Self Insert as Spider-Man MCU

Bokuboy

It was utter chaos at the compound. No one knew what was going on as real bullets flew around, smoke came from two different locations, and the power was out. It wasn't until the main storage area exploded that everyone abandoned the training scenario and ran for the surrounding jungle. It didn't take long for all of the buildings to catch on fire, especially when they were deliberately set.

*

Natasha had tried to follow Ben as he made his way across the jungle to the compound and she had lost his trail almost immediately. She called Clint and told him that she had lost track of Ben and Clint told her that he had tagged him. She thanked him and followed the new signal to where a dark-skinned man lay, unconscious.

“Dammit.” Natasha whispered and checked her cell phone again and brought up the map. She followed the GPS to the right spot and came to a stop inside the predicted patrol route for the enemy guards as the compound came into sight.

She caught her breath and stared at the utter destruction that someone had unleashed upon the entire base. She hid and ignored the mass of clearly fleeing personnel and wondered what had happened to the covert mission.

“I've come into your parlour, said the fly to the black widow spider.” A whispered voice said in her ear as a knife edge laid against the right side of her neck.

Natasha froze, because she hadn't seen or heard anyone approach.

“You just lost your life.” The soft voice whispered. “What are you going to do about it?”

Natasha made her hands into fists and her right elbow slammed backwards as hard as she could and she felt the sting of a solid hit and heard a grunt as a gloved hand grabbed the left side of her neck. The knife hadn't moved from the right side of her neck and the chest she had just hit had only caved in slightly.

“Wearing bulky clothes actually worked for me this time.” The soft voice whispered and Natasha let out a sigh. “Now what are you going to do?”

“Let me go, Ben.” Natasha said in a normal voice.

“No. Your life is mine.” Ben whispered.

“You attacked a teammate during a covert mission that you've just blown.” Natasha said.

“Blown? Well, yes. That was the objective. Destroy the weapons and drug facilities.” Ben responded.

“No, it wasn't supposed to be like this. Your team...”

“...are as useless as a spy that can't deal with their problems without trying to kill it as a first option.” Ben said.

Natasha gasped and used the supposed distraction to activate both of her taser bracelets and jammed them down and back towards Ben's thighs. Both hit and then Natasha yelled in surprise and stiffened as both taser charges were unleashed on either side of her neck. Her body trembled and she fought to remain standing.

“It's not so fun being on the other side of the Widow's Sting, is it?” Ben asked her.

“H-how?” Natasha asked through clenched teeth.

“Predictability and some spare wiring from all the power cables just laying around.” Ben said with a chuckle.

“You... knew I...”

“...decided to kill me? Yes.” Ben said and his voice became hard. “The problem is, I've now spared your life three times.”

“Wh-what?” Natasha asked, confused.

“When you first approached the base, I could have easily shot you, because of your extremely distracted state. When I put this knife against your throat and didn't kill you, was the second time.” Ben said. “If your taser shot would have worked like you thought it should, my arms would have clenched together and your pretty little neck would have been sliced apart, right on your jugular, and my fingers would have crushed your windpipe.”

Natasha took a shallow breath and let it out. She didn't want to admit that he was right.

“Make that four times.” Ben said with a chuckle. “If I was allowed grenades, when you approached that guard with Clint's GPS tracker on him? Kaboom.”

Natasha sighed. “What are you going to do to me?”

“Me? Nothing.” Ben said and the knife moved away from her neck. “Director Fury on the other hand, is going to have quite the interesting conversation with you.”

Natasha's left foot slammed backwards and down to stab her heel into Ben's boot and her hand shot up and knocked his left hand away from her neck. She turned around and knelt on one knee as she launched a punch at his gut.

Ben let out a grunt as the hit landed and he chuckled. “Bulky clothing for the win again.”

Natasha let out a soft growl and she aimed lower with her next punch. It was met with a shin and then a gloved fist slammed into her face. Her head whipped around from the downward hit and her eyes had seen the perfect form and knew that Ben had applied the maximum force and used his shoulder and body to reinforce the hit.

Ben's foot kicked her in the shoulder and she was pushed against the tree with a grunt, then his other foot came for her face. Natasha ducked and tried to roll, only to have her feet be caught in a snare and she dropped to the ground onto her face.

A booted foot hit her side and she grunted from pain, because her reinforced suit had only blunted the impact. Natasha felt him drop down onto her back and then a fist hit the back of her head and her forehead bounced off of the ground. It rang her bell and she shook her head to try and clear it.

“That's five times I've spared you.” Ben said as her eyes cleared and his knife was embedded into the dirt beside her ear. “Shall I let you up and I can try for number six?”

