THAT DAY I BECAME A STAR

"Ugh…What happened?" I wake up in a tent, with Samson sitting on the bed next to mine.

"You teased her too much. That's all."

Tease? I do remember that when I said I wouldn't kiss her, Lanuvel got super angry and kicked me in my nether region. But I don't understand why I fainted. Could it be that it is a weakness I have had all this time and I never knew? Then I must get rid of it.

"Samson, I might need your help."

"I don't think she is that angry so you can just apologize to her. There is no need to do anything too fancy."

"No, it is not about that.. I want you to kick me the same way she did." I need to identify how it is a weakness to be kicked in that part and why.

"What? Wait, are you sane? Or did it hurt too much?"

"You know I can't feel anything so it can't be."

"Why then? Are you some kind of super masochist? Because she kicked you so hard your mouth was foaming, you know?"

"No, I want to know why I fainted."

"Sigh…Seriously? She kicked you in the freaking balls, man. What did you think?"

"That's not a reason."

"It is. That's the most sensitive part for us men. You never got hit there before?"

"Hm…Not that I can remember."

"Then you should remember now. Never piss off a woman more than necessary because they all know where to hit us to make it hurt."

"Mhm-hm. Okay, got it." That's a piece of new information I should make sure to remember.

Samson stands up and goes to the entrance of the tent.

"Your comrades are outside. The commander isn't back yet so you will be awaiting him for your orders. Also, concerning Lanuvel, if you want to apologize, you should go to the mountain near this city. There might be something good there to help you."

He leaves with a smile. A rather disturbing one. Like he just remembered something sweet but awkward at the same time.

I leave the bed and go outside. I am immediately greeted with the laughter of the mercenaries. Those fucking idiots. Also, I notice that there are more than two hundred more people like us now. A lot of mercenaries are present, dressed in different clothes and armors. Men and women alike. We must be at the place reserved for us mercenaries.

The tents are all forming a circle and we are inside it. Samson is nowhere to be seen anymore though.

"Captain, is your crotch okay?!" Hendrick the culprit immediately blurts out something unnecessary while raising his mug.

"You guys are drinking under the sun?" The sun is right above us, meaning that it is just midday and yet, they are already getting drunk. I guess I know who will have to listen to the commander when he comes back.

"Your friend left already."

"I know, Willhem. We were talking inside just now."

"Talking or getting it on?"

"I will kill you, Fiz."

"Oops. Someone is in a bad mood."

"Shut up, Tedd."

"Hey, it's not my fault if you got kicked where it hurts, man." Yeah, I know. I know exactly whose fault it is.

I look at Hendrick and he just swallows his drinks rapidly before standing up.

"You aren't thinking of running away from me, are you?"

"Well…" Then he just turns around and starts running away.

"Hey!!! What are you doing, you moron!!"

"Watch out, dammit!!"

He passes through several people while doing so and then tries to escape by passing through two tents. He then continues running for a while until he reaches the soldiers' quarters. Meanwhile, I am just flying above him. It is hilarious how he keeps looking behind him from time to time to see if I am following him. It is way less hilarious to see the look of the soldiers on me.

After going to a corner between two houses, he stops and leans against the wall.

"Fuuu…I ran far enough, I guess."

"Yep, you did."

"W-what?!!!" He looks above him and when he sees me, his eyes almost went out. He blinks once or twice before coming back to reality.

"Shit."

"You forgot I can fly, right?"

"This is not fair, capt'."

"Yeah. Just like you pushing me against her."

"But she is your girl, right? I was just helping."

"Right." I land in front of him and grab his shoulder. Actually, punching you wouldn't be fun. It would pass way too quickly. I have a better idea.

***

"Hey, Hendrick. Is it good?!!"

"Ahahaha!! Captain, you have the best ideas, you know?!"

Instead of punching Hendrick, I gave him something better to do. Eating a full plate of peppers. The nastiest one we had with us. He makes a weird face while crying but it doesn't matter. He has to be punished.

The other mercenaries don't seem too interested in what we do. None of them is looking at us. They all just mind their businesses which is something rare, I think.

Some times later, a soldier comes. The commander must be back.

"To the leaders of the different groups! The commander has called for you! Please, follow me now!"

People go to the soldier and I do the same. We are eleven people walking as a heterogeneous group behind him. There is a group of four, two groups of three, one of men and the other of women, then there is the little ol' me. I am the youngest of them all as there is even an old Excafol's looking dude in the group of four.

We arrive at a big house and enter. Inside, Soldiers are stationed on the top floor while the commander is sitting in the all, behind a desk. Rebecca is here as well, with doggy behind her. The heroes are also there, all of them sitting on the right side of Rebecca. They are wearing impressive armors which look really beautiful but Farner doesn't have a ponytail. Too bad. Her helmet doesn't cover much of her face though. Is it for fashion or for protection, I wonder?

"Good afternoon to all of you. I am the commander Lucas of the eternal army. I believe most of you know or have heard of me before." Nope, never heard of you or seen you, mate. "If there are some people who don't, please do raise your hand."

One woman of the group of three raises her hand and I follow her.

"Two people…Well, if it is only country bumpkins then we can ignore it. Then let's continue-"

"What?!" The woman gets upset and reacts. Though he is just provoking us so I don't see the point of reacting.

"Is there a problem?"

"You just insulted me so yeah, there is a problem."

"Insulted? How?" This guy is clearly trying to piss her off.

"Do I look like a villager to you?! I will have you know that I am a third-degree noble! You better apologize or-"

"Or what? Do you know who gives the order here?" As he says that, the soldiers on the top floor all bring out crossbows and point them at us. "Or should I enlighten you again?"

"This is a bit excessive, isn't it?" The old Excafol-looking man finally speaks. His voice is a clear one, a calm one. That's really Excafol there.

"How so?"

"If you intend to make sure we will stay obedient, there is no need to threaten us. I am sure that you are aware but we mercenaries and adventures stay at our place as long as you pay for it. So instead of doing all this, you can just tell us how much the job pays."

"Yawn…" Without thinking, I start yawning out of boredom and everybody looks at me like some sort of bizarre creature.

"Oops."

"Pff!" Then they all look at Farner who restrain her laugh at the last time.

She places her hands on her mouth while lowering her head to hide her face. Rebecca and Roxcia both sigh at that then look back at us.

"Could it be that you find me boring?" The commander speaks to me with an angry voice. Sigh…Another guy with an overgrown ego.

"Nope, not at all."

"Who are you anyway?"

"Commander, I would advise against losing any more time. The Saintess has a tight schedule."

"And I would advise against speaking without permission, Protector. Thank you." Well done, man. I don't like you but what you just did to doggy was a really good show. I see you in a new light now.

"I apologize for that."

"Anyway, I-"

"The mercenaries seem to grow impatient. I believe we should tell them what they have to hear."

Finally, Rebecca also speaks with an irritated voice. Good, good. You are doing better and better, Lucas dude. Keep it up.

"Ah…Saintess. You wouldn't be trying to support their behavior, are you?"

"Do not forget your place, CO.MMANDER."

"Is that so?" Does she threaten him? Did she threaten him just now? Come on, don't let up. Push her harder, Lucas, I can help if you want. I know everything there is to know on how to piss them off.

Sadly, the commander starts sweating a bit then turns around to look back at us. Coward. Boo!! Boo!! I thought you were better than that.