Seiju no Kuni no Kinju Tsukai

Huh?

What do you mean now?

Are you... handicapped?

"Hey, if I said something that bothered you, I apologize. But I..."

"What is' but '?

"I..."

Stuck in words.

Mr. Cecily sat on the edge of the bed as he stepped out of the futon.

Black tights creeping from the covered duvet are peeking.

From the hem of her clothes were stretched raw white legs.

"You used to call me 'brittle glassworker'... but from me, you look more like a brittle glassworker."

…………

The gaze of pursuit captures me.

"You don't say it back. I mean, you know what I mean."

"It's..."

I leaned down and put my hands together.

I can't squeeze out the words that follow well.

"In the end, you're just like me. I'm desperate to play the 'good one' that everyone wants because I don't want anyone to hate me... I know"

Cecily's floating grin with her dripping hair was mixed with some abusive emotion.

Because that's exactly what I used to be.

Mr. Cecily putting his legs together.

It kind of seemed like a trick that didn't look like her.

"It's annoying to watch you. It's like they're showing off their old self."

I put a lot of effort into my hands in silence.

"I'm not like Mr. Cecily..."

"I guess. Because you are Hibigami's" Enemy, "while I am" Out of Expectation. "

"No... and I respect Mr. Cecily..."

"Respect?"

I get shot at by a sharp gaze with slight frustration.

"You always seem to be 'respectful' or 'like' out of your mouth easily, but you're telling everyone, aren't you? To make you like yourself."

"... I mean it."

"Is that what you said to me in front of Hibigami, because you wanted me to like you?

"Mr. Cecily, how could you..."

"Hmm? Is it not?

"Yes, what the hell is wrong with you? If you're feeling humbled about hibigami, that's too much of a concern. What Hibigami said in the first place was only about his standards..."

Mr. Cecily, who lay down on his face, hung up his teeth.

"Since when..."

Its appearance, which shivers its shoulders into small pieces, is as if to indulge in anger.

"Since when have you been able to speak to me from such an upward gaze..."

…………

"When you speak to me, when you touch me... each time, you will be overwhelmed..."

…………

Mr. Cecily looks up.

She was staring at me.

Cecily said in a blurry voice.

"The truth is, you're no different from me"

She stood in front of me sitting on the couch as she floated.

"Yet how could you..."

Coldness returns to her face.

It was the mouth that created the form of a smile, but its eyes were filled with emotions that could also be taken as hostility.

"You're stronger than me, aren't you?

Mr. Cecily took my right hand.

And - I pressed it against my left chest.

"SE, Mr. Cecily!? What!?

"Then - why don't you screw me down here? They're saying such terrible things, aren't they? Then you can leave it to anger and make it unscrupulous!

"Yes, I don't know what that means! How does that happen!?

I couldn't even afford to do my consciousness to the feel of what was being pushed against my right palm.

"I must be a glass worker!? Then it would be easy to break!? Here!"

Her left hand is about to take it too.

But I paid for it.

Glass finishing makes it easy to break.

I'll get up, too.

And vice versa, I grabbed both of Mr. Cecily's wrists.

Put a little effort into strengthening it.

But - the glass mechanics bumped into each other, didn't they just smash them both to pieces?

An unscrupulous grin can be directed at me.

"Hehe...... did you finally care about that? That's fine."

"No, it won't be good"

She confirmed that my intentions were not in keeping with her own will, and Cecily stared at me with a remorseful look.

"Ha, let go......!

Mr. Cecily shakes his head, nagging, trying to untie my hand.

I let go of her hand.

And, while she suddenly fell out of balance with the recoil the restraint had broken, she stuck.

And he stared at me.

But the next thing that came out of her eyes was... tears.

"Cecily,?

"I know, 'cause this is just eight hits. I know what you're talking about."

Mr. Cecily shook his white hand and shook his shoulder.

"Whoever came, I should have been scattered. I should have hit someone with this feeling of no place to do it......"

…………

I see.

That's why she didn't try to meet anyone.

Because I knew it would be scattered.

"But, you know, they're all sweet. But because of that - I can't say anything. Such sweet people... don't let Sieg, Hilgis, Hannah, Banton, hit you..."

A weak whimper leaks out of her mouth.

"But I couldn't stand it... to my misery. That's why I wanted to spit it out to someone. I wanted to hit the real deal. Even though I know I might say terrible things. But still..."

So did you stick around like you'd stir it up like that?

I thought something was wrong.

Doesn't seem like it, or what?

