SIN DE RELLA

ARELLA

***

THE AIR blew my face as I walked outside my apartment building. It had been two weeks since Skip's father died. Our goodbyes were painful than I'd ever anticipated. I couldn't even look at him in the eyes because I didn't want him to go without telling him everything.

The moment he walked away, he took the other part of me.

"Reigh, I didn't plan on parting this way. You are the best thing that ever happened to my life." He cupped my face. "Look at me, please?" And I had no choice but to meet the sullen-filled eyes. "I love you."

I covered my head with the hood of Skip's sweater I took with me that night. My heart raced as I started running toward the peaceful neighborhood. This had been my routine every morning since Skip went back to London. It helped me not to sob against my pillow.

I found my usual spot—a small park. I sat on the bench when I felt my exhaustion. I haven't run for ten minutes, but I felt drained. I cast my mind to the time after my divorce. It didn't hurt this way. Would this crushing devastation ever subside? Was there any pill or liquor to relieve the pain?

The chattering of a young couple caught my attention. The blond guy wiped the sweat off of her forehead by his shirt. The pang in my chest worsened as I remembered I did the same thing to Skip. I had to look away.

I rolled my eyes and groaned when another couple was strolling through the park. The guy wrapped his arm around his girl and kissed the top of her head. My eyes quickly stung of how the situation played me.

The torture didn't end there. A sudden flashback shot right through my brain. Skip was not an outdoorsy kind of guy, so he prepared breakfast for us even he'd never did it before I came to his life. He even set his alarm an hour earlier than he usually did.

I stuck my AirPods, playing my playlist and ran again. My chest started to burn in an excruciating way—not from the exhaustion, but from how I was so damn selfish. He did something for me and I did nothing in return. And for God's sake, he just lost his dad and yet I chose to stay when he badly needed me.

An hour later, I ran back to my apartment. A familiar car parked beside mine. I pulled my AirPods and walked towards Brett.

"Hey." He saw me before I got near to him.

"Hey." I made sure my smile wasn't forceful. I couldn't remember the last time I smiled at anyone since post-Skip.

"How are you holding up?" I could see the sadness in his eyes no matter how hard he tried to hide.

"It's only been two weeks, Brett. We constantly talked over the phone though. And he and Clyve seemed okay." I pulled my hood down.

His face fell, nodding. He knew how things affected me and he knew why I couldn't go with Skip. In one swift move, he pulled me into a hug and it almost crumbled me down. I badly needed this. "We always have a choice, Are. How I wish you tell him how you feel before he left."

Losing him was not an option if I had a choice. But I do have a choice.

My heart ached. I opened my mouth to speak, but my tears fell like they had their sympathy. If I only told him it might don't hurt like this. It might lessen the burden. It might change something.

I let out a long deep shaky breath. "He's not coming back, is he?"

Brett planted his chin above my head. I couldn't hold it anymore. Even a strong woman broke down. My body shook as I sobbed harder on Brett's arms. At least he loved me, he really did.

"I didn't! I was so stupid and thought men were born to hurt me just the way Dominic did. But deep inside I know I can trust Skip with my heart. I love him, Brett. I never thought I'm such capable of loving someone this strong that blinds me."

But I lost him.

"Everything will be okay, Are." Brett was rubbing my back in the parking lot, but it soothing.

I nodded speechless, hoping Brett was right.

Loosening my arms around Brett, I wiped my face. I stepped backward and looked at him. A sharp pain hit my gut when I met his gaze. I've no doubt Brett was affected just like I am. His best friend's dad just passed away and couldn't do anything.

"He's hurting, Are. Please, tell him the reason before he'll lose his mind. He has the right to know, you know. You need to prove to him that you didn't let him just walk away. You are both hurting, I can feel it, and it was unfair on his part that he didn't get a chance to know why you couldn't come with him. Are, he just lost his dad, he definitely feels that he lost you too." Brett held my upper arm. "Please?"

I nodded. "Promise, I will."

"Why didn't you tell him you love him?"

I shrugged, crying again. "Isn't it obvious?"

"It is, Are, but you have also to tell him how you feel. A man needs to hear it from the woman he loves."

