Solitary Toss of Tenderness

A beautiful morning and scenic beauty, but alas, what can one do about the heavens? Enjoyable moments and pleasures, whose courtyard do they belong to?

This is a poem “秋夕” (Qiū Xī) written by the Tang dynasty poet 杜牧 (Dù Mù).

Lu Zizheng gazed at Jiang Huaixi, her eyes filled with undisguised joy and emotion. Locking eyes with Jiang Huaixi for a moment, Lu Zizheng arched her eyebrows, slightly raised her feet, and leaned in to plant a gentle kiss on Jiang Huaixi’s cheek. “Huaixi, happy one-month anniversary.”

Jiang Huaixi’s eyes brightened, a smile appeared on her face, and she leaned down to kiss Lu Zizheng’s forehead, saying, “Go see if you like the gift.”

Lu Zizheng felt a mix of anticipation and excitement. She took Jiang Huaixi’s hand and moved forward, looking curiously at the colored threads tied to the railing of the wooden walkway, from which paper pieces fluttered in the breeze. Turning back, she blinked and pointed, asking with a smile, “Um, what’s this?”

Jiang Huaixi released Lu Zizheng’s hand, smiled faintly, and gently pushed her shoulder, urging her forward. He replied, “Go take a look, and you’ll find out.”

So, like a child, Lu Zizheng hopped and skipped to the railing, squatting down and reaching out to catch the small paper fluttering in the wind under the colored threads. Illuminated by the railing’s light, she saw elegant black handwriting on it: “Just going to Japan and taking a photo to show you were here? How childish.”

Lu Zizheng couldn’t help but burst into a light laughter with a “puchi” sound, gently flipping the paper over to see what exactly was on the front that could make Jiang Huaixi react like that.

However, she didn’t anticipate that the photo on the back of the paper would be strangely familiar. Lu Zizheng stared at the picture of the tatami mat in a Tokyo hotel room and that large V-shaped finger gesture taken under the camera lens – it made her pause.

It was a photo she had sent to her mother after her first business trip to Japan with her boss, telling her she had arrived safely and not to worry. Her nose tingled with a sour feeling. In the blink of an eye, it had been six or seven years. Things had changed, people had changed. Her mother was no longer around… She turned her head, looking at Jiang Huaixi with a puzzled expression, silently asking her through her eyes how this photo ended up here.

Jiang Huaixi stood in the play of light and shadow, a faint smile gracing her lips, gazing at her gently, indicating for her to continue.

Lu Zizheng pursed her lips, unclipped the first photo held by a clip, turned back, crouched down, took a few steps forward, and caught the second paper fluttering in the night breeze. This time, she saw the front of the photo first. On it was a vibrant cherry blossom tree in full bloom. Lu Zizheng recognized it – it was the same cherry blossom painting Jiang Huaixi had been working on when she returned from her business trip to Japan and encountered Jiang Huaixi in the dorm.

Lu Zizheng’s heart trembled slightly. She bit her lip and turned over the photo. On the back was the familiar and beautiful handwriting of Jiang Huaixi: “What are you doing? Are you going to see the cherry blossoms?”

Gradually, a mist formed in Lu Zizheng’s eyes, but her smile couldn’t help but widen. She removed the second photo and eagerly moved on to the third.

The third photo depicted a commercial street in City B. Under the V-shaped gesture was the iconic building of City B, its tallest structure. This was a picture Lu Zizheng had sent to her mother during her second business trip to another city.

As she turned the photo over, she saw Jiang Huaixi’s writing on the back: “Scenery is ugly, people are ugly, I really don’t want to go. My wrist looks a bit spacey, I have no clue how to dress myself up.” Lu Zizheng couldn’t help but chuckle at these words, which were so reminiscent of what Jiang Huaixi used to say to her.

However, when she saw the fourth photo, Lu Zizheng’s laughter gradually froze.

The fourth photo, much like the third, was almost identical. The background remained the same, City B’s tallest building, and the same V-shaped gesture. However, what differed was that in this photo, on the delicate wrist that was revealed, there was an additional silver-white slender bracelet. The time indicated below the photo was three months after her own visit.

With trembling hands, Lu Zizheng turned the photo over and saw the words written on it: “Zizheng, I couldn’t resist either, and I came here too.”

At that moment, Lu Zizheng squeezed the photo between her five fingers, gradually tightening her grip. She felt a warmth in her eyes, as if tears were about to spill over.

The fifth photo showed a nighttime view of City C from above. On Lu Zizheng’s wrist was an identical slender bracelet to the one on Jiang Huaixi’s hand. It was the New Year’s gift Jiang Huaixi had given her. On the back, Jiang Huaixi had written: “It suits you even better than I imagined.”

And so, the sixth photo was almost indistinguishable from the fifth. The same night scene, the same gesture, and the same bracelet on the wrist. The only difference was the time indicated below the photo, which was a month after her own visit.

