Solitary Toss of Tenderness

In life, one’s longest-lasting regret is parting, just as water flows east

Jiang Huaixi straightened her posture and looked at Lian Xuan with a faint expression. She nodded slightly as a gesture of politeness, her lips tightly sealed, remaining silent.

Lian Xuan paid no heed to her aloofness and maintained a tasteful, subtle smile at the corner of her lips. She calmly took a seat beside Jiang Huaixi.

Sitting upright, Jiang Huaixi gazed silently at the office door across from her, maintaining her quietude while awaiting Lian Xuan to speak again.

As expected, after a brief moment, Lian Xuan conceded in the midst of this silent battle. She sighed softly, turned her head to Jiang Huaixi, and spoke warmly, “Miss Jiang, I know you must have contacted Zizheng.”

Jiang Huaixi withdrew her gaze from the door and turned her head to look at Lian Xuan. She asked in a subdued tone, “And so?”

Lian Xuan looked at her indifferent expression, unfazed, maintaining her pleasant demeanor. “I’d like to ask you, Miss Jiang, to convey a message to Zizheng. I’d like to arrange a meeting with her.”

Jiang Huaixi turned her head back, retracting her gaze, and replied calmly, “I believe, for Zizheng, there are some people whom memory might suit better than a meeting.”

Lian Xuan finally couldn’t help but furrow her brows. Her voice carried a sense of urgency as she spoke, “Miss Jiang, I understand that Zizheng probably doesn’t want to see me right now. However, that’s due to some misunderstandings caused by a third party between us. I admit, I’ve hurt Zizheng before, but at that time, I had no choice. For that, I’ve regretted it for many years. But today, I’ve given up everything for this. If misunderstandings caused by a third party keep Zizheng and me from any further contact, how can I accept that? I ask for your understanding.”

Jiang Huaixi suddenly turned her face, her gaze sharp as she looked at Lian Xuan, and she earnestly said, “Ms. Lian, the efforts you make for Zizheng are your own actions. Just because you’ve put in effort doesn’t mean Zizheng should be moved by it and give you a response. I hope you can understand this.”

Lian Xuan was momentarily taken aback, looking at Jiang Huaixi. She bit her lip, the smile on her face freezing. After a while, she lowered her voice and said, “I misspoke. I’m sorry.”

Jiang Huaixi stared at the clean ground beneath her with a deep gaze, where her and Lian Xuan’s reflections were clearly visible. She suddenly asked Lian Xuan, “Ms. Lian, have you ever raised flowers?”

Lian Xuan was momentarily taken aback, paused for a moment, and gently shook her head, responding, “I haven’t had the time.”

Jiang Huaixi wasn’t truly inquiring about Lian Xuan’s experience with flowers. She didn’t refute Lian Xuan’s answer, only pondered for a moment before continuing, “I raised a potted flower when I was younger. In the beginning, during my leisure time at home, I cared for it in every way possible. Watching it slowly grow, bud, and await blooming, the day of its full bloom was just around the corner. But later, before I could see it bloom, I became busy. Thus, I started missing its blossoming, missing the time to water it. Gradually, I completely forgot about it. Much later, when I had leisure time again and thought about watering it, I realized that the potted flower had long withered and decayed. No matter how much I wanted to salvage it, how much effort I put into it, it could never bloom for me again.”

At this point, Jiang Huaixi paused briefly, glancing at Lian Xuan. Her expression was calm, yet there was a hint of severity, “Back then, I understood that some missed opportunities are destined to become regrets that can’t be rectified. After all, not everyone has the time, the need, or the willingness to wait in one place for you to awaken, for you to regret. No one is obligated to bear the consequences of your regrets. And my lack of time to water the flower was also due to circumstances beyond my control. But regardless, this can’t serve as an excuse to absolve myself of that mistake. Fundamentally, isn’t it because, at that time, I didn’t care enough about it? There were many things more important to me in my heart.”

Lian Xuan couldn’t miss the underlying message in Jiang Huaixi’s words. She froze for a moment, unsure of how to respond.

Jiang Huaixi lightly rubbed her thumbs together as she tightly clasped her hands. Her voice turned cold as she spoke, “Ms. Lian, I am not willing to convey your desire to meet Zizheng. She has moved on from the past, and there’s no need for me to burden her with more troubles. Furthermore, I believe that up to this point, you haven’t truly understood Zizheng, nor have you truly realized the nature of your past mistakes.”

