Tales From the Terran Republic

"So, what about the jail-break?" the Prime Minister asked. "Am I correct in assuming that they are related?"

"Almost certainly," Captain Soto replied. "It is almost a certainty that the same 'Reaper' was used. What few readings we can get match perfectly. We were fortunate, and a sensor operator at the spire was able to launch some recon drones and get them properly oriented before the conclusion of extraction."

"And who was 'extracted', again?" Prime Minister Augustine asked as she looked over her notes.

"Helen Mongrave," Glenn Maxwell replied with a scowl. "Someone highly placed in the conspiracy against the Republic with detailed knowledge of many of her co-conspirators."

"Yeah," Admiral Pierce snarked, "Gotta hate those conspiracies against the Republic, don't ya?"

"Got something to say, Pierce?" Glenn Maxwell snarled, rising to his feet.

"Not at the moment," Admiral Pierce replied as he started to stand, "When I do, you will be the first person to know, buddy."

"You will be the second to know," General Litton said as she also rose, "'Cause he's gonna call me first."

"The third," a man dressed in a plain grey suit said as he started to stand.

"Sit the fuck down," the prime minister snarled, "and shut the fuck up!"

Everyone froze. The Prime Minister never cursed, ever.

They all quietly sat down.

"I am just about sick and tired of this bullshit," the prime minister ranted. "I have a fucking Republic to hold together, and that's exactly what I'm going to do even if I have to fire everyone in this fucking room and start over! Understand?"

"Yes, ma'am," Admiral Pierce said, so cowed that Admiral Saysangkhi started giggling, her giggles freezing in her throat when the Prime Minister turned her withering glare in her direction.

"Now, until someone actually pulls off a coup," she continued. "My wrinkled ass is in charge, and my wrinkled ass takes exception to some bitch blowing up one of my solar systems, regardless of how justified some individuals think she might be."

She rose to her feet as her voice increased in volume.

"Now we are here to figure out exactly what the fuck is going on and exactly what the fuck we are going to do about it. The next asshole who sidetracks this discussion or starts a pissing match can put their ID on the desk, take a walk, and keep walking! Got it?"

Everyone just sat there silently.

"Good," she said as she sat back down. "Now I understand that two people were 'extracted'?"

"Yes, ma'am," Glenn said in a very subdued tone. "In addition to Helen Mongrave, a Federation ex-pat named Sheloran was also removed from the detention facility."

"Sheloran?" the Prime Minister asked. "Why does that name sound familiar?"

"She went viral, ma'am," Glenn replied. "The singing frog?"

"Oh!" the Prime Minister smiled. "I loved that! Shame she killed all those people."

She looked at Glenn in confusion.

"Why?"

"We have no idea, but we will find out!"

"Ahem," the silver-haired woman in the green blazer coughed discreetly.

Glenn glared at her.

"Dibs." the woman smiled.

***

"Ok, let's put the big tent over here!" Craxina yelled over a cheap electronic megaphone, "and… fuck… put the porta-potties over there!"

The Drop of Oil parking lot was in a state of barely controlled chaos as a mob of prostitutes, temp labor, and a mob of volunteers all ran about unpacking crates, erecting tents, and assembling furniture.

"Craxi!"

"What?" Craxina snapped as she whirled about. "Sorry, Littlefoot, what's up?"

"I just got off of the phone with Clarence," she said. "He is getting a shipment in just for us!"

"And how much is that gonna cost?" Craxina asked dubiously.

"Nothing!" Littlefoot replied happily, "Well, nothing until we buy it, just what we want to buy, once we see it."

"And you didn't promise him anything?"

"Well," Littlefoot giggled, "nothing that he wants. He says that he's happily married!"

Craxina laughed.

"He figures that there will be more than a few 'little guys' wanting weapons, so he's getting ahead of the demand. He also said that he will hold classes just for us!"

Craxina looked at Littlefoot suspiciously.

"Sounds awfully nice of him," Craxina replied. "What's his angle?"

"He said that all he wants is first crack at our business, that's all. No pressure."

"Hmm," Craxina said after thinking way too hard for her comfort, "Ok, first crack but no promises, got it?"

"Like I said," Littlefoot grinned. "I've only promised ONE thing so far, and he wasn't interested."

"That just means he's gonna fuck us harder later on," Craxina grumbled.

"Nuh-uh! Clarence is nice! You'll see!"

"Yeah," Craxina muttered, "we'll see."

"When did you turn into such a sour-snatch?" Littlefoot chided.

