Sleeping Next to the Pirate King

I then used my left hand to pull Josh's right ear, and my right hand to pull Ash's left ear. I leaned in and whispered. 

"Wake up sleeping beauty, your prince has come to save you. If you don't wake up in a couple of seconds this prince will swoop down and kiss you awake."

Josh and Ash smiled simultaneously as they said. 

"Please kiss us, female prince."

I smiled as I whispered back. 

"Okay my dear, pucker your lips."

Josh and Ash then puckered their lips awaiting my kiss. I smiled as I released their ears and pulled my flat hands back. I then slapped their mouths respectively. Josh and Ash sat up quickly as they cried out. They tearfully glared at me as they held their throbbing lips. I smiled like a fox (mischievous smile with closed eyes), as I said softly. 

"Oh my dear, I apologize! I never knew my kiss was strong enough to make your lips swollen!"

Josh and Ash continued to glare as they released their swollen lips. Lutious and Weston held their stomachs as they laughed. Josh then hissed a quiet, "bitch!". I stuck out my tongue at them before turning to the lizard Galileo who was literally hovering in the corner and said. 

"Okay Maldonius, what is the plan for this floor? Instead of gladiator fights, do I have to fight in space with flying ships or something?"

Maldonius didn't even bust a smile as he sighed before saying. 

"Ha, ha. I'm glad to see that you are still energetic enough to ooze sarcasm my dear, but lately its been getting on my nerves. So please tone it down."

I nodded. This lizard was getting quite cranky lately. I guess that the outfit which he wears resonates with his current mood. 

Maldonius then cleared his throat before saying. 

"This level of the ziggurat is personally my favorite. It will not focus on your combat ability, but instead your scavenger hunt skills."

I immediately scrunched my face up in a frown. All through middle school and high school I sucked at scavenger hunts. Particularly those with riddles. This level might just be the death of me. 

"Will I be able to have my friends here help me?"

Maldonius smirked before saying. 

"Do you really want that to happen my dear? If you do, then they will be subject to punishments as you will be."

I shook my head. 

"Never mind then I'll just be the one to deal with the riddles."

Maldonius smiled then clapped his hands together. 

"Excellent! In that case why don't the rest of you dress up to the theme of this floor?"

"Look you old fuck, no way in hell am I going to turn into some bald bitch and wear some long ass robe!"

I turned to Jacia and put my hand on her shoulder. 

"It seems like the day has finally come Jacia. Don't worry, as your best friend I will cut some of my hair and allow you to stick it to your bald head with adhesive."

A second later I whimpered as I was nursing a large bump on the side of my head. Jacia was fuming next to me as she tapped her boot on the carpet impatiently. 

"Look old man, if I'm going to be bald then all the other girls have to be bald as well. Same with the guys, only the will I be okay with you taking away my precious hair."

Maldonius stroked his beard before tilting his head to the side. He then smiled slightly at Jacia. I then did the trinity sign. Rest in peace my dear Jacia, Maldonius has now set his eyes on you for a potential new person to tease. I wish for your safe descent to hell. 

Maldonius smiled and clapped his hands once more. 

"Oh my dear, what is your name?"

Jacia glared at him as she said. 

"Why the hell do I have to tell you my name?"

I was sitting in the midst of the crowd of my crew members. I then turned to an attentive Baron. 

"Could you please tell Lutious to pass over a couple of salt taffy candy pieces?"

Baron threw a green one into his mouth as he nodded and took a couple from Lutious's bag. All the crew members were watching Jacia's outburst as they chewed on salty taffy. I joined in as I raised my hand and said. 

"Give him hell Jacia."

Jacia then turned and gave me the "death glare" as she said. 

"You little bastards! Why are you all eating salty taffy while I'm here fighting with this old ass!"

I flicked a small fly from my elbow as I threw a pink salty taffy in my mouth. I then turned to Weston. 

"Hey bastard, stop wolfing down all of the salty taffy, limit yourself to one at a time. Lutious's bag is emptying."

