Solitary Toss of Tenderness

For you, a thousand, million times

When Jiang Huaixi woke up, it was still dark outside, with a deep ink-like color. Faint bird chirping and the sound of waves could be heard, making everything feel so unfamiliar yet so familiar.

Stretching out her right hand, Jiang Huaixi checked the time on the alarm clock beside her. Then, she gently rubbed her eyes, feeling a bit annoyed as if she had woken up a bit too early. As she slightly turned to the side, she sensed a soft and warm breath near her ear. Turning her face, she saw Lu Zizheng peacefully and calmly asleep, right before her eyes. Jiang Huaixi squinted her eyes, observing Lu Zizheng’s relaxed brows and the slight curve at the corner of her lips. Unconsciously, her gaze softened, full of tenderness.

Unable to resist, she moved closer to Lu Zizheng and gently, ever so gently, placed a kiss on Lu Zizheng’s small and delicate lips. Then, she noticed Lu Zizheng’s slight reaction, as if she sensed something, pursing her lips in a somewhat displeased manner, appearing incredibly adorable. This rarely seen cute appearance softened Jiang Huaixi’s heart even more.

Jiang Huaixi restrained her slightly impulsive heart and moved away from Lu Zizheng a bit. She then reached out her hand, wanting to touch Lu Zizheng’s face again, but suddenly, Lu Zizheng shifted her body and abruptly opened her eyes.

Feeling guilty, Jiang Huaixi quickly withdrew her hand, and her hesitating movement was too rushed and forceful, accidentally knocking over the alarm clock on the bedside table, producing a loud noise.

Lu Zizheng was startled and looked at Jiang Huaixi with a somewhat confused expression, her voice hoarse and lazy from just waking up. She asked in surprise, “Huaixi, what’s wrong…?”

It was the first time Jiang Huaixi heard her speaking with such a sexy and languid voice, and her heart skipped a beat, feeling like a feather gently tickling her heart, causing a tingling sensation. She turned her head to hide her overly intense gaze and composed herself, lightly clearing her throat, pretending to be calm and nonchalant. “It’s nothing, I accidentally knocked over the alarm clock. Why did you wake up so early?”

Lu Zizheng blinked her still drowsy eyes and glanced at the night sky still enveloped in a dark blue hue, feeling a bit embarrassed. “Maybe it’s because I’m not used to this bed yet, and I couldn’t sleep well. Did I wake you up?”

Jiang Huaixi couldn’t help but smile. Actually, it was more accurate to say that she woke Lu Zizheng up. She looked at the dim sky outside the window and after a brief thought, she asked, “Having trouble falling back asleep? How about we get up and go to the beach for a walk early? What do you think?”

Lu Zizheng no longer felt sleepy, so she nodded in agreement. Then, she promptly sat up and got out of bed, heading to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face.

She stood in front of the bathroom sink, squeezing toothpaste onto her toothbrush and taking some water to wet it. Just as she was about to start brushing, she looked up and saw Jiang Huaixi’s fair and clean face appearing beside her own reflection in the mirror. At this moment, Jiang Huaixi had only thrown on a robe over her sleepwear. With one hand holding the toothbrush and the other squeezing toothpaste with a serious look, her head was lowered, and her jet-black, silky straight hair cascaded gracefully on her cheeks. Her face was half-hidden, mysteriously sensual and beautiful, with a hint of cuteness.

Lu Zizheng couldn’t help but turn her head, gazing at Jiang Huaixi in a daze, motionless. For a moment, she couldn’t quite distinguish whether this was real or still a part of her dream.

As Jiang Huaixi raised her head, she saw Lu Zizheng staring at her absentmindedly. Lu Zizheng’s uncombed bangs were naturally curled, and her lips, moistened by the toothbrush, looked delicately alluring, evoking a strong sense of endearment. Jiang Huaixi couldn’t help but curve her lips into a smile. She reached out, stepping closer to Lu Zizheng, and gently took hold of Lu Zizheng’s toothbrush, playfully sliding it a few times. She teased, “Looking at me so pitifully, are you begging me to help you brush your teeth? I’ll graciously accept your plea.”

Lu Zizheng bit down on the toothbrush, nervously and hastily stepping back, her face slightly reddening. She stammered, “No, no, I… I think I haven’t fully woken up yet. Just focus on your own stuff.”