"Coming from the man who never been in love." I looked at him. Now it might be too late to tell him face to face because he was thousands of miles away.

"It's not too late, never been late. You have a flight to catch, right?" He smiled warmly. "Can you kiss her for me?"

Tears of joy fell from my eyes. I chuckled, "Yes, later tonight." I tiptoed to kiss Brett on his cheek. "I will kiss her for you. I love you, Brett."

"I love you, sweet corn."

***

ONCE AGAIN, I looked down at the entrance ticket on my hand before I placed it back inside my bag. Taking a deep breath, I made my way out of the hotel.

The cab pulled in front of the South Park school. Parents and their children rushed towards the entrance. My phone buzzed in my bag, this was probably Anna or Alys. It was a text from Alys indeed, saying they were already in the auditorium. I've been here twice and I knew already where to go. It was separate from the school buildings—a donation from one of the billionaires in Seattle.

As excited as I was to watch the show, I rushed inside and instantly found them on the third row. Alys already waved towards my direction. My heartbeat thrummed in my ears and I couldn't wait to watch the whole performance of Rynna again.

"Hey, hows your flight?" Alys asked while squeezing me with a hug.

"Quick?" I chuckled. "Hi, I missed our last video call." I hugged Anna and so as Ferry.

They'd been busy searching for Rynna's costume when they didn't like the one they bought online. I suggested that I could search another in New York, but Alys said to give me time for myself since I wasn't exactly at the right mind even to care for my food.

"It's okay, Are. I'm glad you made it."

"So, how are you?" Anna asked when we sat on our seats. She knew what happened to Skip's dad and how the things between us had ended. Not exactly ended since we still talked.

"I'm good, thank you for asking." I smiled timidly.

"At least not I'm fine." Her words made me chuckle. "You should go to London, Are. Time is too short to waste moments. You two should be together right now. I know you made a promise, but sometimes you have to sacrifice somethings to make other things right. You don't have to stay there for good and when you come back we're still here for you, that's a promise. We already talked, we will not stop you if you want to tell him the truth."

I closed my eyes, living the moment of happiness I felt inside my chest. When I opened them, Ferry and Anna were smiling at me. They nodded in unison.

Alys gripped my shoulder and whispered, "You've been through hell, Are. We want you to be happy and be with him. It had been difficult for you for carrying these secrets for so long and I admired you for keeping your sanity intact." She giggled.

"But he has the right to know," Ferry seconded.

"Thank you, guys! I don't know how grateful I am for being there for me all these years. I didn't want to hurt you all and I thought if I asked this thing from you, it would affect our agreements."

"It supposed was, but we couldn't ask for more," Ferry answered.

The emcee announced that the program was about to start in any moment and the auditorium was almost full. Rynna was already at the backstage preparing for their performance.

A few moments later, the music played and the first group started to sing. They were all wearing colorful fruit costumes. I hummed and to their sweet voices as they sang and moved accordingly. Kids had always had a spot in my heart. I may have failed once, but I still believed I got another chance.

The group left the stage, then Rynna's group of insects walked to the center. She was a little bit taller than the rest, and she was placed at the center wearing a ladybug costume. She smiled sweetly when we waved at her. She was a sweet little thing.

My heart swelled of how she grew up into a beautiful child. Her parents did a great job. I ignored the sweet pang inside my chest when they started to sing and perform.

The proud dad continued clicking the camera on his hand, capturing the moments.

I barely heard the audience awwing in amazement. I focused my gaze on Rynna alone as I was afraid this would take a while before I got a chance to see her again.

A loud of applause roared inside the auditorium when they were done. We stood up and did a group hug out of joy.

"I'll go take her from the backstage," Ferry said, kissing his wife, then left us.

"We'll take pictures when she comes," Anna said. The excitement and happiness in her voice did a burning sensation in my chest.

My posture went rigid, the hair at the back of my neck suddenly lifted. Goosebumps crawled up everywhere in my body. I rubbed my exposed skin involuntarily. My heart beat madly in my chest.

There was a part inside me and in my brain that told me to do something. I let out a sigh and turned around.

***