Taming the Queen of Beasts

<strong>GAR</strong>

Heart pounding in his ears so he could barely hear himself think, Gar leaned her back into his hand, then lowered her to the furs.

It was a relief that she relaxed into his touch, but just to be safe, he was careful lowering himself over her, taking his weight on his elbows, not resting all of his weight on her.

But Rika wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down, her mouth open and seeking.

She surprised him with her enthusiasm, and even though he groaned for her, his body ached for her, he found himself watching her face, listening to her breathing, measuring her reaction when he dragged his hand into her hair, watching for any sign of tension, inhaling her scent to measure it for fear.

But there was none.

She breathed his name and her hands dragged down his back, gripping his waist and pulling his hips against hers.

The kiss was slow and deep, and he enjoyed it. But instead of falling into her, being overwhelmed by her, he was… analyzing. His mind wouldn't turn off. When he reached for her face, he caught himself in case it felt too enclosed. When he might have arched, pressed himself against her, hesitated—what if she wasn't ready.

He second-guessed every movement, every instinct, until his head was as tangled as his hair that she was clawing her fingers through.

Suddenly, Rika slumped back, her head falling against the furs so she could meet his eyes, frowning.

"Gar, what's wrong?"

"Nothing!" he said quickly, stroking a strand of hair back from her face. "I'm just being careful."

Rika made a noise so close to a growl, Gar blinked. Then she put both hands to her face, her elbows high, guarding him from kissing her. She mumbled something about 'so flipping broken, can't even get laid,' and Gar frowned.

"I know what that means, Rika," he said quietly, his voice sterner than he'd meant it to be. "And no, you're not going to get laid. I'm going to make love to you."

Fuck. He sounded like his father.

That thought killed the last of the desire he'd been feeling and he rolled off of her to lay on the fur next to her, their shoulders brushing, staring at the flickering light from the fire dancing on the ceiling of the cave.

"What is wrong with me?" Rika whimpered.

"Nothing," he answered immediately, his anger flaring at whomever had made her think—

"Clearly there is, have you ever stopped wanting to have sex with a woman before who was kissing you like that?"

Gar didn't answer immediately, uncertain what to say. Because the answer was no. He swallowed. "I haven't stopped wanting to mate with you, Rika," he said flatly.

"Oh really? Because I would have sworn you were just laying on me, watching me make a fool of myself slobbering all over you while you just… lost your—"

Gar grunted and pushed up on one elbow to lean over her. "I didn't lose anything," he said, taking her hand and lifting it to his mouth again. "I was overthinking because I'm protective of you and there's been a lot going on. I don't want you—"

"Enough about me and my stupid triggering!" Rika cried, pushing up to sit, staring at him, tears of anger in her eyes. "It happened, Gar. It happened as badly as it's ever happened, and I hate it. And yeah, I probably will trigger again—maybe soon. I don't know. But I haven't gotten this far in my life by wrapping myself in cotton wool and staying away from everything. I got this far by pushing on when I'm scared. Until I'm not scared anymore. And there's some kind of miracle happening right now where I've lost my fear of YOU. But now you're scared of me!"

Gar sighed and sat up too. "I'm not scared of you, Rika. I'm scared of scaring you."

"It's the same freaking thing!" she cried. "You're hesitant, and doubting yourself and… that's not who you are."

"Who I am can be a moron sometimes."

"Guess what? Me too!"

"No, Rika, I mean—"

"I know what you mean, Gar. And what I'm saying is, we'll get through it. If you scare me, we'll get through it. But you have to stop being afraid of scaring me, because when you're nervous, that makes me nervous."

Gar frowned, his stomach twisting suddenly with a sense of nervous dread. He'd never been in this situation before. He suddenly felt completely ill-equipped and… inadequate.

Which was when Rika started to cry.

No. No no no. This was their moment. This was their only chance! Who knew what was going to happen in the new few days or weeks? This was their shot to cement the bond and enjoy each other without worrying about other people, or being interrupted. And she was crying?

"Rika, beautiful, please," he breathed, reaching for her. "Please don't cry."

"I knew this would happen!" she sobbed. "It always happens. It's always my flipping fault when it goes wrong. It's always because of my issues. I thought I was going to be different with you!"

"It is! This isn't the end for us. It's only the beginning. I just don't want to get it wrong. Except… I already am."

"No, you're not. You're being sweet and lovely and… the only reason you're even worried about it is because of my freak out and… god, sometimes I really hate myself."

"Wait, what?"

"You heard me," she muttered, getting to her feet and walking to the bag that he'd thrown at the end of the bed, digging through it. "I'm weird. I'm broken. And sometimes I just wish I was—"

"You do not finish that sentence," Gar growled, pushing to his feet and following her, putting himself between her and the bed, forcing her to look up at him with her wet eyes.

"Or what?" she snapped.

Gar faltered and Rika just shook her head.