Surviving a Shounen Manga

The Final Round (1)

The Tangur Basin[1].

A basin located at the base of the Golan Mountain, not far from the imperial capital Barantor, the so-called ‘Warriors’ Land’.

About two hundred years ago, it’d been decided that the people should be able to directly spectate the birth of the warrior, and this place had been officially designated as the final battlefield of the Warrior’s Path.

As the entrance was about to come into view, I quietly asked the princess next to me –

“So… now we’re going to have to fight once we enter that basin, yeah? And the spectators who followed us here, who climbed to the feet of the surrounding mountains, are all here to watch the battle. Right? Also, now the peak occupants and their subordinates are divided into three camps. I’m the only one who’s alone, but you’ve got 125 followers, and that guy called Mong has 753 men with him, hmm? If we’re talking pure numbers, I’m in the worst position. Right, Princess?”

Then,

“… What are you doing?”

The princess looked at me like I was crazy for some reason.

The bewildered expression on her face was a bonus.

“Umm, no, I just… wanted to confirm the situation.”

Of course, the princess’ reaction was completely understandable. I was well aware that my behaviour wasn’t much different from mental patients with severe OCD.

So I could only scratch my head and slowly avoid the princess’ eyes.

“Do you know how many times this is…? No, why do you keep trying to get me to confirm everything you already know?”

Of course it wasn’t because I had obsessive-compulsive disorder.

And as the princess said, I already knew and understood all this.

But I couldn’t help it.

“Yeah…”

Some people indeed needed these detailed explanations.

Because we had to tell the countless readers watching intently from outside the world, what we were going to do from now on. We needed to be careful about it so that they could properly understand the rules of this round and immerse themselves in the situation.

Strangely, no such explanation had at all been forthcoming during the whole starting ceremony. Exactly what the final obstacle in the ‘war of conquest’ meant, how it would proceed, what were the historical records, nothing.

There was just a lot of babbling about giving out a useless rank of imperial general, or something.

To be honest, it was uncomfortable for me too. Suddenly I had to play Mr. Exposition? Who did they take me for, Speedwagon[2]?!

This author didn’t have the habit of providing expository information in separate pages, so it was inevitable.

Why did it feel like along with the leading point of view of the chapter, I also got saddled with the job of taking care of every little detail?

That was then.

“Hey, you seem weirdly anxious… to be honest, that expression doesn’t suit you at all. Fine, I’ll confirm one last time.”

“Oh… really?”

The princess took a deep breath and thankfully took on the role of the infodumper.

“We really are going to be fighting in that basin over there, yeah. In the name of conquering the whole basin, we’ll fight until only one faction remains. Of course, it’s also possible to admit defeat and withdraw midway. But that happens very rarely, most would rather die. This isn’t just a matter of honour; somebody who surrenders while still having fighting strength will never be able to retake the Warrior’s Path ever again. So, I don’t know about the subordinates, but the peak occupants getting defeated without a scratch… well, it’s rare.”

Then the princess stopped talking and stared at me for a while. Somehow it felt like she was psyching herself up for a fight with me.

“What’s with that look? You’re scaring me.”

“… Hmph. Anyway, other than that, there’re no other rules. Just go in, go to the designated camp, take your position, and fight.”

“How long does the whole thing take, on average?”

“It’s different every time. As far as I know, there were times when it only took one day, and there were times when it lasted close to two months. That’s why the audience over there also brought their luggage and food.”

“What? Two months? How does that make sense?”

It sounded absurd. This was also my first time hearing this.

If this had been a normal group war, I wouldn’t have been so surprised. Whether you’re digging a tunnel or making a fort to withstand a siege… as long as you have a place to sleep and enough supplies, you can keep fighting for a year or two.

The problem was that we had no food with us at all.

“Then what would you eat in the meantime?”

At my question, the princess stiffened.

“… What do you think?”

She then told me something so atrocious that I could never have expected it, least of all from a shounen manga!

You eat everything you can eat.

Horses, corpses of your comrades, and more.

“… Huff.”

I glanced at the majestic basin that stretched out in front of me. A bloody smell somehow seemed to waft up.

“Two months… it must’ve been terrible.”

“Probably. I don’t know either. Not like I saw it with my own eyes.”

“Anyway, the audience must’ve been quite critical. They must’ve been bored to death.”

But the answer I got back was the exact opposite.

