Solitary Toss of Tenderness

How two timid people can have a courageous love affair

“Zizheng…” Jiang Huaixi’s chilly voice, accompanied by an unstable breath, rang in the distance, breaking the sudden awkward atmosphere between Lu Zizheng and Mother Jiang.

Lu Zizheng bit her lip, took a deep breath, and adjusted her emotions, steadying her voice before responding, “Huaixi, Auntie and I are here.”

After a series of urgent and anxious footsteps, Jiang Huaixi appeared in front of Lu Zizheng and Mother Jiang in no time. Perhaps due to hurrying, she had beads of sweat on her nose even in the freezing cold, panting lightly and furrowing her brows slightly with a worried look on her face as she gazed at Lu Zizheng. Although Lu Zizheng tried her best to maintain a calm expression, Jiang Huaixi could instantly perceive the melancholy in her eyes.

Mother Jiang looked down at Jiang Huaixi’s shoes and chuckled, “Why did you wear the slippers from Grandma’s room like this?”

Jiang Huaixi was usually a well-behaved and courteous child. Since she was sensible, even when there were no outsiders at home, she never came downstairs in her sleepwear. Today, she couldn’t wait to change her shoes and wore the slippers from the bedroom, revealing her nervous concern for Lu Zizheng.

Mother Jiang sighed. Although she had long known that her daughter was probably being eaten up, at this moment, she couldn’t help feeling a bit displeased and heartbroken. She understood the questioning gaze from Jiang Huaixi, but she had no intention of answering her. She knew how much Jiang Huaixi treasured Lu Zizheng and how she couldn’t bear to let any hardship or injustice befall her. However, Jiang Huaixi didn’t know that she, as a mother, also cherished her just as much. Even if she knew that saying certain things would make Jiang Huaixi unhappy or angry, she still had to say them.

Jiang Huaixi paid no attention to her mother’s question, but softly called out, “Mom…” her tone carrying a pleading meaning.

Mother Jiang looked at Jiang Huaixi, feeling both helpless and indulgent. Since Jiang Huaixi rarely came home more than once a year after leaving, let alone speaking in such a soft voice to herself. Fine, let it be for now.

Mother Jiang lifted her hand and lightly patted Lu Zizheng’s shoulder, one after another, neither too light nor too heavy, but the touches landed on Lu Zizheng’s heart, with profound meaning. Speaking gently with a faint smile on her face, she said, “We’ll continue our conversation later when we have the chance. Right now, Auntie is going in to see how dinner preparations are going. Let Huaixi show you around the house.” After saying that, she gracefully turned around and left.

As soon as Mother Jiang left, Jiang Huaixi stared at Lu Zizheng with her eyes fixed, furrowing her brows with unease, and asked, “What did my mom say to you?”

Lu Zizheng pursed her lips, relaxed her facial expression, and pretended to be at ease as she said, “We just had a casual chat. She told me about some silly things you did when you were young.” Seeing Jiang Huaixi still furrowing her brows with a nervous look, Lu Zizheng felt a twinge of sadness in her nose. She quickly turned her body and blinked her eyes to conceal her emotions, continuing to change the subject, “Auntie spilled all your secrets. I never expected you were so silly and cute when you were young. Well, it seems you won’t be able to act aloof in front of me anymore.”

Jiang Huaixi’s eyes dimmed, and she gently sniffled, following Lu Zizheng’s lead. She stepped forward and stood side by side with her, pointing at the small cottage in front of them, changing the topic, “Do you want to go in and take a look?” She knew that Lu Zizheng didn’t want to talk about it, so she didn’t want to force her either.

Lu Zizheng readily agreed.

Jiang Huaixi pushed open the wooden door of the cottage and changed her tone, reminiscing about the past, “When you brought me to your school back then, you only showed me the gate and made me wait outside. Today, I’m taking you into my childhood sanctuary. So, tell me, how do you plan to show your gratitude for this?” she teased.

Lu Zizheng felt wronged and said, “That was during the time the gatekeeper was on vacation, so they didn’t allow entry.”

Jiang Huaixi bluntly replied, “I don’t care about the process, I only care about the result.”

Lu Zizheng snorted lightly and muttered, “Tyrant.”

After bringing Jiang Huaixi home during their freshman year, Lu Zizheng immediately regretted it. As soon as she got into Jiang Huaixi’s car, she began praying for traffic jams, flat tires, or engine failure. Unfortunately, things didn’t go as she wished. That day went smoothly, and they arrived safely at Lu family’s house.