Lu Zizheng came to a halt, holding the photos in her hands, gazing at them in a daze. Her lips were tightly pressed together, her eyes misty with emotion as she lost herself in a whirlwind of thoughts. Jiang Huaixi had quietly approached at some point and crouched down behind her. She gently embraced Lu Zizheng from behind and spoke softly into her ear with a warm smile, “I’m sorry for not telling you all this time. Those are matching bracelets for couples. I only put them on when you couldn’t see.”

In an instant, Lu Zizheng couldn’t hold back her tears and turned them into laughter. She leaned her weight into Jiang Huaixi, resting in her embrace. Her voice was a bit hoarse due to the earlier suppressed emotions as she playfully chided, “You’re so cunning…”

Jiang Huaixi chuckled mischievously, “I’d prefer you ask me, ‘How am I so lucky that you’re so good to me?'”

Lu Zizheng giggled softly, pulling away from Jiang Huaixi’s embrace. As she moved forward, a mixture of tears and laughter graced her voice as she retorted, “You’re unbelievably narcissistic.”

Remaining squatting where she was, Jiang Huaixi watched with a smile as Lu Zizheng moved ahead. The night breeze lifted her ink-black hair, her face appearing both hazy and tender in the darkness.

The seventh, eighth, ninth photos… all the subsequent photos were uniformly scenes with the V-shaped gesture. The only difference between the two consecutive photos was the timestamp beneath them. Jiang Huaixi’s photos were always taken slightly later. Over the course of seven years, the landscapes Lu Zizheng and Jiang Huaixi had walked through and the photos they had left behind seemed to fill the long railing of the wooden walkway.

Lu Zizheng saw the last photo, taken a month ago by Jiang Huaixi with someone’s help on the beach. In the picture, Jiang Huaixi had reached her arms around Lu Zizheng from behind, resting her chin on Lu Zizheng’s shoulder. Both of them made a big V-sign toward the camera, radiating an exceptionally brilliant smile. The background of the photo showed the long footprints they had made step by step together on the sandy beach. Lu Zizheng had leisurely walked ahead, leaving a long string of footprints, while Jiang Huaixi followed each step Lu Zizheng took, tracing her path, until they stood in the same spot. Finally, Jiang Huaixi reached out and embraced Lu Zizheng. At that time, Lu Zizheng had asked her what she was doing, and Jiang Huaixi had simply smiled without saying a word.

Today, as Lu Zizheng looked at the photo again and saw the clear and graceful handwriting, she understood the answer in an instant, and tears welled up in her eyes.

Jiang Huaixi had written: “I secretly followed you all over China. Today, finally, I caught up with you and appeared in the same frame as you.”

Jiang Huaixi sat down on the ground behind Lu Zizheng, wrapping her arms around her. Lu Zizheng leaned into Jiang Huaixi, letting go of all her strength and sinking into her embrace. Jiang Huaixi lowered her head, looking at Lu Zizheng with a gentle, smiling gaze. She reached out to gently wipe away the tears at the corner of Lu Zizheng’s cheek and teased her, “It seems like you truly are this sentimental. You love gifts like this, don’t you?”

Upon hearing those words, Lu Zizheng felt a mix of embarrassment and annoyance. She sniffled and turned her face to the side, biting down gently on Jiang Huaixi’s finger that was wiping away her tears. Her voice, still slightly hoarse from crying, carried a hint of irritation, “Jiang Huaixi, you stalker. You’ve been secretly following me for so many years.”

Jiang Huaixi blinked and pursed her lips into a faint smile. She used her chin to nudge Lu Zizheng’s forehead and responded in her usual cool and teasing tone, “Then tell me, do you like this kind of stalker?”

Lu Zizheng bit her lip, lowering her head to avoid looking at Jiang Huaixi. After a long while, her voice, barely audible, responded to Jiang Huaixi, “I do…”

Jiang Huaixi raised an eyebrow, a satisfied smile on her face. She leaned slightly, coming close to Lu Zizheng’s ear. Her warm breath tickled Lu Zizheng’s ear, and she lightly teased Lu Zizheng. Lu Zizheng heard her softly saying, “Zizheng, in my life, I’m least willing to admit defeat. But for you, I’m willing to make an exception and admit it once. It’s said that in the game of emotions, the one who falls in love first loses. Although I was reluctant to admit it before, today, after many years, I have to confess. Zizheng, I lost. I lost completely.

So, I want to thank you. Thank you for allowing me to catch up with you. Thank you for being willing to let me witness the upcoming scenes in your life. Thank you for letting my pursuit in this relationship, which once seemed destined to fail, ultimately win in a way that benefits us both.”

Lu Zizheng nestled into Jiang Huaixi’s embrace, listening to her gentle whispers. Her heart melted, even though she had a thousand words she wanted to tell Jiang Huaixi. In the end, her voice softened, and she asked Jiang Huaixi, “Huaixi, did you sneak some honey today?”

Jiang Huaixi sighed and chuckled softly, “Silly, shouldn’t you take advantage of me having had some honey and ask me to say more sweet things to you? Like ‘Huaixi, say you love me’ or something.”

