Starting a Night Shift Part-time Job at a Convenience Store.

I was overthinking things―

That was what I sought to convince myself, but I couldn’t believe anyone would purchase something like that at that time of the day when nobody would be around. Even more so in a place like this.

All that came to my mind were two foreboding words.

My palms gradually became clammy and sweaty.

Vinyl strings and a utility knife.Translator: MadHatter

The utility knife, needless to say, was for cutting the string. Then, what about the string…

Several loops of worn-out vinyl strings were attached to the tree’s branches, periodically swaying in the breeze. The one Yakumo and I came across after venturing into the sea of trees. A sign that individuals have passed away there—something I have never had to witness in my life.

Despite Yakumo’s complexion remaining unchanged, I found it to be the most shocking thing I had ever laid my eyes on.

This person… Why was she using such a thing…

What could she possibly be planning to use such a thing for… My suspicions steadily escalated.

The checkout counter displayed the final sum.

The woman gave me a slight glare and stared up at me, perhaps assuming I was peculiar because I wasn’t even packing anything into a bag while standing there.

No good―The prospect that if I let her go, she would leave on her own and wouldn’t be deterred jolted my imagination. Chill out. Indeed, I felt a sense of discomfort, but I might be assuming too much.

What was I supposed to do, panicking all by myself?

“It will be 11,320 yen.”

Assumption… assumption… assumption… was I assuming too much?

Over and over again, as I continued to stuff the huge plastic bags with confectionery, my hands came dangerously close to stopping. Each time I placed one in the bag, for some reason, I felt like I was doing something wrong.

I, right now… I ought to be doing something else instead of this. I should be saying something.

“Oh… it must be tough working this late at night…”

Why…Not shared on aggregator sites

“Yes.”

My utmost effort to smile was promptly brushed off by the woman. Although my words were somehow uttered just to test the other party’s reaction, the woman did not even offer an ingratiating smile when I abruptly spoke to her but rather responded in an aggravated manner. It was understandable since it was none of my business.

“Streetlights are scarce around here, so you should be careful.”

“Yes…”

A listless reply came back. As can be seen, the woman looked utterly gloomy, not even paying attention to me, as if she was really fatigued. I supposed that meant she didn’t care.

Even though I would have liked to simply hand over the change and send her on her way, her inexplicable behavior earlier was bothering me, causing me to feel that I could not let her go home without doing something, so I spoke up, all the while knowing how impertinent it would be to do so.

“Um. Excuse me, but what is this… used for?”

I was inwardly hesitant but… assuming the worst, I decided to take a gamble with all my non-existent courage. I did not want to overlook even a single fleeting moment. The change in the woman’s expression, the movement of her eyes. My voice nevertheless produced a distinct resonance, notwithstanding that my heart was throbbing behind my ribcage.

I put the vinyl strings and the utility knife into the bag. With a serious expression on my face, I stared straight into the woman’s eyes.

“What are these used for?”

At my question, which sounded like I was about to intrude on her, the woman’s voice was harsh.

“What do I use it for… That has nothing to do with you… Who do you think you are?”

An unexpected unyielding remark sparing from the woman. This wasn’t something for a convenience store staff to bring up, and I knew that, but I wasn’t daunted. Having witnessed the scene the other day… it was difficult for me to refrain from saying it.

“I don’t think so, though. Every place has its own circumstances…”

“…What?”

“If you are thinking of something not good… I am.”

Perhaps she sensed what was on my mind. Before I could say anything else, the woman wore a face brimming with displeasure.

“…I don’t understand… what is wrong with you?”

She spat in a voice I could undeniably hear even if it was a whisper.

“Please give me the change… Quickly.”

She narrowed her eyes and glared at me.

“And a receipt… Plus the stamp.”

“Oh…”

“Please don’t get delusional… asking such a thing… to a customer.”

I wouldn’t do that. Her words were coldly uttered, and I was shocked as if I had been slapped.

Vinyl strings and utility knife. I see.

Ah, I messed up. It was the moment when my whole body tensed up that…

“I am terribly sorry…”

With my head lowered, I stamped the receipt. The woman was fuming as she headed for the exit.

“Sigh…”

A huge sigh escaped me.

Yeah… I screwed up. I screwed up but… I was relieved.

Apparently, that person was different, and it was a dumb mistake on my part. Right, some people purchase them for regular business use. What happened the other day was so shocking that I got ahead of myself.

I was left feeling embarrassed and awkward in the store but I was so relieved that I plopped down on the counter.

Thank goodness… I was mistaken.

“What the hell are you doing?”

When I turned my head to the side, I found Hirai peeking halfway through the door of the back room, looking at me with a stern look in her eyes. No, it was Ayame.

“So uncool.”

“Well, I mean…”

“‘I don’t understand, what is wrong with you?’… Hahaha.”

“Ugh～”

When Ayame imitated her, I contorted the corners of my mouth. I didn’t want to be told that either.

“Didn’t I tell you so? To not get carried away.”

See what I mean? Hirai gave me a fearless smile.

“I didn’t mean to get carried away, I thought it was strange, so I just said so… If I thought it was strange and left it at that, that person would leave like that and… she would be gone, right?”

What if I had been spot-on?

“Even if that was the case?”

“I might have let her die…” I muttered as I stared at my fists on the counter.

That person was… Supposing she was suicidal. Supposing she was trying to buy something to use for committing suicide. What if I, the store staff, fail to discern it, sold it to her directly, and then let her out of the store… If I didn’t call out to her and take action to stop her, then… That would be… It would imply that I would be pushing that person’s back, even if it was indirect.

That would make me nothing but a jerk.

“…”

I never wanted to be that kind of guy again. Never again.