"It's okay. I don't care. Look, look, I'm like a stranger! Some people chose me as a fool because I had no clue, and he said something like that! So don't worry about it!

Mr. Cecily bites his teeth.

"So that's the place..."

Mr. Cecily shook up the fist he gripped in.

And...

"That's what I'm saying about being handicapped!

I was beaten.

Rather than

"Why - why are you being so nice? What about you?!? Why aren't you mad at me!? Are you anxious to not have so much eyes on people's complexions!? Are you so afraid people will hate you!?

…………

"Oh yes... so am I! I'm always anxious I don't get a peek at people's complexions! That's why I push 'myself' to kill you and I'm putting up with you! But you're the original character, aren't you? You didn't... you didn't play!

…………

"Ugh... even I wanted to be 'that way'...! Damn... why wasn't I the one who remembered the curse? How come I'm not the one who can fuck Hibigami? Why... do they all ask me for 'God Loves and Girls'!? How can I not be allowed to be natural like you!? I can't get you to like it, as it is in nature!?

Pompous.

He's pounding on my chest, like a waste of time.

The crying face is a mess.

Though I might be rude to say this.

It was like a young child.

"I work so hard... yet no one praises me! We all take it for granted we can do anything! But I'm always hanging in there! I'm flustered at the edge! I can't do anything from the beginning! What's" God Loves and Girls "! Me neither."

Mr. Cecily's hand stops.

And when she buried her face in my chest, she said in a voice that seemed to disappear.

"I'm just a human being..."

Then for a while, Mr. Cecily was quietly crying.

When the sound of sipping his nose turned down, Mr. Cecily finally seemed calm.

When I sat her in bed, I went back to the couch.

"... sorry"

Mr. Cecily uttered an apology as he turned his sobbing eyes down.

"Me... maybe you were jealous. You go over yourself at an amazing rate as you are in nature, even though I have created" God loves and girls "until I kill myself... including strength. I envied you for being able to do that. That's why I wanted to rock that perfection, with jealousy."

I smiled all the time.

"Mr. Cecily, I knew you were mistaken"

"Mistake?"

"I'm definitely not like you."

"Yep... I guess so. Thou art of nature, strong, and I -"

"So, no."

All I could do was make a troubled grin.

"... Krohiko?

"It's me, I'm not strong. It's not natural, of course."

In the meantime, I decided to keep a grin on my mouth.

"You know, I'm not sure about myself. So Mr. Cecily is right. I want you to like me...... yes, I want everyone to like me. You want someone to be nice to you. Because I hardly remember anyone who liked me."

I don't remember being liked by anyone in the previous world.

On the contrary, because I was always alone.

So it was a pleasure to come to this world and to have someone involved with me, to be kind.

"Until now, I've never been nice to you like this from anyone else. So I was so happy. But at the same time, I got scared of losing it. I got scared of being hated. Because if you don't become a 'good one', you might lose it."

A smile of nature and self-derision comes to mind.

"Is it weird that people want to like that?

"That, is..."

Mr. Cecily lay down his long eyelashes.

Rather than not knowing what to answer, it was a wind driven by self-blame.

Drop your gaze into your own hands.

"I just think so, too. If you didn't remember the curse, no one would have treated me so kindly... so sometimes I get upset when I wish I didn't have the curse. But Mr. Cecily is liked by people even without a curse. That's what I won with my own efforts. Including efforts to maintain that beauty. But I... it's like I got power from a shelf."

"That's not true."

"Can you say it all? I don't want anyone to hate me, so I'm just desperate to play the 'good-looking one' that we all want, right?

Another agitation arises in Mr. Cecily's expression.

The look looks mixed with anxiety and regret.

There's a little bit of regret in me too.

I didn't mean to blame her.

"Sorry, that was a slightly mean statement right now. It's just that even I..."

…………

No, you can't.

I was enjoying it - my voice is finally starting to tremble.

I wouldn't even be able to make a proper expression.

That's right.

I don't want to be followed by myself on purpose.

But when I get here, I may have to spit it out already.

I couldn't stop myself.

Maybe I wanted to spit it out on someone, too.

I put my forehead on the hand I put together in front of my knees to hide my expression.

Stir and spit only.

"Even I wanted to be."

"Did you want to be?

"I couldn't be, to myself"

I wanted to start over my life by being the funny one everyone likes like the main character in the comedy Lanobe.

I wanted to start over with my life by being like the perfect superhero in one Hollywood movie that makes no mistake about one choice.

I wanted to start over my life by being like the protagonist of a strong willed comic book that couldn't be hit by anything.