Feeling trapped and unable to refuse, Lu Zizheng couldn’t leave Jiang Huaixi outside the house. After entering the house with Jiang Huaixi, she didn’t bother to greet her and only greeted her mother before entering the bedroom, leaving Jiang Huaixi in the living room, hoping that the cold treatment would make Jiang Huaixi realize the difficulty and retreat.

In the bedroom, Lu Zizheng could faintly hear her mother and Jiang Huaixi talking. Occasionally, she could hear their laughter. Rarely, it seemed like Jiang Huaixi was getting along well with her mother, having a pleasant conversation.

Later on, she came to know that her mother really liked Jiang Huaixi. Despite her obvious dislike for Jiang Huaixi, the next day her mother still sent her off, asking her to take Jiang Huaixi out and have some fun, even giving her a strict order not to return until it was dark.

As they walked together, one in front of the other, they remained silent. After a while, Jiang Huaixi suddenly made a request, saying, “Take me to the place where you used to study and show me around.”

Lu Zizheng was slightly taken aback. Was this a request or a command? It seemed more like the latter to her, so she sneered and coldly refused, “I’ve long forgotten the way. Besides, there’s nothing interesting in Juzhou. I can only take you for a walk on the streets, visit the park and the supermarket. If you find it boring, you can go back to Linzhou.”

Jiang Huaixi, however, didn’t agree and raised her voice slightly, “Oh? Is that so? I actually find it quite fun. The most enjoyable thing is being at your place. I almost hope that New Year’s Day is a week-long holiday.”

Lu Zizheng was about to argue with Jiang Huaixi when she noticed a girl with long and charming hair, holding hands with a boy, walking happily towards them. Her face instantly darkened, and she softly instructed Jiang Huaixi, “Turn around, keep walking forward, then turn right.”

Jiang Huaixi was momentarily confused, stopped in her tracks, and asked, “What’s wrong?”

Lu Zizheng turned around, without saying a word, she grabbed the still stunned Jiang Huaixi and walked away. Unfortunately, she still heard Zhou Fangfan’s surprised and hesitant voice calling out to her from behind, “Zizheng?”

Lu Zizheng bit her lip and quickened her pace. Jiang Huaixi furrowed her brows but uncommonly complied and quickly caught up with Lu Zizheng.

Zhou Fangfan directly let go of her boyfriend’s hand and ran a few steps to catch up with Lu Zizheng, grabbing her hand from behind and standing in front of her, staring at Lu Zizheng in a daze. Her lips trembled for a long time, using up all her courage, and she only managed to ask, “Is it really you? How have you been all these years?”

Now that they were face to face, Lu Zizheng appeared composed and calm. She let go of Zhou Fangfan’s hand, pursed her lips, and smiled lightly, responding, “I’m doing well. Shouldn’t I be doing well?”

Zhou Fangfan murmured, “No… that’s not what I meant…” Before she could say anything more, her boyfriend caught up with them and looked at Lu Zizheng with confusion, asking, “Fan, what’s wrong? Did you meet a friend?” As he spoke, he extended his hand towards Lu Zizheng and smiled warmly, saying, “Hello, I’m Fanfan’s boyfriend, Xu Yi.”

Lu Zizheng didn’t shake his hand, only nodded lightly in his direction, then waved to Zhou Fangfan, saying, “I have something to do, I have to go. Goodbye.”

Zhou Fangfan urgently called out, “Wait, Zizheng, can you give me your phone number? I… I have some things I want to say to you.”

Lu Zizheng merely paused for a moment, softly responding, “Didn’t you used to say you believed in fate? If we are destined, we will meet again.” Then she quickened her pace to leave.

Jiang Huaixi looked back once more at the desolate Zhou Fangfan, then followed Lu Zizheng, neither too close nor too far away.

After walking for a while, Lu Zizheng finally stopped in front of a school. The gate displayed the words “Juzhou First High School.” Lu Zizheng turned around, rare smile on her face, and said, “Didn’t you want to see my school? This is my junior high school.”

After shedding tears with her mother at the school gate all those years ago, she had secretly vowed in her heart never to return to this place. But now, after encountering Zhou Fangfan, she inexplicably brought Jiang Huaixi here.

She watched as Jiang Huaixi curiously surveyed the school and reached out to pull her, capturing Jiang Huaixi’s attention. With a composed expression, she said to her, “All the things you’ve heard about me are lies.”

A beautiful arc formed at the corner of Jiang Huaixi’s lips, her gaze firmly fixed on Lu Zizheng as she earnestly and confidently replied, “I believe.”

