STT – Chapter 11 • Little Panda

12-15 minutes 17.06.2023

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Go to sleep, don’t be afraid

During dinner, Mama Lu emerged from the bedroom with a much-improved complexion, smiling and complimenting Jiang Huaixi, “Huaixi, your cooking skills are worthy of admiration. You could become a master chef.” Shifting her attention, she affectionately addressed Lu Zizheng, who was attentively watching her, “Zizheng, you should learn a thing or two from Huaixi.”

Jiang Huaixi scooped a bowl of soup for Mama Lu, then looked at Lu Zizheng with a faint smile. Lu Zizheng nonchalantly replied, “I don’t need to learn. If I want to eat something delicious, I’ll just come back to Mom.”

Mama Lu sighed, tinged with indulgence, saying, “You’re all grown up, yet you still act like an eternal child.”

Lu Zizheng became slightly happier and playfully blinked her eyes at Mama Lu, puckering her lips in a cute manner.

Jiang Huaixi continued the conversation, laughing, “Absolutely! If she’s not happy, she might even shed some tears. And if someone discovers that, she’ll get all defensive and want to keep it a secret, even resorting to silencing witnesses…”

Lu Zizheng glared at Jiang Huaixi and playfully tossed a chopstick of food into her bowl, saying, “Even while eating, you can’t stop talking!”

Mama Lu simply smiled affectionately, watching the two of them.

After finishing the meal, Mama Lu insisted that Jiang Huaixi shouldn’t lift a finger to clean up. Jiang Huaixi couldn’t argue with Mama Lu and had to give in. Lu Zizheng then transformed into a well-behaved daughter and followed them into the kitchen to help. However, she was promptly chased out by her mother, with the reasoning, “Just don’t make things worse. Go outside and keep Huaixi company.”

Jiang Huaixi sat in the living room, observing Lu Zizheng, who seemed unhappy and self-conscious about being glanced at. Lu Zizheng sat down beside her, turned on the television, pretending not to notice.

Due to concerns about Mama Lu’s health, Lu Zizheng decided not to go home and stay overnight at her mother’s place.

After Mama Lu finished tidying up the dishes, she joined them in the living room, and the three of them sat together for a while. As the time grew late, Jiang Huaixi prepared to take her leave. This time, before Mama Lu could say anything to persuade her to stay, Lu Zizheng spoke up first: “It’s getting late, and it’s quite cold outside. It’s not safe to drive, and you don’t have anything urgent to attend to…” She casually listed numerous reasons why it would be inconvenient for Jiang Huaixi to go home but kept hesitating, unable to continue.

Meanwhile, Jiang Huaixi had already put on her shoes by the door, her hand resting on the doorknob. She slightly curved her lips, looking at Lu Zizheng with a smile that seemed both amused and enigmatic. “Well, so what?” she replied.

Lu Zizheng avoided eye contact, knowing she had already tried to persuade her before. “Why not just stay then…” she finally said. She looked at the shoe cabinet next to her, intentionally avoiding Jiang Huaixi’s gaze. She could sense Jiang Huaixi’s intense gaze fixed on her.

However, to her surprise, Jiang Huaixi declined her offer. “No, I have something to do tomorrow. Will you be home in the afternoon? I should be able to come here and pick you up.”

Lu Zizheng couldn’t quite express her mixed emotions at that moment. She felt a subtle sense of disappointment and an indescribable feeling, causing her tone to become somewhat subdued. “No need, it’s too troublesome. I’ll just take the bus home by myself.”

Jiang Huaixi tightened her grip on the doorknob and gave Lu Zizheng a deep, meaningful glance. Without saying much, she greeted Mama Lu once again, “Auntie, I’ll be leaving now.”

Mama Lu nodded and smiled, giving her a gentle reminder, “Drive safely on the way.”

Jiang Huaixi opened the door and took a step outside, responding, “Of course, I will…”

As the door was about to close, Lu Zizheng was still standing by the doorway, lost in thought. Mama Lu reached out and gently pushed her, instructing, “Go and see Jiang Huaixi off. The elevator has been acting up lately.”