I wanted to start over my life by being like the protagonist of a school cartoon full of youth surrounded by girls.

With an interesting one.

Perfect Superman.

He has a strong will that won't waver.

Smells blue but refreshing.

I wanted to start over.

To myself I couldn't be, I wanted to be.

I intend to try to change.

Uziuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Have a goal.

Trying to move on.

I made up my mind.

That determination remains unchanged.

I'm not even going to change it.

But...

"But people don't change that suddenly... there's no way they're going to change my personality as soon as I get the power of a curse. I try to change, to be strong, but after all, the only root is Sorora Kurohiko."

I mesh the roots of my teeth hard.

Breathe quietly.

But - I couldn't.

"The root part of me is that I'm a defector below the average person. I haven't been able to be after all... I can't believe I wanted to be"

I couldn't stop anything falling out of my eyes.

"You know, Crohiko... I'm talking about you..."

"Everything Mr. Cecily said has hit me. It's so brittle and so tiny that I like all the people who are nice to me... that's who I am. It's vulgar, the root part."

After I'm done saying it, I get mundane and regretful.

Is that an indication?

Meditate your eyes strongly.

Leave it to your emotions. What are you talking about? Me.

What do you want me to do, tell Mr. Cecily about this?

I thought you were here to listen to Mr. Cecily.

Isn't this the scene where I comfort her cool?

but it was difficult to contain the running of emotions that overflowed and emerged.

Damn.

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve.

I'll put my face up and try to make a smile somehow.

Don't look serious.

"Actually, I've been anxious ever since I got here. I was wondering if you'd accept me here."

If you think back now.

The second night I came to this world.

The word that the big man said to Mr. Mia that he was a subrace, a race without a country.

"So no matter what country you go to, you just have to live in a fragrance"

At that time, of course, my anger at what I said to Mr. Mia was stronger than anything else.

But - maybe I felt unconscious and said something about myself.

You are a stranger. [M]

That's why I...

"I think that's why I was desperate to be accepted by this one. Because I..."

Because I'm from Japan.

"I'm from the East, I'm a stranger."

All right... you should be able to make a smile.

"Crohiko, I..."

"Haha...... yes, no, I'm sorry about that. I started talking to myself all of a sudden... Oh, uh, I wouldn't recommend hikikomori, would I? Don't get involved with people. If you're stuck, you're like me... Nah."

Suddenly I wondered if Mr. Cecily stood up, and he took my arm and pulled it over.

――――

What... and.

Depending on the way I saw it, I was now falling into bed in such a way as to push Mr. Cecily down.

Or Mr. Cecily holds his head and his face is buried between her breasts.

Smells that are not my own.

Then there's the slightest breath, the lung movement I feel every breath... heart sounds.

It's too close, and this is...

"Fine."

"Huh?"

Mr. Cecily pushed up gently when he did his hand on my shoulders.

I get my torso up while I'm at it.

Then we pinch just one head of space and each other's faces face is facing each other.

Each other's lower body is tight.

The sound of the fabric rubbing against each other was felt slightly louder.

Blue, deep wet eyes hold my eyes still and don't let go.

"If you want, I can accept you"

Accept?

I mean, accept... uh, you know what?

From this situation, that's all I can think of......

"What, I'll make you my future wife?

"Tsu, wife!?

"You used to say you wanted to be, didn't you?

"I told you..."

"It should be easier to attain a high status if you marry me, daughter of the Arklite family. Grandfathers' status is also available. If you keep me beside you when attending nightclubs, you will be seen at first sight. Besides, as a man, isn't self-esteem fulfilled?

"Well, maybe so,"

"You just have to think of me as a tool. Please, use me to make a living."

"I can't believe it's a tool."

"However, don't neglect to take care of it"

…………

Mr. Cecily nowadays doesn't have the kind of air he's joking about, nor does it feel like he's being sarcastic, as he just did.

Are you serious...?

Glossy she smiles.

"Hehe, or do you want to 'do' first after such a rush? That's okay, right? If you will accept me."

I heard a slightly louder noise spitting only my own spit.

"I was hoping for you. This man will know me... and this man says he is somewhere 'similar' to me. But as I went through the Hibigami thing and so on, I was beginning to think that maybe it was different from me. But - I told you you weren't, but I knew you looked like me. We have already known each other's true intentions. This is our only secret now."

Our only secret...

"Don't you think we can be good partners, us?

"So... do this?

"Yes, of course I intend to."

Mr. Cecily grinning.

He doesn't seem willing to hide it.

