THAT DAY I BECAME A STAR

"Nothing? I am not hallucinating, you know."

"Sigh…It's a new script I created Excia."

"You have an awful lot of scripts, you know that? I wonder how many times do you pray to our mother in a single day?"

"You should wonder if he does at all instead."

Roxcia walks past me, followed by Farner who is carrying the guy they just saved. So, in the end, that's it. There is nothing more I should hope for between us. I was a bit prepared in Lanuvel's case because I felt too much guilt. But I guess I went overboard with you as well.

"I am sorry." I apologize as Farner passes next to me but she doesn't react..

Excia then follows her and taps my shoulder without saying anything. Yeah, I know. Apologizing won't cut it. But still, I had to do it. They start talking with Frankher and Keltia but the conservation seems to be a bit tense. Should I go to see K'nor right now? I was planning on going after we went to the cemetery but…

"I might be hated even more if I go right now."

I will go later. Sorry, K'nor. I am so sorry. While I walk to the group. Roxcia is trying to reassure the students that were walking with the guy from earlier. All of them are trembling from fear and look really frightened.

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine."

I hear her as I walk and somehow, her voice is really soothing. So much so it actually scares me since I know the real person.

"You sure move fast for somebody who slept with death." Keltia immediately assaults me when our eyes meet.

"Stop it. It is not the time nor the place for this." Thankfully, my protector Frankher is here to save me from her jaws.

"Yes, Father. I know."

"Good. Now, everyone. You should go back to class. I believe the heroes have some appointment at the church as well."

"Yes, we do."

Farner is the first to turn around and leaves. But this time, she bumps into me while walking.

"Sorry."

"It's nothing." What kind of games are you playing? First, you don't want to speak to me or see me around and now you apologize? Excafol should have written a guidebook on how to handle women. Especially gnoll type women.

***

"Hey, buddy. How are you doing?"

"Woof! Woof!"

I took the opportunity Frankher created and left for the pet's house. K'nor is at his usual place. Though he was sleeping when I came, he immediately woke up when I called him. Now, I am under a rain of licking and rubbing. He rubs his body around me while jumping around from time to time then starts licking me everywhere: my hands, my face, my neck…He could probably bathe me with his tongue if I was naked.

"Okay! Okay! I got it! You are happy, right?"

"Woof!!"

"Then guess what I brought?"

Rock then brings in the cow's leg I bought for him while coming. I borrowed a bit of money from Frankher to buy it for K'nor and had Rock waited with it outside while I was playing with him a bit.

"Sorry for making you wait."

"It's nothing." Of course, it is. I gave you a hundred wellis just to wait. "More importantly, you have a really good relationship with your pet. You are treating him like he is family."

"Because he is. The last one I have." The last one I consider family.

"I see. Well, just make sure he doesn't gnaw on the bones too much. It is bad for their teeth in the long run."

"You heard that, K'nor?"

The guy isn't even concerned with us, already devouring the meat like the glutton he is. Maybe I should have brought two pieces instead…

After he is done eating. He comes near me then lies down and covers me with his tail. Yeah, you are right. Let's sleep a little. How much time has passed since we slept like this? Just the two of us. Will those blissful days come back again? Even if I don't fight for it like Frankher is saying?

***

When I wake up, the sun is already setting. I really feel at ease sleeping with you, K'nor. Still, I should go and see Frankher. There must be things that he needs my help with.

"So, you were here as she said."

Keltia's voice rings. She is placed at the entrance of K'nor's box, like a guard who has been watching her prisoners for a long time.

"You were looking for me?"

"My father is, yes."

"I see. I am coming then."

"I wanted to ask you something first."

"Keltia, I don't think we should have this conversation." I don't see why I have to talk about my relationships with those two with you.

"You don't even know what I am going to ask."

"You want to know about me and the other two, right?"

"If you know already, then it is easier. My question is simple as well so-"

"And why do they not ask me directly?" There three more heartbeats aside from you. Even if I suppose that Peter came along with you, one of those must be Farner. The other is surely Excia. Lanuvel wouldn't come he…

While I am thinking, Lanuvel's face appears behind Keltia. Why? How? What is happening?

"You look surprised." Well, yes, Keltia. I am surprised! Why is she here?! 

"I…I am not?" Let's just act as if it's normal.

"I have only come to tell you that my mother is able to speak now. She has asked me to bring her savior. And Peter refuses to go even though he is the one who brought her back. So, I wanted to know if you free to come and see her."

"I…Of course. I am. Just give me a minute."

"Not so fast. My question first."

"Sigh…okay. Go on."

"Earlier, at the cemetery, you said you would do what only you can do even if you have ended up alone, right?"

"Yes, I did." I clean K'nor's fur that got stuck on my clothes while answering her.

"Then what would you do if Lanuvel and Farner were captured?"

"What?!" The question she asked is so weird I uncontrollably shout while asking.

"You didn't understand? I thought you had good ears." Don't look at me with that face.

"I heard what you said. I just don't understand the meaning."

While I am speaking, K'nor stands up and goes outside his box, lightly pushing Keltia away while he is going out.

"No, no. Don't come now! Ahaha! Don't lick me there!" Yeah, as I thought Farner is here.

"Sigh…She is really too carefree sometimes."

"You can tell me about it."

Keltia and Lanuvel comment on Farner's attitude but can we really blame her? I feel like we keep forgetting that they are four years younger than us. They may act all adult and responsible but ultimately, they are teenagers, just like us.

I see. Maybe this is what Frankher is talking about. To enjoy my youth while I can instead of wasting it away. If that's really the case, he chose the wrong person to give such advice. I mean, I have been basically spending that youth fighting. Aside from those four years with Excafol and Selene, I can't say I…I can't? Really?

"Maybe we are just too stiff." Keltia hears me and smiles gently. 

"Maybe. Anyway, your answer."

"I told you that I don't understand what you mean."

"If you had to choose between what you have to do and save them? Who will you choose?"

"What is the connection between-"

"Just answer. You can only choose one, by the way."

"I would obviously choose to do both."

"I told you. You can only choose one."

"Do not mistake me for any other guy. I can and will do both." I can use Stampede should it come to it.

"Stop acting all proud! You know you can't!! If you really could, Cordel would be here!! Right here!! Right now!!"

I see. So, this is what it is truly about. Well played, Keltia. I didn't see that one coming.

"Kel, maybe that was a bit…" No, Lanuvel. She is right.

"No, he has to understand his own limits first!"

"My limits…?"

Understanding my limits, eh? The day I was abandoned, the day I saw Excafol and Selene's corpse, when Mark betrayed me, when Anriette died…I have had so many occasions to see and understand my limits.

"I have had so many occasions to understand my limits that I would be a fool now I didn't know them. I am weak. No matter what I do, I am weak. Unable to act when it matters, unable to save those who he cared about, unable to say what he has to when it matters truly. I am weak, scared, and a coward. That is absolutely true."

"Then why do you keep acting as if you are of the strong? Is it so wrong to rely on others people?"

"In my case, it is. Just like I told Farner that day, my strength is not the strength to protect. I cannot protect anyone."

"So, you prefer to die alone so that no one will remember you."

"So that nobody will suffer from it." Or more like I don't want anybody to feel that pain. Seeing those you loved killed, mutilated.

"That's stupid!" Finally, Farner's voice resounds. A scream once again so powerful the air vibrates from it.