As she spoke, Director Wang finally hurried over, wiping sweat from his brow. He opened the office door and apologized to Jiang Huaixi, “I’m sorry for being late, Huaixi.”

Jiang Huaixi stood up, gently shaking her head, and replied to Director Wang, “No, it’s my trouble to inconvenience you and make you come back after work.” Afterward, she turned her body slightly towards Lian Xuan and nodded faintly, saying in a soft voice, “I apologize, Ms. Lian, for my departure.” With that, she followed Director Wang towards the office.

Lian Xuan clenched her lips, trembling slightly as she gripped the edge of her chair. Her eyes were filled with teary moisture. Jiang Huaixi’s questioning left her feeling guilty, aggrieved, and with a touch of indescribable anger. She stood up, unable to suppress her voice, and questioned Jiang Huaixi in a strained tone, “Miss Jiang, not everyone is as fortunate as you to have all the love and privileges, to have everything go their way. If you were in our shoes, could you so calmly speak those words? What are you afraid of, Miss Jiang? Why won’t you give both Zizheng and me a chance?”

Jiang Huaixi’s steps faltered slightly, her fists clenched imperceptibly, wanting to respond candidly, but her words dissipated in her throat as she glanced at the medical records on her desk. Eventually, she merely bit her lip and, after a pause, found no words. Without further answering Lian Xuan, she entered the office and closed the door.

Outside the office, Lian Xuan stared intensely at Jiang Huaixi’s retreating figure until she entered the office and closed the door, leaving her in silence. Clenching her teeth, she blinked her eyes, but a glistening tear couldn’t help but slide down from the corner of her eye…

Inside the office, Director Wang had heard about Jiang Huaixi’s recent symptoms. He used a stethoscope to listen to Jiang Huaixi’s heartbeat and various other areas, and his brows slowly furrowed involuntarily.

Observing Director Wang’s expression, Jiang Huaixi’s heart skipped a beat. She hesitated and asked, “Director, is it a recurrence?”

Director Wang hesitated for a moment. While filling out the examination form, he gently shook his head and said, “Doesn’t seem like it. It might be a lung issue. Don’t worry for now. I’ll issue the form, and I’ll go for the examination with you. We can discuss things once the results are out.”

Jiang Huaixi slightly lowered her gaze, calmly responding, “Alright, thank you for your trouble.” However, her hands resting on her knees trembled imperceptibly.

Lying inside the CT scanner, Jiang Huaixi listened to the machine’s cold command to “inhale, exhale,” her whole body involuntarily shuddering, feeling a slight urge to vomit.

Jiang Huaixi closed her eyes and lamented inwardly: Is life mostly like this? To gain something, there must be a loss. With this frail body, is it truly worth the kind of love and affection Lian Xuan spoke of? If there were ifs… well, life is full of ifs, isn’t it?

After going through numerous examination rooms and completing all the tests, Jiang Huaixi was already pale from exhaustion. She leaned against a chair, breathing rapidly.

Director Wang sat behind his desk, working on his computer and waiting for all the test results to come in. Seeing Jiang Huaixi’s weakened state, he couldn’t help but sigh, saying, “Huaixi, your constitution is still quite weak. Your immune system is compromised, making you susceptible to illnesses.”

Upon hearing this, Jiang Huaixi managed a bitter smile and nodded.

Another ten minutes passed, and Director Wang finally gathered all the reports, reviewing them one by one. Jiang Huaixi had rested enough and sat up straight, inevitably paying full attention to Director Wang’s expression. She noticed that his brows were furrowing tighter and tighter. Eventually, he set down the mouse, looked at her, clearly struggling to find the right words.

Jiang Huaixi bit her lip and pretended to be composed, saying, “Director, it’s okay. Please tell me directly.”

Looking into Jiang Huaixi’s eyes, Director Wang couldn’t help but feel a sense of sadness as well. Letting out a long sigh, he said, “Huaixi, this time it’s not a heart problem. It’s an issue with your lungs. Preliminarily, it seems to be pleurisy. Come over here and take a look.”

Jiang Huaixi clenched her fists, alternating between tension and relaxation, taking slow steps until she stood behind Director Wang, looking at the CT images he pointed out.

Director Wang explained, “Huaixi, there’s so much fluid in your chest cavity. If we were to drain it all, there might be as much as two mineral water bottles’ worth. It’s completely flooding your lungs. The pain you felt on your side and ribs earlier is due to this. Because of adhesions in the pleura, you experience pain at the beginning. Later, as more fluid accumulates, it starts to provide lubrication, so you no longer feel the pain. Huaixi, we can’t delay this any longer. You need to be hospitalized immediately to have the fluid drained.”

