System Only Gives Me Useless Gifts

The Queen Mother struck her arms and plunged her ice sword into Li Yun’s backside and toward his heart. It was her signature opening move, to disappear behind the opponent and strike them dead. 

Before the match began, Li Yun had already unleashed his sword and turned his body and sword around in preparation for blocking her first attack. There was one thing about the Queen Mother, she was rather consistent. Although each fight wasn’t exactly the same, she followed a certain pattern.

Getting hit was unavoidable. If he sidestepped, her sword curved toward the next trajectory and his body would be severed.  It took Li Yun seven deaths to realize that the only way to avoid instant death was to block. The moment he used the iron sword, the ice sword shattered the iron sword, which disappeared.

“Only in the dream world would this ever make sense,” Li Yun had argued with the Queen Mother about how broken her ice sword was and how illogical it was.

“And why would you be arguing about the rules that I have set up?” asked the Queen Mother.

Fortunately, after the first failed attempt, the Queen Mother couldn’t use the same move again until a certain amount of energy was restored. Li Yun had timed it to one minute, so within that time frame, he had to defeat her. Otherwise, evading it for the second time was nearly impossible.

Without a sword, he had to rely entirely on his martial arts training to best her. After his 12th death, he realized that certain traditional fighting forms were better. In the dream world, the restriction of traditional wushu was lifted. He didn’t have to rely on physical muscle memories. It seemed that most recall ability came from his thought and spiritual powers. It made sense as his body in the compass wasn’t really physical, but a manifestation of what he thought was his form.

The Queen Mother might not be seeing his form in the same way he was seeing himself. To her, he may be a speck dust trying to get her dirty. But if what she said was true, then she had limited her power to one speck of dust. She should not be completely used to scaling down her powers.

“She likely has weaknesses that she isn’t even aware of,” thought Li Yun. “Someone who’s all-powerful in their own realm might not know how to limit their own strength.”

The Queen Mother struck out again, weaving her ice sword through the air. It wasn’t just fancy sword dance moves, but each movement of the sword caused an icy shockwave as sharp as the blade to hit toward Li Yun’s direction. He dodged to avoid the shockwave, but one icy wave caught onto his left arm, severing his hand completely.

“S***!” Li Yun should have gotten used to missing limbs at that point, but where was the censorship in the compass world!? He shouldn’t be able to see the severed bones and veins so clearly in this realm, but the world that the Queen Mother was lifeless that he sometimes forgot it didn’t exist.

“You’re still too weak,” she commented seeing that he was already out of breath.

She moved her right arm to deliver another striking blow. Li Yun saw the icy air blade moving toward him like a guillotine. He could evade this blow, but could he evade the next dozens? The fights were always quick, lasting no more than a minute. His time was winding down and if he failed, it would be another painful death. And after every death, it would take him some time to recover his mental strength to challenge her again. He didn’t want to waste more time.

Instead of blocking or parrying, the icy blade sliced through Li Yun. The Queen Mother suddenly realized something was wrong. There wasn’t any blood appearing from the body but merely puffs of clouds.

“It’s an illusion?” The Queen Mother thought. “Could he had learned how to use illusion in my world?”

Before she could come up with an answer, Li Yun appeared behind her and swung the sword into her neck. Her head rolled to the ground. Li Yun also fell to the ground, with all his energy completely exhausted.

The next moment, the Queen Mother’s decapitated body and head disappeared. She reappeared in front as a whole and congratulated him on his success.

“So you have learned to copy my ability,” she finally figured out. “I thought you were sloppy in the beginning, but you were only preserving your energy until the right moment.”

Li Yun nodded.

“When did you learn my ability?” She asked.

“You have hinted it being about time and speed, so I have trained in my own dream world to see if it was possible,” Li Yun replied.

“Where did you get another sword?” she asked. “There should only be one weapon in this world.”

The compass was not as large as he thought after exploring all of the possible locations. Beyond a certain barrier, he would circle back to the otherside. The ice palace was at the center of the compass world.

“I carved it from the tree,” said Li Yun.

“Then you should know that this is simply training for you,” said the Queen Mother. “Do you feel like it is rewarding enough?”

“Not really, but if you can assist me with something, it might be enough.”

“You want to know about the golden elixir?”

“What do you know about it?” Li Yun asked.