Lu Zizheng looked up and glanced at Jiang Huaixi outside the door, only to realize that she too had lowered her gaze, silently watching her. So, she lowered her eyes and agreed with her mother, “Okay.” With that, she followed Jiang Huaixi out the door.

They walked one after the other, their long shadows stretching in the hallway’s illuminated glow, silently embracing, entwined…

Fortunately, the elevator tonight was functioning well. Just as they pressed the button, the doors opened unexpectedly, catching Lu Zizheng off guard.

Jiang Huaixi slightly turned her head and softly said, “You can go back. No need to see me off downstairs.” With that, she lifted her leg and stepped into the elevator.

Lu Zizheng whispered, “I had no intention of going downstairs.” She turned around and started walking back.

She heard the elevator’s door reminder, indicating that it was about to close. With her head down, she took step after step, walking back… Suddenly, she heard a “ding” sound, indicating that the doors were opening again.

Lu Zizheng halted her steps, standing still.

From behind, came Jiang Huaixi’s familiar and cool voice, “Don’t worry. Sometimes, life isn’t as malicious as it seems.”

Lu Zizheng turned her head and looked at Jiang Huaixi. She noticed her long index finger on her right hand pressing and holding the elevator’s door-open button, her gaze profound and her eyes filled with a rare tenderness.

“Don’t overthink it. Go back and get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow, everything will be fine,” she heard Jiang Huaixi say. The usually aloof voice carried a hint of gentleness.

Lu Zizheng gently pursed her lips and smiled, nodding in response.

So, she saw Jiang Huaixi release the button and it seemed like she smiled for a moment, although it was fleeting. Her smile disappeared behind the gradually closing elevator doors.

Back at home, Mama Lu asked her in surprise, “You came back so soon. Didn’t you accompany Huaixi downstairs?”

Lu Zizheng walked briskly towards the balcony and casually replied, “Yeah…”

Before long, Lu Zizheng saw a red car emerge from the garage downstairs. It drove away into the distance, leaving the community, and gradually vanished from Lu Zizheng’s sight.

Why hadn’t she noticed before that Jiang Huaixi had her own things to deal with and that her time wasn’t as free as she imagined? Was it because she hadn’t paid attention before, or was it because she was now overly concerned?

Lu Zizheng lightly drew an ‘X’ on the balcony railing and let out a gentle sigh, which turned into a faint white mist rising in the cold air.

That’s how it should be, and it’s just fine like this.

“What are you standing outside for? It’s cold out there. Come inside quickly,” Mama Lu unexpectedly spoke from behind.

Startled, Lu Zizheng shivered and nearly let out a scream.

Seeing Lu Zizheng’s exaggerated reaction, Mama Lu couldn’t help but burst into laughter, teasing her, “Why are you so easily frightened?”

Lu Zizheng’s mood suddenly sank, and she reached out to embrace Mama Lu, speaking softly in a spoiled tone, “I’m just that timid, a scaredy-cat… So, Mom, please don’t scare me anymore…”

Mama Lu hugged her back, gently patting her back, and soothingly said, “Alright, alright, Mom won’t scare you anymore…”

At night, Lu Zizheng lay in bed, closed her eyes, and tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep no matter what she did.

She knew that insomnia had struck again, leaving her restless and frustrated.

For years, she had struggled to have a peaceful and natural night’s sleep. In the early years, she relied on sleeping pills, but later, she consciously tried to control it. However, since then, she had entered a phase of chronic sleep deprivation.

She kept her eyes open, gazing at the hazy night outside, listening to the relentless gusts of wind assaulting the windows, shaking the glass, creating a resounding bang.

Turning her body, she reached out and opened the drawer of the bedside table, feeling around until she found a soft strand of black hair. The delicate strands were meticulously tied with a red string, creating a beautiful and secure knot.

