Something Beautiful And Wicked

Shi Ailin leaned over the vast body of a tree, breathless, reaching for a water-filled canteen. She took a gentle sip of water, not a gulp, though she yearned for more. But she needed to save it. 

Luo Wanting caught up to her track. He checked behind their trail every few minutes, claiming to cover their steps, but she knew that he was just protective. He'd rather see her ahead than behind. 

She offered him her water-filled canteen, and he shook his head, gently declining. He had his own, but that wouldn't stop her from offering him. 

His damp silver hair clung to his forehead as he pulled the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat on his brow. 

"We can see Jujing from here," Shi Ailin said to him, trying not to look at his torso, as there were more pressing matters for her attention. 

Luo Wanting's mouth curved into a knowing, lazy smile. "Well, then. This was definitely worth the hike," he replied breathlessly, staring at the village, surrounded by a vast moat. 

"Let's keep going," Shi Ailin suggested. "It shouldn't be too long now until we get there." 

Luo Wanting had made them abandon the car a day before, realizing that they were being followed. Hiking the connected trails to the village instead of driving the main road would make them heed to caution, just as they should. Jujing was the place of answers, but Shi Ailin couldn't shake the swell of fear rising in her lower belly—a foreboding dread that would confront her sooner rather than later. She thought she would be fine considering how far they've gone to get there, but it wasn't so simple. 

She wasn't afraid of finding her parents deceased; she had already grieved them. She was afraid that they had been suffering. Had they been suffering? And it took them this long to realize it? To come for them? 

"Ai," Luo Wanting said, brushing her hand gently, dissolving her from her dazed trance. He gave her a concerned look, an anxious and troubled expression, something that mirrored her face. He, too, was uneasy. Uneasy with what they'd meet. Uneasy of being alone, the two of them. Uneasy with the truth. 

"Let's go," he said, twining their hands so that she would have something to hold onto—to keep going. 

…

"I don't know if I can keep this up anymore," Shi Yen said to Yuan Shun with hands on her h.i.p.s. 

"What do you mean?" he questioned. 

"I should be with them!" Shi Yen replied, pacing across the living room. Yuan Shun turned over the paper he was reading. 

"You were fine with them travelling for months and never thought of meeting them until now."

"Yes, but—" she sighed frustratingly. "I can't help but feel nervous. Anxious. Like my heart is clenching, and it's more persistent now than before."

"Should we see a doctor? Could it have something to do with the baby?"

"No," Shi Yen answered. "I know the difference between my pregnancy and anxiety." 

Yuan Shun chuckled slightly. 

"It isn't funny," Shi Yen pretended to be angry with him. 

He stood and approached her deftly. He faced her, running his hands up and down her arms. "I know it isn't funny," he said. "But, I can't help but admire this side of you."

"What side?" she asked. 

"The side that is constantly worried about someone else. It's intuitive and compassionate. It's what would make you such a wonderful mother."

Shi Yen's mouth parted. "Me, in a constant panic, would make me a wonderful mother?"

Yuan Shun chuckled again, and Shi Yen couldn't help but match his smile. 

He gave her a look, one so immersed and longing. "This feeling you have," he added. "It's not going to go away, is it?"

"No," Shi Yen said. "Even though I just spoke to my sister yesterday." 

Yuan Shun nodded. He knew of Shi Yen's instincts. She had an unexplainable accuracy when it comes to feeling. "Preparations are complete. It's your call, and we'll head over to them wherever they are, anytime." 

"I'm going to give them some time," she said. "We can't go yet."

"Why not?"

"We'll waste resources if we find out it's a false alarm. We can't leave the city and wait around for answers. The Underworld is already unstable as it is. It will collapse if we don't stay without reason." 

"I understand," Yuan Shun answered. He waited a moment before he opened his mouth to ask, "what will you do if your parents are alive?" 

The question surprised her. She gave herself a lot of thought but never dared to speak it aloud. She thought of their embrace, their welcome, their thoughts on what she and Shi Ailin had been doing all these years. 

"I'd tell them that I forgive them," was what she said.

Yuan Shun's eyes widened as if he didn't expect that answer. Shi Yen didn't elaborate, but Yuan Shun could guess the meaning. Her parents, dead or alive, wouldn't forgive themselves for abandoning two young women alone to navigate the world of two vast and dark societies. Whether their departure was to protect them or not, the guilt could be eating them away. Shi Yen would forgive them because she loved them that deeply and because she no longer cared what reason it was for. There was no doubt that she already had long since forgiven them. 

"Sit down," Yuan Shun said. "I'll make you some tea, and we can play some cards."

Shi Yen's nerves eased. Yuan Shun knew how to keep her anchored and her mind from spiralling. She went to sit by the two-seat table, glimpsing at the rain that scattered on the window. 

Not long after did he return with tea and snacks. It warmed her heart and soothed her soul that Yuan Shun provided her comfort during a time of uncertainty. Shi Yen wouldn't know what to do if she were alone. 

...