Survive As The Brute's Wife

Felixa had an idea what happened for this is not the first time this has happened. She could guess that she is going to be in memory of her past life and she opened her eyes hoping for new memories.

She saw the sky with a million stars above her head and her back was pressed on something hard. Her nose was stuffy and her clothes were rough and thick. She heard the chatters of hundreds of men and drunken songs at the distance, and there was a man on top of her, kissing her neck.

She didn't feel irked or discomforted but at the same time, she didn't feel good either. She was shocked. Her heart was pounding out of surprise as an unexpected thing happened.

After all, that was the first time she was kissed and the one kissing her is...

The man kissing her pulled back and even in that dim light she could see his features clearly. He is the man she knew all her life, after all.

[Tubby? Tubby kissed me..? Why?]

She placed her hand on his cheek and she saw his hooded eyes widening out of shock.

"Tub-"

She gasped as she felt the soft bed under her back. She is holding Max's cheek.  She stopped herself from calling out the name she keeps in her heart out loud in front of the heir of Luke.

But she saw Maximus widening his eyes. She pressed her lips and as she wondered what she should do next, she saw Max covering his face with the back of his hand. His jaws were clenched and his ears turned red.

[Is he mad? Did he know that I was about to call Tubby?]

The next thing he did was to softy cover her eyes with his hands. She closed her eyes reflexively.

"Sleep," he said and plopped on the bed. With her back facing her, he rubbed his hands that had turned chilly.

«Was she going to say 'Tubby'? Should I ask her?»

When Felixa opened her eyes, she was graced with the view of the impeccable back of her husband who has trouble expressing his thoughts.

Not wanting to disturb him, she stared at the ceiling. She has her own problems to think about after all.

When we are overwhelmed with struggles of our own, we often tend to ignore to consider the feelings of others. Although we aren't actively ignoring the other person who might be in need of counsel and comfort, we passively ignore them when they don't express their feelings openly and ask for help. It is human nature and both sides will have their reasons.

Felixa turned to her side and looked out the window. She remembered when that particular memory happened. It was after the end of the war and after Luke was coronated as the King. He didn't ask her for the ball and on coronation day she and Tubby knelt before him and made an oath to serve King Adonis Lukyan till their last breath.

She had ripples of doubts in her heart as she felt that Luke is distancing himself from her after they swore the oath. She remembered his promise of making her his queen but does he?

Tubby was sure that Luke won't marry her because in his opinion Luke didn't need her anymore. Ever since the war ended, Tubby was acting differently. They were together all their life amicably but lately, all they did was fight, and that too because Tubby only talked negatively about Luke.

Tubby stopped meeting her after one big fight.

She wanted to trust Luke and she wondered if she is getting influenced by Tubby's negative words. That evening she went to the garden to talk to Luke to learn where Luke stands. She wanted to mend the relationship between Tubby and her. She missed him greatly. He was with her all the time and his absence created an abyss in her heart.

She wanted to tell Tubby that he need not worry for her. She wanted to be close with him like always. For that, the issue between Luke and her must be cleared first.

But what awaited her in the garden was heartbreak.

It was there she saw Luke kissing a noble lady from a prominent family. He was chuckling and that woman was giggling. At one point, she was sure Luke noticed her, but he proceeded with kissing that woman and led her away.

She, who has never seen such intimate moments between a man and a woman before, was stunned. She could feel it in her heart that Luke won't give her the status he promised. She remembered feeling disoriented and nauseated. She didn't confront Luke and went to a tavern to drink.

After getting drunk, she climbed to the roof and lied on her back staring at the sky blankly. Tears pooled in her eyes and she didn't want to let them out. Knowing that Luke cheated on her made her heart break.

Everything she did was for Luke, she did it for getting his heart. But if he is not willing to give it to her, then she is not going to beg him for it She is not that lowly a person to beg for this. Tubby was right, as always.

But it hurt.

She closed her eyes holding back her tears. When she opened them hearing someone approaching, she saw Tubby bending over her face.  She told him to get lost thinking that he is here to gloat.

'It's good that you found out now, coxcomb…' he said. 'You should be grateful.'

She didn't know his words would be that gentle.

'Tubby!' she hugged him around his neck and all the tears she held back till then started flowing like the floodgates of a dam are opened. 

'It hurts… My heart hurts…'

Tubby stayed on top of her, in her embrace, the whole time she cried.

'Don't cry for him, coxcomb. He doesn't deserve you…' he said placing his warm hand on her forehead fixing the fringes that fell in her eyes.

'Tubby…' she sniffed and more tears fell from her eyes.

'That's more than enough tears for him,' he said and he looked angry as he straddled on her.

She pressed her lips trying to control her tears but she still couldn't stop her tears. Interlocking his fingers with hers, he pinned her hand over her head.

'Tubby…' she sniffed. 'It hurts… Make it stop…'

She saw his eyes turning serious under the starlight.

'Don't cry, coxcomb…' he kissed her forehead. 'I am here, aren't I?'

She remembered nodding her head and although her tears didn't dry up entirely, they reduced. But Tubby didn't get away and she remembered him turning warm. His soft lips traced over her forehead to her eyes and he softly kissed her eyes, then he kissed the tip of her nose, and then her cheeks.

She was too stunned. She wouldn't say she disliked what he was doing. Because if she did, she could have pushed him away.

But she didn't.

'I am here,' he said meeting her eyes and she gulped sensing that his words are carrying the weight of his motions and should be taken seriously and not lightly.

His warm breath fell on her lips and that was followed by his soft lips. He tasted like pears. He loved pears and she thought at that moment that he ate a pear before meeting her.

It was just a little kiss, with his lips pressing on hers. And then he started to spread his kisses to her neck, his interlocked fingers tightening around her fingers. And she looked at the sky, still stunned.

'Tubby,' she called him as he stared at her as if he realized what he had done only then. Before she could say another word, he got up covering his face with his hand, and jumped down from the roof.

She sat up and looked down at him and he looked above. The night wind ruffled her hair and in the starlight, she couldn't see his face. She fixed her hair behind her ear and before that she saw him running towards the woods.

'I… I'm… I am sorry…'

He said and ran away. She tried to find him after that but she couldn't.

Thinking about that, Felixa fell asleep.

Maximus turned and looked at her. Properly tucking her in the blanket, he smiled. Little by little, she is getting closer to him and that is enough for him to be happy.

«I wish you could become how you used to be pretty soon…»

He placed a kiss on her forehead. Scooting closer to her, he watched her falling asleep. He trailed his finger along the little hairs sticking to her forehead.

«Do you remember me? Why aren't you remembering me? I waited so long for you… You were never the traitor… Please don't say that word again. Oh, how I wish I could speak my mind to you… Oh, how I wish you call me by the name you used to call me… Not his name, but mine… My name… Will you… dear..?»

He closed his eyes and before he knew it, he fell asleep.