Strange Memories With You, My Dear

Chapter 03.03

From A World Not Here

Translated by KuroNeko
Edited by Omkar

It was a week later that Yuuko’s grandma passed away. When I arrived at the laboratory this morning, Associate Professor Nagasawa-sensei informed me that Fukuhara-sensei was on bereavement leave.

When I talked to Yuuko on the phone, I had heard that he was not in a very good condition, but at that moment, I felt a strong feeling in my stomach. When I contacted Yuuko, she told me that the wake will be held tomorrow and the funeral will be held the following day.

We only spoke once. But the face and atmosphere of the grandma with whom I had spoken at the time returned to me.

After some contemplation, I decided to merely attend the wake and asked Yuuko where the funeral home was. I explained the situation to my mum and requested her to teach me proper etiquette at a wake. My mother let me hold the incense bag the next night, as I put on my suit and black tie for the first time in a long time.

When I arrived at the funeral venue in Tokyo by train, I gave up the incense at the reception desk. The receptionist was Yuuko and another lady who seemed to be a relative. I was about to say something to her when Yuuko noticed me and exclaimed, “Ah, Yukinari,” but there were so many other people that we simply bailed each other out and didn’t talk. Many people gathered outside the venue till the wake began. Yuuko was with her parents and a group of people who appeared to be her relatives. I stood back and watched them. Yuuko seems to have grown up surrounded by people like these. Although it was inappropriate for the situation, Yuuko, dressed in black, looked more mature and beautiful than ever.

On the spot, Sensei went around greeting numerous people. I was about to say something to him, but he appeared too busy and there was no time. When it came time for the sutra reading to begin, I entered the hall and sat in the rear of one of the lined seats. Yuuko, dressed in black, sat in the first row with her family. The altar was adorned with many flowers, a photo of grandma, and a white casket stood in front of it. The photo looked to be from a slightly younger age than the grandmother I saw the other day. She had a lot of hair, and the smile on her face still radiated youth.

As I listened to the monk recite the sutra, I wondered what kind of life she had had. She gave birth to and raised Sensei, had Yuuko as a granddaughter, and lived to be over ninety. She must have been around our age when the first Tokyo Olympics were held if she were born around 90 years ago. That old lady then lived for the second half of the twentieth century and a quarter of the twenty-first century. To me, that felt like an impossibly long time. Then, Yuuko introduced me towards the end of that hour, and we exchanged a few words. When I thought about it, I felt very, very strange.

“Would you mind looking after Yuuko-chan for me?” I was reminded of the phrases all of a sudden. Perhaps it was a social call. But I believed it was a significant term. Following the reading of the sutra, the monk discussed the afterlife in that sect and stated, “Let us send her go with all our hearts.”

I’ve been thinking about that afterlife. I didn’t think such things existed before today, but after seeing the grandmother’s remains and the people around her, I was inclined to believe they did. And just because the biological phenomena of the body ceases to exist does not imply that all the grandma has accumulated and existed for her entire life is gone. Because  grandmother lived, there is Sensei, and there is Yuuko. Besides that, I’m sure there are many other connections left in this world that I don’t know about.

The monks eventually departed the room, and the funeral home staff announced that the wake was completed. I stood from my seat at the same time as the rest of the crowd and began going toward the exit.

“Nakayama-kun.”

Then, in that hallway, I was stopped by Fukuhara-sensei. Yuuko stood next to the mourning teacher, her hands crossed in front of her black skirt.

“I’m sorry. I thought it would be insane for me to attend, since we didn’t have a close relationship… I had met her once and was introduced by Yuuko…”

“Yes. I’ve heard about that from Yuuko. Thank you for coming…”

Yuuko, too, bowed her head in a small “Thank you” beside her father.

I, too, bowed to both of them. Yuuko and Sensei must have been sad to lose the grandmother, an immediate family member, yet they both maintained their composure.

“I still have to stay on for a bit after this.” Sensei said, glancing at his watch. “Come outside with me. I just wanted to take in the night breeze.”

I followed Sensei out of the funeral house. Outside, there were still a few people lingering about. Although the rainy season had not yet ended, it was a bright night with no rain clouds. I noticed a few stars and the moon drifting in the horizon. Sensei spoke to me, exhaling thinly.

