Tears in Heaven

He had still saved her life in the end, and he was also Zhenrong’s elder brother. After such a life and death situation, her hatred seemed to have been temporarily diluted, leaving only melancholy. Zhenrong had left in such a hurry. Even if he was terminally ill, she could accompany him for a while, but fate was stingy with such an opportunity. Now, fate was giving her a chance as compensation.

Because of Lei Yutao’s request, she stayed in the hospital every day. In fact, there were not many things she could do. There were professional nurses in the hospital. No matter what work there was, it would never land on her hands. Her only use seemed to be quietly sitting there, letting Lei Yuzheng to see her at a glance when he woke up from sleep or from the pain.

She didn’t speak most of the time. Lei Yuzheng also didn’t speak. The air in the room seemed extremely quiet. The nurse cut a pear for her. She took it in her hand and took a bite slowly. After a few minutes, she would take another bite. She ate silently.

At this time, he wanted to speak, but affected by the wound, he sweat profusely in pain. She put the pear aside and helped the nurse. She wrung a hot towel to wipe his face. In such an abnormal car accident, although he had recovered his life, he lost a lot of weight. Even his brow bones were visible. Her hand stopped at the end of his eyebrows meaninglessly, and it was only until his arm moved that she regained clarity. Seeing him looking at the half pear on the coffee table, she asked, “You want to eat a pear?”

He could only eat liquid food now. Hearing the “heng” from his throat, she washed her hands and peeled two pears, turning them into juice and fed them to him. But he only took a sip, and stopped. She could only put the cup back to ask, “What do you want to eat tonight?”

Switched back and forth, there was only medicated porridge, tiger bone porridge, wild ginseng sliced ​​porridge, bear liver porridge, pigeon porridge…she felt nauseous when she smelled them. No wonder he had no appetite. It was said that this was a prescription handed down by a reputable Chinese medicine family, and the materials were also specially obtained. She heard that they were quite expensive and very good for recovery. They were cooked and then delivered every day. But they were simply unpalatable. She watched him eating porridge like he was taking medicine.

She didn’t know if it was because his wounds still hurt. After a while, even his tone was exhausted, and finally he said two words: “You cook.”

On a rare occasion, she blushed: “You know…I can’t cook.”

His forehead was covered in cold sweat again from the pain. His speech was very slow, each word jumping out one by one: “White porridge. Water, rice, boiled and sticky.”

Okay, white porridge it was then. Du Xiaosu went to a nearby supermarket to buy a bag of rice and cooked a pot of porridge in the kitchen in the ward. Because it was natural gas and she was worried that the boiling porridge would overflow, so she stayed in the kitchen. When the porridge was cooked, Lei Yuzheng was already asleep again.

She put the porridge bowl aside and sat on the sofa. It was deep into dusk. The curtains were drawn, the lights were not turned on, and the light in the room was dim. His face also looked vague and hazy. After taking off the oxygen mask, his complexion was very ugly, and he lost more weight, almost making her unable to recognize him. Fortunately, after slowly recuperating in the past few days, there was a slight color of blood on his face.

In the words of an old professor in the expert group: “He is young and has a good foundation. He can handle it. He will be fine after a while.”

Lei Yuzheng did not eat the white porridge that night, because he didn’t wake up again. She was afraid that the porridge would be cold and inconvenient to reheat, so she shared the porridge with the nurse and finished it off. When he woke up and heard that the porridge was gone, a very disappointed expression appeared in his eyes. Du Xiaosu couldn’t help but chuckle. He was like a child hearing that all the candy was gone. After having known each other for so long, it was probably the first time she laughed like this in front of him. He found her smile strange. After a long while he asked, “What’s so funny?”

“You’re such a big person, yet you’re afraid of taking medicine.”

“That’s not it.” His voice was muffled. The bandage on his head had not been removed, and his hair had been shaved because of the operation. Even his facial features were thin and sharp. Now, when he pursed his mouth, he looked like a little monk that had committed the sin of spouting hateful words. In fact, he was already 30 years old. After always seeing his fierce look, she felt that at this time, when he was recovering from a serious injury, he seemed like a child that only knew to get angry with adults.