"But even if it's your intention, isn't there something big for you to get? Responsibilities… will be fulfilled."

A beautiful girl who would not be an exaggeration to say the best in the world is telling me she will accept herself.

Plus now we're in a state where we expose each other for real.

In a way, the relationship so far will be 'over'...... could it be said that it has become rather a pleasant one?

I also feel like I can do well with her like that.

Objectively, nothing has any disadvantages.

…………

But...

"Oh, don't insult me too much, Mr. Cecily."

Tell me, I got out of bed.

"... have you been shaken? It didn't mean I was temporarily lost."

"No, I needed a tremendous determination. 'Cause it's Mr. Cecily, isn't it? If you hadn't heard the truth earlier, it might have been dangerous."

"Hehe, say the right thing again. You're a convenient man, really."

Mr. Cecily said pleasantly as he slept on the bed and looked up at the ceiling.

"May I ask why I was shaken?

'Cause I'm not matching Mr. Cecily.

"That's it again..."

"Because I will."

…………

"I'll be the right man for you. Because I will try to be. So, if Mr. Cecily still felt the same way then, I'll give you a proper answer again. Well, I'm talking about the premise that you'll be waiting for me. So don't expect anything."

Mr. Cecily covered his eyes with arms.

Then I whispered and laughed couscous, then silenced.

There is silence in the room.

I waited.

Because I found out you were trying to say something.

Mr. Cecily opened his mouth.

"I have the confidence to wait... but isn't that a very cowardly escape?

Mr. Cecily's mouth was broken with his eyes hidden.

And the next word she released was somehow accompanied by a crisp sound.

"You're supposed to be... stupid"

I guess Mr. Cecily felt denied everything he had piled up so far.

To Hibigami.

Denial of existence.

What I have been madly creating, though dying, has been denied by the time I have no complete skin.

judged worthless.

Hibigami said something that would only fit once more if turned into Shura, but there is a feeling that that word contained an out-of-the-box meaning: 'I wouldn't be able to do it anyway'.

Mr. Cecily must have figured that out, too.

The trigger was that case.

That's how I lost sight of her own whereabouts - the 'living place'.

As a result, I didn't even know who I was.

There's nothing left to hide.

Only the moist emotions become enlarged.

Maybe that's what it was like.

King's capital on the night when it started raining.

It's the first rain I've had since I came to this world.

I'm wearing a jacket that they gave me because I'm going to come down when I leave the Arklite family, so my uniform doesn't have to get much wet.

I was told that I would take a carriage to school for once, but I said no to that.

Because I was in the mood to go home alone somehow sorting out my feelings.

Ms Cecily told me that she would be attending school tomorrow or the day after.

After feeding her soup and bread (for some reason she told me 'instead of being shaken' and I was supposed to feed her), she got out of the room and reassured the Siegs.

And I apologized for the hiccups.

Standing was the usual Cecily Arklite, even if she was slightly ungroomed.

Pull over and look up at the sky.

…………

Even so, I think Cecily and I have had a strange relationship...

Walk out again.

And think while walking.

But...... can I change?

Or has it changed so much, but you just haven't noticed it yourself?

Myself.

What is it with me?

I don't know.

I don't know - I just do what I can and want to do right now.

Let's start with a successful crusade of magma giants.

It probably doesn't mean crusade right away tomorrow, so let's just say I borrow an example holy demon sword from Mr. Currier tomorrow to go to Mr. Clarice.

Then we walk to the school and go back to the house.

Dinner was set aside but there was no sign of Mr. Mia.

I guess I'm busy working as a samurai with Mr. Makina going to the castle today.

I threw my coat and uniform into the laundry cage and put water in the bath kettle.

When soaked in water, the cold body warms from the core.

Rise from the bath.

Wipe your body with a cloth.

- Shit.

…………

Hmm?

What the fuck?

Look at the door.

"To?"

"Mm?"

"Currier......?

"Right after the bath, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, why are you here?

"I let you go up on your own because you haven't heard back from me when I called you - come on, look, don't show it to me, you idiot. Exactly. You can't do that!

"Wow, sorry!

I rush to hide the important thing with a cloth.

I think I just heard a strangely cute scream of "Geez"...

"No, you don't have to apologize. It's more my fault."

"I get it! Close the door first!

"Oh well. I'm sorry."

Piscilli and the door closed with an apology that seemed sincerely sorry.

…………

I'll start dressing quickly.

Ugh, I was normally alarmed.

Something even feels like my serial mode has blown up all at once now......

Still, Mr. Currier, how did you get here at this hour?