“Not at all. Rather, everyone respected the victor all the more – because they could all see how firm was his will, how high his pride, and how strong his fighting spirit as a warrior. He’s the warrior I’m the biggest fan of, too.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“It’s someone you already know. And soon, you’ll get to know him better.”

“… Eh?”

Following the princess’ gaze, I turned my eyes to a place.

There, stood a bear-like man who somehow gave off a good-natured impression.

Mong.

“They say he used to be very short and skinny. But he later purposefully gained weight, in order to not forget all the colleagues who’d once stood with him. Not only that, it’s said that his unique ability also expresses itself in a similar way, perhaps because of that same experience.”

“Hey…”

So now, the most famous and beloved participant the Warrior’s Path had ever produced, was standing in my way as an enemy.

“Wait a minute, are we the baddies here? Aren’t our numbers too small for that?”

“Don’t you already look like one? And I’m sorry, but…”

The princess gently turned around.

“From here on out, we’re not on the same side.”

“Hey, um…”

That was then.

– From now on, let’s start the ‘war of conquest’, the ultimate round of the Warrior’s Path! All peak occupants and their subordinates, please spread out to your designated camps. After that, once everybody’s in position, you can start the battle without waiting for another signal. Finally, good luck!

The organizers, who’d mixed into the crowd of spectators, came out with an announcement, and –

“Oooh!”

“Good luck!”

“General, sweep them all away!”

Thus, the final round, the ‘war of conquest’, began.

Although they called it a camp, all they gave me was a small tent that’d been set up in an empty lot.

It looked like a hovel from outside, so shabby that I felt breathless at the sight.

Dirty, dilapidated, and even tattered.

“Hmph.”

Still, I wondered if the inside would be any different, so I stuck my head in.

… As expected.

The smell of musty earth filled my nostrils, as if the tent had been freshly dug out from some warehouse where it’d been buried under the ground. Also, there were a lot of splotches stuck to the tent cloth here and there, and I couldn’t tell if they were dirt, animal dung, or rotten pieces of leftover food.

It wasn’t that I’d never seen such a filthy tent during my army days, but just because I had prior experience with something didn’t mean I’d want to experience it again. On the contrary, such experiences often remained with you as a traumatic memory.

It was the same with me.

“Hey, I’m really going to die, here.”

Quickly getting out of the tent, I slumped down on the ground. I was much more comfortable here.

Then, I started to mentally organize what I had to show in this chapter, and what goals I had to aim for.

Well, it wasn’t complicated at all.

Because ultimately there were only two things that I had to achieve in this ‘war of conquest’.

First, to show off.

Second, to hype the princess up.

Now all I have to do was get both of these things done at the same time.

And in fact, that wasn’t too complicated to manage. Although there might be some difficulties in the process of implementation.

Simple. Me and the princess’ camp would work together to defeat Mong’s camp.

However, the important part here was how we shared the credit.

I wasn’t here to take the lead and defeat Mong. Rather, I had to handle his over seven hundred subordinates.

Mong belonged to the princess.

There was no complex reason for this.

All I needed was a punching bag that I could go wild on, whereas the princess needed a ‘person with symbolic significance’ who could help her solidify her position in the empire in the future.

By the time I was done sorting it out,

Clip-clop! Clip-clop!

Clip-clop! Clip-clop!

In the distance, the sound of horseshoes began to ring.

I turned to the source of the sound.

And then –

‘Ah, this is tough.’

I sighed as I watched the group of people running towards me.

The very person with that symbolic significance, Mong, was coming straight at me, with a small army at his back.

After a while,

“Hey!”

Mong and his men stopped in front of my camp.

Looking at the atmosphere, it didn’t seem like he had come for reconnaissance or the like.

Sheesh. It’d only been twenty minutes since the war of conquest began.

“Squatjaw. I’m here to crush you.”

He took the initiative and launched the first attack on me.

…

Now what should I do?

After thinking for a while, I decided to try holding a conversation first.

“Uh… why didn’t you go there?”

“Why should I answer you?”

“I’m just curious… There are still over a hundred people there, so why come to me first?”

I said, pointing towards the princess’ camp.

“The main group is finishing up their formation, then they’ll start storming that place. The attack will begin soon.”

“So, what I mean is, why did you, the captain, came here for me… Rather, I’m all by myself, so why are you in such a hurry to deal with me? Can’t you take it slow?”

The bastard smiled and replied indifferently.

