Stranger

***

The phone was the same model, but it wasn’t mine. The saved numbers of Yeon Woojeong, Seo Jihee, and the convenience store owner remained, and Yoo Seonah’s number was added, but there was no record of any calls or texts. It felt somewhat different to say it was only deleted, so I searched how to find the number of this phone and found it. It wasn’t the same number.

Who has my old phone? Don’t tell me it’s Yeon Woojeong. Wouldn’t he give it to me if it’s with him? I guess it’s still not the time to give it back. Then when can I get it back?

The man will call that number. He will come here if I don’t answer it. Will he come here and make a fuss? It’ll be his loss if he makes a fuss in front of the officetel. And if only he doesn’t meet Yeon Woojeong…

My mind was a mess because I didn’t sleep well. Yeon Woojeong didn’t come back after leaving like that yesterday, and I stayed alone in the living room.

The bell rang while I was having a headache. I flinched in surprise, then I walked to the intercom. Yoo Seonah’s face was on the screen. She came up as soon as I opened the door.

“Good morning.”

“Morning. It’s only been a day, but you’re doing good, right?”

She walked inside and looked around. I realized that this was the first time a guest entered this house if I ruled out that day, which I didn’t want to think about. I felt weird. She was someone who helped me, and I felt grateful to her, but I felt it was better to meet outside. 

“It’s a neat house. It just feels like Senior’s house, but it also feels this is unexpected of him.”

“In what sense?”

“It’s just, I thought it would be like this, but I also thought it wouldn’t be like this. He’s someone unpredictable after all.”

“Do you mean Mr. Yeon?”

“Yes. Senior Yeon was popular. Everyone said they’re close to him, but no one knows how he is doing.”

Yoo Seonah winked her eyes playfully. After letting her sit on the sofa, I sat on the floor across from her because it felt weird to sit next to her.

In the midst of this, I was curious about what kind of senior and what kind of student he was. I scratched the floor with my finger, then I asked.

“Were you close with Mr. Yeon?”

“No. I thought we weren’t close. That’s why I was surprised when he contacted me.”

Why did Yeon Woojeong ask for help from this person, whom he wasn’t close to? He must have done that because he could trust her. Someone who’s trusted by Yeon Woojeong. I genuinely envied her.

“Did Senior Yeon scold you? You don’t look good.”

“… No.”

“Really? You need to get a little scolding though.”

Yoo Seonah wrinkled her nose and laughed. It would be better if Yeon Woojeong scolded me. I stared at her and asked.

“Would you like some water?”

“I would be thankful if you give me some. Take some for you as well. You’ll need it to talk a lot.”

I took out two cups and poured water. After taking a sip, Yoo Seonah took out something from her bag and put it on the table. It was like a recorder.

“Well. I want to tell you two things before we start. Let’s stop whenever it’s hard for you to speak. We can stop if you feel so angry, sad, or ashamed.”

It felt strange that Yeon Woojeong and this person asked something like this. I wasn’t such a fragile little kid.

“I don’t feel anything though.”

“Erm…”

Yoo Seonah looked around, opened her mouth, then let out a sigh while smiling.

“Although you don’t feel anything right now, you can suddenly feel it later. Don’t just think that you don’t feel anything, but try to listen.”

Looking at Yoo Seonah who touched the recorder after pointing her finger to my chest, I recalled Yeon Woojeong’s words that he was asking about my feelings. She then asked me the questions. It wasn’t hard to explain what happened that day. I explained what I had explained, but in more detail. While talking, I tried to listen to the sounds from my heart. It didn’t let out any sounds.

I felt dirty and I wanted to beat them all up, but it was only an emotion of the moment. What should I call it? Those kinds of people were just… They couldn’t leave any trace on me. It was rather Yeon Woojeong’s last question that kept wandering inside my head.

What should I do if I want to protect the things I want to protect? I kept thinking about it.

Time moved and finally, the recorder was turned off. Yoo Seonah emptied the cup.