Natasha didn't respond and thought about how she was going to get out of this. She did not like not being in control and this whole situation was well outside of her control.

“Let her up, Ben.” Clint's voice said from about fifty feet away.

“Hey, guys! I'm glad you finally showed up.” Ben said with a huge smile on his face and pulled the knife out of the ground and put it back into his boot before he stood up. “I successfully scared off most of the locals and I destroyed the main warehouse and lit the rest of the compound on fire. I'm sorry to say that there's not much left for you to do here.”

Everyone stared at him as he ignored Clint's aimed bow and no one commented as Natasha slowly stood up. She didn't attack Ben, though.

Too many witnesses, I suppose. Ben thought. “Did you try to capture any of the fleeing drug cartel members?” He asked and everyone looked guilty, even Natasha. “I'll take that as a no.” He said and chuckled. “On the plus side, I completed this whole operation by myself and didn't need any of you.”

The other four agents looked surprised at that declaration. Natasha and Clint had much different looks on their faces. Disbelief at him claiming such a thing.

“I've captured the base leader and his XO. They are at the back of the base behind the generator shack. You can interrogate them about their drug operation whenever you want.” Ben said and waddled out of the forest and over towards the main gate. He reached it and unhooked the manual locking mechanism that was no longer powered or electrified, and pushed open the gate. “Merry Christmas to all!”

“That's enough grandstanding.” An authoritative voice said over the hidden loudspeakers. Everyone came to attention because they all recognized Nick Fury's voice. “Agent Parker, you pass the examination.”

“NO!” Several voices exclaimed in disbelief.

“Agents Ward and Sitwell, you failed. Agents Carrey and Hibson, you are still on probation.” Fury said.

Muffled curses came from the four agents as several dark-skinned men and women approached from the forest and took Grant and his woman into custody.

“You will be debriefed and then informed of your future duties in the agency.” Fury's voice continued. “Agent Hawkeye and Agent Black Widow, please report to my office upon your return. We need to have a... discussion... about your recent behavior.”

Neither Clint nor Natasha spoke and just nodded. They knew the discussion was going to be a shouting match as he vented at them. The Quinjet they had arrived in flew over their heads and landed just outside the compound.

“Board the transport and come home. Your debriefing will be held after you get a few hours sleep here at the New York office. Fury out.”

“And to all, a good night.” Ben said with a chuckle and waddled over to the transport and went up the boarding ramp like a drunken sailor. “I wonder what's going to happen next? Oh! A shower! I definitely need a shower after kicking so much ass.”

The other two agents stared at him as he strapped into the same seat by the door that he had used before. Natasha avoided looking at him completely and went to the cockpit for several moments.

“I'm sorry, Agent Widow. I'm under orders from Director Fury himself to not relinquish command.” A man's voice said loudly.

Clint sat at the far end of the compartment and strapped in as Natasha came back into the compartment and sat beside him. She didn't speak and strapped in as well. In fact, no one spoke at all during what seemed like a much shorter flight as they returned to base.

*

Nick Fury sat with Maria Hill, Clint Barton, and Natasha Romanoff, Phil Coulson, and several other high ranked agents in the meeting room as they watched the cell phone footage of Ben as he completely dismantled the entire compound. By himself. He had infiltrated in a different area from where he had said he was going to and they saw that there had been extra guards posted there and a few key areas.

“So.” Fury said when the footage ended with the 'fight' between Natasha and Ben. “Would anyone like to explain to me why the base was fully prepared for the incursion when they were told not to be?”

“The base commander...” One of the other agents started to say.

“Has already been demoted and moved to another location in Siberia.” Fury said with a cold voice. “Next.”

“They had our communications and code phrases for this mission.” Phil Coulson said. “Agent Parker confirmed that when he cut the power.”

“That was an ingenious solution to the guarded monitoring shack.” Maria said. “I've noted it into the mission procedures file.”

Fury nodded and motioned to Phil to continue.

“His immediate discovery that it was a training mission with a single encounter, showcases his ability to adapt to situations.” Phil said.

“How is the agent he nearly stabbed fatally?” One of the other agents asked.

“Perfectly fine. The knife was clean and sharp. The insertion point was far enough away from the man's jugular that it wasn't nicked. His immediate reaction to reveal he was an agent saved his life.”

Fury held a hand out to Maria and she handed him several papers. “I need to address exactly why Agent Parker had to make due with replacement and ill-fitting equipment while on a normal transport.”

That made two of the agents look uncomfortable.

“Well?” Fury asked them. “How did a normal equipment locker with actual bullets get into the training scenario?”