When the evening meal was delivered, she saw that it was wild ginseng porridge. She happily put the porridge bowl in front of him: “It’s ginseng porridge.” The bear gall porridge was the most unpalatable. Last time, she used all sorts of tricks to coax him, but he only ate a small half of the bowl after a very long time. The ginseng porridge was considered not bad. He could barely finish it. However, ginseng porridge had a very strange smell that was much stronger than that of ginseng soup. It was said that this was authentic ginseng found in the wild. Seeing him eating porridge like swallowing medicine, frowning as he took small bites, she felt sorry for him again: “There is still some rice left. I will cook some more white porridge for you tomorrow. You can eat it secretly.”

Probably because the word “secretly” made him unhappy, he said coldly: “No need.”

He was already so wounded, yet his temper is still so stubborn. Originally, Du Xiaosu felt that he had changed a lot after being injured, and that he was easier to get along with. But hearing these cold words, she realized he had not changed at all. He was still the same Lei Yuzheng, condescending and arrogant.

Lei Yuzheng only lived there for more than a month. When he could walk on the ground again, he insisted on leaving the hospital. The expert team could not do anything to stop him. Not even Du Xiaosu could, so she could only call Lei Yutao. Lei Yutao’s response was light and plain: “It’s okay even if you care for him at home. Take good care of him.”

In one sentence, he threw the responsibilities for him to her again. In embarrassment, Du Xiaosu steeled her face. After all, she had interacted with him all day long for more than a month and seeing helpless and weak like a newborn baby, from being able to sleep, to being able to eat, and until finally being able to walk… after all, this car accident had only occured because of her.

Either way, his villa was big enough. He hired nurses to work in shifts every day, living in the guest room on the second floor of the villa. Du Xiaosu lived in the room opposite the nurses. This time, she had more daily affairs than when they were at the hospital. Because Lei Yuzheng was also resting at home, every time the housekeeper had something to do, he would ask her: How should the gardening be done? Do you want to replace the lawn? Will the garage door be changed? The ventilation fan in the swimming pool underneath is noisy. Should we ask the manufacturer for on-site maintenance, or should it be replaced by a new brand?

At first, Du Xiaosu didn’t care about these things at all: “Ask Mr. Lei.”

“Help ask, Ms. Du. Mr. Lei fell asleep. When he awakes later, I have another meeting to attend again.”

Gradually, Du Xiaosu realized that this was just an excuse. The reason was that Lei Yuzheng had a very bad temper now. If the butler asked him, he would definitely get angry. Du Xiaosu felt more and more that after the car accident, the man had become a child, moody, stubborn, and very hard to make happy. But seeing him sometimes sweat profusely with pain, she couldn’t help but feel a softness in her heart. He was clearly two years older than Shao Zhenrong. But now, Zhenrong was no longer here, and he had been hurt like this because of her… thinking about it, she kept on feeling guilty.

The wound healed well, but it was because of intracranial hemorrhage, he was left with headaches. The doctor had no choice but to prescribe analgesics. In fact, he was very tolerant and hardly touched painkillers. Only at this time did Du Xiaosu feel that his bones were still the same. It was the kind of pain that ordinary people could hardly tolerate, yet he had the strength and perseverance to endure without using analgesics.

One day, in the middle of the night, probably because it hurt too much, he woke up and wanted to open the door. In fact, there was a bell at the bedside that he could press but he didn’t. Yet, as a result, because no one was there to open the door, he fell to the ground. Fortunately, she slept shallowly and heard the movement. She ran over because she was worried. He was in so much pain that sweat began to bead his forehead again, but he didn’t let her call the nurse. She could only carry him back to the bed, step by step. It was a short journey but took almost ten minutes. Both of them were soaked with sweat. He curled there like a shrimp in pain. He lay there, painting weak breaths, weak like a wounded beast. She soaked a hot towel to wipe his sweat, but he suddenly grabbed her hand and wrapped her arm around himself. He was so thin that his shoulder blades were protruding. She suddenly felt very upset and slowly tightened her hug. His head was buried in her chest. His person still seemed to be convulsing in pain. His hot breath sprayed on her neck little by little. Like coaxing a child, she slowly patted his back. He finally calmed down and slowly fell asleep.