"When I had to be in charge, that's when!" Craxina snapped. "I miss ONE thing and… poof!" she exclaimed, throwing all of her arms wide. "It's all over! You can trust this Clarence guy if you want to," she ranted, "I can't! He pulls one bullshit Terran trick, and we are done!"

"He isn't like that..." Littlefoot said defensively. "If you don't trust him, why don't you send the fish to talk to him?"

"Oh yeah, our 'friend' the fish," Craxina said, rolling her eyes.

"Isn't he?"

"Oh, he is," Craxina said sarcastically, "He's a huge friend with a huge hourly rate! Do you have any idea how deep in the hole I am with him already?"

"Didn't he just take a cut?"

"A cut of what?" Craxina asked, nearly yelling. "A cut of fucking what? Sheloran had that deal because-"

Craxina suddenly fell silent. Littlefoot, like most of the others, didn't know about absolutely everything that went on at the Drop.

"Because of what?" Littlefoot asked suspiciously.

"Never mind!" Craxina huffed. "Sheloran had that deal. We don't. We pay by the hour!"

Craxina winced. They were paying by the hour because she fucked up. Baxlon's patience was immense but not infinite. He was still their legal counsel, but it was now at his hourly rate, thanks to one "pleeese" too many during the third panicked late-night phone call in a single evening.

Who knew that Kalent REALLY didn't like being woken up. Forgive her for not being a xeno-sleepologist!

"Because of what?" Littlefoot pressed, narrowing her big, innocent-looking eyes. She had always suspected that there was more going on than coffee, hookers, and decade-old games. I mean, who buys games on crystals anyway? That never made any sense.

"Because of nothing!" Craxina said defensively, crossing her little arms.

"Look, Craxi," Littlefoot squeaked, "I love you, we all do, but we deserve to know what we are getting into here. If there is something going on that we don't know about, something that really got the Drop burned down and Ploxni…."

"You got it backwards!" Craxi snapped. "The Drop didn't get burned down because of Sheloran. It got burned down because of us!"

Littlefoot recoiled as if she had been struck.

"What… what do you mean?" she squeaked.

"Oh shit," Craxina sighed. "Sorry, Littlefoot," she said. "I'm just being a bitch. Forget I said anything."

"What do you mean it was because of us?"

"Craxi!" a shaggy ottoman yelled out.

Thank the Creators!

"Ommuni!" Craxi yelled out in relief as she ran at a full sprint towards her (and away from Littlefoot).

"Wait!!!" Littlefoot shouted after her as she waddled urgently in pursuit.

***

"Well, hello there!" Craxina said with a huge smile.

Standing in front of her was the cutest human she had ever seen!

"Um, hi," he said sheepishly, nervously running his fingers through the cutest poofiest hair! The way it was cut made it look almost like a male of her species! So cute!

He smiled. Oh, my Creators! He had the cutest teeth. They were shiny and pointy, just like a male's! Of course, they were fake, but the way he smiled and cocked his head sent little tingles shooting through her happy places!

"He asked for you specifically!" Ommuni said. "Are you 'working'?"

"I am now!" Craxina exclaimed with a happy little squeak. "C'mon!" she enthused as she grabbed his hand and dragged him towards one of the tents.

***

"Wow!" Craxina purred as she snuggled with Bryce (that was his name) a little later, "I should be paying you!"

"Aww," he smiled, flashing those adorable teeth, "Thanks!"

"Look!" she said, caressing his face with her tail, "my fur is still standing on end! That was amazing!"

Bryce just smiled and stroked her fur.

"Oooh!" she crooned.

Bryce looked down at her with concern.

"Your muscles are in a state!" he said as the stroking turned into a massage.

"Oh! Oh yes! Right there! Ooooh!"

"You have so much tension locked in there," he said as he expertly massaged her back, gently applying pressure to key points, causing immediate relaxation.

"It's because of all of this bullshit," she mumbled dreamily. She hadn't been this relaxed in ages.

"Bullshit?"

"Oh, Bryce," Craxina mumbled, "It's been awful… I've mmmmh… I've had to…."

"Because of all the drama?"

"Drama isn't the word for it," she muttered as her eyes drifted closed. "It's been horrible, with the Harkeen and Sheloran… Oh Creators, Sheloran, what she did… and now I'm all alone and everyone… everyone…."

"Yeah, I saw that on the news," Bryce smiled as one of his hands drifted up and started massaging her neck, his fingers gently resting on key muscle groups. "She ran the place, didn't she?"

"Yeah," Craxina mumbled with a blissful smile, "The Drop was her baby, I… I just… whimper..."

"What?"

Craxina started to quietly weep.

"I just fucked it all up!" she sobbed.