“That's my fault.” One of them said. “I had to substitute at the last minute because of the pushed up timetable. The training jet still had part of the fuselage open and would have needed another two hours to be fixed.”

“The normal deployment time.” Fury said and he nodded. “It never occurred to you to exchange the locker contents?”

“No, sir.” The other agent said. “That wasn't because of the rushed timetable. No one on any of the crews or involved in the mission, thought about what it would mean if the squib shots were replaced with actual bullets.”

Fury changed the display behind him and showed an aerial view of the compound. The completely burned to ash compound. “This is what happens.”

“Sir, to be fair, that was mostly the fuel from the power generator.” Another agent said with a chuckle. “Although, if Agent Parker had been qualified to carry grenades, I doubt the outcome would have been much different.”

Fury nodded. “He showed high adaptability, resourcefulness, and ruthlessness. He went in there, even knowing it was a training scenario, and he completed the mission all on his own.”

“Do you know why he did that?” Clint asked.

Fury nodded and motioned to Maria.

“He said, and I quote, 'I had a gun. If it wasn't for the infiltration requirement and to remain stealthy to cut the power, I could have easily shot everyone and killed them from a distance and finished the mission within five minutes. With an incendiary grenade, two minutes'.”

“How?” Natasha asked. Even she would have had a hard time doing it that quickly.

“Agent Coulson.” Fury said and nodded to him.

“You intentionally set off the security alarm near the power generator. Everyone rushes over, you pop the grenade, and you're done. A good chunk of the enemy are gone and the power goes out. All that's left is the clean-up and setting the fires.” Phil said.

“Damn.” One of the agents said. “Damn.”

“Agent Parker figured all of that out while in the field when his circumstances had changed.” Fury said. “Not only are his actions exactly what we look for in an agent, his subtle manipulations with his own teammates let them severely underestimate him.”

“His bulky clothes didn't hinder him at all.” Natasha said in realization.

“Not even a little bit.” Fury said. “Do you know why?”

“No, sir.” Natasha said.

“He works out during lunch in the gym.” Fury said and showed the footage of a soaked Ben leaving the gym. “Before you ask, he automatically changes the live footage to a still image inside the gym. We don't know what he actually does in there to become that sweaty in so short a time.”

“He always eats in the cafeteria and always with different people each time.” Maria said and showed a split screen with all of the different lunches Ben had participated in. “The secretaries, administration staff, HR, the R&D department, robotics, computers, and even the different maintenance crews.”

“Jesus, he practically knows everyone.” One of the agents said.

“He has also made friends in the departments he failed to pass the assessments in.” Fury said. “It's not as close of a connection, since they don't have a lot of interactions with each other.”

“He seems really cozy with Agent May.” Phil said.

“Despite the outrageous rumors, it's strictly platonic.” Maria said and everyone looked surprised. “For now, anyway. He's brought her more peace of mind than her many sessions with the psychiatrists.”

“How?” Someone asked.

“We can't share an agent's personal interactions, upon their request.” Maria said. “Agent May asked for discretion. Letting Director Fury and myself know, was all she would give as a concession.”

Fury nodded. “I accepted that, as long as she's adjusting well and comes to terms with what happened.”

The others nodded as well.

“Now what?” Natasha asked.

“I am officially ending Agent Parker's probation period.” Fury said and surprised noises came from everyone, especially Natasha. “As of this moment, Agent Parker has Security Clearance Level 8.”

“No.” Natasha whispered.

“Fuck.” Clint whispered. His was only Level 7.

“Why so high?” One of the other agents asked. There were only 10 levels to their security.

“I'm sorry, that's a Clearance Level 10 secret.” Fury said and they all gasped, except for Maria. Only she knew that Ben had nonchalantly asked Fury about how Goose was doing at Project Pegasus. He also asked if he could have one of the Flerken kittens. He was politely refused.

There were several curse words muttered from nearly everyone.

“Is there anything else?” Fury asked and they shook their heads. “Then you are dismissed... except for Agents Hawkeye and Widow.”

The room quickly cleared out and only Fury, Maria, Natasha, and Clint were left. Maria hit a button and the door locked as the windows were covered in metal shutters.

“Thank you.” Fury said to her and then his classic glare appeared in his eye as he looked at two of the best field agents he had. “What the FUCK were you thinking?!?”

Clint and Natasha winced at the venom in Fury's voice and sat there, completely silent, as he verbally chewed their asses out over what had happened and what could have happened if Natasha's decision to eliminate the threat to her had actually gone her way.

It was not a fun time for anyone in that room.