“Some time ago, you asked me. Do parallel worlds exist.”

“Yes. When I first met you.”

“If there are as many worlds as there are possibilities, then there must be a world where my mother is still alive somewhere in that universe.” 

He then took a cigarette out of his pocket and lighted it. It was the first time I had seen Sensei smoke.

“You’re right. She would still be in good health…”

I wonder if he wanted to travel to those worlds and wanted to see her mother again.

“Do you want to be there?”

But to my question, he clearly shook his head.

“No. I don’t think so.”

“… Why?”

“I think our world should be complete in our world alone.”

“What do you mean?”

He paused for a time, carefully choosing his words, then exhaled his cigarette smoke and began to speak.

“All along, I’ve been doing research that assumes that there are multiple universes, and I’ve thought a lot about what would happen if we could travel back and forth between parallel worlds and this world. And in the end, I thought, even if we could do such a thing, people wouldn’t be roguish.”

Then he stuffed his hands into his pockets and took another deep inhale.

“… My mother lived to see the end, even though her body was no longer able to move or her brain was no longer functioning properly. I don’t want to pretend that all that hard work didn’t happen. I don’t think the idea that if something inconvenient happens, you go to a world where it didn’t happen is quite right. I mean, as I have lived in this era, because ethics also change with the times.”

“… That’s right. Somehow, I get it.”

“—Now then. I have to go back. I still have a future meeting. Thanks for coming all the way out here. Also in the lab.”

I bowed to Sensei as he went back to the funeral house and I headed home. Unaccustomed leather shoes made unfamiliar, hard footsteps echo beneath my feet.

◇

Even when I feel like stopping, time in this world doesn’t stop. As long as we are alive, one practical problem after another will confront us.

Yuuko went to a middle school for an educational internship soon after her grandmother passed away. Her initial preference is to teach elementary school, but she also intends to obtain a middle school teaching license in order to widen her alternatives. She had gone to an elementary school before, when she was in her third year of university, but she appeared to be fatigued from training in an unfamiliar environment, and she was not in good spirits when I met her on a holiday. When she played the piano for me at the music store we went to together, that “The Flea Waltz” did not have as much energy as before.

I took the graduate school admission exam in August. Students who come from on-campus are excused from departmental exams if they achieve specific performance criteria. Because both Kobayashi-san and I fulfilled that criteria, the examination was purely based on oral statements. So, unless I made a massive blunder, I would never fail, but this also puts a lot of pressure on me. My seniors, Kobayashi-san, who was also taking the graduate school exam, as well as Sensei and Yuuko, would think I was a moron if I failed.

During that time, Yuuko also took the Tokyo elementary school teacher recruitment examination. It had been five years since we had met in the early summer of my eighteenth year. I was at a crossroads in my life at the time, about to start university, but the time had come again. I’m going to graduate school. Yuuko is also working hard to realize her goal of becoming a school teacher, as she has always said she would.

Our 22nd summer flew by in a blur of activity. Before this summer, there was no trace of the ennui I had experienced throughout the long university summer holidays. We were hardly playing together since we each had our own future in life to occupy our time. As a result, I was able to gain admission to graduate school in one shot. Kobayashi and other seniors advancing from the master’s to doctorate programs were also accepted. It was only normal for me to be accepted as an internal student, but after the announcement, the seniors in my laboratory arranged a party at a neighboring tavern to congratulate the students who had chosen to continue their study. In addition, Asano, had obtained a job offer from a large manufacturer that handles everything from optical elements to medical equipment prior to the summer.

On the weekend, around six o’clock, we all went straight from the lab to a tavern at the nearest station to campus. It is a restaurant frequented by students from our university, and while it is not particularly clean, it has a large number of young customers and is extremely vibrant. We sat at the far end of the room, in a tiny restaurant, with two enormous tables placed side by side. Handmade menu descriptions were taped on an adjacent wall, and they were somewhat yellowed from grease fumes.

“Congratulations to everyone who has decided on a career path!”