The smile at the corner of Jiang Huaixi’s lips deepened as she filled her own cup with water. In a gentle tone, she said, “What a pity then…”

Lu Zizheng gently rubbed her forehead, looking somewhat annoyed.

After a simple breakfast, they walked out together, shoulder to shoulder, along the not-so-wide and long cement road. The dim sky cast a tranquil veil over everything, and Ji’an Village seemed to still be in a slumber. The early morning’s crisp and pure cool breeze, carrying the salty tang of the sea, instantly refreshed Lu Zizheng. It was a rare moment of feeling revitalized. She kept her gaze ahead but occasionally couldn’t help stealing glances at Jiang Huaixi.

After walking leisurely along the cement road for a short while, Lu Zizheng saw the boundless sea clearly appearing before her eyes. She turned her head and noticed a faint smile on Jiang Huaixi’s lips. Pointing to the wooden boardwalk not far away, Jiang Huaixi whispered to her, “When I was young, I used to go out early, sit there, and wait for the sunrise. Do you want to watch the sunrise here?”

A look of longing appeared on Lu Zizheng’s face as she gazed at the boardwalk, her eyes fixated on the distant horizon where the dark sea and sky seemed to merge into one. She smiled and replied, “I’d love to.”

Not just once, she had yearned to walk the same path as Jiang Huaixi, see the same scenery, grasp the pulse of her vibrant life, understand her a bit more, a bit deeper. Perhaps then, she could get closer to Jiang Huaixi’s heart, a little closer, even closer…

Jiang Huaixi led Lu Zizheng to a relatively clean spot on the boardwalk and sat down on the ground, observing the women picking oysters with green nets slung over their backs and the children playing barefoot, flying kites, and collecting seashells. A slight emotion stirred in her heart, as if in those fleeting moments, she saw the long-gone years, everything as it once was.

Year after year, the scenes are similar, yet each year, the people are different.

Jiang Huaixi gazed far into the beach, her voice soft as she spoke to Lu Zizheng, “Zizheng, look at the people here. From early in the morning until late at night, day after day, year after year, they work tirelessly, following the same routine. I used to wonder what meaning this kind of life held, what beliefs were sustaining them.”

This version of Jiang Huaixi was unfamiliar to Lu Zizheng, showing loneliness and negativity. In an instant, it made Lu Zizheng feel uneasy. Countless times she had questioned herself, how well did she truly understand Jiang Huaixi? And at this very moment, she sadly realized that the answer was, not at all.

Jiang Huaixi offered a reassuring smile and gently blinked at Lu Zizheng, continuing in a serene tone, “When I came here at the age of twelve, I missed home and often suffered from insomnia. I would wake up at three or four in the early morning and then lie in bed, tossing and turning, feeling the emptiness of the room, and occasionally sensing a world so vast and desolate, as if there was no one else but myself. So, later on, as soon as it became slightly light outside, I couldn’t wait to go out, come here, and feel the liveliness among these busy people. In the morning, watching the sun rise from the horizon, and in the evening, watching it slowly disappear, understanding that yet another meaningless day has passed. Many times I watched the sun gradually move westward and pondered on life, realizing that life comes and goes bare and naked. So why do we humans have to suffer needlessly in this world? Leaving early, perhaps, might be an early liberation.”

Lu Zizheng looked at Jiang Huaixi in a daze, biting her lip, waiting for what Jiang Huaixi would say next. For a moment, her heart felt a sense of confusion and melancholy.

Jiang Huaixi chuckled softly, turned her head, and with a hint of mischief in her eyes, she said, “Zizheng, back then, was I exceptionally wise, already seeing through the true meaning of life?”

Her self-praise amused Lu Zizheng, and it lightened the heaviness in her heart. She chuckled softly in response and didn’t answer.

Jiang Huaixi stopped laughing, sighed gently, and continued, “At that time, my health wasn’t good, and I often suffered from illness, which made me feel more and more down. I couldn’t find a purpose for my existence, and living every day felt like completing an unavoidable task. I became increasingly despondent. Auntie Lin saw it all and quietly kept it in her heart.” Jiang Huaixi added, “Although Auntie Lin may seem a bit simple-minded, she’s actually very perceptive. So, Zizheng, in the future, learn a bit more from Auntie Lin, and it will make me worry less.”

Lu Zizheng couldn’t help but look a bit displeased, and retorted, “After spending so many years with Auntie Lin, it seems you haven’t learned much either.” She seemed to have caught something, realizing that Huaixi’s health wasn’t great when she was a child?