Du Xiaosu was afraid that he would have a headache again, so she wanted to wait for him to sleep a little deeper before letting go. As a result, she fell asleep just like that. When she woke up the next day, she was shocked. Fortunately, he was not yet awake. She was holding him before she fell asleep, but in the end it was him holding her. Her neck was resting on his arm, and his other hand was still wrapped around her waist. Her whole person had curled into his arms. When she woke up, she was nearly scared into a cold sweat. Taking the opportunity of him not yet waking up, she tiptoed back to her room. Luckily, he didn’t notice and didn’t mention it even after waking up. He likely didn’t know that she had slept in the room all night.

Lei Yuzheng got better day by day. It was the first time that Du Xiaosu realized that there are so many things to do when accompanying a patient. He was also picky about everything, from eating and drinking to clothing, brands and textures. Even one thing being wrong was not ok. Shan Wanting would sometimes come here, picking important official affairs to report to him, or signing important documents. Seeing Du Xiaosu, she would politely greet her, seemingly not at all surprised she was here.

When she had grown familiar with him, they really seemed like relatives. Sometimes, she would be dazed there, because after Lei Yuzheng lost weight, he looked more like Zhenrong. Sometimes, she was afraid she would even call the wrong name, although, most of the time, she would call his name and would just say “hey” or, when she was mad, she would call him “Mr. Lei” because he really did frequently make people angry.

For example, once, when taking a bath, he passed out. Lei Yuzheng did not allow others to enter the bathroom, so every time he took a bath, there was always someone waiting outside for him to avoid another accident occurring. This errand fell on her for some reason, and every night she went to the master bedroom, listening to the sound of water, waiting for him to get out of the bath. She even needed to help him blow his hair. He always wasa discontent with how clumsy she was. He was really finding fault out of nowhere. In actuality, his hair had just grown out so no matter how she did his hair, it still seemed short and flat, like the hairstyle of a little boy. Du Xiaosu always felt it was like a taro. She said that taro was just like this, but when she called him taro, he would become angry and look at her coldly.

Raising a child probably felt like this, but how could there be such a disobedient and worrisome child? One day, Du Xiaosu was so angry that she sneaked out the next day and bought a can of baby powder. That night, when he came out of the shower and sat on the soft couch, she pretended to take the hair dryer, but secretly took out the powder-puff, and quickly dabbed the powder on his neck. He noticed, quickly turned his head and grabbed the hand holding the powder-puff. She still smiled, “Be obedient, Auntie is applying some powder.”

This sentence seemed to provoke him, like a frazzled cat. She has forgotten that he was not a cat at all, but a lion. He got angry and tried to snatch her powder-puff. But she refused to give in. The two grabbed back and forth, until, who knew how it happened, he was hugging her. She was shocked. The instant his lips touched, she could feel the scorching heat. This was their first time when they were sober. It was so clear that they could hear each other’s breath.

“No…” She almost wanted to push him away weakly. His eyes almost occupied her entire field of vision, like Zhenrong’s eyes. He didn’t give her another chance to speak, as if carrying some kind of temptation, he kissed her slowly and patiently. She hit him on the back, but was afraid of bumping his wounds. He still kissed her coaxingly, but his hands sought to unbutton her closed. As soon as she resisted him, he increased the force of his lips and bit her gently, making her shudder. His skills were very good, and made her unable to resist. She struggled at the edge of morality and self-discipline: “Lei Yuzheng! Let me go! Let go!” He hugged her tighter. The horrible feeling she felt that night struck her again. She grit her teeth and hit him hard: “I hate you! Don’t make me hate you again!”

He was like a drunk, with bloodshot eyes. He nearly hissed through his teeth: “I know you hate me. I also hate myself. I hate that I love you like this!”

He finally said it, the final sentence that he should’ve never said. Her hand paused, and then she hit him harder, but she couldn’t stop him. He said a lot, mostly in blurry and broken sentences. At first, because she was crying, he murmured something to coax her. She cried even harder, hearing his every sentence, repeating the words she said to him before. She didn’t think that he would remember  – and with such clarity – the first time they what, what she said and what she did…it was like a copy of a movie, each frame stored in the deepest part of her mind. If he didn’t take it out, she would’ve never known.