“Is there any point in keeping one annoying mosquito alive for so long? It’s better to just hunt it down quickly and then move on to the swarm of flies.”

Then he tacked on another sentence.

“Why, afraid?”

“Hah! Haha… hoo boy.”

For an instant, I’d reacted without meaning to. Contrary to his appearance, he was quite good at taunting people.

But –

“Hmmm… But, you have to think about the people who’ve come to this place to watch us all. What’s the fun of trying to end a war on the first day?”

Still, I had to stall him somehow.

The reason was simple. Because I was in a position where I could neither win nor lose to this guy.

In fact, it wasn’t for the princess’ sake that I had to leave this guy alone.

Instead, it was purely for my own sake.

The princess rising to the emperor’s position was a development that’d been present in the original that I knew, but that didn’t mean that it would unconditionally come to pass. Didn’t a lot of the middle already change due to my intervention? Who could guarantee that the ending would still be exactly the same?

In other words, what if I defeated this guy, who was the symbol of that empire? It meant that a very strange development could unfold – something that would leave me stuck forever in the Skull Empire.

So should I just lose?

Yeah, that was even more impossible. How disappointed would the readers be? It’d be better to just win and then run away instead.

Then,

“Then I’ll wait until you are ready.”

Whether he knew how I felt or not, the bear-like guy continued talking.

‘Haah…’

There was only one idea that came to mind right now.

1. Fight him, but keep stalling without overpowering him or being overpowered.

2. For how long? Until the princess fell into a crisis.

3. In the name of saving the princess, evacuate in a natural manner and immediately switch opponents.

The method was simple. But the question was, could I believably pull this off?

I glanced at Mong and his men.

‘Twenty people in total…’

It was a little unfortunate. It would’ve been easier to sell this if he’d brought more along.

“Are you all coming together?”

“Speaking for myself, I’d like to win a one-on-one bout, but I’m expecting the main unit to suffer some damage, so I’ll finish it as soon as possible.”

“You could’ve just kept it short and said yes.”

“Don’t be overconfident in your own strength. Do your best. I, will also do my best.”

And then –

“Whoo…”

His body suddenly began to glow brightly.

It was the same change that I’d briefly witnessed during the tug of war.

‘I’m sure he’s a transformation-type…’

The princess had mentioned that it was an ability similar to gaining weight, but it was impossible to guess the details from that alone.

‘I’m looking forward to it.’

I was enjoying this. Anyway, it was good for me if he took his sweet time.

But suddenly –

Oooooh!

Advance!

In beat with with certain voices raised in the distance, the ground vibrated slightly. The sound came from hundreds of horseshoes hitting the ground at once.

I glanced to the side where Mong’s camp was at.

“… Yeah.”

Should I be happy?

Apparently, this guy Mong was traumatized by the lengthy battles he’d faced here last time.

As if they were dead set on finishing everything by today, the main force of his subordinates was about to advance towards the princess’ camp.

That was then.

“Huh?”

Suddenly, the sky began to darken. The surroundings, which had been bright until a few seconds ago, turned dim.

It was an unexpected phenomenon.

“What?”

Then, while I was perplexed,

“Can you afford to look around like that? You don’t even seem worried about your own safety.”

Mong’s voice came.

But strangely, as if we were inside a cave, his voice was much louder and echoing than before.

I turned my head with a slightly puzzled feeling, and –

“Wow, is this your unique ability?”

I couldn’t help but gape a little.

There stood Mong, in the same place, except he’d now grown stunningly huge.

I wasn’t joking about his size. He was almost ten meters tall – enough that it became a little distracting.

[Giantization].

It seemed that this was Mong’s unique ability.

And at that moment,

‘… Jackpot!’

My lips unconsciously curved up at the corners.

I hadn’t expected this situation, sure. But this scene wasn’t bad.

It felt a little bit like I was a PD for a TV programme who found a scenic broadcasting spot. A sense of reassurance welled up in my heart that I could come up with good material to arouse the readers’ interest.

Soon after,

“Surround Squatjaw.”

The nineteen hangers-on, under Mong’s orders, began to loosely encircle me. It looked like they were blocking my escape route, but, well… it was a bit absurd. In the minds of these guys, was I really the type who did the running away, instead of the type that people did the running away from?

Mong nodded as he looked at me standing still in the middle.

“I heard that you have confidence in your strength.”

“Well, I’ve never lost.”

“Have you ever dealt with with Princess Thermis?”