"Hey… Hey…" Bryce said, reassuring her as he swept her up in his arms, his hand still on her neck. "Shhh… It's ok…."

"No, it isn't!" Craxina said as she clung to him. "If I hadn't made her let me work here, then she would have just been selling media and coffee. I… I..."

"Shhh," Bryce said, stroking her head, "From what the news said, it was the loans that set them off, not you girls."

"Yeah, but they were already..."

"From the sound of it," he said as he kissed her, "She would have gotten involved no matter what. If it wasn't you, it would have been someone. She seems like a really good person."

"Oh, she is," Craxina said, calming down a little. "She is the bestest person I know! And generous and brave! Oh, Creators, she is so brave! She would go anywhere, square off against anyone, to help out one of the girls!"

"So..." Bryce said as he gently stroked her neck, his fingers carefully resting on pulse points, "have you heard from her since, you know,"

"No," Craxina replied, "you know how hard it is to get to a phone in a normal jail. I can only imagine how hard it is where… where she is."

"Huh," he said as he carefully read her body, "Has anyone heard from her? Is she ok?"

"Oh, she's freaked out about her case," Craxina replied, melting into him, "but Baxlon says that she's ok."

"So this Baxlon person has talked to her?"

"Yeah, but he says that he couldn't get through to her last time he tried. They said she was unavailable," Craxina mumbled as Bryce carefully maneuvered her back onto the mattress, "Boy was he pissed off about that… Oh yes! Right there!"

"So Baxlon hasn't heard from her recently?"

"Well, not since we stopped talking anyway, the asshole..." she sighed as her whole body relaxed. This was wonderful.

"You aren't talking?"

"Yeah, I pissed him off."

"Sounds like an asshole," he smiled as he stroked her.

"Ooooh," Craxina purred, "(giggle) Yeah, he's an asshole, but I really fucked up. I… I really don't know what I'm doing, and I guess I called him one time too many."

"Well, it sucks being alone," he said.

"Yeah," Craxina sighed sadly.

"Um..." Bryce said nervously as he rolled her over onto her back and started to gently caress her body, "I hope I'm not being one of 'those guys', but I'm in town for a while, and I'm alone too, and I was wondering if… um… I mean if it… (sigh)… Sorry… I don't mean to assume."

He cocked his head, flashing those darling teeth in a sheepish grin.

"No!" Craxina said, sitting up rapidly, "it's ok! What were you wondering?"

"I mean, if you want, maybe… maybe we could go have some dinner later?-- I'd pay you! I mean, I don't want to… shit..."

"That would be great!" Craxina squeaked, "And you don't have to pay me..."

she flashed him a flirtatious glance.

"If you are paying for dinner, of course!"

"Oh! Great! Absolutely! (giggle)" he covered his face as his eyes smiled, just like a nervous male!

It was so adorable!

Craxina threw her arms around him, nuzzling his neck happily.

She flashed him a wicked smile.

"You know, you did pay for the hour..."

***

"We are talking in circles," the Prime Minister said in frustration.

"Yeah," General Litton agreed, "It was better when we were fighting. At least that wasn't depressing."

"So, does anyone have any idea what we can do besides hope she runs out of missiles?"

"She won't," a grey-haired, heavily-decorated naval captain said, speaking for the first time.

"You say that like you're sure," Glenn Maxwell said.

"I know the woman," he said. "If she can get a dozen nukes, she can get two dozen. If she can get two dozen, then she can get a hundred. And if she can afford whatever that fucking Reaper costs, she can afford two hundred. If Gloria Samuels has come to play, she has come to play. She has sufficient munitions to accomplish her' mission'. Count on it."

"All of us know this gentleman," Admiral Saysangkhi said after he finished speaking, "But in case you don't, Captain Bartosz commanded a Stiletto in the same task force as Lieutenant Samuels during the Federation War. He is to the Stiletto what Gloria Samuels is to the Reaper. We brought him because if anyone has a shot at bringing her down, it's him."

"And how are you going to do that?" Glenn Maxwell asked the captain.

"I've been looking over the data while all of you have been flapping your gums and pissing all over each other," the captain said, looking at his tablet, "and one thing is crystal clear."

"And that is?" Glenn sneered.

"She has better intel than we do."

"What?"

"Her targets weren't random. For example, her first target, Depot 23, a small warehouse and refueling center, right?"

He patched into the room's main holographic display.

"Wrong," he said as scans of the aftermath were displayed. "That asteroid was hollow and loaded down with all sorts of shit..."

A table of elements started to appear as well as an analysis of what few fragments remained.

