probably because I couldn't be serious about anything.

Will there ever be one who feels like being friends with someone like that?

Favor it. Be jealous, those are emotions that can be directed at the so-called 'hanging in there'.

The one who doesn't seem motivated because of haha is slowly removed from consciousness.

My whole life, if you think about it, has always been me.

Friends?

What's that?

Can you eat?

... and more.

This is how my lonely hikikomori life began.

If you noticed, five years of months had passed.

If you graduate from college for five years and have a blank period, this is almost as good as dead socially already.

Even corporate recruiters won't want to hire people for five years after graduating from college.

Even part-time work is suspicious.

Fortunately, our brilliant brothers, all of whom were employed in large companies, had social success, so the four men's wind against me never got stronger.

Nevertheless, since graduating from college, ties with family members have become more rare year after year.

Few words are exchanged nowadays.

My parents seem to be giving up on me.

I'm really glad he's not my only son.

Thank you to my brothers. If it's not enough.

My life goes by without even part-time, just caricatureless and tasteless and dry.

Read the novel,

Read comics,

Watch the movie,

Watch the animation,

Listen to music.

Other times don't have any purpose, either. Explore the internet.

Occasionally I would even try MMORPG right after the start of the service, but it didn't last long.

It broke my heart to do it and the harsh wild PT ramblings, and it went on several times to erase my account immediately.

That's how one day they stopped playing online games as well.

Gradually moving away from the consumption of entertainment.

The connection rate of the net also dropped in proportion to that.

Ultimately...... I stopped even starting my computer.

So what did you usually start doing?

It was just that I slept in the futon a lot without doing anything.

"You're in too hard mode to pack big once, life"

Sleep in bed and crush without anyone.

"And when I got older, I just got older, and it got harder."

Anyway, even if I take someone else to talk to now, I'm sure they'll end up saying, "It's sweet" or "I deserve it".

Even if I don't like it, should I have gotten a job at the right company?

But on the corporate side, even if you don't like getting a job...

- What a little difficult thing to think about, so I guess not.

Blurred view of the familiar ceiling.

"Whatever... life, I failed"

Emptiness.

Is life so miserable that I couldn't find what I wanted to do?

Change your posture and lie down.

"Even if I can start over in my life...... at what point in the hell should I go back?

Everywhere I went back, I kind of felt like I was going to end up the same way.

I've been riding the line lately and getting off a lot at a station far from home.

What do you do that for? To find a station with mountains nearby on an online map and do mountain climbing.

Completely dressed with a lame cut of the mountain.

Before leaving the house, a TV in the living room said there was a typhoon looming.

Does it bother you?

I'd rather not.

I decided to climb the mountain without expecting a typhoon.

Take the train from the station to the end point and tell the taxi driver who was stuck in the rotary where he was going.

The taxi driver looked surprised and said, "Are you sure? There's a typhoon coming, right?" He spoke kindly to me.

I just said, "Please."

The driver turned his uncomfortable gaze at me somewhere, but he turned silently forward and stepped on the accelerator.

There was no one at the foot of the mountain.

There's no other car in the parking lot than the cab I've been in.

When I paid to get out of the cab, I started climbing the unbroken mountain path.

The ground is dry because of the light rain.

"This is dangerous if you let your feet slip."

With that groaning, I had myself thinking at the same time, 'You just have to let me slip my leg and die'.

Because I was alive anyway, and it's the luggage of society.

By the way, there is only one condition for the mountain to be chosen.

That means it has to be a mountain like a man's.

That's why popular climbing spots are out of the box.

That's right.

Go into the mountains alone and spend the night.

This is my boom these days.

Or maybe it could be the last entertainment left to me.

Entertainment.

Entertainment, is it?

Stop the fudge.

Could I...

The sky glowed.

Rain clouds gobble and roar.

Light rain suddenly began to gain strength.

Heavy rain strikes me in the face.

Now it was all the way around the middle of the mountain.

This mountain was quite steep.

A chopped cliff is staring down at me with intimidation.

Wow... this is how it is.

Things are kind of different from what I've been in the mountains (and I call them on my own).

I look up at the sky, which is mostly oblique.

Oh, I see.

Typhoon, you're here.

This could put your life in danger.

But what's wrong with this lack of sense of crisis?

Has my heart been paralyzed already?

Or am I...

I thought you wanted to die somewhere.

Moment after moment, an ear-busting roar rang.

At the same time, vision is enveloped in a blurred light.

Lightning strike?

Direct hit, did you?

No way...... die here?

…………

But.

Then maybe that's okay.

At the same time I learned to give up, I felt liberated somewhere.

Oh, if...

If there's such a thing as an afterlife...

Something you want to do next, I hope you find it.

Goodbye, my life, where there was nothing.

What a pathetic end my life ended with nothing.