Lu Zizheng shook her head earnestly in Jiang Huaixi’s embrace, “I won’t say such things.”

Jiang Huaixi teased her, “What? What kind of things should I say then?”

Lu Zizheng wasn’t falling for it and pretended to be serious as she flipped through the thick stack of photos in her hands, remaining silent.

Jiang Huaixi’s gaze shifted playfully, and she gave a mischievous smile, saying, “Alright, since you won’t say it, I will. But I’ll try something new. Teach me, how do you say ‘I love you’ in Japanese?”

Lu Zizheng was taken aback; she hadn’t heard Jiang Huaixi speak Japanese before. She looked up at Jiang Huaixi’s gentle and serious expression, realizing that she had fallen for it. After a moment’s hesitation, she blurted out, “大好きです”.

Jiang Huaixi’s lips slightly curled, a deeper smile in her eyes. She lowered her head and lightly kissed Lu Zizheng’s forehead, saying with a laugh, “So obedient. Can you say it again?”

Only then did Lu Zizheng realize she had been tricked. She blushed and sat up, reaching out to tickle Jiang Huaixi, “You tricked me…”

Jiang Huaixi played along, laughing and evading Lu Zizheng’s attempts to tickle her. Eventually, both of them exhausted their playfulness, and they fell quiet once again.

Jiang Huaixi and Lu Zizheng sat side by side, feeling the gentle sea breeze brushing against their faces. Jiang Huaixi gazed at Lu Zizheng’s serene and beautiful profile for a long while before inching closer. She whispered softly into her ear, “Zizheng, 大好きです, 大好きです.” Her voice, unusually gentle, was unlike anything Lu Zizheng had heard from her in Chinese.

Lu Zizheng’s eyes widened in surprise after the initial joy and sweetness. She couldn’t help but wonder how Jiang Huaixi knew Japanese.

Jiang Huaixi seemed to understand, and she smiled wryly while saying, “これは秘密です” (This is a secret). As she spoke, she took a small recorder out of her pocket and handed it to Lu Zizheng. Then, she gently placed earbuds into Lu Zizheng’s delicate ears and said softly, “Zizheng, this is for you.”

A clear and melodious female voice traveled through the long headphone cord into Lu Zizheng’s ears. She rested her head on Jiang Huaixi’s shoulder, listening as Jiang Huaixi softly sang into her ear, “Your love is trustworthy, your heart is close by my side. As long as you’re here, I have many dreams; as long as you’re here, I have more strength. My dear, how lucky I am to meet you in the sea of people. My dear, how I long for this moment to share all my feelings with you. My dear, how lucky I am to meet you in the sea of people…”

As Lu Zizheng listened, her eyes gradually turned red again. She rubbed her nose, nibbled on Jiang Huaixi’s ear, and accompanied by the music from the recorder, she softly hummed into Jiang Huaixi’s ear, “My dear, how lucky I am to meet you in the sea of people… Huaixi, this is what I wanted to say too.”

The interplay of light and shadow on the wooden walkway elongated their shadows, shoulder to shoulder and head to head, gently blending into one another…

Jiang Huaixi’s voice, accompanied by the sea breeze, was soft and somewhat ethereal as she asked, “Zizheng, in a few days, we’ll be leaving this place. Many years later, when you think of our days in Ji’an, what will come to your mind?”

Lu Zizheng’s gaze drifted into the distant pitch-black expanse of the sea’s horizon. Slowly, a blissful and sweet smile emerged on her face.

Jiang Huaixi’s gaze was as gentle as water as she looked deeply into Lu Zizheng’s eyes. A tender smile gradually curved her lips.

Zizheng, keep smiling like this, always and forever.

I want to leave a landmark-like memory of happiness for you in your memories, in every place where we’ve left our footprints. I want you to think of it and just smile.

I don’t know how much time in my life I can spend accompanying you like this, but I hope that within the time I can be with you, I can bring you abundant happiness. If one day I have to leave, Zizheng, please don’t blame me, don’t resent me, and don’t regret, okay?

On that night, around four in the morning, Jiang Huaixi suddenly woke up, feeling a dull ache in her chest and an itch in her throat, as if something was blocking it.

Enduring the pain in her side, she got up cautiously, barefoot, and entered the bathroom. She bent over in front of the toilet and coughed as quietly as possible.

After a while, whatever was stuck in her throat seemed to finally come out. Jiang Huaixi, holding her chest and feeling uncomfortable, straightened up her body with difficulty.

In the moment her hand reached for the flush button, she suddenly caught a glimpse out of the corner of her eye. In the toilet’s clear water, there appeared several bright red threads of blood.

Jiang Huaixi felt a momentary chill travel from her bare feet up to her heart. She held her chest, sensing the lingering ache in her side, and stared at the faint red traces in the water. She listened to the ticking of the hands on the watch that Lu Zizheng had taken off and placed on the sink. Gradually, her gaze dimmed…

TL Why not just let them be happy, author? (╥_╥)