Weston frowned as he threw three pieces of taffy into his mouth. 

"Says the woman who has five taffy pieces in her hand right now."

I hid the five pieces of taffy in my sleeve as I opened my hand and said to Weston. 

"No I don't you liar. Where do you see the five pieces of taffy? Baron do I have five pieces of taffy in my hand?"

Baron turned to see the five pieces of taffy now laying in my lap. He looked up at my attempt at being cute as he smiled. 

"Oi, are you calling my wife a liar? Try that one more time and I'll punch all of your teeth out."

I turned and wrapped my arm around Baron's as I smiled sinisterly at Weston. Accuse me one more time bitch. My man right here's got my back and he'll kick your ass. 

Weston fumed as he stuffed another four pieces of taffy in his mouth. He then spluttered gibberish as a response. I looked at him in disgust as he glared back. 

"WHY ARE ALL OF YOU FUCKERS ACTING AS IF I'M PUTTING ON SOME SHOW HERE? ARE YOU ALL OKAY WITH THE FACT THAT THIS OLD ASS IS GOING TO MAKE US ALL BALD?"

Clarabella daintily threw a red taffy in her mouth as she said. 

"Why are you raising your voice at us Jacia? The old man never said that he was going to make us all bald. That was just a mere assumption which you had made based on his looks. How low of you."

If Jacia were a tea kettle then she would have burst at Clarabella's comment. I even found myself clapping at her wise words. I then turned to see Jacia fume as her face turned red. I whistled as I put my fingers into my ears. 

"Well, well she's about to scream like a banshee now. Lutious, sweetie, please block your ears. Never mind sweetie, you're holding the bag of taffy for everyone. Zarfia could you please block his ears for him?"

Zarfia nodded as she unraveled a blue taffy then popped it into her mouth before cupping Lutious's ears. I winced as Jacia started screaming. 

"YOU SON OF A BITCHES! I SWEAR TO GOD THAT I'M ABOUT TO ********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************."

For technical reasons, the author has blurred and censored the words that Jacia has said. All for your discretion, dear readers. After all, no one wants to hear terrible words of a raging woman on her period. Especially if the woman is Jacia. 

Now how do I know that she has her period you ask? 

For the past hour, the woman has been bent slightly over as she holds her lower stomach. I believe that, that is universal for cramps. 

Do not misunderstand and @ me, readers, I am not making fun of women on their period. For fuck's sake, I'm a woman myself. Instead I am specifically targeting 0.00001 percent of the human population which includes Jacia. 

Jacia then huffed and puffed as an amused Maldonius sipped tea from a teacup on a rickety, wooden chair. 

SON OF A BITCH? 

Where did he get the tea from? 

Shock filled me as I watched him sip tea nonchalantly while Jacia screamed at him. He then snapped his fingers causing the teacup and chair to disappear. Maldonius then smiled at Jacia as he said. 

"Are you done? Like are you seriously done? If you need someone to tell your issues to, then get a man my dear, because I certainly am not going to deal with them."

Someone call the fire department because we have a woman with a fourth degree burn after being roasted!

I then sighed and stood up. Okay no more fun time. This old geezer was enjoying this way more than he should be doing. 

"What right do you have to tell her to get a man when you can't even hold a woman yourself asshole?"

Maldonius shut up pretty quickly. He then cleared his throat and sheepishly said. 

"Anyways. I will now go into detail of the various tasks to be completed before you clear this level."

As Maldonius talked I looked around for Armon and Serafina. 

Strange. 

I could have sworn that I had seen them back at the colosseum. Are they only a two time sort of situation? 

For some reason I felt as if I was stood up at a date or something. Well whatever, I should focus on what Maldonius is saying. 

"Do you understand?"

I opened my mouth then closed it. 

FUCK!

I wasn't paying attention to anything that he was saying! I'll just agree then ask Baron or Wilhelm about it later. 

"Yes I understand."

"Well then have fun my dear."

Was I really going to have fun? 

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