Jiang Huaixi’s legs weakened momentarily, and she steadied her mind before asking Director Wang with a composed voice, “Director, so what caused this? Is it serious?”

Director Wang sighed heavily and replied, “There are many potential causes of pleurisy. To accurately diagnose the true cause, we’ll need to wait until the fluid is drained and undergo a pathological analysis. The worst-case scenario is cancer, but in young individuals, most cases are due to tuberculosis. Huaixi, don’t overthink it. If it’s tuberculosis, as long as you take medication regularly, you can recover.”

However, upon hearing “cancer, tuberculosis,” Jiang Huaixi’s body almost went weak, and she struggled to keep herself steady. Ironically, her first thought was of Lin Daiyu, who succumbed to tuberculosis and died coughing up blood. In the next moment, her mind went to Lu Zizheng, her Zizheng.

She discreetly took a few steps back, using the table for support, creating some distance between her and Director Wang. She bit her lip and nervously asked in a hushed voice, “If it’s tuberculosis, is it contagious?” If it’s contagious, what should she do? What about Zizheng? Could it be… She dared not think further.

Director Wang’s brows furrowed as he replied, “If there are no disease foci in the lungs, then no, it’s not contagious. However, since we can’t see the lungs right now, we can’t determine if there are any foci. We’ll need to wait until the fluid is drained to find out. If there are disease foci in the lungs, we’ll need to do sputum tests to determine the contagion.”

Jiang Huaixi’s body couldn’t help but tremble, her voice wavering, “So, there’s still a possibility of contagion, right?”

Director Wang looked at her defeated expression, something he had never seen before, and for a moment, he hesitated to answer. He sighed, not sure how many times he had sighed already, and advised, “So, Huaixi, you can’t delay this any longer. It’s best for you to be admitted to the hospital immediately.”

Jiang Huaixi’s knuckles gripped the table so tightly that a faint white tinge appeared due to the force. After a moment, she retreated to the opposite side of the table and shook her head, saying, “Director, please don’t inform my parents for now. In a couple of days, Huaichuan and Qiao Xin are about to get engaged. I can’t affect their mood at this time. Can you wait for another two days?” Her parents have already worried about her enough. Rare occasions of joy like this engagement should not be overshadowed by her news. How could she bear to tell them at this moment?

Her voice was soft, but Director Wang saw the determination in her expression. After hesitating for a while, he finally couldn’t resist Jiang Huaixi’s plea. He nodded and instructed, “I’ll inform Chairman Jiang and the others after the engagement banquet. But you must be hospitalized immediately. It’s already been delayed for too long.”

Jiang Huaixi nodded heavily, mustering a faint smile for him. She promised, “Alright, I will.”

Jiang Huaixi didn’t know how she ended up at the hospital or how she reached the parking lot. All she knew was that when she started the car, intending to go back home, her senses suddenly returned, and she could think clearly.

Leaning against the car seat, she felt as if all her strength had been drained away, leaving her in a state of helplessness. She took out her phone, watching the minutes tick by. Finally, after biting her lip, she dialed the familiar number.

The call was answered in less than three seconds, and Lu Zizheng’s voice came through rapidly, clearly indicating that she had been waiting for this call. The thought struck Jiang Huaixi, making her heart ache even more, and tears threatened to escape her control.

She steadied her voice as much as possible, feigning casualness, and told Lu Zizheng her second lie of the day, “Zizheng, I might be dealing with things late tonight. This place is closer to my apartment, so I’ll go straight there after finishing up. Don’t wait up for me to come back. Go to sleep early.”

She heard the disappointment in Lu Zizheng’s voice from the other end of the line, but she still cared for her and said, “Sure, okay. Be careful while driving back at night. Send me a message when you arrive. It seems to have cooled down tonight. Take care.”

Jiang Huaixi sniffled softly, tears finally rolling down her cheeks. She responded to Lu Zizheng in a hushed voice, “Alright, don’t worry.”

Zizheng, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…

After hanging up the call, Jiang Huaixi could no longer hold back. She slumped against the steering wheel, crying out loud for the first time. Her sobs were filled with a sense of helplessness, devastation, and heart-wrenching pain…

Zizheng, I’m sorry, I’m scared…

Zizheng, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…