Her voice and tone were so genuine, yet Lu Zizheng only responded with a gentle smile and continued, “But there is one thing that is true: I indeed have feelings for girls. That person earlier was my first love.”

Jiang Huaixi frowned as she looked at her.

She looked at Jiang Huaixi, a smile hanging on her lips, tinged with self-derision and a hint of maliciousness, and warned, “So, Jiang Huaixi, stay away from me. I am a lesbian, and for girls, my danger level is no less than that of a pervert.”

However, in that instant, the smile vanished from Jiang Huaixi’s lips, her face turned serious, and she spoke coldly, “I’m sorry, but ‘pervert’ is not how I define it in my dictionary. You’re insulting yourself and insulting me as well.”

Afterward, Jiang Huaixi relaxed her expression and walked to the iron gate, pointing to a large locust tree inside the campus as if nothing had happened, and asked, “That tree is so big. Did you used to sit under it to cool off during the summer when you went to school? Can we go in?”

At that moment, Lu Zizheng looked deeply at Jiang Huaixi, without saying a word.

If one were to nitpick, the first time Lu Zizheng was attracted to Jiang Huaixi, perhaps it was at that moment, or maybe even earlier. Although Lu Zizheng was unwilling to admit it, her subconscious understood it. So, her warning was probably not just meant for Jiang Huaixi to hear, but also for herself. She wanted Jiang Huaixi to stay away from her, to stop teasing her, because she knew how Jiang Huaixi had that power to both attract and frighten her, leading her to once again fall into the emotional game of the wealthy.

Jiang Huaixi led Lu Zizheng into one room after another, patiently and carefully introducing the functions of each room: the music room, the art room, the dance studio, the calligraphy room…

Lu Zizheng’s mind felt somewhat absent-minded, but she still made an effort to focus and either compliment or inquire as Jiang Huaixi made the introductions.

When they finally left, Lu Zizheng teased, “I didn’t expect Miss Jiang to be so talented. Looks can indeed be deceiving.”

Jiang Huaixi closed the door and mocked indifferently, “That’s your poor perception.”

The two turned around and realized that snow was falling lightly in the sky again. The distance they had to cover wasn’t far, but the snowflakes were quite large. Jiang Huaixi was worried that Lu Zizheng was dressed too lightly for today, so she pulled off her own coat to use as a cover. However, Lu Zizheng reached out and grabbed her hand that was about to take off the coat, softly saying, “It’s just a few steps, let’s walk quickly.”

She looked up at Jiang Huaixi, who looked down at her. The two stood facing each other, momentarily silent. Jiang Huaixi let go of her hand, lowered her gaze slightly, and spoke softly after a moment, “Zizheng, if my mother said something that made you uncomfortable or unhappy, I apologize on her behalf. I hope you won’t take it to heart.”

Lu Zizheng was slightly taken aback. She realized that Jiang Huaixi was still concerned about this matter, and she could sense the hidden emotions beneath her calm facade. Jiang Huaixi always emitted her gentleness silently, unintentionally, and constantly, stirring and touching her heart. Lu Zizheng felt a pang in her chest, her nose tingling. She turned her head to look at the falling snowflakes and replied in a low voice, “No, don’t worry. Hurry and put your coat back on, so you don’t catch a cold again.”

This snowfall was coming down heavily. If it continued until the night, they could build sparkling snowmen together. They could hold hands and get through the long, cold night, waiting for the dawn of a warm day. Lu Zizheng remembered what Jiang Huaixi had said to her back then, that flowers nurtured with happiness would never wither.

Mother Jiang’s words had their thorns, their hidden criticisms, which was understandable. Lu Zizheng had long been aware and mentally prepared for this. The love she pursued was extraordinary, and there would always be such obstacles. With Jiang Huaixi by her side, she was willing to endure a bit of suffering.

She had been moved by Jiang Huaixi countless times, but also shaken countless times. If Jiang Huaixi could give her an affirming gaze, a resolute statement, and a brave stance, she could summon infinite courage as well. She would be willing to face any obstacles and move forward tirelessly for her, never giving up.

Lu Zizheng walked side by side with Jiang Huaixi in the snow, feeling the chill from her face all the way to her heart.

But she also knew that Jiang Huaixi, just like herself, was afraid and unable to believe in forever. They never knew whether unexpected events or tomorrow would arrive first, whether promises or lies would be fulfilled first. That’s why Jiang Huaixi never dared to make promises to herself, just as she never dared to respond to her.

How could two timid individuals embark on a courageous love?