Even if it was uncool, even if I was called rude. I believed it was the most proper way to not regret it. Should someone visit this convenience store who was planning to take that path, I wanted to prevent them from doing so.

Like Aoyama said, I concurred that we had no right to speak up and say what was right for them. The worst thing to do, though, was to die. Once dead, they would be the same as those who were in the sea of trees. Now that I was aware of that, I couldn’t overlook it any longer. Even if they died, they would not receive any peace of mind here. I could say this because I have actually witnessed it.

“I don’t know if I can put it clearly into words, but I have seen those things, so I want to tell them what will be the consequences if they die here.”

“So you want them to die somewhere else?”

“Of course not! No, that’s not it. That’s not what I mean… I just want to somehow persuade that person not to die, because death is the worst thing of all.”

Ayame laughed as I awkwardly lined up my words.

“What is it?”

“You’re too foolish to be interesting.”

―What?

“A justification just like in the picture. Very well. You want to stop suicidal people. Nice, that line of yours, you’re a hero indeed. But..”

Ayame narrowed her eyes.

“The amount of fatalities in circumstances like these would be drastically reduced if persuasion could arrive at a solution. The people working here are all conscious of this, though they don’t say it, that this person is going to kill themself…”

All those who work here develop a good discernment to the extent that it bordered on obnoxious. Ayame continued.

“However, the reality is that, as you say, there is no easy solution. What kind of result do you think a clueless convenience store employee could achieve… by offering words of comfort to a suicidal person stuck in the depths of despair?”

Consider this. After receiving flimsy encouragement from a total stranger, what would a depressed patient be thinking? What would a depressed person feel when someone wrenches at their heart that they don’t want anyone to know about?

“That’s exactly the kind of push they need.”

“So, Ayame, you’re going to overlook… such people when you come across them?”

“I can see where they can and can’t turn back, so that’s how I make a judgement.”

What did that mean?

“Does that mean there are some people you’d just abandon?”

“In a nutshell.”

Ayame’s voice was frighteningly levelheaded.

“The area where there is no turning back… Ayame, you can tell that… you don’t even voice it to them?”

“We’re ultimately only a customer and a staff member. If that person doesn’t have a ‘?’ to change their mind, there’s no point in us saying anything at all.”

“Why are you so resigned from the beginning? If you say something to them, they might change their mind.”

“It is true that if you speak to them, you can at least shake them up. But in the end, the final decision is theirs.”

“Ugh…”

“In spite of our greatest efforts to empathize with those who have endured excruciating suffering due to the harshness of life, some people nonetheless decide to end their lives. There may be some people who decide to stay. Most individuals don’t listen to others’ opinions because they are too eager to experience liberation from death.”

“You speak in such a dismissive way…”

“You can say that because you don’t understand it yet, but if you stay here long enough, you will eventually reach the realization that this is inevitable.”

“…”

What Ayame said wasn’t unacceptable. That we couldn’t easily grasp the heart of a suicidal person. And that what I have said was just a dreamy and beautiful thing.

Things that happened in this convenience store were complicated and extremely difficult to understand.

Aoyama, Hirai, Takenaka, the manager, and all the other people. No doubt, everyone was in distress. Even more than me, who just worked at this place recently. They were all aware of how critical the situation was, but they continued to work here nevertheless.

Among them, I wondered how many of them were able to call out to others.

How many of them were not approached, were unnoticed, or pretended not to notice? I wonder how many of them were there―

How many dozens of people have quit because they hated to see such people…

The thought of it made me feel suffocated.

“But then, if they were sent away without being called out to… wouldn’t you regret it more, and if it were me, I would surely regret it later.”

Had I not called out to them, the possibility that they… In this sense, I couldn’t help but feel apprehensive.

“Maybe if I stay in this convenience store, I’ll know what to do in the future. I don’t want to overlook even one of them… That kind of reason exists.”

“A reason huh…”

“So I’m going to shove myself into it, even if it’s a stranger, even if I’m just a convenience store employee. Even if I lack the ability to say anything insightful… I want to do something about it.”

I absolutely didn’t want to let things remain that way.

“Excuse me for being so self-centered.”

“Good grief―It’s a hilariously underpaid job, isn’t it?” she let out a sigh of amazement and remarked. “This is how people usually think. That this kind of work… is not worth it, no matter how much they pay me per hour.”

Even the manager said so, she muttered.

“And yet, you’re really… good grief.”

Ayame shrugged and headed for the toilet, pulling out a mop and bucket from the cleaning supplies closet.

“Don’t forget to protect yourself while you’re so preoccupied with other people. Don’t subject yourself to unnecessary burdens. This is why Takenaka never stops worrying about you.”

Scratching her head, Ayame had gone into the women’s toilet before I could ask her back.

Protect myself. Don’t subject myself to unnecessary burdens… What did she mean by that?

“…”

Inside the store, where relaxing classical music was playing, I pondered the true meaning of Ayame’s words for a while.

“Oh―”

My voice unconsciously broke out.

I thought she had already left but… the woman was seated at the concrete block of a parking lot. The bag she bought was right next to her, and she grabbed a carton of drinks and a pastry from inside and opened the bag. 

She unashamedly took a bite out of her big mouth. She may have been particularly starving since she gobbled up one food after another as she brought out her purchases.

At this time of the day, how could she be so… The woman’s appearance viewed from inside the store made me widen my eyes in amazement.

Or rather, was this person not going to return home? Not a car, motorcycle, or even a bicycle was in sight. No cabs or anything and the only way to get home at this time of night would be on foot…

While being a little worried, I watched the woman from inside the store as she was devouring her confectionery.

Rather than stuffing her cheeks… It looked as if she was eating out of desperation.

As if she was forcing herself to eat it…

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