“I can’t tell you much, but it is safe for consumption,” said the Queen Mother.

Li Yun didn’t know if he should trust her words blindly. Technically, it doesn’t seem like she has the ability to kill him directly. Within in the compass, there were rules that even the Queen Mother couldn’t break.

“You’re afraid that I’m lying to you?” said Queen Mother.

“Well yes, there is no way to determine what you say is the truth,” said Li Yun.

“You’ve already tested the elixir, so you know there isn’t much effect.”

“That’s true, but who knows if there is a long term effect.”

Queen Mother smiled. “You’re still as cautious as ever. If you don’t try the unknown, you may not be able to proceed.”

“If you mean by proceeding into the afterlife, then I don’t know if I want to try it.” the thought of going to another world wasn’t pleasant to Li Yun at all.

“Your powers aren’t strong enough where a simple elixir can take you to another realm. I admit that I do not know what your golden elixir does, but it is not harmful.”

Li Yun thought about what the system had given him and put his concern aside. It was unlikely a system that came to him during his childhood would harm him. He was still the host and if he dies, wouldn’t the system's existence become obsolete as well? With a new resolution, Li Yun thanked the Queen Mother and left the compass. Later that night, he drank the golden elixir.

****

“Rouxi, let’s eloped,” Li Yun suggested.

“Why?”  Rouxi snapped her head to look at Li Yun. She asked suspiciously with her eyes slightly narrowed. They had just finished their morning exercise and training. She felt herself becoming stronger, but it was beginning to taper. There seems to be a barrier that she couldn’t surpass.

“We can avoid all the hassle of planning the wedding, table settings, and bickering relatives,” Li Yun replied.

“But everyone in the apartment is already excited for the wedding,” Rouxi was still in the planning stage of her wedding with Lu Suyin, Wu Ling, Xuxu, and everyone in the apartment. The plan was to use the courtyard and rent out tables and decorations. At the earliest, they can have everything set up in December, but decided on January to give all the relatives time to make the trip.“I already made reservations with the wedding planner to try out some dresses this weekend.”

“That’s great, we can marry this weekend.”

“Why are you in a hurry to get married?”

“Promise me you won’t do anything drastic if I tell you.,” Li Yun said as he nudged her from the courtyard and into the back room. “You should have a sit.”

“All right,” Rouxi sat on the chair. She wondered if there was something wrong with her. However, she was normally healthy, so it didn’t make sense for her to suddenly develop an ailment.

Li Yun got up and pulled her to the side. “You’re pregnant.”

Rouxi’s head was running on faster than the speed of light that it seemed like it wasn’t working at all. She remembered that Li Yun could check people’s health status, so it wasn’t unusual for him to know if she was pregnant.

“How?” Rouxi asked after a brief moment of silence.  It didn’t seem possible as she was using contraceptives.

“You know how, and 4% chance is better than a miracle,” Li Yun replied, although it was strangely around the same time he tried the golden elixir. He should have known the golden elixir was related to fertility. “Before you ask, you’re only a week pregnant.”

“And you’re only telling me now?” Rouxi quickly looked through her phone calendar.

“Remember, I don’t check your health unless you ask?” With Li Yun’s ability, it was easy to piece together someone's history.

“No way will I fit in a dress at seven months pregnant!” Rouxi scrounged through her phone for a possible solution, still reeling in from her pregnancy news.

“Like I said, let’s elope,” Li Yun suggested again. “Also, it might be a good time to discuss children's name. How about Li Mingyun and Song Rouxi?”

Rouxi glared at Li Yun. “Are you implying I’m going to have twins?”

“Maybe…”

The END

chocomug

Seriously, does anyone actually care about the last episode of Great Chef? Like, who do you think should win from the random side characters? All I know is that the last episode is filmed at the Ultraviolet Restaurant. Maybe I'll write this for the rewrite.

As for the sequel, if that ever happens, it will feature a different set of main characters. I am toying around with the idea of exploring Song Ahi & his third eye in an alternate S. Korean Earth setting or I can do a full-blown isekai and have Li Yun assist a young boy from another world. Can you imagine Li Yun as a medical specialist grandpa cheat character?

Thank you for reading the author’s research dive into Chinese culture and miscellaneous medical adventures. I hope it is as enjoyable as a merry-go-round...