Sleeping Next to the Pirate King

"Take that you walking Olympic medals!"

I felt every single individual in the crowd cringe inwardly at my attempt of a pun. I looked over to see Serafina slap her forehead while Armon closed his eyes in disappointment and shame. My face burned with embarrassment. 

My God. 

I can't.

Believe.

That. 

I've just.

Done.

That. 

In front of a crowd of hundreds of people. 

I calmly kneeled on the sand covered ground and used my hands to dig a medium sized hole. I then bowed my head to the crowd before plunging my head into the hole in the ground.

God could you please erase everyone in this colosseum's memory of the past three minutes? 

It would be much appreciated. Thank you. 

Maldonius's laugh filled my ears despite them being under the sand. I took out my head from the sand and coughed out what entered my mouth. I then shook my head like a dog coming out of a bath. Sand swished all around before softly falling to the ground. My eyes burned as several particles seeped in. 

I then overcame my embarrassment and walked over to pick up the riddles of both the silver and the golden soldier. I then placed them in my pocket next to those of the bronze and wooden soldiers. The crowd quieted for a long period of time before a single clap rose into the tension filled air. Seconds later the whole colosseum was filled with the loud noise of hundreds of people cheering and clapping. The ground beneath my sandals vibrated with their stomps and exhilaration. I turned to see a smiling and amused Maldonius throw a pineapple chunk into his mouth. 

Does this fucker ever stop eating? 

No matter what form he takes on, food always seems to be a priority. The fact that he ate a lot doesn't bother me, instead the fact that he doesn't gain any weight despite eating so much does. 

Lucky bitch. 

Maldonius then stood up and raised his hand in order to silence the crowd. He pulled back the clasp which held his cape around his throat. Maldonius's eyes shone as he released the cape into the air. The crowd pushed against each other in hopes of catching the falling cape. I clicked my tongue. 

What a dramatic lizard. 

I turned my head as my neck cracked. My whole body ached. Particularly my limbs from all of the swinging, moving, and running that I've been doing. I sighed as I threw my weapons on the ground and plopped down on my ass. Maldonius snickered as he watched my face contort in annoyance. He was pissing me off way too much lately. 

Maldonius's voice boomed and bounced off the walls as he yelled. 

I shook my head as I cracked my knuckles in anticipation. I felt only two emotions at the moment. Annoyance. And annoyance. 

I'm tired, hungry, depressed, confused, and to top it all off my ovaries have been throbbing all day. PMS has been quite the beautiful gift which God loves to give me before every problem I have. sooner or later the only blood to decorate this colosseum will be my own. 

All in all, was I okay? 

No. 

What is one phrase to accurately describe my mood now?

I feel like a salty hoe. 

Maldonius smiled toothily as his voice boomed. 

"Excellent! If so then why don't you begin?" 

I nodded once more as a rumbling sound filled my ears. I looked forward to see the sand ground in front of me rise a few inches. The shape of a sundial leaked sand as eight ticks adorned the edges of the sundial. Despite resembling a clock, it wasn't quite one, instead it resembled an ancient timer. I chuckled. What a creative motherfucker. 

I took out the four riddles as a ringing noise filled the colosseum signaling the start of the eight minutes. Before reading the first riddle Maldonius's voice rung out once more. 

"Wait, wait! I'm sorry my dear but this whole affair is quite boring and too redundant don't you think?"

I shook my head. Lizard dude don't you dare come up with another one of your ideas. Maldonius chuckled and said. 

"Why don't we wager a bet my dear? If you finish the riddles in half the time that i have given to you, then I will allow you to grant a wish."

My ears perked up at the proposal. 

"Any wish?"

Maldonius smiled before saying. 

"Any wish. Except that of advancing to the last trial of course."

I cursed under my breath. Damn him. I stroked my chin before smiling. 

"Is it possible to bring some of my crew members and fellow captains if I win the bet?"

Maldonius smirked before clapping his hands and saying. 

"Of course you can my dear. How about this? If you win the bet, then I will not only bring your chosen crew members and fellow captains, but also allow them to accompany you through the rest of the floors of the ziggurat as well ad the third trial. What do you think?"

I smiled. If I get a chance to see all of my crew members and friends' faces once more, then of course I'll agree to the bet. 

"Okay Maldonius, I agree to the bet. Now set the timer for four minutes."

Maldonius smiled. 

"Do you understand what happens if you lose the bet my dear?"

I shook my head. 

Maldonius smiled before saying. 

"Then I will take the lives of all of your precious crew members and friends, and make them my slaves for eternity. Will you still go ahead with the wager?"

I balled up my fists before nodding and saying. 

"Yes I do. Now bring it on old geezer."

Maldonius smiled before snapping his fingers. Four of the ticks around the sundial disappeared as only four remained. Maldonius then raised his hand and said. 

"Your time begins now!"

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