Nakajima-senpai, the secretary, said when the drinks we ordered had been served. We toasted each other and thanked each other. I sat next to Asano and drank a beer, which I had only recently discovered the taste of, while Kobayashi-san drank a blackcurrant orange with a senior named Matsumoto-san (she was tall, always wore glasses, tied her hair in one piece with a scrunchie, and had a mature look), who was also a woman in her first year of the doctoral program. Even in a research laboratory with many serious people, once the alcohol started flowing, it was no different from any other student drinking party, and the constant conversation, mingled with laughter, continued on and on and on.

The drinking party was attended by all 10 of the lab’s student members. Kobayashi-san and Matsumoto-senpai, two generally serious females, were eating ham and cheese, drinking beer, and laughing. We stayed at that bar for two hours before walking back to the laboratory in the evening streets. We were hesitant to go after having such a good time, and after packing our things, we all lingered in the lab for a while, talking late into the night.

Around nine o’clock, two girls were the first to leave, saying that it was time to go home. A little later, I, along with Asano, thanked the seniors who had given us more money and left the laboratory.

◇

Summer ended about a month later, and the second semester began. Members of the Fukuhara Lab came to the laboratory to do their own research whether it was summer vacation or not, so my life did not change, but when classes resumed and the first and second-year students returned, the calm campus came alive again. The trees that had been green in the spring and summer began to turn yellow and reddish brown, and when the wind blew, fluttering dead leaves began to dance in the air.

I was dressed comfortably in jeans and a hoodie, not very stylish but comfortable, and spent every day from morning to night sipping coffee to wake up from sleep and conducting experiments and computer simulations. Everyone in Fukuhara Lab dresses comfortably, even female students like Kobayashi-san and Matsumoto-senpai. Wearing trendy clothes while sitting at a desk for lengthy periods of time or doing research made my shoulders tight. Our research was going well, and if we kept working at this rate, we’d have all the information we needed to write our thesis by the middle of November.

And, because our university mandates students to be allocated to a laboratory by the second semester of their third year, the Fukuhara Lab was assigned to three third-year juniors. We fourth-year students answered their questions and advised them on which papers and books they should study before the round lectures, since it was typical for one senior to look after them until they became accustomed to the lab.

One day during this period, I received a phone call from Yuuko. I’d just exited the lab and was making my way toward the campus’s main entrance/exit.

“Yes. What happened?”

When I picked up the phone, I heard Yuuko’s deliberate laugh, as if she was trying to be pretentious.

“Did something good happen?”

When I asked her that, she immediately replied with a happy “Yes.”

“What?”

“What do you think it is?”

“I don’t know. Tell me.”

“Well then,” Yuuko replied after a mischievous pause.

“I passed the elementary school teacher employment exam!”

When I heard this, my excitement soared and I said, “Congrats!” and returned the congratulations.

“That’s great, even though I hear it’s difficult.”

“Yes. I was lucky.”

“Because you worked so hard.”

When I said this, she looked embarrassed and laughed ehehe.

“It remains to be determined which school I will be assigned to, though. At any rate, I, too, have taken a step forward in my career path.”

“Let’s celebrate next time. Let me know later when you’re available.”

“Yes, I know. —Where are you right now?”

“On the way home from university. I’m currently on my way to the station.”

“I see. Well, I’ll hang up for now.”

“Okay. Really, I’m glad you were able to pass. Congrats.”

“Thank you,” Yuuko said, and hung up the phone.

On my way home, I walked alone, then entered the station closest to the university, joined the crowd, and waited for the train. A warm sensation flooded my chest as I thought Yuuko was about to accomplish her old dream. When I was in elementary school, I had a young, beautiful teacher. The teacher was popular with both boys and girls since she was in tune with our senses and was well-versed in current games and music topics. Yuuko is going to be that type of teacher. I, too, hoped to see her in the near future. At the same time, I wanted to get a job and be self-sufficient as soon as possible.

I never regretted my decision to go graduate school, but when I imagined Yuuko teaching at an elementary school, I felt impatient, as if I were falling behind the majority of people my age who were finding employment after graduating from college throughout the world.

In the midst of the crowd, I let out a little breath. All I have to do now is be a good enough researcher to make up for the years of delay. Like Fukuhara-sensei. With this in mind, I was able to overcome the frustration and sense of inadequacy that had begun to develop inside me. An announcement was made, a noise was heard, and a train pulled onto the platform. I stood at the doorway, looking out the window at the night sight.

◇