“Yeah, we’ve messed around a bit.”

“…”

After a brief spell of silence, Mong continued.

“If you wish, you can try a contest of strength before we start fighting. I’ll give you a chance to exert all your power, so that you don’t regret it after it’s all over. As somebody who entered this exam without having the qualifications, this small apology and consideration is all that I can offer.”

Then he stabbed his right index finger into the air.

“If you can push back this finger even a little, I won’t take your life today.”

“… Haah.”

I scratched my head.

“What nonsense is this guy spouting…?”

Of course, it wasn’t that I couldn’t understand where his confidence came from. Abilities like [Giantization] usually came with a huge boost in strength. It varied, but the boost could range from tenfold to a thousandfold.

Besides, the area of ​​his index finger was half the size of my body.

But even so,

“Hey, do you know who I am?”

This crossed the line a bit.

I rested my right hand on his huge index finger.

Then,

“You must’ve thought I was going to push back with just one finger too, right? But I’m using my whole palm on purpose. It’s not because I don’t have enough strength, it’s because the contact area is so small that it’d stab clean through your finger otherwise.”

I started pushing slowly.

And then,

Creak–.

“Wh-, what…?”

The bastard’s index finger was pushed back in an instant.

Startled, he tried to stand his ground by exerting more strength, but it was all in vain. By that time, I’d already broken his finger at the joint.

“Eh, couldn’t you stand it for a few seconds before saying that? Isn’t this a bit too shabby?”

“… You… you’re a monster.”

He looked at me blankly for a moment.

“Alright. I won’t take your life today. By the way, I was genuinely curious about how much power you have. Would you like to let me test it once in earnest?”

Now he came with a proposal of full-contact wrestling.

It was crazy. With that size of his, won’t I be the one getting bogged down instead?

“Okay, if you want to show off your strength like that, I’ll call the right opponent for you. You brought your friends, so can I call some friends too, right?”

“… What? Friends?”

In the first place, I had no intention of having a direct confrontation with this guy. Well, although it might result in some flashy scenes, the moment we both went all in it’d become hard to cleanly withdraw.

Also, I had someone in mind, completely suitable to replace me.

I immediately activated a unique ability.

[Dance with Ghost Killer].

Soon after,

“Oh, where are we this time?”

“I got to appear after a long time!”

“The hell? Where did this giant come from!”

“You are the master! I am the ghost!”

⁝

Ghosts started pouring out.

Six, seven, eight, nine…

And finally, the ‘captain’ came out.

“Ummm… where is this?”

He still looked reliable, but for some reason he looked a little dwarfed compared to before.

Maybe it was because of the giant standing in front of him.

I immediately compared Captain and Mong.

‘One’s a little smaller?’

Obviously, it was the captain who was on the smaller side.

But, of course, it was to be expected.

I immediately summoned ten more.

“Eh? Where am I?”

“Nice to see you. Twelfth.”

“I’m out! I’m finally out!”

“Damn, what’s with that face? Why’s your jaw like that!”

⁝

What a mess.

A parade of twenty ghosts who looked exactly like me.

Also, two of them were quite large.

Now that even I was feeling like this, what about the other side?

Mong and his men were all wide agape, watching the spectacle.

“Gh-, ghost…”

“What are those…”

“S-, Squatjaw multiplied?”

It was Mong who came to his senses first.

“You, what… this ability wasn’t in the rumours.”

He was giving me a wary look.

“It’s natural that you don’t know, but these guys are the friends I was talking about. How does it feel? Is your heart pounding a little? Mine sure is.”

This was sincere. My heart was pounding quite a bit.

It was like sitting in a movie theatre, watching a kaiju movie, waiting for the giant monster to show up on screen.

This war of giants would definitely be worth watching.

However, Mong seemed to have a slightly different opinion.

“… With just these little ghosts? That’s not even funny.”

“Huh, so the ghosts are too small to make you excited… then how about we add a little more spice?”

I looked back at the two ghost captains and grinned.

“Our two captains can combine, you know?”

Editor’s Notes:

[1] Warriors’ Land used 대지 (daeji) which can mean plateau i.e., a high ground. But Tangur Basin uses 분지 (bunji) which means basin i.e., a low depression. The former can also simply mean site/land so that’s how it’s been translated here and we’re assuming the place is a basin.

[2] Speedwagon is the go-to exposition guy in Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure – in the arcs he’s in, anyway. Or so the meme goes in the fandom.

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