Lu Zizheng stared at the hair in the darkness for a long time. Then, she placed it under her pillow and closed her eyes, counting the rhythmic sounds of the wind hitting the window: one, two, three, four, five…

Gradually, her consciousness blurred, and in a daze, someone whispered comforting words in her ear, “Sleep, don’t be afraid, tomorrow will be better…”

During the first semester of her freshman year, Lu Zizheng had the misfortune of catching a cold, but she shrugged it off. Subconsciously, she feared hospitals, unable to forget the heart-wrenching pain she felt when her father left the hospital. There, everyone wore expressions of sorrow, the surroundings were bleak and suffocating.

However, the cold didn’t obediently leave her as she had expected. Instead, it grew more rampant. Before her physical education class, Lu Zizheng started feeling a feverish heat throughout her body. She didn’t have a thermometer of her own, and she didn’t want to ask her unfamiliar roommate for one. So, she pretended everything was fine and went to class despite feeling unwell.

With the final exam approaching, which included a 2,000-meter run, the past few weeks had focused on running during physical education classes as adaptive training.

As usual, Lu Zizheng took the lead, running ahead of everyone else. When she passed by the bleachers, she saw Jiang Huaixi sitting there, just like always, wearing headphones and holding a book, enjoying her leisurely break, completely at ease.

While running, Lu Zizheng couldn’t help but ponder. Was it a normal mindset to come to physical education class in such chilly weather just to get some fresh air? But before she could dwell on it further, her thoughts were engulfed by an intensifying heat. She felt her body growing hotter and her steps becoming heavier, as if she couldn’t run anymore…

And then, she truly stopped running…

She fainted.

When she woke up, her eyes were greeted by the perpetually dreadful white ceiling of the hospital, glaring and oppressive. She slowly turned her head and unexpectedly saw Jiang Huaixi by her side.

Jiang Huaixi was sitting in a chair next to her bed, quietly and calmly engrossed in a book. Her long, fair fingers delicately pinched the pages, creating a gentle rustling sound whenever she turned them. When she wasn’t speaking or causing mischief, she truly exuded the grace of an aristocratic lady.

Seeing Lu Zizheng awake, Jiang Huaixi set the book aside and frowned at her, reproaching with a slight hint of anger, “You’re quite good at pretending, aren’t you? Don’t you know you have a fever?”

Lu Zizheng found it strange that she could detect a tinge of concern in Jiang Huaixi’s tone, but she dismissed it as her own confusion caused by the fever. So she simply asked, “Did you bring me here?”

Jiang Huaixi lowered her head again, casually flipping through the book. “Don’t feel too grateful. It just so happens that I have nothing better to do.”

Lu Zizheng was taken aback, and the word “thank you” that she wanted to utter got stuck in her throat. She observed Jiang Huaixi closely and suddenly noticed a fine layer of sweat on her elegant nose, and her lips had a faint purple hue. Momentarily dazed, could it be that she caught a chill on the way here? Out of her habitual concern, she anxiously asked, “Why are your lips purple?”

Jiang Huaixi paused her flipping of the book, raised her head, and gazed at her intently. She smiled playfully and asked, “Haven’t you ever tried purple lipstick? I think the color is quite nice. If you like it, I can give you some.” There was unmistakable mockery in her tone, as if saying, “You’re so ignorant.”

Lu Zizheng took a deep breath, realizing she had overthought the situation. She turned away, choosing not to engage in Jiang Huaixi’s games. Just as she turned around, she heard the sound of Jiang Huaixi standing up. “I’ve arranged for your absence from school, and without my consent, the hospital won’t let you leave. Just stay here and rest assured. I’ll leave now.”

Lu Zizheng turned back, about to ask, “What do you mean the hospital won’t let me leave without your consent?!” However, she saw that Jiang Huaixi had already closed the door and left.

In her uneasy slumber, Lu Zizheng tossed and turned, her brows involuntarily furrowing. Vaguely, she thought about the initial Jiang Huaixi, who she couldn’t despise any more. Who gave her the right to perform her domineering CEO act in front of her every minute!