Jiang Huaixi chuckled softly, not bothered by the previous topic. She looked at the gradually brightening sky and the increasing number of people on the beach, her gaze becoming distant. “One day, when Auntie Lin came to cook for me, she suddenly handed me a package wrapped in green and said it was a new variety of flower her daughter had cultivated. She noticed that I seemed quite bored most of the time and suggested I try planting it to alleviate my boredom and see what kind of flower it would eventually bloom into.”

“At that time, I didn’t pay much attention to it and just casually said thank you, then put it in the drawer in the living room. However, Auntie Lin hesitated for a while and said, ‘Don’t be angry when I tell you this, but sometimes I see you feeling down and melancholic, yet you’re not good at expressing yourself. Once, you asked me about the meaning of life, and I couldn’t give you an answer. A few days ago, my daughter came back, and I told her about your situation. She asked me to bring this package of seeds to you.'”

“She is a horticulturist, and when she cultivates new varieties of flowers, she always anticipates whether it will bloom into the flower she envisions. However, no matter how much she worries during the process, it’s all in vain until it finally blooms. Only then will she know the answer. Life’s meaning is probably similar. What kind of flower life will bloom for you, you won’t know until the seed germinates and flowers. If you want to give up before the seed even sprouts, then you’ll never know the answer. Since the seed has been planted, instead of pondering and worrying, it’s better to be filled with anticipation and enjoy the wait for it to bloom.'”

Jiang Huaixi turned her gaze away from the distance. “That day, I found a pot and planted those seeds. I watered and sunned them every day, anticipating what kind of flower they would become. Because of that anticipation, life seemed a bit better.” She turned her head and glanced at Lu Zizheng, her eyes carrying a soft glow, her voice filled with a hint of tender affection. “The year I entered university, I saw the seed of life bloom into its first flower. I named it ‘Encounter with Love’…”

Lu Zizheng’s heart trembled slightly.

Jiang Huaixi gently covered Lu Zizheng’s hand, which was resting on the wooden board, and lightly clasped it. “Zizheng, I’m not sure what kind of flowers bloomed in your life twenty years ago, but I really want to see the flowers that will bloom in the rest of your life. Please don’t give up and let’s anticipate them together, okay?”

Lu Zizheng’s eyes became moist in an instant, and a faint mist covered her gaze. Still lost in her emotions, Jiang Huaixi suddenly raised her voice to remind her, “Zizheng, look…”

Following Jiang Huaixi’s gaze, Lu Zizheng saw that the sun was finally rising from the horizon. In an instant, the beach was bathed in dazzling rays of light, and everything appeared like a black and white painting that a mysterious artist had magically colored, making everything come to life. The ever-moving sea tides, the fishermen rolling up their pants, the children running with kites in their hands – everything was filled with vibrant vitality.

Jiang Huaixi extended her delicate fingers and pointed towards the kites fluttering in the blue sky. Serenely and gently, she said, “Zizheng, our lives are like the kite that child is flying. We never know when the kite’s string will break, causing it to fall. However, that doesn’t mean it will stop flying. As long as someone picks up the kite, repairs and rethreads it, it will eventually soar once again in the sky. The kite can only know how vast the outside world is by continuously flying higher and farther. Similarly, we can only know what kind of flowers the seed we’ve planted in life will bloom into if we continue moving forward.”

Jiang Huaixi’s words were like a gentle warmth slowly soothing Lu Zizheng’s heart, causing the frozen parts to start melting, revealing the fertile land underneath, capable of nurturing the seeds to bloom into flowers…

She gazed at Lu Zizheng with tenderness in her voice, “Zizheng, I’m willing to be the one who picks up your kite, a thousand, a million times. And you, are you willing to fly again for me?” Jiang Huaixi, who had always carried an aloof aura, at this moment, exuded an internal and external warmth and tenderness.

Lu Zizheng looked at Jiang Huaixi’s earnest and gentle face, looking deep into her eyes and heart, holding the gaze for a long time… Finally, a gentle smile bloomed at the corner of Lu Zizheng’s lips as she replied, “Huaixi, for you, a thousand, a million times…”

If I can have you in my life, then I choose to love.

If I can have you in my days, then I choose to anticipate.

Only with you, and no one else.

For you, a thousand, a million times.