"Including plutonium and other things that clearly indicate more than one nuclear weapon. That old 'refinery'?"

Another image appeared.

"Loaded down with isotopes indicative of advanced projectiles and a lot of what was probably living organic material. The debris field is a fucking cloud of CHNOPS. Unless Patricia was farming cattle on the sly, hundreds of people were in there when it blew."

"Jesus," Glenn muttered.

"The rest of the stationary targets are the same. Nothing in the smudges left matches what Red Phoenix says was there."

"He looked at the group."

"Looks like Samuels went after those stockpiles Wintersmith wrote about. Hard to say for sure, of course, but I can say with confidence that she knew exactly what she was going after. And, as long as she knows what she is going after and we don't, we will never catch her. The only thing that can be done is for Patricia Hu to tell us, exactly, where her 'special installations' are and which ships would be of interest to Samuels. If we know what Samuels does, then we can cover those assets with our fleet."

He looked over at Glenn Maxwell, and several others with a wicked predatory smile.

"Patricia Hu can either deal with us, or she can deal with her."

***

As the meeting wound down and everyone was gathering their tablets and other materials, the Prime Minister rose.

"General Litton," she said in a stern voice. "A moment of your time."

"Oooh! You in trouble!" Admiral Pierce said, elbowing her.

"You can remain as well."

He looked crestfallen.

After everyone else had left, Kara Litton smiled at the Prime Minister.

"Did I spread it on too thick?"

"No," Augustine smiled. "It was perfect. So, did you get it?"

"I got what you need right here, baby," Kara leered as she unzipped her uniform trousers…

And pulled out a data cable with a crystal attached.

"You might want to use gloves," Kara laughed as she removed the crystal and tossed it to the Prime Minister, who reluctantly caught it.

"Gross," the Prime Minister laughed as she pocketed the crystal.

"I got them all," Kara Litton grinned as she rammed her fist into her metal leg.

"Now what, boss?" Admiral Pierce asked.

"Now we run these scans past our people, find out who has the taint, and add them to the list," the Prime Minister said, her grandmotherly visage subtly shifting into something far more sinister. "We will only get one shot to do this clean."

"My people are ready," General Litton said calmly, "Just say the word, and the knives fall."

"So," Admiral Pierce asked, "what are we really going to do about Samuels?"

"Once a dog has tasted human flesh, there is only one thing you can do," the Prime Minister said calmly, "Kill her."

"Yes, ma'am. I'll unleash the 'hounds'," Admiral Pierce replied.

"Sorry, Pierce," the Prime Minister said.

"Are you?"

***

Admiral Pierce returned to his office and slumped into his chair with a sigh.

This sucked.

Lieutenant Samuels literally saved the day, did what nobody else could (or would) do.

And what was her reward?

Death.

That is if they could get her.

He smiled. That was a big if.

Then he frowned.

He knew the Prime Minister pretty well. There was something she wasn't telling him, likely the real reason she wanted Samuels dead. It didn't add up. She was on their side. They should be feeding her intel, not setting loose the hounds.

He picked up his phone.

"Captain Soto, could you please come by my office. There is something I need to discuss with you privately."

***

Admiral Saysangkhi was going over the scans from the Barnard's Star attacks. That asshole Bartosz made her look like a chump in front of the Prime Minister and everyone else.

She wasn't going to get caught napping again!

Her desktop pinged. She looked at the screen and squealed with delight.

She rapidly started typing.

Moments later, a Careel in an Imperial Naval uniform appeared on her screen.

"Admiral!" the Imperial Lieutenant Commander exclaimed in surprise. "You have reached the Nova-Rutter-Rampant! How may I help you, ma'am?"

"Commander," Admiral Saysangkhi said cheerfully. "Put me through to Captain Belxania!"

"I shall inform Dame Belxania immediately! One moment please, Admiral!"

Moments later, an exceptionally fluffy Careel in a comically ornate uniform appeared.

"Dame Belxania!" Admiral Saysangkhi said, jumping up and then bowing in Imperial fashion.

"Admiral SangSang!" the Careel said as they rigidly snapped to attention and saluted.

They both giggled.

"It's great to see you again!" Admiral Saysangkhi said after they both stopped laughing at each other. "Congrats on the knighthood!"

"Thanks!" the Careel said. "It was the Battle of Vgyyx that did it."

"That clusterfuck?"

The Careel giggled.

"Yeah," she said with a laugh, "Creators! What is that perfect Terran phrase? Shit-show! Yes! That shit-show!"

"I thought you were out of your mind, charging the line in a fucking troop transport!"

"Saved your cute little ass, didn't it?"