“Truthfully, the punishment might not be as cool as you expect. But still, considering the location of the crime, this will be taken into account.”

“Yes.”

“Good job.”

“Erm, do you know when I can get my money back?”

“Money? Aha. Erm, there are procedures, and since this case is still under investigation… I can’t say for sure when that will be.”

“Yes.”

Yoo Seonah tidied up and got up. I followed her to the front door, waiting for her to leave, but then she looked back at me after wearing her shoes.

“I’m going to eat with Senior Yeon later. Will you also join us?”

“… No. I, will stay at home.”

“I see. I’ll contact you if there’s anything you need to know.”

I checked the time after she left. It was close to dinner time. Yeon Woojeong might have messaged me to eat together.

I was thinking of having dinner once Yoo Seonah left, but I put off dinner, wandering around the living room. Yet there was no message even though it was already past 8. I also thought of waiting a bit longer, but I felt he wouldn’t call me. He was only having dinner with an attorney. There was no reason to call me. It was bitter inside my mouth.

There were remaining side dishes he bought yesterday. After finishing my dinner, I brushed my teeth, then sat on the sofa.

I looked at the time. It will be tomorrow. The time I promised the man. It was hard to believe that a lot of time had passed without me doing anything. 

I turned my head to look up at the second floor. The money I withdrew from my bank account and the money I had been saving remained in the bag. At least that…

I clenched my fists tight, then I looked down at my toes. Yeon Woojeong asked me to not go out. I will likely get beaten even if I bring the man that money. The man will come here, but he can’t easily get inside, and even if he makes a fuss, he will get taken to a police station. And Yeon Woojeong… Yeon Woojeong will get in through the basement parking lot, so even if the man stands in front of the officetel, he won’t think of him as my father. If I stay here quietly, he won’t find me no matter what. But it will only last for one or two days…

I shook my head. The important thing, for now, is to repair my relationship with Yeon Woojeong. It is shameless, but I have to ask him to move quickly.

He will surely go home today, won’t he? I looked at the watch anxiously, but I couldn’t bring myself to call him. The elongated relation revealed its distance quite easily. As though laughing at all the time I’ve put in. 

***

When I woke up from a light sleep, the sun was already high in the sky. With my face shoved into the pillow, I took a deep breath. I couldn’t smell Yeon Woojeong. The empty room felt like it didn’t belong to anyone.

I checked my phone, but there was no contact. I slipped out of bed and went to the living room. I opened the window and stuck my head out just a bit. There was no one outside the officetel. 

He would usually text me if he couldn’t get home. He was obviously busy with his work, but there was no way he had no time to type something at all. I came to think that he was likely avoiding me.

As time passed, I got angry, sad, and… if this was shameful, then I guess it was. I knew it wasn’t my place to nitpick on Yeon Woojeong when I got caught going to a place like that without telling him, but at least I was here. He wasn’t.

My hands could grasp nothing. Every few minutes, I would stick my head out the window and look down at the entrance to the officetel. Anxiety, anxiety, and anxiety. That was the emotion I felt at this moment. While I pondered whether to call Yeon Woojeong or not, I wasted the time away blankly.

It didn’t matter to me as long as other people’s gazes or feelings didn’t give any effect on me. I didn’t care what they thought of me, and it would be better if they didn’t think anything about me at all. But it was different with Yeon Woojeong. I wanted to know even the most trivial thought in his head.

… Does Yeon Woojeong think the same? He wants to know everything about me, but I don’t let him.

I chewed on my lips. Was he also nervous and anxious and feeling dirty? I hoped Yeon Woojeong didn’t feel the same dark emotions as me.

Now I couldn’t go to the Prosecutor’s Office blindly. No one should know that we lived together and that we weren’t just acquaintances.

Rubbing my cheek, I stood up and walked to the kitchen. I didn’t want Yeon Woojeong to know that I spent the day like this without eating. Even though I had shown him even the side of me that I didn’t want him to know, I shouldn’t be more screwed up than this.