Stranger

Eventually, the bus arrived at the terminal and stopped at its bay. The terminal was quiet at dawn. I left the terminal and looked around. I knew there was a late-night bus, but I didn’t have time to wait or look for it. I immediately jumped into a taxi on the side of the road. 

“Good morning.”

I told the driver the officetel address and squeezed my hands. A familiar scenery gradually showed before me. A pop song was playing on the radio. A soft voice chanted “love” over and over again. My heart beat heavily the closer I got to the officetel. Mirroring that beat, I tapped the back of my hands with my interlocked fingers.

The taxi hit a red light when the officetel was just around the corner. I looked up at the officetel through the window, and when I turned my eyes to the entrance, I gasped as I found a man smoking.

“Here, you can drop me off here.”

“Here?”

I took the money out of my pocket, handed it to the taxi driver, and got out of the taxi. The next thing I did was run. The head of the man turned to me as he blew out the smoke while the cigarette stayed on his lips. His movements stopped. And I stopped, leaving a distance of two steps.

It was just the two of us on the street, and the sparse streetlights softly lit our surroundings. Amidst that was only the sound of my breathing.

The cigarette burned out, and we stared at each other in silence. Not long after, Yeon Woojeong’s lips parted slowly.

“Did you have fun running away from home?”

A cold voice. Sounded as if he was tired. Something raged inside me.

I felt that I had a lot to say, but everything turned blank. Only one thing was clear. Yeon Woojeong is in front of me. This is real.

“Mr. Yeon. I didn’t mean to leave you alone. Never…”

Everything was just poor excuses, no matter what I said. Looking at me, Yeon Woojeong raised up his other hand that was holding a portable ashtray. The ashtray was so full of cigarettes that the lid couldn’t be closed. Yeon Woojeong clicked his tongue faintly and shoved the cigarette inside.

His gaze turned back to me. A white, pale face illuminated by the light of a street lamp. I thought as I looked at him. Honestly, what terrified me more was, honestly, the view I had to see without him.

I gasped and confessed something I thought I’d keep hidden until the end. 

“I, sometimes, dreamt of killing you. I also have imagined it.”

It felt empty inside after saying it. The flat voice didn’t sound like mine. Yeon Woojeong, gazing at my two eyes, slanted up one of his lips corners.

“That’s good. I also really wanted to kill you.”

I wasn’t taken aback by the condemning attitude. If anything, it seemed to relax me. I repeatedly clenched and relaxed my fingers, then I opened my mouth again.

“And I, to tell you the truth, when I lived in Lee Sugeol’s facility, I lived by pickpocketing.”

“What kind of justice are you looking for in a bastard who was aroused for a boy who just came of age?”

He asked in an irritated tone. I dropped my head. Maybe it wasn’t that I didn’t trust myself, it was that I didn’t trust him. In that way, in the name of protecting him, I was actually trapping myself. 

I looked up.

“I went to Suncheon, and I regretted it as soon as I got there. But I thought it couldn’t be helped. Because I shouldn’t be by your side.”

The air and atmosphere, the feelings I felt when I arrived in that unfamiliar neighborhood couldn’t be easily explained. I was at a loss, but couldn’t stop because the road ahead was still long.

“I thought my life had failed. Always. But, when I went to the field of reeds, I only recalled the good things with you. I like everything I do with you. I wanted to see the view I saw with you. I really wanted to show it to you.”

“…”

“And there was a car center there, and it was called Woojeong Car Center.”

I laughed. Yeon Woojeong’s eyes at me somehow softened.

“So I imagined that someday, I’ll be an owner of a car center with the same name as that one… I really liked it. I’m fixing your car. So my life doesn’t seem to be a failure.”

I got choked up. I always made the wrong choice, failed, and regretted it. This time was no different. I left without saying anything to Yeon Woojeong and hurt him.

“What hasn’t changed is…”

The desire, something beyond a desire, everything that made me who I am at this moment was about to burst out of my mouth. I had denied it indifferently, but I eventually spat out what had been blocking my throat.

“I want to be by your side.”

I grabbed Yeon Woojeong’s hand. I unfolded his fingers and looked at the single line of a wound on his palm. The tip of my finger caressed the wound. My palm numbed.

“Don’t you think I’m scary?”

“…”

“I hurt you. Yet I want to stay by your side. Isn’t that strange? Is this normal? If I…”

I shut my eyes tight and opened them back. Now, that will never happen again. I won’t let such a thing happen again.

Yeon Woojeong pulled his hand out of mine. Then he held his palm in plain view. 

“You know the answer. That must be why you come back.”

“…”

“Look at you who tried to leave a scar that will last forever over a wound that will heal in a week.”

He then pointed to my chest with his finger.

“Kim Jiho. You also have to take responsibility for your heart.”

The area where he touched pulsed heavily. My fingers trembled. I grabbed Yeon Woojeong’s fingers, then I brought my forehead to the back of his hand. Letting out a hot breath and holding his hand tight, I raised my head again.

“I will go quickly to where you are. Give me a chance. Watch me too. I’m sorry for leaving you alone.”

Now I had told him everything, nothing was omitted. The only thing left was to build everything from the start again. I had to climb up my ground. Because I didn’t want Yeon Woojeong to fall into an endless pit if he were to protect my ground.

Yeon Woojeong stared at me, giving no reply, then he pushed his fingers between mine. He turned around. I massaged my eyes, which were turning hot, and followed him.

He went down to the underground parking lot, not home. He climbed into the driver’s seat. I stood outside for a while, then I got into the passenger’s seat.

“Where are we going?”

“You said you want to see it.”

“Huh?”

“You said you want to see it with me. Let’s go.”

At this time? Yeon Woojeong started the car without waiting for my answer. He looked tired, making me worried if he could drive for that long.

“We can go later.”

Yeon Woojeong ignored me. I did something wrong, so it was hard to say anything more.

The car, which was driving on the open road without any traffic, entered the highway. The highway at dawn gave a somber impression. I gave a side glance at Yeon Woojeong, then I opened my mouth.

I talked about the books for the GED I saw at the bookstore. About the institute I heard from the car center’s boss. The trivial views I saw at Suncheon. The promise to eat with Seo Jihee. The picture she saw in France.

I talked endlessly because driving at dawn could make people drowsy and dangerous. When I finished telling one story, I told another. I, who was not good at talking, had to think of the next topic before I finished the story. So sometimes, I would speak gibberish or say weird things. 

Yeon Woojeong didn’t reply, but he also didn’t tell me to stop. My throat hurt as I kept talking. I started to run out of things to talk about, and the silences in between gradually got longer. 

When I looked out the window by chance, I saw the sun peeking through the dark sky. It was quiet in the car, and there were only a few cars passing us. It felt like we borrowed this road.

A road sign came into view. The car exited the highway and entered a local road. My throat ached. 

I felt like I had said everything I would ever say in my life today. I examined Yeon Woojeong’s face. He drove without stopping, but he didn’t look particularly sleepy or tired. While the car stopped as we hit the red light, Yeon Woojeong, who only looked ahead, turned to his left. I also followed him to look outside the window.

There was a hotel. I looked between Yeon Woojeong and the building alternately. The car moved again as the light turned green. The hotel was getting farther away. I thought we were just going to pass by, but he moved the car over into the left lane and made a U-turn. 

The car pulled into the hotel. Although he didn’t show it, he must be tired. I also stayed up all night, so my eyes were heavy.