"Only because the bug ran because they thought you were a dreadnought!"

They both laughed again.

"So, what brings you to Sol?"

The Careel giggled.

"You aren't going to believe this one..."

***

Craxina danced from crisis to crisis, hugging workers and kissing contractors with a happy little giggle.

It was infectious. The whole parking lot was just buzzing with excitement.

"What's gotten into her?" a quadruped asked.

"A dick, what else?" Littlefoot snickered. "She has a date later too!"

"Like for free?" the pony-thing asked in surprise.

"Apparently," Littlefoot laughed.

"Well, good for her!" the pony-thing laughed. "And for us. She was turning into a bitch!"

Craxina swooshed in, jumping on the pony-thing's back and hugging her.

"I heard that!" she giggled and looked up.

"No! Not there!" Craxina shouted as she jumped off of the pony and scampered off. "There!"

Craxina stopped mid-scamper as a blue grav-hatchback landed.

All the happy drained away as her expression scrunched up in a serious little growly-face.

The hatchback opened, and a Kalent bot clambered out.

"Baxlon," she said frostily as she approached. "I didn't call you. I'm not paying!"

"And I'm not charging," he said as he walked up. "Your phone is dead."

"Is it?" she said in confusion as she pulled it out. "I just charged it last week!"

"Well, change the battery!" he said. "You missed an important call. Ploxni is awake!"

"She is?!?!" Craxina squealed, throwing herself upon the bot.

"Yep, came to four hours ago," Baxlon replied. "And they say while it may take a while, she will likely recover with only minor issues if any… And she said yes, by the way. She and Dave are officially engaged."

"Woo!" Craxina screeched. "Guys! Ploxni and Dave are engaged!!! Baxlon, turn on your speaker thingy!"

"(sigh)… fine… ('click')"

"PLOXNI IS AWAKE!!!" echoed across the neighborhood. "AND SHE AND DAVE ARE ENGAGED!!! THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!"

Cheers broke out across the parking lot (and the neighborhood).

"And I finished all the bullshit so you guys can operate as an independent whorery," Baxlon said with a little bubble.

"Oh, thanks," Craxina said, "… and how much do I owe you for that?" she added, scrunching her eyes closed as she braced herself.

"(sigh) Do you PROMISE not to call me at two in the fucking morning when it isn't an emergency, and I mean a REAL one?"

Craxina lit up like Christmas!

"YES! Yes, yes yes yes yes yes ye-"

"I get the message," Baxlon laughed, cutting her off. "We will continue the deal that Sheloran and I made at least until things settle down. We can look at things once we get the insurance payoff and you back into a real building instead of this... What do they call it?"

"A circus!" Craxina exclaimed as she climbed up on his back. “Do-do do de doot de doot duu doo doo!”

"Get off!" Baxlon laughed.

"...awooo… awooo..."

Craxina's ears shot up.

"Awoo?" she replied.

"Awoooo!…. Awoooo!" came echoing down the street.

"Awooo!" Craxina howled, majestically perched on top of Baxlon as if he was a strenuously objecting mountain peak, "Awoooooooo!"

"Awoooooo! AWOOOOOO!"

The howling got louder as Craxina started jumping up and down on top of Baxlon, who was unsuccessfully trying to throw her off.

Two exotic-looking transports pulled into view, packed solid with howling, baying Careel!

"Craxina!" came an excited howl as one of them lept from a still-moving vehicle!

"Grwwlf!" Craxina squealed as she was knocked off of Baxlon's back and tackled to the ground in a joyous pile.

Baxlon just stood there in complete shock as a tidal wave of fur, ears, and tails belched forth and covered both Craxina and her brother in a pile of yips and "awoo's".

"What the fuck?" he eventually bubbled.

***

Bryce smiled as a Kalesha waitress set down his coffee.

"Thank you!" he said brightly.

The kalesha beamed back at him. She couldn't help it. The way he sat so straight and the way he held himself…

And that scrunched mouth! So cute!

It was almost as if he was a… Christ, she needed to get a boyfriend. Even humans were starting to look good!

"E-enjoy your coffee, sir," she said before rushing away, blushing.

He sipped the coffee, savoring it. This was the good stuff. It wasn't that his usual fare was bad…

This was just better.

He pulled out his communicator.

A logo appeared on the screen.

"Hayden Pharma," a synthetic voice answered. "You are thirty-eight seconds late for your check-in. I am required to file an incident report as per-"

"Hi Tart," he said as he nibbled a biscuit. "I apologize for interrupting, but I would prefer the report of your report submitted to my inbox using form 114-15K."

Tartarus made a happy little noise.