The Shifting Normalcy of Daily Life V

NOVEMBER 30, 2022 / MAD HATTER

Iiwouldithink aboutiit… Thatiwas what Iisaid, nevertheless, theianswer Iiwanted to deliveriwas more oriless settled.

After returning home, Iigrabbed myiphone andicontinued toistare at theiceiling as Iilay on theiuntouched andiuntucked futon. The call wouldibe connected toithe barcode manager withia simple buttonipress.

Theniwhat wouldiI say? Not shared on aggregator websites

Pleaseiletimeiresign. efwgwrg

Thatisingle remark wouldilikely conveyithe implied message, followed immediately byia sigh of disappointment fromithe manager.

What Iiheard from Takenaka wasia phenomenal story.

I felt itiwas not aiterritory I should venture into. Or rather, Iifelt it wasia territory I couldinot penetrate.

I mean, after all, who would believe it? Even Iistill felt like I was dreaming. 

Like thatihuge armor and helmetithat appeared behind Takenakaifrom time to time. The maniwho was caught onisecurity camera screaming in grief. Or thatiwoman who was attached toithe windowpane.

To knowithat I have toilook at those things everyiday from now on… Thatiwas absolutely impractical…

My cell phone’s call button wasistill not pressed, though, bothiout of shame for quitting after onlyia week and outiof a sense of apology for the nightishift workers that remained behind. In all the placesithat I had been allocated, I hadinever worked anywhere else in my life withisuch a shortest record.

No, thatididn’t matter, not really. I didn’t wantito be regarded as one of thoseiwho had left, I supposed.

Thatitype of obstinacyiisn’t essential, a calm part of meiwhispered, yet I couldn’t helpibut think that it wouldibe better to just leave…

I wasitoo clouded to drawia decision inione stroke. Saying quitting wasieasy but deliberately attempting to goi to a place Iididn’t want to go to was not right. No, butia sense of responsibility abounded me. Even if it wasionly a part-time job, ending it so easily was not acceptable. I wasn’t aichild.

EveniTakenaka warned me toisteer clear, or I might end upiin messy situations again.

Although I was startingito develop a rapport with Aoyama and Hirai, was this really the right way to end things?

Conflicted, the answer eluded me. Despite pressingionly one button and things would end, something was holding me back.

Frustration was beginning to sinkiin. With so much going on today, I wasiexhausted, confounded, and unclear, causing me to struggle with information indigestion.

I kicked theisliding door of the closet next to mine with all myimight out of desperation.

“What―!?” Translator: MadHatter

That turned outito be aimistake.

An avalancheiof junk and cardboard boxes thatihad been piled within came tumbling down asithe poor, battered sliding dooriwas on the edge of falling apart.

I was shrieking, heldidown by dusty magazines and theilike, and sobbing profusely dueito the smell of dust and the pain. This was the worst. I was at my breaking point. Damn it.

Before, my mother barged in with my sister and told me that there were too many things and that I should organize them when I got the chance. This wasithe result of leaving them unattended.

“Ah… ah.” Not shared on wuxiax.me

Was that whatipeople call aiwhole catastrophe for this?

The avalanche dispersed the magazines and mangasiI had taped togetheriinto a jumble, and the contents within the cardboard boxes were crushed withia mighty thud. Dust wasidancing on the futon, above my head.

My sisteriwould probably respond, “Pfft, serve you right,” if she saw it, which would irritate me.

Even though I hated it, I was compelled to clean it up. Dammit… What a day today was.

Lacking motivation, I wasidazedly sitting cross-legged for a while looking atithe mess.

My cell phone rang subsequently.

Thisipattern of incoming calls was…

On the screen, I foundithe person I hadibeen debating whether to call, the “Manager.” 

I picked up theimagazine with one hand, took the phone withithe other, held it to my ear, and pressed the call button. The manager’s voice came through when I answered, and itihad a strangely muffled tone.

[O-Oh, Hakamada? Areiyou okay…?]

“What is it?” feyiwg

[No, you see. You didn’t reply to my email.] dw

Ah. Speaking of which, I forgot to reply to him… I mean, was that the only reasonihe called me?

My mindiwas conjuring upian image of the barcode manager calling me with his complexion changed.

[Isithere something bad happening?]

“…” Not shared on aggregator websites

Although Iididn’t find the manager very appealing, I thought he hadigood instincts at this point. “A week has passed,” afteriall. The manager must haveibeen prepared for this.

“No… nothing.” dwbhby

Actually… I wasn’t certain whether to open up the conversation but I madeian effort toiproceed as if nothing had happened.

Then… dwqf

[Ailie.] Not shared on aggregator websites

“What?”

[Theiwayiyour voice sank, I knew there is moreito it than that.]

“Eh?”

What… youithe barcode manager, what were you talking aboutiout of the blue…

“Hahaha, just kidding. In fact, I heard from someone this morning that your face was completely paleiwhen you left… that’s why.”

“…” dwqf

So thatiwas the reason… dwq

[I became worried. Hey, did nothing really happen?]

“…” dqf

[So something did happen huh.] dwq

Iigave up oniconcealing it, lying about it wasn’t doing meiany good. Furthermore, thisiperson mayihave alreadyiconducted dozens of instances of this typeiof correspondence. Thereiwas likely no way for meito hide things fromithe person who hadigotten the knowledge from someone who already knew everything.

[I see, that was toughifor you…]

After listeningito my story, the managerisaid, “I see, I see,” as if toireassure me. I askedithe managerione thing thatibothered me.

“Manager, have youiever seen that too… those things?”

[Yeah. Sometimes when I substitute for the nightishift, and on rare occasions duringithe day… it’s really terrific there.”

“Isithatiso…” dwq

The manager returned back saying in an accustomed toneiof voice, “That’s right.”

I couldn’t work if I was scared. qd

[So, what is your plan, Hakamada?] b

“Huh?” Not shared on wuxiax.me

[No pressure really. I justiwant you to tell me how you really feel.]

It was clear immediatelyiwhat the manager was going to ask me.

[If you’re not particularlyibothered about it, that’s great, but judging by the way you react, I assume you aren’t? If you don’t like it, the sooner the better to quit… Besides, a long time ago, a girl whoiforced herself to continue working part-time fell into a highly perilous position so I don’t wantiHakamada to face that kind of danger, and if you think it’s not right for you after all, then you should just go ahead and say it…]

“But…” fwd

[Even if you opt toido so, neither I nor the peopleion the night shift will ever characterize you as an insensitive person, don’t worry.]

Again, I fell into silence. dwqf

The manager was right. Perhaps resigningiat this point would beithe safest thing to do without needlessly inconveniencing them. The answer I had been wavering overiseemed to have somehow been finalized.

As I was arranging the mess at that time, one of my arms tripped over a cardboard box and itifell to the ground. The contents were spread across the futon after it was knocked over again.

Ah… back to square one… dq

With myiphone between my shoulder and head, I used bothihands to collect up all the stuff that had beeniscattered and tried to put it away again.

And then―Something fell out of it.

I wondered what that was… and it turned out to be a dusty, slightly faded… photograph. Mixed in amongst all this was a single photo.

When I pickediup the photo and flipped it over, I…

“――” dbhubfbih

…gulped atithe sight of it.

Thisiphotoiwas…

Instantly, my hand, which hadipicked up the photo with my fingertips, quivered subtly. My breathing rhythm fluctuated erratically, and my heart pulsediwildly as if I had been racing at full speed.

Turmoil―

Why didithis photograph appear in front of me now?

While I didn’t want to look at it, I couldn’t throw it away. I hadiforgotten it existed until just now.

Was it a coincidence that itipopped up before me? Or was it…

My eyes couldn’t detach themselves from it and I wondered howilong I had been doing so. The manager’s voice drewime back in just as my thoughts were starting toistray.

[―Hey, Hakamada?]

“Eh, ah.”

No good, I hadicompletely blanked out.

[What’s wrong?] dqwfew

“No…” fewf

Nothing. Evenias I attempted to answer that, before I knew it, evenimy voice had been stifled, clearlyiestablishing that something must be amiss. Over the cell phone, the manager’s concernedivoice played again.

“Manager.”

Instead of puttingiit back in the cardboard, I carefully laid the single photograph downion the futon. Takingia small, inaudible deep breath, I opened my mouth.

[Ehhh!?]

The manageriwas still astounded byimy response andiraised his voice so high it almost cracked.

It was tooiloud. Don’t make such a loud voice.

[Hakamada, did you just say… that you want to continue?]

“Yes.” qwfq

[You’re going to keep working the night shift at that convenience store!?]

Didn’t I already say that? Don’timake me repeat it, you bald…! As expected, I couldn’t say that but I uttered the word yes again.

The managerigrowled.

[I have no idea what you saw, but Hakamada, you mustihave figured out this time that place is a place that chooses its people… and yet.]

“I am simply having difficulty finding another place to work. In any case, I will get used to it.”

[Is that reallyithe reason?]

Silence would be taken as an affirmation. I hastily composed myinext words and moved my mouth to formulate them.

“Right, and the fact that I am not injured, Iidon’t think it’s going to be a problem. I want to keep going.”

[…Even if you said that…]

This time, theimanager fell silent.

“Because of myiposition, I can’t force you to quit or continue.]

Even so, the manager said that he hoped that Iiwould prioritize myself.

[If there is something bothering you or somethingiyou feel guilty about that is forcing you to continue, then…]

Today’s manageristruck an uncanny chord with me. Even though Iithought so, what was on my mind right now was not something that I could talk to the manager about. Telling him wouldn’t accomplish anything, nor did I want to tell him.

I had already setimy heart on it. tuf

Once a decision had been reached, I would pushiforward to the very end, irrespective of whoimight oppose me, for I was the type of person whoiwas stupid, foolish, and impulsive.

Foolish, incurablyistupid. dqw

[I see… if you insist that much… I wouldiappreciate it if you could continue too butidon’t strain yourself, Hakamada, you’re a normal person after all.]

Having received an unexpectediresponse back, the managerivoiced his concern to me and hung up the phone.

Myicell phone’s screen displayed “end of call,” and I silently closed it while staring at it.

A silent mutteriescaped my lips. wq

“This can’t be a coincidence, can it?”

Not looking at it, I unconsciously rolled up the photograph I had laid down on the futon and viewed it once more.

It was noicoincidence… dqw

All the inexplicableithings that were unfolding around me… All of them, no doubt.

Myiown― Not shared on aggregator website

Noiway I could runiaway from it. Escaping wasn’t a choice for me. j

Therefore, I had to keepigoing. fwef

I wouldistay in that place. dewf

Noimatteriwhatimayibefall. fewfw

I pressedithe photograph I found in the junk tightly to my chest and shut my eyes. Myiheart throbbed naturally, and theicenter of myichest achedislightly.